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Wedding Woes

I'd feel petty too...But I'd do what DH wants to.

Dear Prudence,
My long-time same-sex partner and I got married last fall. It was a perfunctory city hall wedding, but after we announced it, we received many cards and gifts, which was unexpected. We had special wishes from everyone except my sister-in-law and her churchgoing family, which includes my husband’s goddaughter, a college senior. When I confirmed with my husband that they hadn’t done anything, he said he was trying not to notice. I understand his emotional bind, but I feel uncertain how to proceed. His niece is graduating soon, and of course we’d be expected to notice and give a gift. Not sending something feels downright petty, but at the same time I am unenthused. Is there a correct stance in this?

—Not Feeling Generous

Re: I'd feel petty too...But I'd do what DH wants to.

  • bleve0821bleve0821 The Shire member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    I get the sense that the main issue is actually that since other friends and family members showered them with congratulations on their city hall wedding, she now she feels as though SIL was expected to do the same.  Did DH actually call his sister and say, hey, we're married, or was this announcement through social media?  If SIL was actually told, either over the phone or in person, they'd probably have gotten the "obligatory special wishes."  It's ridiculous of this couple to withhold a gift from the goddaughter over something like this.


    "And when they use our atoms to make new lives, they won’t just be able to take one, they’ll have to take two, one of you and one of me..."
    --Philip Pullman

    VarunaTTILoveBeachMusic
  • I read this as "my long time sex partner" and wondered what made them take the leap from banging buddies to married. 

    I would send a nice card and maybe a gift. I understand the hurt feelings but I am very much a kill them with kindness, treat others how I want to be treated type. 
    I read it the same way! Then I started reading comments and realized.
  • thefanciestbecklerthefanciestbeckler Chattanooga, TN member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    I read this as "my long time sex partner" and wondered what made them take the leap from banging buddies to married. 

    I would send a nice card and maybe a gift. I understand the hurt feelings but I am very much a kill them with kindness, treat others how I want to be treated type. 
    I read it the same way! Then I started reading comments and realized.
    I did too!

  • I read this as "my long time sex partner" and wondered what made them take the leap from banging buddies to married. 

    I would send a nice card and maybe a gift. I understand the hurt feelings but I am very much a kill them with kindness, treat others how I want to be treated type. 
    I read it the same way! Then I started reading comments and realized.
    I did too!
    I did too - so glad I'm not the only one!
  • So they eloped and he expects everyone to give them a gift even though they didn't actually invite anyone...  Yea - no, even if they had been invited with a reception, gifts(a card is a form of gift), is not obligatory and since they eloped they made their choice (maybe think the best-case-scenario they were mad/disappointed they didn't get invited!)..  And college student expected to do so - no...  And, they shouldn't hold it against the godchild because they didn't send a card, at that point in life they're lucky to afford Ramen while finding a job so they don't have to move back home...


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  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Just because some people gave them a gift after eloping does not obligate the SIL or her family to do so. To not gift a gift to the graduate if you otherwise would have done so w/o question, IS just petty and dumb. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    OurWildKingdomILoveBeachMusicJediElizabethlc07
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