Pre-wedding Parties

Bridal Shower, Who do I invite?

I've never been involved with the bridal shower guest list process before, so, I wanted to check to see if I am going about this the right way.

My sisters and two close friends are hosting my Bridal Shower and have asked me for a guest list. The guest list count is way below what they can comfortably host, so head count is not an issue.

My FIL's had asked if we would be able to invite 4 couples that are close friends to our wedding, and FI grew up around these couples so we decided to invite them. Wedding invites have not gone out yet, but STD's have. I plan on inviting most of the women invited to my wedding, however, of the 4 couples that are FIL's friends I have only met two.

My concerns are that if I invite the two women I have met and not the other two, feelings might get hurt or if I invite the 2 women I have not yet met it might look gift grabby.

I'm thinking not to invite the 4 women at all, but, I know that FMIL is close with all 4 women and would enjoy having them at the Bridal Shower.



Re: Bridal Shower, Who do I invite?

  • levioosalevioosa Southern California
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    I probably wouldn't invite any of them either.  


    image
  • When my mother hosted my sister's shower, she asked my sister's FMIL for her guest list.  A handful of her good friends who were invited to the wedding were on her list.  My sister hadn't met them but the FMIL doesn't have sisters and I guess wanted them at her table?  (They all rsvp'ed yes within days of the invitation going out- I was co-hosting and received the rsvps- so I imagine they were happy to be invited, and not put off?)  Have your sisters and close friends asked your FMIL for her guest list?  She knows her friends best, if she thinks they'll be offended/think it's a gift-grab I imagine she'll leave them off.
    dyerwiselc07Knottie1452098987CaitFins
  • Is you FMIL holding a separate shower for you? If not I agree with @eileenrob and express your concerns. My bridesmaids threw my shower (close friend, sister and my SILs who were Hs sister and SIL). I hadn't met a number of the women on Hs side but MIL and SILs wanted to invite them, so they did. I felt a little weird about it, but in the end they were right, MIL was close to them and appreciated having them there. 
    Knottie1452098987
  • SP29SP29
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    I'm with SSC on this. I also think it looks gift grabby when the shower list is huge, including people the bride doesn't really know.

    I realize some people have quite large showers, but to me, they are more personal events where the hosts are inviting people YOU know (vs. FH).


  • If FMIL was hosting I would think this is okay but its your sisters and friends...skip them! If they want to send you a gift they will figure it out.


    SP29
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    member
    edited April 2016
    I think that since these two women are your FMIL's guests and not your families,' and you have never met them, they need not be invited to the shower.

    If your FMIL wants to invite them to a shower she is throwing for you, that's her call.
    SP29OurWildKingdomAddieCakeKnottie1452098987
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    edited April 2016
    I think it's odd to invite friends of hers you've never met to a shower, especially since she isn't hosting. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    SP29holyguacamole79
  • If you and the hosts are fine with them coming I'd just ask FMIL if she would like them to be invited. 
    charlotte989875OurWildKingdom
  • dyerwise said:
    I've never been involved with the bridal shower guest list process before, so, I wanted to check to see if I am going about this the right way.

    My sisters and two close friends are hosting my Bridal Shower and have asked me for a guest list. The guest list count is way below what they can comfortably host, so head count is not an issue.

    My FIL's had asked if we would be able to invite 4 couples that are close friends to our wedding, and FI grew up around these couples so we decided to invite them. Wedding invites have not gone out yet, but STD's have. I plan on inviting most of the women invited to my wedding, however, of the 4 couples that are FIL's friends I have only met two.

    My concerns are that if I invite the two women I have met and not the other two, feelings might get hurt or if I invite the 2 women I have not yet met it might look gift grabby.

    I'm thinking not to invite the 4 women at all, but, I know that FMIL is close with all 4 women and would enjoy having them at the Bridal Shower.



    The Bridal Shower is being held in your honor.  Your guest list should include friends and relatives who are invited to the wedding.
    While it is fine to invite people whom you, personally, don't know, but who are friends of your FI's family to your wedding, this is not OK for a shower.  The Bridal Shower is for YOU, not both of you, and not your FMIL.  Limit the shower guest list to people whom you know personally.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    OurWildKingdomSP29ernursej
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    A bit late to the game ....I got invited to a bridal shower for the (now) wife of one of DH's cousins.  I briefly met this cousin at our wedding, and would not be able to pick him out of a crowd.   I found the invite to be gift-grabby  (but I'm 99% sure that H's aunt made the guest list and is hosting the shower ... and I also briefly met her at the wedding and could not identify her in a crowd).

    I say don't invite.



    Anniversary
  • Thanks everyone! My instinct was to not invite the 4 ladies so I'm glad everyone confirmed! :)
  • I say it depends what you are going for. If you want to put what makes you comfortable first then do not invite them because they are not in your circle. If you want to put the needs of your in-laws first, then invite them. If you do invite them, you know why you invited them, your future mother in law is happy and who cares what other people think. Also, one way to maybe ease your feelings of appearing "gift grabby" is to include a note from you with their invitation to the bridal shower that says, "it means so much to my mother in law to have you there, I look forward to your support and fellowship" or something like that. 
    I would also add that you should not worry so much about what other people think. It is waaaaaayyy too exhausting. Just figure out your goals, what's important to you, and focus on making that happen.
    "Poor is the man who's pleasure depends on the permission of another."
  • JediElizabethJediElizabeth
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    member
    edited April 2016
    I think that is really hard to tell lol! <link> is place where you can get some more suggestions for your query..Cheers
    Vendor alert!

    I can't see who the mod of this board is on my phone to tag, but I didn't want that to get buried. 



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