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Budget Weddings Forum
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What else can I cut?
I've been engaged since 1/28/2010, so it's high time I had a wedding. Main reasons it just hasn't happened yet are my parent's disapproval of my fiance, and the difficulty of planning anything a year in advance when you intend to switch jobs or are in a master's program. But now that I'm in a PhD program and will be here for a while, and FH will be graduating in the fall, I want to get serious.
My parents told me long ago that they had no intention of paying for my wedding, so I know I'm going to have to budget or DIY most of the day. That works great for me, because I don't want many aspects of a typical wedding anyway. In light of that, here is a list of things I'd like to cut, and I welcome any input on whether doing away with these items is feasible, or totally weird, or what.
1.) The bridal party. I mean no bridesmaids, groomsmen, flower girl, or ring bearer. I've grown apart from most of my high-school friends and have deliberately not made many more friends over the years, and my fiance doesn't have any close friends either. There aren't any children in either family of an appropriate age to be flowergirl, and only one of an age to be ring bearer.
2.) Wedding arch/aisle runner. What's the point of a wedding arch, just to be a background for all your pictures? Why? And why have an aisle runner when it'll just be stepped on (read: trip hazard). The last wedding I was in, the aisle runner was a huge hassle because two young cousins of the bride were assigned to roll it out after all guests were seated, as the first bridesmaid (me) was walking up, and they couldn't figure it out and was a big delay in front of everyone. Then the couple's child started wandering/twirling around in the middle of the ceremony and bunched it up and it was overall a mess. People know where you're going to walk, and they know where you're going to stand.
3.) Alcohol of any kind. FH and I don't drink, and only very few family members drink on occasion.
4.) Favors. I'm only having this wedding (instead of eloping) because certain family members said they wanted to be there. I'm not going to bribe them with a knick-knack happy or small souvenir foodstuff just to get them to come. The *wedding* is their favor.
5.) Wedding shoes. I asked my best friend why I would want to get special wedding shoes, to be uncomfortable during an important event and have limited rewearability afterwards. She said it's to take pictures of them, of course! ... Buying shoes just to take pictures OF them, because it's tradition. No.
6.) Catering. If at all possible, I intend to cook all the food for the reception the day before. In lieu of having a bachelorette party, I'd invite all female family over the day before the wedding and we'd cook everything.
7.) Bachelorette party/bridal shower. See above. I hate being the center of attention, don't want to ask for gifts, and just forsee it being awkward for everyone involved. But that one isn't actually wedding-day related, so back on topic...
8.) Flowers. I intend to make a bouquet of paper flowers (using sheet music from when FH and I were in band together) and any other flowers would also be paper flowers. Centerpieces will be decorated stacks of books, since FH and I are huge nerds and like to read, and if needed I will make paper flowers to accent those.
That's all I can think of at the moment. Does anyone else have any expenses they think are unnecessary?
My parents told me long ago that they had no intention of paying for my wedding, so I know I'm going to have to budget or DIY most of the day. That works great for me, because I don't want many aspects of a typical wedding anyway. In light of that, here is a list of things I'd like to cut, and I welcome any input on whether doing away with these items is feasible, or totally weird, or what.
1.) The bridal party. I mean no bridesmaids, groomsmen, flower girl, or ring bearer. I've grown apart from most of my high-school friends and have deliberately not made many more friends over the years, and my fiance doesn't have any close friends either. There aren't any children in either family of an appropriate age to be flowergirl, and only one of an age to be ring bearer.
2.) Wedding arch/aisle runner. What's the point of a wedding arch, just to be a background for all your pictures? Why? And why have an aisle runner when it'll just be stepped on (read: trip hazard). The last wedding I was in, the aisle runner was a huge hassle because two young cousins of the bride were assigned to roll it out after all guests were seated, as the first bridesmaid (me) was walking up, and they couldn't figure it out and was a big delay in front of everyone. Then the couple's child started wandering/twirling around in the middle of the ceremony and bunched it up and it was overall a mess. People know where you're going to walk, and they know where you're going to stand.
3.) Alcohol of any kind. FH and I don't drink, and only very few family members drink on occasion.
4.) Favors. I'm only having this wedding (instead of eloping) because certain family members said they wanted to be there. I'm not going to bribe them with a knick-knack happy or small souvenir foodstuff just to get them to come. The *wedding* is their favor.
5.) Wedding shoes. I asked my best friend why I would want to get special wedding shoes, to be uncomfortable during an important event and have limited rewearability afterwards. She said it's to take pictures of them, of course! ... Buying shoes just to take pictures OF them, because it's tradition. No.
6.) Catering. If at all possible, I intend to cook all the food for the reception the day before. In lieu of having a bachelorette party, I'd invite all female family over the day before the wedding and we'd cook everything.
7.) Bachelorette party/bridal shower. See above. I hate being the center of attention, don't want to ask for gifts, and just forsee it being awkward for everyone involved. But that one isn't actually wedding-day related, so back on topic...
8.) Flowers. I intend to make a bouquet of paper flowers (using sheet music from when FH and I were in band together) and any other flowers would also be paper flowers. Centerpieces will be decorated stacks of books, since FH and I are huge nerds and like to read, and if needed I will make paper flowers to accent those.
That's all I can think of at the moment. Does anyone else have any expenses they think are unnecessary?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: What else can I cut?
Also, Bachelorette parties and Showers are thrown by those who love you, not you. They shouldn't cost you anything and you only have them if someone offers to throw them.
I like the idea for your flowers and decor. Wedding arches can be made for cheap/free if you really want them though. My dad cut branches off a tree in our yard to make the arch for my sisters wedding. It was absolutely beautiful and meant so much more since my dad made it for her and her H.
As far as what to cut, why don't you instead start in the other direction? The only things required to get married is a person who wants to marry you, a marriage license, and, in most states, an officiant and witnesses. Then you add in a few guests. Then you add in a meal (if during a meal time) or snacks (if in between meals) and drinks for said guests. If you still have money left, you can decide what else to add next. a venue? a photo package? more guests, their food, and their chairs? Then you keep adding like that as you have money. What you DON'T do is pick a magazine-worthy wedding vision and start cutting things until it fits your budget. That's just going to make your crazy and possibly end up giving you a bridezilla title because you'll freak out when your 12 best friends don't want to help you cook the day before your wedding so you freak out on them and tell them they don't care about you and if they cared about you they'd pass on their other plans to help you on YOUR DAY!!!!!!!
http://www.foodsafetynews.com/2015/04/botulism-suspected-in-1-death-18-illnesses-following-ohio-church-potluck/
When are you thinking of having your wedding? A Sunday afternoon may be less expensive than Saturday, and venues are often cheaper in the winter than summer.
Asking friends and family to cook for your wedding is just as bad as asking for money. Don't do it!
Remember: what is needed for a wedding is a couple who is legally able to get married, a license, an officiant, and legal witnesses. Everything else, including guests, is optional, but if you do have guests, you must have a reception. My sister was married in a city park, wearing a borrowed dress and veil. They served picnic food from the grocery store. Great wedding!
<insert Stephanie Tanner HOW RUDE>
Vistaprint for invitations. Yes, you need paper invitations! You can also make them yourself, or buy inexpensive kits on sale at Michaels or Hobby Lobby. RSVPs are optional. You can use a website for that, but be ready to make some phone calls for people who forget to respond.
Borrow your veil from a married friend. They all look alike to most people.
IPOD for music.
Another "NO GO" on #6!!!!!! Here's why (besides food safety) - you can go to Subway or KFC or Famous Dave's or the local grocery store deli or your local Chinese/Italian/ethic restaurant - and get 100% of all food catered in for a super reasonable price! You don't have the food ingredient cost but you do get the benefit of their buying/purchasing power and their staff. You also get your guests to be at your event as guests and not servants. Bonus points if your local restaurant will have someone you can hire to stay with the food to bring it out/serve/refill and tip them generously. Hiring a caterer also takes care of someone doing the bulk of the cleanup and many of the rentals (linens, china, silverware, glasses) for less than you can purchase/rent. The day of the wedding you're the bride, you're the hostess, you don't have the time in the days leading up to the wedding to add this element and it sounds like your backstage crew isn't going to have your back nor should they be asked to work instead of enjoy the day. In the incredibly unlikely event someone gets sick and you're the person in charge of the food, it's your liability, if someone picks up something from a licensed business, it's theirs... Plus, many venues won't allow you to bring in DIY food. Yes, order a cake from Sam's or Super Target using whipped icing (double the number they say you'll need because their portions are insanely small) to save on your budget. Be aware you'll need to pick it up/deliver/set-up at the venue but if you're careful it can be done if you follow their instructions (and have access to a hatch type vehicle)...
As for flowers, decide what you want to spend and have a florist make it for you if you did want real. Yes, you can call a florist and say "I need a bout for FI and bouquet for our wedding, my budget is $$ for both" or if you have a small budget and want to work your paper flowers in you can do that too just to spice it up a bit... and you will have something nice (you can even order from places like FTD and have it delivered - FTD has a club that for ~$20 you get free delivery for the entire year on all orders).
As with any DIY project, do it because you love it and already have the supplies/materials on-hand. Nickels and dimes add up to real money really quickly to the point that you often end up spending more money than it'd been to hire out something nice from a vendor who does it once and you don't have the cost of the value of your time.
I have to question why you don't elope, because honestly your post makes it seems like you really don't want to have this event, and you don't want to host people.
I completely cut out flowers. I made my own centerpieces. We had just a MOH and a BM. I had no decoration for the ceremony - we got married outside in a beautiful garden. But I did wear an awesome pair of shoes because I wanted to - not just to take pictures in.
Dress: you can go inexpensive on the dress by buying a used dress, buying a white bridesmaids or prom dress, or just wearing what you feel comfortable in and already own
Hair/make-up: These can be done simply by yourself with make-up you already own. There's some great tutorials on YouTube if you'd like suggestions. Just practice if it's not something you already do regularly.
Photos: See if anyone you know has friends or family that is trying to get into the wedding photo business, or put a post on Craigslist. (Avoid asking a guest to be a photographer.) If someone is just starting out, they may be willing to work for considerably less than an established photographer.
Food: Avoiding the #6, as PP have it covered. Get a sheet cake from Costco. They taste fantastic and are very budget friendly.
JediElizabeth said:Hoping for April 1 of next year, since it's the anniversary of our first date, and a Saturday and 100% of both of our families live out of town. I know Saturday is more expensive, but some of my family will have a 10-hour drive and his family will probably have to fly.
And I guess I just have a very different attitude towards cooking than many responders. I enjoy cooking for holiday parties (12 people) by myself, or for Thanksgiving dinner (30 people) with the help of just my dad and an aunt. Cooking in a group is more appealing to me than the "work" of attending a traditional bachelorette party, sticking to a schedule as you run around town, spending money on food and drinks and themed tshirts and whatever activities your bride wants to do for her version of fun. And I don't have "12 closest friends" to invite, I just have cousins and FSIL's. But I didn't consider that they wouldn't enjoy hanging out and cooking, so I will definitely consider that before making that the only option.
Although, accepting an invitation to a wedding definitely is accepting to "pay and work." In my experience, you're signing up for hours of driving, paying for gifts, attending pre-wedding functions for multiple weekends, which can all be burdens to close friends or family of the bride. I don't want to burden my family any more than I have to, so I won't count on them to help with the cooking.
And yes, I did plan on setting up all the food in the reception area before putting on my dress, but I didn't have someone pegged yet for food maintenence during the wedding itself.
Thanks so much for the tips on flowers (although I really just want to do paper flowers for the literary theme and just don't care very much about having real flowers), and dress and veil suggestions. FH and I would love to be married outdoor so hopefully minimal decorations would be required.
On the question of why I started by listing all the things I *don't* want instead of focusing on the things I do (like my FH tells me to...), it's mostly because the wedding industry bombards you with the statistic of the #31K average wedding and all of the traditions you're supposed to do, then the special ways you can elaborate on top of those traditions to make your wedding "special," and the thousands of details you have to plan just because you want to spend you want to spend your life with someone. On the final question of why I just don't elope -- I'd love to. My close family will be a misery at my wedding, I'm not into any of the traditional wedding activities and all I care about is officially getting to be with the man I love. But I have family who have begged me to let them know when I'm getting married, even if it's just to come stand beside me at a couthouse, and my extended family would want to be there. FH's family would want to be there too. And as soon as we invite family... that's 100 people. FH and I are very private, introverted people. We don't share news or stories of our relationship with many. For once I wanted people to see we were happy, instead of just informing people after the fact "btw we eloped" like we had to keep it a secret, like we're still too afraid to live our lives despite what other people think.
The reception is a thank you to your guests for attending the ceremony. Etiquette is also not about tradition, it is about treating your guests well. That means a seat for every butt, a plan B for inclement weather, and enjoying food without the threat of botulism. Flowers, favors, and bouquet tosses don't interfere with your guests' comfort. Those are things that can be downgraded or done without altogether.
And I'm only throwing the wedding *itself* to be polite. I understand that a reception is part of that. If the party exists, it has to be one that is worth everyone's time. At the same time, the reality is that the wedding only exists for their sake.
I also agree with everyone else about food safety. I would probably not want to eat the food at your wedding if I knew it was self-catered.
60 people ended up RSVPing to the party. I was like you, I was like, well, I like to cook and I have hosted Thanksgiving and other parties before. But the most I've ever had to prepare food for, for a party at my own house which was an "open house" style, was 30. Once you get above that it becomes a whole different ballgame.
I spent 10 hours on Saturday prepping and cooking, another 2 hours on Sunday morning doing finishing touches and figuring out how to transport everything so it would stay at safe temperatures and without making a mess in my car, then had to drive an hour to where the party was being held and spent another 2 hours there getting everything ready. I had some help at the party location but otherwise I did it all myself. And that doesn't count the time I spent in the week prior putting together the menu, making lists, making sure I had adequate serveware (enough platters etc) and doing shopping at multiple stores to save money.
I was completely exhausted by the end of that weekend. I pretty much couldn't function and my body hurt everywhere. Sure, it was probably a bit less expensive than hiring someone to do the food, but my time is also worth money and if I had factored in that cost, it would have been cheaper to hire someone.
So, whenever I hear brides say they'll just cook the meal themselves, I want to say DON'T DO IT!!!! You'll have enough to worry about that day, and you want to enjoy the day, not stress out on something that is easy enough to source out.
Also side note: I used a catering company to do BBQ buffet for my wedding. Their cost was very reasonable, the food was excellent (some guests still talk about how good it was), and the catering company took care of EVERYTHING... even plates, cups, napkins, clean up, literally everything, I didn't have to worry about anything relating to that on the day of. It was by far our largest expense of the day, but also by far the best money we could have spent. And, if we had gone the route PP's mentioned, we could have saved even more.
I highly suggest learning to say no and do what you really want, whether that's an elopement, or just a small wedding with just your immediate families. You'll be happier & less stressed, and your family will become accustomed to you setting boundaries before you make other, bigger life choices they may not agree with 100%.
It's ok, y'all have good points. I'm just upset because you've literally recommended I not hold the only social aspect of the entire event that I was actually looking forward to (cooking the day before with family). But I get it.
And a small wedding with just immediate families is the least preferable option -- that would have a full 50% of guests wishing the wedding wasn't happening. Only my extended family is supportive of us, on my side.
As far as not having a supportive family, you'll never be able to please them. Planning and having this wedding because a few of your close extended family want to see you get married is not a good enough reason to endure the party with your unsupportive more immediate families. If it were me, I'd plan to elope and work on not caring what anyone thought of it. I'd also make a point of visiting those relatives who support you to share photos and stories of your wedding afterwards.
Which isn't even getting into the fact that you don't want to have this wedding and are hosting more than 50% of the guest list who is not supportive of this marriage! Slow down, reevaluate all of this! Seriously! If someone isn't supportive of your union, why are you inviting them? Why are you hosting them for a party to celebrate that union? No no no no no.