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Budget Weddings

What else can I cut?

2

Re: What else can I cut?

  • kylexo said:
    eeeek eeeek eeeeek! I would absolutely HAAATE being invited to a cooking party (I take no enjoyment it cooking and try to stay as far from the kitchen as possible.) Just because you like it doesn't mean your family/friends do too. I'd also be seriously side-eyeing if not outright telling you that it's rude to expect your wedding guests to work for your wedding.

    Which isn't even getting into the fact that you don't want to have this wedding and are hosting more than 50% of the guest list who is not supportive of this marriage! Slow down, reevaluate all of this! Seriously! If someone isn't supportive of your union, why are you inviting them? Why are you hosting them for a party to celebrate that union? No no no no no.

    I understand that that's the group feeling on the matter.  I, personally, would rather travel some hours away to be useful to someone I care about, rather than just to sit around.  I have driven for hours to help my friend cook for and set up her sister's baby shower because she needed the help -- I would not have traveled that distance simply to attend.  But apparently I should expect my guests to feel that their presence is a gift, and not assume that they want to be helpful.  I understand that that's the polite way to treat guests, and in the past have been very insistent that people I invite over not contribute to foodmaking or other preparations because I want to take care of everything.  I guess I just got in the mindset that when I am a guest, I want to help, I want to be doing something.  I'm currently baffled by the fact that my friend wants me and her other bridesmaids to just show up to all five of her pre-wedding events, and at only one of them are we going to be useful (we will be painting signs and other decorations for her wedding).  



    And my fiance's family is supportive.  My extended family is supportive just because they accept that I'm happy.  My parents are the ones that hate that I'm in this relationship and basically ruin everything  If they don't want to come, that's fine.  They attended my cousin's wedding with about as much joy as when I made them attend my fiance's grandfather's funeral last year.  But deliberately inviting everyone except my parents and the one aunt/uncle/cousin that I don't like very much seems a little weird.  
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    kylexo said:
    eeeek eeeek eeeeek! I would absolutely HAAATE being invited to a cooking party (I take no enjoyment it cooking and try to stay as far from the kitchen as possible.) Just because you like it doesn't mean your family/friends do too. I'd also be seriously side-eyeing if not outright telling you that it's rude to expect your wedding guests to work for your wedding.

    Which isn't even getting into the fact that you don't want to have this wedding and are hosting more than 50% of the guest list who is not supportive of this marriage! Slow down, reevaluate all of this! Seriously! If someone isn't supportive of your union, why are you inviting them? Why are you hosting them for a party to celebrate that union? No no no no no.

    I understand that that's the group feeling on the matter.  I, personally, would rather travel some hours away to be useful to someone I care about, rather than just to sit around.  I have driven for hours to help my friend cook for and set up her sister's baby shower because she needed the help -- I would not have traveled that distance simply to attend.  But apparently I should expect my guests to feel that their presence is a gift, and not assume that they want to be helpful.  I understand that that's the polite way to treat guests, and in the past have been very insistent that people I invite over not contribute to foodmaking or other preparations because I want to take care of everything.  I guess I just got in the mindset that when I am a guest, I want to help, I want to be doing something.  I'm currently baffled by the fact that my friend wants me and her other bridesmaids to just show up to all five of her pre-wedding events, and at only one of them are we going to be useful (we will be painting signs and other decorations for her wedding).  



    And my fiance's family is supportive.  My extended family is supportive just because they accept that I'm happy.  My parents are the ones that hate that I'm in this relationship and basically ruin everything  If they don't want to come, that's fine.  They attended my cousin's wedding with about as much joy as when I made them attend my fiance's grandfather's funeral last year.  But deliberately inviting everyone except my parents and the one aunt/uncle/cousin that I don't like very much seems a little weird.  


    Wanting to help is normal, but the point I think people are trying to make is that you shouldn't ask anyone to help; you can definitely take people up on offers to help (although I also think that self-catering is a disaster waiting to happen and a bad idea).

    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
    [Deleted User]SP29STARMOON44
  • I wish she didn't delete her account...I wanted to ask why they disapprove so much. 

    It sounds like she's marrying outside her family's race or religion, and only a few are bigoted enough to care. 
    MesmrEwekimmiinthemitten
  •   SITB... HOLD THE <Bleeping> PHONE...  It's time for a little "Come to Jesus" for her train wreck of plans and she goes off and deletes her account... and Bless her little ole' heart!


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  • CMGragain said:
    Some years ago, in Maryland, there was a wedding that had home made foods served.  Maryland summers are hot, and the turkey wasn't cooked well.  There were about eight cases of food poisoning and some resulting law suits.  If you aren't licensed to prepare and serve food to the public, you shouldn't be trying it on your wedding day.
    Yes, this really happened.  I am only trying to help you.
    Why the delete?  No one was nasty to you.  We just didn't like your idea.

    She just didn't like that people pointed out that she was being "Penny wise and pound foolish" for multiple levels on the idea to self-cater...  Had she stuck around we'd have priced her meal out for her to find that she's going to spend $16-25/pp to self-cater by the time she adds up every last paper towel, plastic fork, and load of dishes...  Not to mention the liability risk...  My money is on she's going to discover that there aren't any venues above the local park shelter house that will allow her to DIY the food...  Which - notoriously they don't have remotely enough electrical hookups (if any) to even plug in the Nesco roaster with the deli ham...

    I helped a friend self-cater her wedding, it was a FREAKING DISASTER!  I've NEVER encountered more spiders than I did that day crawling under their 1800's farm house because the Nescos (two for the meats, one for the corn, one for the mashed potatoes) kept popping breakers...  And, it was 120 in the shade that summer with ZERO breeze and the barn fans they'd planned to use for the guests needed to be kept on the cows so they wouldn't die from heat!  What do I remember from her wedding - working and trying to keep the cake from melting...

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    InLoveInQueensSP29
  • If the OP comes back - 

    She should have a day before the wedding (either the same week if everyone's in town or another time that would be convenient) where she asks her cousins and FSILs if they'd like to spend an afternoon together cooking a nice meal and then enjoy it together. It doesn't make sense to do it for the wedding, PPs have clearly covered it, but if the OP is looking forward to spending special time with her family and cooking together she should do that.
    kimmiinthemittenscrunchythief
  • They've been engagevfor 6 years and have nothing saved? I get they were in school, but nothing? I might be being to hard on them, but....nothing?
    I know what you mean. I get not having enough for a bigger wedding than they wanted, but surely they had enough for the intimate wedding they wanted? Maybe it's more that they refuse to spend any money on it because they don't want to have the big wedding in the first place? I guess we'll never know.
                 
    MesmrEweKnickerGold
  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    They've been engagevfor 6 years and have nothing saved? I get they were in school, but nothing? I might be being to hard on them, but....nothing?
    I know what you mean. I get not having enough for a bigger wedding than they wanted, but surely they had enough for the intimate wedding they wanted? Maybe it's more that they refuse to spend any money on it because they don't want to have the big wedding in the first place? I guess we'll never know.
    registry office fees £50, store-bought cakes: £100, coffee and tea: £50, Fruit tray £50, finger sandwiches £100, Cute dress from a vintage shop or David's bridal £100, new tie £30 Invitations £20, store-bought bouquet £15, task rabbit person to clean up and lay out food £50 for 3 hours, any extra decorations/ paper plates/cups £50, Bob's your uncle £0

    There is your wedding. Are you saying in 6 years you couldn't pull together £615?

    As for having everyone there to cook:
    http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/headlines/2013/10/church-pot-luck-leaves-dozens-food-poisoned/

    http://www.foodpoisonjournal.com/foodborne-illness-outbreaks/ohio-butulism-cases-rise-to-31-from-church-potluck/#.VuqE1-KLS70

    http://foodpoisoningbulletin.com/2013/sandy-plains-baptist-church-salmonella-outbreak-case-count-increases/

    Don't do this. Don't risk it. Store-bought trays of food must be equally inexpensive, so much easier, and not risking poisoning your guests!
    InLoveInQueensKnickerGold
  • OP here.  The account deletion was a mistake when I was trying to log in from my phone and had some confusion about a duplicate account.  And apparently when you create an account, The Knot makes you wait two days before you can interact via the forums.  Just so you know it wasn't a temper tantrum.  

    Anyway, to address the most recent question, I have about $12K in my wedding-dedicated account.  That is less than half of what my friend is paying for her wedding this May, and a far cry from the $31K average.  That's why I was looking for suggestions of what from the "average wedding" people supported doing away with.  I was hoping this conversation would include more in the way of decor/traditions/overall wedding features that other brides had found to be superfluous or unnecessary in their own planning.  Although that's not how it turned out, I still thank the people who made suggestions for low-cost alternatives.  Some, however, seem to be just as unrealistic as my hope of cooking -- the recent tally of total costs as £615 would pay for, like, two kid's birthday parties, not a traditional-style wedding for 100 people.  A $10K wedding is still considered "budget." Simply buying two sandwich trays, chips, a few jugs of lemonade/tea, and the plastic dishes/utensils for my master's defense last year was $100.  

    At this point, I will consider eloping more seriously, and appreciate everyone's input.  
  • kylexokylexo Finger Lakes, NY member
    500 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
    OP here.  The account deletion was a mistake when I was trying to log in from my phone and had some confusion about a duplicate account.  And apparently when you create an account, The Knot makes you wait two days before you can interact via the forums.  Just so you know it wasn't a temper tantrum.  

    Anyway, to address the most recent question, I have about $12K in my wedding-dedicated account.  That is less than half of what my friend is paying for her wedding this May, and a far cry from the $31K average.  That's why I was looking for suggestions of what from the "average wedding" people supported doing away with.  I was hoping this conversation would include more in the way of decor/traditions/overall wedding features that other brides had found to be superfluous or unnecessary in their own planning.  Although that's not how it turned out, I still thank the people who made suggestions for low-cost alternatives.  Some, however, seem to be just as unrealistic as my hope of cooking -- the recent tally of total costs as £615 would pay for, like, two kid's birthday parties, not a traditional-style wedding for 100 people.  A $10K wedding is still considered "budget." Simply buying two sandwich trays, chips, a few jugs of lemonade/tea, and the plastic dishes/utensils for my master's defense last year was $100.  

    At this point, I will consider eloping more seriously, and appreciate everyone's input.  
    that $31k "average" is totally skewed by people who are spending totally huge amounts, it's not really reality. I'm getting married in July and our budget is $15k max. Our catering is BY FAR the biggest expense (as it should be) and our guest list is 150 people. The catering takes up 1/3 of that budget. Honestly I don't feel as if we've really cut anything we needed and we are getting a lot of extras by DIYing things and having friends/family with connections and skills. Here's a super rough breakdown:

    Catering, food, staff, linens, beverages: $5000
    Venue ceremony and reception (chairs and tables included): $2500
    Photographer: $1000 (got a huge discount as she's a friend and business contact of my sister's)
    Cake: Free (my sister owns a bakery and is gifting us a cake)
    Shuttle bus from hotel to venue: $1000
    DJ/Karaoke Host: $750 (FI's old boss)
    Flowers: $1000 (i am a florist and am DIYing, so this is cost only)
    Decor and favors: $1500
    Officiant: Free (FI married him and his wife 2 years ago)
    Dress: $750
    Wedding bands: $500
    DIY photobooth: $400
    Misc extras: $600+?





  • Glad you came back, OP. Just so you know, I think @LondonLisa was suggesting her budget for a far smaller group than 100ppl. She was referring to eloping with a few of your nearest and dearest rather than continuing to host a full wedding. If you are interested in looking at ways to host a budget wedding for 100ppl, decide on the budget you DO have and start another thread, specific to your budget, and you will probably get more specific responses.
                 
    SP29
  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited March 2016
    OP here.  The account deletion was a mistake when I was trying to log in from my phone and had some confusion about a duplicate account.  And apparently when you create an account, The Knot makes you wait two days before you can interact via the forums.  Just so you know it wasn't a temper tantrum.  

    Anyway, to address the most recent question, I have about $12K in my wedding-dedicated account.  That is less than half of what my friend is paying for her wedding this May, and a far cry from the $31K average.  That's why I was looking for suggestions of what from the "average wedding" people supported doing away with.  I was hoping this conversation would include more in the way of decor/traditions/overall wedding features that other brides had found to be superfluous or unnecessary in their own planning.  Although that's not how it turned out, I still thank the people who made suggestions for low-cost alternatives.  Some, however, seem to be just as unrealistic as my hope of cooking -- the recent tally of total costs as £615 would pay for, like, two kid's birthday parties, not a traditional-style wedding for 100 people.  A $10K wedding is still considered "budget." Simply buying two sandwich trays, chips, a few jugs of lemonade/tea, and the plastic dishes/utensils for my master's defense last year was $100.  

    At this point, I will consider eloping more seriously, and appreciate everyone's input.  
    I get that, but maybe it is time to realise that you can't afford your wedding vision of a "traditional" wedding. Firstly, that is a very new invention. Most weddings were daytime events with just cake and punch. 

    If you have $12,000- you have no excuse to make people cook.  And a DRY WEDDING with no flowers!? You do realise alcohol and flowers are a huge expense for weddings. That is plenty for  a buffet of Italian food and some cake. Yes, it won't be a multi-course, sit down meal but who cares. And maybe you will be using a village hall instead of an expensive venue, but outside of a major city, finding a nice, hot meal for 100 people for $30-$40 a head shouldn't be a problem. 

    100 people
    Food: Italian/ BBQ/ Mexican buffet at $35 a head  3500
    (See if the restaurant offers people to set up/serve)
    non-alcoholic drinks                                               500
    Bartenders/servers                                                  300
    Dress                                                                      500
    Invitations                                                               100
    Venue (one that has tables/chairs/crockery)           2000
    Hair/ makeup                                                         150
    Photography                                                           1000
    Ceremony space/officiant                                        850
    Store-bought cake                                                  100
    New Suit                                                                  500
    DJ                                                                            500
    Decorations (book centrepieces etc)                        200


    Leaves you with a 1800 contingency fund. That is also over estimating.  

    That sounds like a fun, evening wedding with great food and fun times. No one cares about centrepieces or if your wedding cake was a traditional, multi-tier giant one.

    You can do this, you just need to readjust your expectations.                                             

    [Deleted User]InLoveInQueensKnickerGoldcowgirl8238
  • That does all sound fantastic, @adk19. I hope it is amazing!

    My concern is not for my expectations, it's over what the people driving 10 hours in for expect.  Are my new in-laws going to complain for the next decade that there wasn't alcohol, or a wedding arch, or favors?  Even if the "traditions" are recent inventions, people sure have started expecting them REAL quick.  And no, I don't "need" to cook the food myself.  I *wanted* to.  

    I guess the moral of the story is to stop caring.


     Everyone said that, health concerns aside, they'd feel insulted or unhappy and being asked to cook (help someone you love with an important event at an activity the guest of honor enjoys) but I don't see how that part is different from inviting them to a party that I want but they don't think is fun, or find ugly, or just overall tacky and sub-par, and them still being unhappy.  
  • That does all sound fantastic, @adk19. I hope it is amazing!

    My concern is not for my expectations, it's over what the people driving 10 hours in for expect.  Are my new in-laws going to complain for the next decade that there wasn't alcohol, or a wedding arch, or favors?  Even if the "traditions" are recent inventions, people sure have started expecting them REAL quick.  And no, I don't "need" to cook the food myself.  I *wanted* to.  

    I guess the moral of the story is to stop caring.


     Everyone said that, health concerns aside, they'd feel insulted or unhappy and being asked to cook (help someone you love with an important event at an activity the guest of honor enjoys) but I don't see how that part is different from inviting them to a party that I want but they don't think is fun, or find ugly, or just overall tacky and sub-par, and them still being unhappy.  
    It doesn't matter what people expect, it'd be rude of them to mention it.  Throw the party YOU want.  Are you serving them a meal during a mealtime?  Are you serving sufficient drinks?  Does every ass have a seat?  You're done.  If you invited me to a wedding at 2pm, I wouldn't expect a full meal, even if I was traveling from Chicago to LA to attend.  An invitation is not a subpoena; I don't HAVE to attend.  Host what you want, what you can afford.

    And nothing says you can't do other things for your guests separate from your wedding and reception.  Buy a round of drinks for your cousins at the hotel bar later that night.  Take your niece and grandmother to get manicures the day before the wedding if they're already in town.  If all these haters have declined the invitation because they don't want to attend what they deem as a sub-par event, you'll have extra money to lavish on the people who DO attend.  Order some pizzas to be delivered to your Uncle's hotel room if you know that's where the family will be chilling one of the nights of your event.
    charlotte989875STARMOON44
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    adk19 said:
    OP here.  The account deletion was a mistake when I was trying to log in from my phone and had some confusion about a duplicate account.  And apparently when you create an account, The Knot makes you wait two days before you can interact via the forums.  Just so you know it wasn't a temper tantrum.  

    Anyway, to address the most recent question, I have about $12K in my wedding-dedicated account.  That is less than half of what my friend is paying for her wedding this May, and a far cry from the $31K average.  That's why I was looking for suggestions of what from the "average wedding" people supported doing away with.  I was hoping this conversation would include more in the way of decor/traditions/overall wedding features that other brides had found to be superfluous or unnecessary in their own planning.  Although that's not how it turned out, I still thank the people who made suggestions for low-cost alternatives.  Some, however, seem to be just as unrealistic as my hope of cooking -- the recent tally of total costs as £615 would pay for, like, two kid's birthday parties, not a traditional-style wedding for 100 people.  A $10K wedding is still considered "budget." Simply buying two sandwich trays, chips, a few jugs of lemonade/tea, and the plastic dishes/utensils for my master's defense last year was $100.  

    At this point, I will consider eloping more seriously, and appreciate everyone's input.  
    Welcome back!

    Listen, I get it.  I'm super cheap.  The thought of spending $10K on a one-day party freaks me out.  But I'm not going to ask for what to cut to have my wedding, I'm going to ask what I NEED.  Personally, I'll be cutting the DJ, the flowers, the bridal party, the rehearsal/rehearsal dinner, the favors, the fancy dress, the fancy venue.  

    I'll probably get married in a Moose Lodge in a pink chiffon bridesmaid dress.  At the reception we'll be eating pulled pork sliders and mac & cheese on picnic-style tables and drinking loads of local craft beer while SiriusXM radio plays on a speaker in the background.  We'll have table games like Gobblet and Connect Four and decks of cards if people want to play while they talk, and if it's a nice day, maybe the party will spill out into the yard/parking lot and we'll play cornhole and let the kids run around.

    Done.  That's my wedding.  Notice how I didn't mention cutting the flowered arch because it was never in my plan in the first place?  I don't care what the national average is.  I'm not the average girl.  Craft beer, good food, friends and family, and getting married.  These are the things I need to throw a successful party.  If I'm sitting next to my husband and his friends while they drink beer and shoot the shit, while my goddaughter beats me at Gobblet and my cousin is challenging strangers to Cornhole and my niece is scarfing down the mac & cheese, I will have had a fantastic wedding.

    This is a great perspective. I have no idea what I "cut". I do know that I spent about $9,000 on things that were important to us. OP, I would definitely look at it as "these things are important to me so I'm getting X and Y" instead of "I need to cut Z and A, B, C, D, etc."
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
  • Idk who said it but I love the build up idea, as opposed to cutting things. Thats kind of what we unintentionally did. All you need to get married is a willing couple, a license, and an officiant (in most states), everything else is fluff. (I learned that from the ladies here)

    ShesSoCold[Deleted User]charlotte989875MandyMost
  • Hny65Hny65 member
    Eighth Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
    edited March 2016

    Perhaps adding up what you really want first would be good, plus researching some locations and caterers.  Don't forget delis in grocery stores, we used one that had a whole catering aspect.

    I spent the most on attire with food second, and thought that the misc decorations and such were more unnecessary (about 100 guests: ~$7,000 budget total in the Midwest, outside a city).

    Location was saved on by going to a park (chapel and hall) outside a city and willing to have a buffet brought in.  A friend got married there too and had a BBQ pig roast.  

    I have another friend getting married soon outside another city, and the banquet hall's catered hot dinner and coffee/soda is only about $18 a person, so not that much more than what we spent.  Maybe look within an hour's drive of where you're thinking to see if anything works better for you.

    Yet another wedding I'm going to actually in a city is saving on location/food by happening to know a bunch of restaurant/bar owners personally.  For alcohol, it's a limited tab for everyone (beer), otherwise it's a cash bar. They're giving the bar a list of some people who's entirely on the tab and us some wristband or something. So if your worried about your in laws in particular, including them on the tab is an option (I'm sure some people here are going to say No, but my sister did this plus champagne for toasting and it worked out).

    We kept flowers and decorations to a minimum.  Flowers were some bouquets, one vase floral arrangement for the ceremony, boutonnieres, corsages, and some bows for pews.

    No wedding arch.  That's just too much hassle.  If anyone gets mad for you not having one... well.... that would be ridiculous.

    Centerpieces were DIY (small vases, marbles, fake flowers - bonus, we got to keep the centerpieces!), one-use tablecloths.

    We did have favors (fans since outside), total cost about $2 person.  They were these printable ones so actually combined it with a program.  Three functions at once!  I don't think people would have really cared about the lack of them though.  I wanted the fans though in case the weather was warmer than usual.

    Luckily, our kind and wonderful photographer friend took our pictures.  If you need to hire an outside photographer, do it.  I'm glad we have the photographs we do.

    We borrowed a speaker and used an mp3 player for music - no live band.

    It wasn't my SIL's $60,000 wedding in a big east coast city, but overall, we heard throughout through the MIL grapevine that people had a good time and thought our relaxed more DIY wedding was very us.

    So don't worry too much! They're your people! As long as there's somewhere to sit, they see you get married, and there's something to eat/drink, the majority of people will be happy.

  • I wish you'd have included the budget and guest count originally OP!!

    For a $12k budget, why on earth would you need to CUT to that level for 100 people on your guest list?!?!?!  I just hosted my parent's 50th Wedding Anniversary this summer and went all out - purchased linens, ordered large floral centerpieces from Sam's (no local florist to the venue), 2-meat buffet, dessert buffet...  I reserved for 60 guests, without skimping at a local hall to where we were hosting it (the town where my Mom grew up/they got married), at a simple hall (it's all in what you bring to it), and spent under $3500 after tip for EVERYthing. 

    Your #1 expense is your hall/food.  Choose a place that is budget friendly.   So your friend spent more - that's o.k. - she used her budget how she saw fit, that doesn't mean you have to spend that much.  If you spend half of your budget on food/drinks/reception, that's an operating budget of $60/guest!  That's a fair number to work with AND you can afford to hire 100% out - without lifting a finger!  No one says you have to spend your full budget either.  You can even get your full wedding with a $6000 budget without looking "cheap" or that you skimped, or that you're making your guests work!  Heck, you can even have a nicer cake from your favorite baker!  You're in a far better place budget wise than DIY food, or Subway/KFC/Famous Dave's/Deli even with the $6000 budget for 100 guests!


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    InLoveInQueens
  • CharmedPamCharmedPam Chicagoburbs member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    edited March 2016
    That does all sound fantastic, @adk19. I hope it is amazing!

    My concern is not for my expectations, it's over what the people driving 10 hours in for expect.  Are my new in-laws going to complain for the next decade that there wasn't alcohol, or a wedding arch, or favors?  Even if the "traditions" are recent inventions, people sure have started expecting them REAL quick.  And no, I don't "need" to cook the food myself.  I *wanted* to.  

    I guess the moral of the story is to stop caring.


     Everyone said that, health concerns aside, they'd feel insulted or unhappy and being asked to cook (help someone you love with an important event at an activity the guest of honor enjoys) but I don't see how that part is different from inviting them to a party that I want but they don't think is fun, or find ugly, or just overall tacky and sub-par, and them still being unhappy.  

    I can't remember any of the centerpieces or special decoration or favors or cakes for any wedding I have been to.  Come to think of it, why did *I* even buy centerpieces?  No one's going to remember them! A good time with good people and conversation is $0.00.  That, and the food/drink is what people remember.

    edit:  in most cases a good time is $0.00.  Some people do charge.


  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited March 2016
    Wedding styles:

    1.  Elope.  Get married at the registry office (Courthouse).  No guests.  No fuss.

    2.  Have a small traditional wedding.  Invite your immediate family and closest friends.  Afternoon ceremony, followed by cake and punch reception.  You can have this at your home.  You need paper invitations, and borrow chairs so everyone has a seat.  These are also often held in a church.

    3.  Traditional morning ceremony, followed by brunch reception (wedding breakfast).  You may have attendants.  These are often held in a church, but you can have a civil ceremony like this, too.  Champagne or mimosas are often served.

    4.  Modern style evening wedding.  This is the most expensive kind of wedding, and has only become popular in the last 50 years.  Full dinner and open bar, or wine and beer.  Dancing, usually with a DJ serving as MC.  Tuxedos (dinner jackets) may be worn by the men, but suits are also acceptable. 

    These choices in addition to your guest list are what really determine your budget.  Many brides insist on having option #4, when one of the other choices would do.  My daughter's formal church wedding and elegant brunch for 135 guests cost us about $12,000 USA.
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  • That does all sound fantastic, @adk19. I hope it is amazing!

    My concern is not for my expectations, it's over what the people driving 10 hours in for expect.  Are my new in-laws going to complain for the next decade that there wasn't alcohol, or a wedding arch, or favors?  Even if the "traditions" are recent inventions, people sure have started expecting them REAL quick.  And no, I don't "need" to cook the food myself.  I *wanted* to.  

    I guess the moral of the story is to stop caring.


     Everyone said that, health concerns aside, they'd feel insulted or unhappy and being asked to cook (help someone you love with an important event at an activity the guest of honor enjoys) but I don't see how that part is different from inviting them to a party that I want but they don't think is fun, or find ugly, or just overall tacky and sub-par, and them still being unhappy.  

    I can't remember any of the centerpieces or special decoration or favors or cakes for any wedding I have been to.  Come to think of it, why did *I* even buy centerpieces?  No one's going to remember them! A good time with good people and conversation is $0.00.  That, and the food/drink is what people remember.

    edit:  in most cases a good time is $0.00.  Some people do charge.

    I remember the centerpieces at the last few weddings I went to.  One was an inch-thick cutaway of a tree, like in platter or cutting board form (with stuff on top).  I remember this because an uncle or cousin or something asked FH (because he's a big strong guy) to help him collect them and put them into the car.  I helped because I thought the request was in poor taste, but I wanted to help them get it over with.  Another I remember because they didn't involve flowers at all and I thought that was cool.  And finally the one I remember the most was because it was ridiculous.  I have a cousin who probably spent as much on his wedding as I did on my house.  Six foot high towers of flowers in the center of every table. I think they were actually attached to the ceiling and hovering over the tables so they wouldn't topple over if someone nudged the tables. Gorgeous.  And insane.
  • OP - I've been to many weddings where the things I really remembered were the details that didn't cost anything (chatting with the people that I love, iPhone selfie photos with the happy couples). I tend to think about the ceremony as being what I'm there for and then the reception as something that needs to happen (to thank the guests) but doesn't have to be elaborate. One of my least favourite weddings was where everything was over the top and bleeding money. It just seemed like the couple was missing the point.

    Many brides have done weddings for well under the budget that you have outlined with the same or more guests than you are needing to accommodate. I think this is an excellent time to go back to the drawing board to really think about what you want, how you can host your guests properly and things that are non-negotiable.

    Try posting on your local board too. Local brides may have ideas for venues and vendors that will easily fit into your budget.

  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I can't remember any of the center pieces from past weddings I've attended (aside from the ones I set up as a BM). I also couldn't tell you if there was an arch, nor would I have cared. What I can tell you is if the food was bad, if my SO was not invited, if there was a gap, and if there weren't enough seats. OP, if you host a nice wedding that follows etiquette, then no one should be offended. If they are, that makes them jerks, not you. Tradition and etiquette are two very different things. Your budget is more than adequate to host a wedding. But, at the end of the day, if you look at all of this planning and feel drained, and like none of it is for you and FI, then you should elope. What do you and FI really want--all pressure from family aside? 


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  • MWVDMWVD member
    Seventh Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its
    My fiance will probably be doing relish trays and such ourselves. But only for 100 people and we will be doing mostly non perishables. We will be getting a caterer for the main meal and hoping to keep it about $10 a person. You could probably do it for even cheaper if you did a non-meal time wedding and just did crudites and cake.
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