Etiquette regarding guest who declined to attend wedding but sent a gift

nirew16

Hi Everyone!

I want to send a thank you card to a relative who declined to attend my upcoming wedding but sent us a cheque in with the response.

I really have no idea what I should say other than acknowledging the gift with a thank you and saying something along the lines of how I'll miss them at the wedding.... is something that simple good? 

Is it rude of me to accept it at all? I feel bad because I didn't invite them to get money, I genuinely wanted them to attend. They're older relatives that I haven't seen a whole lot of in recent years (tho I did see them briefly over Easter and back at Christmas). 

Honestly, I have no idea what the etiquette is in this type of situation......

monkeysip

It's not rude at all to accept a gift.  In fact, it'd be rude NOT to accept it.  They wanted to send you a gift, so you should graciously accept.

You don't need to overthink it.  Thank them for it, and if appropriate, you could tell them what you want to plan to spend it on (you don't have to--but it's a nice touch if you know you're going to spend it on the honeymoon, saving for a new house, new furniture, etc.).  Then just let them know they'll be missed.  Also, if appropriate, you could say something about looking forward to seeing them again sometime soon (if you might actually see them sometime in the future).

levioosa

monkeysip said:

It's not rude at all to accept a gift.  In fact, it'd be rude NOT to accept it.  They wanted to send you a gift, so you should graciously accept.

You don't need to overthink it.  Thank them for it, and if appropriate, you could tell them what you want to plan to spend it on (you don't have to--but it's a nice touch if you know you're going to spend it on the honeymoon, saving for a new house, new furniture, etc.).  Then just let them know they'll be missed.  Also, if appropriate, you could say something about looking forward to seeing them again sometime soon (if you might actually see them sometime in the future).

^This

nirew16

Ok thank you! I figured it was rude to decline, I just wasn't sure in this scenario. Thanks for the help!

AddieCake

You're really overthinking this. This is a scenario that is quite common. Just do as Monkeysip suggests, and it will be fine. 

kvruns

we received a nice gift from a friend of my mom's who wasn't even invited to the wedding.  never in a million years would I think this woman would send a gift it was a huge surprise.  We wrote a nice thank you note saying thanks for thinking of us and for the gift and called it a day.

madamerwin

Agree with PPs. I also wanted to add that you should definitely cash the check (but don't spend the money until after your wedding) and send the thank you right away... To me, there's nothing more annoying than someone sitting on a check I wrote for months after I wrote it.

pegasuskat

This is very typical, in fact I would be surprised if you don't get more gifts from people that can't attend, or even people that are not invited.