I'd feel petty too...But I'd do what DH wants to.

mrsconn23 · April 2016

Dear Prudence,
My long-time same-sex partner and I got married last fall. It was a perfunctory city hall wedding, but after we announced it, we received many cards and gifts, which was unexpected. We had special wishes from everyone except my sister-in-law and her churchgoing family, which includes my husband’s goddaughter, a college senior. When I confirmed with my husband that they hadn’t done anything, he said he was trying not to notice. I understand his emotional bind, but I feel uncertain how to proceed. His niece is graduating soon, and of course we’d be expected to notice and give a gift. Not sending something feels downright petty, but at the same time I am unenthused. Is there a correct stance in this?

—Not Feeling Generous

VarunaTT · April 2016

So, the LW doesn't actually say the SIL is homophobic, and (thankfully) in this day and age just being faithful doesn't automatically equal being a homophobe. The sister might not have done anything b/c there isn't anything required for a city hall wedding....everyone else was just being nice.

I get the hurt feelings, but I'd follow his DH's guide on this as well.

missJeanLouise · April 2016

I read this as "my long time sex partner" and wondered what made them take the leap from banging buddies to married.

I would send a nice card and maybe a gift. I understand the hurt feelings but I am very much a kill them with kindness, treat others how I want to be treated type.

PMeg819 · April 2016

I think penalizing the goddaughter for the mother's unkindness is not the right way. The goddaughter may have been happy but how many teenagers go out and buy a gift and card for a family member independent of what their parents do. She may not have known what her mother did.

The issue is with the sister and brother. I think send a gift and a card, and remind her that she is still important/special/whatever.

bleve0821 · April 2016

I get the sense that the main issue is actually that since other friends and family members showered them with congratulations on their city hall wedding, she now she feels as though SIL was expected to do the same. Did DH actually call his sister and say, hey, we're married, or was this announcement through social media? If SIL was actually told, either over the phone or in person, they'd probably have gotten the "obligatory special wishes." It's ridiculous of this couple to withhold a gift from the goddaughter over something like this.

thespeshulestsnowflake · April 2016

missJeanLouise said:

I read this as "my long time sex partner" and wondered what made them take the leap from banging buddies to married.

I would send a nice card and maybe a gift. I understand the hurt feelings but I am very much a kill them with kindness, treat others how I want to be treated type.

I read it the same way! Then I started reading comments and realized.

thefanciestbeckler · April 2016

thespeshulestsnowflake said:

missJeanLouise said:

I read this as "my long time sex partner" and wondered what made them take the leap from banging buddies to married.

I would send a nice card and maybe a gift. I understand the hurt feelings but I am very much a kill them with kindness, treat others how I want to be treated type.

I read it the same way! Then I started reading comments and realized.

I did too!

sparklepants41 · April 2016

thefanciestbeckler said:

thespeshulestsnowflake said:

missJeanLouise said:

I read this as "my long time sex partner" and wondered what made them take the leap from banging buddies to married.

I would send a nice card and maybe a gift. I understand the hurt feelings but I am very much a kill them with kindness, treat others how I want to be treated type.

I read it the same way! Then I started reading comments and realized.

I did too!

I did too - so glad I'm not the only one!

MesmrEwe · April 2016

So they eloped and he expects everyone to give them a gift even though they didn't actually invite anyone... Yea - no, even if they had been invited with a reception, gifts(a card is a form of gift), is not obligatory and since they eloped they made their choice (maybe think the best-case-scenario they were mad/disappointed they didn't get invited!).. And college student expected to do so - no... And, they shouldn't hold it against the godchild because they didn't send a card, at that point in life they're lucky to afford Ramen while finding a job so they don't have to move back home...

AddieCake · April 2016

Just because some people gave them a gift after eloping does not obligate the SIL or her family to do so. To not gift a gift to the graduate if you otherwise would have done so w/o question, IS just petty and dumb.

I'd feel petty too...But I'd do what DH wants to.

Re: I'd feel petty too...But I'd do what DH wants to.

Choose Another Board

Search Boards