Bridesmaid Dress Dilemma!

Knottie1459288199

I found the perfect bridesmaid dresses. Ordered the swatch and the color and fabric were both amazing!! I showed all of my bridesmaid and they all definitely approved. I was so excited to find the perfect dress that they would all feel beautiful in as well! The store that the dress is in is not located in my city and we would either have to take a road trip to one of the stores or they will have to order it online.  

When asking my bridesmaids about the sizes I discovered that one of my bridesmaid who is a plus size may not fit into the largest size they have. I am keeping my hopes up that she will, but am not sure what to do if she does not. The dress unfortunately does not come in any larger sizes. I love the dresses and would hate to have to change them, especially since all the bridesmaids love them so much and have expressed their sadness over the possibility of having to pick another dress, but I also don't want any hurt feelings over keeping a dress that there is a definite possibility she will not fit in. I would love to have all my bridesmaids in matching dresses all looking lovely. Any thoughts?

crowsgirl15

Knottie1459288199 said:

I found the perfect bridesmaid dresses. Ordered the swatch and the color and fabric were both amazing!! I showed all of my bridesmaid and they all definitely approved. I was so excited to find the perfect dress that they would all feel beautiful in as well! The store that the dress is in is not located in my city and we would either have to take a road trip to one of the stores or they will have to order it online.  

When asking my bridesmaids about the sizes I discovered that one of my bridesmaid who is a plus size may not fit into the largest size they have. I am keeping my hopes up that she will, but am not sure what to do if she does not. The dress unfortunately does not come in any larger sizes. I love the dresses and would hate to have to change them, especially since all the bridesmaids love them so much and have expressed their sadness over the possibility of having to pick another dress, but I also don't want any hurt feelings over keeping a dress that there is a definite possibility she will not fit in. I would love to have all my bridesmaids in matching dresses all looking lovely. Any thoughts?

This one seems pretty simple to me. If she doesn't fit, you change the dresses. Or, you stick to the same designer and fabric, and let each girl pick whatever dress she feels comfortable in.

What other option would there be?

MobKaz

Knottie1459288199 said:

I found the perfect bridesmaid dresses. Ordered the swatch and the color and fabric were both amazing!! I showed all of my bridesmaid and they all definitely approved. I was so excited to find the perfect dress that they would all feel beautiful in as well! The store that the dress is in is not located in my city and we would either have to take a road trip to one of the stores or they will have to order it online.  

When asking my bridesmaids about the sizes I discovered that one of my bridesmaid who is a plus size may not fit into the largest size they have. I am keeping my hopes up that she will, but am not sure what to do if she does not. The dress unfortunately does not come in any larger sizes. I love the dresses and would hate to have to change them, especially since all the bridesmaids love them so much and have expressed their sadness over the possibility of having to pick another dress, but I also don't want any hurt feelings over keeping a dress that there is a definite possibility she will not fit in. I would love to have all my bridesmaids in matching dresses all looking lovely. Any thoughts?

The easiest solution is to ask the store to show you all the dresses that come in that color and fabric.  Let your BM's choose the dress that best suits their individual style and sense of comfort.  You can create a cohesive look with their flowers and gorgeous smiles.  Please try not to let any of your BM's discover that the dress style may have to change because of ONE BM. 

It is always suggested that brides speak privately and individually to their wedding party to determine their budgets as well as their comfort level in dress styles.  You said YOU found the perfect dress.  It would have been safer and smarter to have checked with your BM prior to making this choice for them.  Show that you love your friends more than a dress.

Viczaesar

Ouch.  I feel really bad for your plus size bridesmaid.

OurWildKingdom

I was in that situation. My cousin had her heart set on a particular dress that only went to size 14. At the time of her wedding, I was a size 18. My aunt was altering the dress two hours before the wedding. I didn't speak up partly because I was hoping to lose more weight by then and partly because my self-esteem sucked.

JediElizabeth

If it doesn't fit, I think you have 3 possible options:
1. Choose a new dress.
2. Let the BMs choose their own dresses, and don't require them to match.
3. Demand that your BM lose weight before your wedding.
(Just kidding. That last one would only be an option if you were a terrible person. Which actually do exist around here, because sometimes this world is a sad, sad place.)

Personally, I'd either choose a new dress or just let them choose their own dresses now, and not even try to get her to fit into the the original one you chose. If you're dead set on keeping this one, what happens if she doesn't fit into it?? I'm sure she's going to feel pressure to say one that she can barely zip and can't breath in is "fine" in order to make you happy. Or, she's going to get into it, realize it won't zip up, and feel even worse about "ruining" your day.

Just lift all that pressure for your friend and pick something else. I don't really think it's worth it to put someone you care enough to make a BM in a situation like that. 

STARMOON44

This is so rude. You didn't think to check on this before? Obviously if the dress doesn't fit all of your bridesmaids you pick a different dress. 

ernursej

I would offer a heartfelt apology to the bridesmaid that may not fit in the dress for not investigating the sizing options ahead of time (assuming you didn't look into it) and then find a dress line that will accommodate all your bridesmaids. I would always recommend non-matching dresses or looking for a line that has multiple type of dresses in a similar colour/fabric. Your vision may have to be adjusted to ensure the comfort of your wedding party members. 

AddieCake

If the dress will not fit your plus-size friend, your other friends do not wear that dress, either. Please note I replaced bridesmaid with friend b/c that's the important part. Think of these ladies as friends first, and that should help you remember to treat them with all possible kindness. 

PPs have offered great suggestions on alternatives to this dress situation. 

Knottie1459288199

Starmoon44 - Since I have never been married before, no I did not think to check the sizes. Thank you for showing me how negative some you people can be when I am simply trying to ask for advice.

My sister showed me a website with the dress and said that she loved it, I in turn showed the rest of my FRIENDS/ Bridesmaids who all loved it as well. None of us thought to check the sizes and I was not given that advice before hand because me as well as all my bridesmaids are young and have also never been married and FYI she doesn't want to change the dress either she loves it as well.

I am more than willing to change the dress. Or did I not say that I want all my bridesmaids to feel beautiful as well?!?!? Shame on me for coming here and thinking that instead of being negative and calling somebody rude who has never had a wedding before and doesn't know what to do that I would be greeted with positive helpful advice. I think I made it quite obvious in the post that I care dearly about my friend and her feelings. I don't think it necessary to make me feel worse that I already do about the situation.

I thank you to those that were kind enough to give me options without feeling the need to be negative in an already negative world. This is the last time I will be using this forum for advice.  

JediElizabeth

Knottie1459288199 said:

Starmoon44 - Since I have never been married before, no I did not think to check the sizes. Thank you for showing me how negative some you people can be when I am simply trying to ask for advice.

My sister showed me a website with the dress and said that she loved it, I in turn showed the rest of my FRIENDS/ Bridesmaids who all loved it as well. None of us thought to check the sizes and I was not given that advice before hand because me as well as all my bridesmaids are young and have also never been married and FYI she doesn't want to change the dress either she loves it as well.

I am more than willing to change the dress. Or did I not say that I want all my bridesmaids to feel beautiful as well?!?!? Shame on me for coming here and thinking that instead of being negative and calling somebody rude who has never had a wedding before and doesn't know what to do that I would be greeted with positive helpful advice. I think I made it quite obvious in the post that I care dearly about my friend and her feelings. I don't think it necessary to make me feel worse that I already do about the situation.

I thank you to those that were kind enough to give me options without feeling the need to be negative in an already negative world. This is the last time I will be using this forum for advice.  

You had 7 answers that were constructive and polite (ok, I'll admit to snarking on previous posters, but they were super rude), and one which was a little blunt, which you found rude. 

Unfortunately, if your skin is thin enough to get that upset over one post, you probably shouldn't be on forums.

However, I hope you change your mind. As someone who also had relatively little experience with weddings before getting engaged (but quite a few experiences as a guest at rude weddings), I've been not-so-gently corrected a time or two, but ultimately have learned a lot here. 

geebee908

Knottie1459288199 said:

Starmoon44 - Since I have never been married before, no I did not think to check the sizes. Thank you for showing me how negative some you people can be when I am simply trying to ask for advice.

My sister showed me a website with the dress and said that she loved it, I in turn showed the rest of my FRIENDS/ Bridesmaids who all loved it as well. None of us thought to check the sizes and I was not given that advice before hand because me as well as all my bridesmaids are young and have also never been married and FYI she doesn't want to change the dress either she loves it as well.

I am more than willing to change the dress. Or did I not say that I want all my bridesmaids to feel beautiful as well?!?!? Shame on me for coming here and thinking that instead of being negative and calling somebody rude who has never had a wedding before and doesn't know what to do that I would be greeted with positive helpful advice. I think I made it quite obvious in the post that I care dearly about my friend and her feelings. I don't think it necessary to make me feel worse that I already do about the situation.

I thank you to those that were kind enough to give me options without feeling the need to be negative in an already negative world. This is the last time I will be using this forum for advice.  

It's too bad that everyone fell in love with a dress before seeing that it came in everyone's size, but now they all need to let that dress go and learn from the experience. The alterations for the biggest girl will be too extensive, if not impossible, and the dress won't end up looking like the dress everyone fell in love with in the end. Time to start over.

kvruns

Knottie1459288199 said:

Starmoon44 - Since I have never been married before, no I did not think to check the sizes. Thank you for showing me how negative some you people can be when I am simply trying to ask for advice.

My sister showed me a website with the dress and said that she loved it, I in turn showed the rest of my FRIENDS/ Bridesmaids who all loved it as well. None of us thought to check the sizes and I was not given that advice before hand because me as well as all my bridesmaids are young and have also never been married and FYI she doesn't want to change the dress either she loves it as well.

I am more than willing to change the dress. Or did I not say that I want all my bridesmaids to feel beautiful as well?!?!? Shame on me for coming here and thinking that instead of being negative and calling somebody rude who has never had a wedding before and doesn't know what to do that I would be greeted with positive helpful advice. I think I made it quite obvious in the post that I care dearly about my friend and her feelings. I don't think it necessary to make me feel worse that I already do about the situation.

I thank you to those that were kind enough to give me options without feeling the need to be negative in an already negative world. This is the last time I will be using this forum for advice.  

Just curious what does she plan to do then? I totally get her saying that and maybe even feeling it, but depending on how off the fit is, if it isn't going to fit it isn't going to fit. You would hate to have her upset because the dress doesn't fit and god forbid say something like she will step down because she can't fit into the dress everyone else is wearing.  If I read correctly no one has actually tried on the dress anyway it might not really be that great of a dress for the others (ie looks good on the website or on a rack but not on the actual person). PPs with advice on non-matching dresses is the best way to go

MandyMost

This doesn't sound like an issue of someone being naive/new to weddings...it sounds like an issue of someone being naive/new to not fitting into off-the-rack sizes. 

Do you know your friend's measurements? How do you know she won't fit in the dress? Have you looked into other dress designers yet to see if they have dresses that come in all the necessary sizes? 

How incredibly humiliating for your poor friend for you all to have to change the dress because it doesn't come in her size. I'd be doing EVERYTHING possible to make this situation easier on her. 

crowsgirl15

MandyMost said:

This doesn't sound like an issue of someone being naive/new to weddings...it sounds like an issue of someone being naive/new to not fitting into off-the-rack sizes. 

Do you know your friend's measurements? How do you know she won't fit in the dress? Have you looked into other dress designers yet to see if they have dresses that come in all the necessary sizes? 

How incredibly humiliating for your poor friend for you all to have to change the dress because it doesn't come in her size. I'd be doing EVERYTHING possible to make this situation easier on her. 

This.

If she loves the dress, which you say she does, it must be really embarrassing for her to learn she can't fit into it, and that everyone will have to change just because of her. I would be immediately giving up on the "same dress" option and trying to find a way to move on from this dress.

If everyone has fallen in love, I couldn't imagine being the one responsible for everyone else not being able to wear the dress. As my friend, I would hope the bride would go above and beyond to remedy the situation she caused by not checking sizes in the first place.

ShesSoCold

Ugh, I feel terrible for your friend. Your oversight isn't because you are new to planning a wedding. Is this the first dress you've seen/ordered ever?

Basically you showed everyone the dress, everyone loves it, and now you have to go back and say "Beulah is too fat for the dress so we need to pick a new one". Or your other option is to say "Beulah is too fat for this dress so she will wear this other one". There's really no way to sugarcoat this. You really should have thought of this earlier. You need to apologize to your friend.

[Deleted User]

Unfortunately you'll need to find another dress or just let the girls pick a dress they like from that designer in the color you picked. This way they will still all match. If you do want your girls in the same dress what I would recommend is making plans with the girl who is the largest in size and go to the store to find a dress that she feels comfortable in & comes in her size. As for what to tell the other girls, just tell them that after doing some research on the dress that you changed your mind. I had a friend who had two larger BM and before picking out dresses for everyone her & those two BM went dress shopping to find something that worked color wise, size wise & budget wise. By doing it with just the two of them it reduced the stress for the two BM of finding a dress that fit them while you have other BM who are a size 2 that can wear about anything. Basically, if you want them all in the same dress, you go shopping with the most challenging figure to accommodate and go from there. But to be honest, reduce your stress and just go "Hey girls, I've decided I want you to be totally comfortable and let your own personalities show, so pick whatever dress you want from this designer, in this color & fabric. I can't wait to see what each of you picks out."

Knottie1459288199

It was not an issue when the dress was first picked out because she said the last dress size she tried on was a size 16 and she said herself that she would fit in it, upon asking everybody for their measurements again I discovered that she had not tried on that size since her prom dress from our prom in 2009.

Another bridesmaid brought it to my attention that it may not fit her now if the last time she tried on that size was 7 years ago and then I came to this forum to ask about what to do.

Nobody has tried on the dress yet. We have only ever looked at it online. I will be changing the dress to one that has more options for sizes, but would still love for them to all have matching dresses or at least the same color.  

And I think there definitely are ways of maybe not sugar coating, but not being so blunt as to tell my friend who is a wonderful beautiful person that she is too fat for the dress (by the by.. I would never use that terrible word to describe any one of friends). I think to think there is not another way of going about that is just plain negative.

Again, thank you to those with helpful options and alternatives and those who were not quick to pass judgment. I truly appreciate it and have taken your advice into great consideration and will be using it to make sure that all my BM's are happy and feel beautiful. Thank you

ShesSoCold

I can't quote, but obviously you wouldn't send a text saying exactly what I said in my PP. BUT, that's probably what people will hear. If you tell everyone, "This dress will not accommodate everyone so we'll need to find a new one", it's not a stretch for them to think, "oh, it's because Beulah is too big". Not necessarily in a shitty way, just factual.

A friend of mine will only sit in aisles at events. If we're going to a game, we get aisle seats or she doesn't go. If there was a group of us planning to go somewhere and suddenly we needed different seats or Sally wasn't coming, I would make the conclusion that it's because Sally needs an aisle seat. Again, not shitty, just factual. I love her dearly and I'm not being negative about her size, just honest.

JediElizabeth

Knottie1459288199 said:

It was not an issue when the dress was first picked out because she said the last dress size she tried on was a size 16 and she said herself that she would fit in it, upon asking everybody for their measurements again I discovered that she had not tried on that size since her prom dress from our prom in 2009.

Another bridesmaid brought it to my attention that it may not fit her now if the last time she tried on that size was 7 years ago and then I came to this forum to ask about what to do.

Nobody has tried on the dress yet. We have only ever looked at it online. I will be changing the dress to one that has more options for sizes, but would still love for them to all have matching dresses or at least the same color.  

And I think there definitely are ways of maybe not sugar coating, but not being so blunt as to tell my friend who is a wonderful beautiful person that she is too fat for the dress (by the by.. I would never use that terrible word to describe any one of friends). I think to think there is not another way of going about that is just plain negative.

Again, thank you to those with helpful options and alternatives and those who were not quick to pass judgment. I truly appreciate it and have taken your advice into great consideration and will be using it to make sure that all my BM's are happy and feel beautiful. Thank you

Good. Same style is fine, as long as everyone's happy/comfortable.

Depending on if it fits their budgets, you may want to go to an Alfred Angelo's, David's Bridal or similar to look at dresses. They generally have all their sizes in-stock to try on, from size 0 through plus size, even if it's not in the right color.

That's why I'm going to AA for my first bridal appointment - I want to get my size 14 butt into the dress I'm trying on, not just imagine it from a size 6.

MesmrEwe

Being plus-size - yea - there's no way to sugar coat this one - everyone's going to read between the lines - especially her (but really - do a set of measurements so you know for certain the size range you're looking for in choosing a different dress)...  I think it sucks that designers do this type of thing instead of being able to upcharge a "send in your measurements and we make the dress to your measurements"... 

ernursej

I was in a wedding party and we went to David's Bridal. The first thing the sales staff did was measure us and then find the styles that worked for all the different body types. This may be a way for you to get matching dresses or at least dresses in the same fabric. Keep in mind that matching dresses could end up fitting everyone, but they may not look great on everyone.

There were a few harsher comments, but no one was rude. We were simply responding to the information that was provided. Just about everyone on here has had their post dissected. Often, it wasn't great to be on the receiving end, but you learn and realize that this is where you go to get honest advice. Some of my friends might give honest feedback, but I can always count on Knotties to tell me everything. The Knotties often point out things that were not even being considered which can really help those that don't know a lot about planning a wedding.

MobKaz

Knottie1459288199 said:

It was not an issue when the dress was first picked out because she said the last dress size she tried on was a size 16 and she said herself that she would fit in it, upon asking everybody for their measurements again I discovered that she had not tried on that size since her prom dress from our prom in 2009.

Another bridesmaid brought it to my attention that it may not fit her now if the last time she tried on that size was 7 years ago and then I came to this forum to ask about what to do.

Nobody has tried on the dress yet. We have only ever looked at it online. I will be changing the dress to one that has more options for sizes, but would still love for them to all have matching dresses or at least the same color.  

And I think there definitely are ways of maybe not sugar coating, but not being so blunt as to tell my friend who is a wonderful beautiful person that she is too fat for the dress (by the by.. I would never use that terrible word to describe any one of friends). I think to think there is not another way of going about that is just plain negative.

Again, thank you to those with helpful options and alternatives and those who were not quick to pass judgment. I truly appreciate it and have taken your advice into great consideration and will be using it to make sure that all my BM's are happy and feel beautiful. Thank you

@Knottie1459288199, please consider the varying styles but same color option.  My daughter had women in her bridal party that varied in height from 5'1" to 6', and from size 0 to 22.  There is no way that one style would flatter all those women.  It is not only a plus sized woman who will have issues with the single style concept.  A petite but large busted woman will have neckline issues.  The short and tall woman will have length issues. 

If you have not already done so, please make sure you ask your friends what budget/price point should be considered.  Perhaps the dress you originally considered will be extremely expensive, and you can state the other dress options need to be considered for budget reasons.

STARMOON44

Knottie1459288199 said:

Starmoon44 - Since I have never been married before, no I did not think to check the sizes. Thank you for showing me how negative some you people can be when I am simply trying to ask for advice.

My sister showed me a website with the dress and said that she loved it, I in turn showed the rest of my FRIENDS/ Bridesmaids who all loved it as well. None of us thought to check the sizes and I was not given that advice before hand because me as well as all my bridesmaids are young and have also never been married and FYI she doesn't want to change the dress either she loves it as well.

I am more than willing to change the dress. Or did I not say that I want all my bridesmaids to feel beautiful as well?!?!? Shame on me for coming here and thinking that instead of being negative and calling somebody rude who has never had a wedding before and doesn't know what to do that I would be greeted with positive helpful advice. I think I made it quite obvious in the post that I care dearly about my friend and her feelings. I don't think it necessary to make me feel worse that I already do about the situation.

I thank you to those that were kind enough to give me options without feeling the need to be negative in an already negative world. This is the last time I will be using this forum for advice.  

Eyeroll. Sorry, since you are the one who put your plus sized bridesmaid in a terrible and embarrassing position because you were thoughtless, no, I don't really care if you think I'm unkind. At least I'm not your friend!

hyechica81

mori lee and jasmine have maids dresses up to a size 32 look at those plenty of options  to choose from.