Dress Doubts

Tyvm

I went to David's Bridal in December, expecting just to try on wedding dresses while I could get my mom, sister, and best friend all in one room. But while I was there, I turned into a yes woman and bought a dress and a veil. It's weird because I bought the $200 veil, and I have no intention of wearing a veil. I'm just not fond of the symbolism, since FI and I have been living together for 4 years, it just makes little sense to me. So, David's Bridal allowed us to cancel the veil the very next day for store credit, which is okay.

When I put the veil on (with the dress) my mother, myself, and my sister cried. So I know why I bought the dress, it's lovelier on me than on the model online. I've since tried it on again in the store, and it's fine. But it has lots of features I don't like: it's strapless, it has a fussy train that's going to need to be bustled, it's not elegant or any sort of heirloom just sort of standardly contemporary. It looks lovely on, but I've been having doubts. And I need to some help being swayed in either direction

Here's the DB dress: http://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_chiffon-over-satin-wedding-dress-with-side-drape-wg3483 (although it cost $600 in the store when we bought it, and is going to need at least $200 in alterations - see store credit above). And now the dress I've been ogling at BHLDN has gone on sale for $500 ( http://www.bhldn.com/bride/gwyneth-gown/ ) and I'm having crazy doubts about my state of mind at the time of purchase and whether I want to spend an extra $500 on a dress, when I already have one. The BHLDN dress is lovely, and could probably even be dyed after the wedding to turn it into an evening gown. But I could actually see holding onto the BHLDN dress as an heirloom, whereas I don't have that vision for the DB dress.

This is driving me crazy and turning me into a stereotype I don't want to be.

Thanks so much.

TLDR; bride didn't mentally prepare for first/only dress shopping, and bought a lovely dress that now she's not sure she likes all that much...but doesn't really want to spend more money, either.

CMGragain

I don't understand.  The dress is lovely on you.  What is the problem? 

kvruns

Can you try on the BHLDN dress? I don't think I'd purchase a dress just thinking it could be an heirloom some day, buy for your wedding now, and if something could be worn again or by someone else that is a bonus but I wouldn't put it in my purchase decision.

CMGragain

Chances are that twenty years from now, your dress will be out of style no matter where you buy it.   My daughter wouldn't consider mine.  "Ugh!  Mom, it has SLEEVES!"

laurad75

I really like your current dress.  Are you waiting for it to come in?  I think it would be really helpful for you to try it on again.  The BHLDN dress is very nice but its not wowing me to the point where I can encourage you to buy a second dress.  

I think you need to put your first dress on again and stop looking at dresses.  

Tyvm

@CMGragain There's nothing wrong with the dress, except it isn't what I had wanted beforehand. And now I'm worried that I'll be one of those brides constantly pulling her dress up. Or that the bustled train will be a pain in the ass. etc. etc.

@kvruns There isn't a BHLDN near me, 'would have to buy the dress, have it shipped here for $15, and then return it if I don't like it.

@laurad75 My dress came in a month or two ago, although I live across the country from where it is (and where the wedding is, etc. etc.). So we won't be reunited until June    I did try the dress on again at my local DB ~1 month ago, and aside from being a size too large (?despite being the same size I tried on/bought in December - worries me a little?) it was fine. The alterations will be done over there as well, so I won't ever really have my dress with me, where I live, which is maybe causing some of my insanity.

laurad75 said: "I think you need to put your first dress on again and stop looking at dresses. " -->That's probably the piece of advice I need to follow. I can at least follow the latter half.

MesmrEwe

Couple thoughts...  You've got options with the first dress - chop off the train, use the extra fabric to create something for the top to make it not strapless..  Sad part is you'll probably total around that $500 mark... 

I'd honestly find a way to try on the second dress first before committing to purchasing it.  You never know, it may not look that great on you. 

That said - if the dress isn't right, it's not right, go find something that will be.  The heirloom dress idea - while good in theory, the reality is you'll send it off to the drycleaners, they'll put it in the box with the window that the drycleaner has so you can look at it in the future, and it'll sit on a shelf or cedar chest.  Do not let that part cloud your opinion of your dress.  Also, with the next dress, go yourself and with a "I'm not here to play PPP" on a mission because it'll shut the emotional sales tactics off...

As for what to use that $200 credit on - how about a RD dress or something that's semi-formal that you could wear to a nice dinner on your HM with FI...  Veils are one of the few things where DIY or online is the financially smart way to go... 

CMGragain

I am also curious as why you dislike the "symbolism" of a veil?  Until the 1960's, women covered their heads with hats, headdresses or veils in church.  It was simply normal.  What's the big deal?

ILoveBeachMusic

CMGragain said:

Chances are that twenty years from now, your dress will be out of style no matter where you buy it.   My daughter wouldn't consider mine.  "Ugh!  Mom, it has SLEEVES!"

So true! It is very seldom a dress is worn again even if perfectly preserved! Don't buy it for the heirloom quality.

SaintPaulGal

I'm going to swim against the tide here.  Usually I fall on the side of "you loved it for a reason, don't second guess yourself.  It's just a dress after all."

But in your case: I just don't see someone who loves a dress like #2 being truly happy with a dress like #1.  The one you bought looks lovely on you, but it's its pretty much the polar opposite of #2.  The DB dress is generic and contemporary, and the other one is more of a vintage statement piece. 

If it's not going to throw you into the poorhouse, I would get the second dress so you can at least try it on and see what feels right to you,

STARMOON44

Pay the shipping and try it on. But I wouldn't let thinking of it as an heirloom sway you. 

SP29

I think the first dress is lovely and looks great on you. I would at least try it on again.

You can have straps added on, if it worries you that much. I will say though, I did not have trouble with the dress staying up. Most strapless dresses bought in a store- yes, they slide. But any wedding dress I tried on either has corset straps (even with buttons on the outside) or is fitted to be snug that it was never an issue.

Most dresses need some sort of bustle for the reception, or else you or someone else is stepping on them. My bustle was quite simple, a little loop that I pulled through the dress and hooked on a button. Or, there was a large loop sewn on the inside of the dress that I could put my hand through and would hold up the base of the dress that way (but then your dress is attached to your hand).

At the end of the day though, only you can decide if it is worth it to spend more money. Try the other dress on if you can. It is a very different dress from your current.

Don't be swayed by the heirloom factor- I agree, everyone's dress will be out of date in 20 years. Who knows if it would actually fit your future daughter/family member.

My mom's dress was quite pretty- I do like it! She still has it, in a box somewhere. I would never wear it though- not quite my style, my mom is 4 inches shorter than me, and she was also much thinner when she was married than I was. My parents are also divorced, so silly as it is, I feel like it's "tainted". My grandma also suggested I wear my aunt's wedding dress (she still has it too in a box somewhere)- but no! Puffy sleeves! Ack!!

SaintPaulGal

STARMOON44 said:

Pay the shipping and try it on. But I wouldn't let thinking of it as an heirloom sway you. 

I forgot to address this in my post.  Don't get hung up on what a hypothetical daughter will hypothetically like and wear 30 or more years in the future.  IF you have a daughter and IF she marries someday, the chances of her having the same taste as you right now today are infinitesimally small.  Who knows, maybe this hypothetical daughter would like the "retro" style of the oh-so-2016 dress?  Shop for YOU, not for some potential descendant who may or may not even exist.

MesmrEwe

SaintPaulGal said:

STARMOON44 said:

Pay the shipping and try it on. But I wouldn't let thinking of it as an heirloom sway you. 

I forgot to address this in my post.  Don't get hung up on what a hypothetical daughter will hypothetically like and wear 30 or more years in the future.  IF you have a daughter and IF she marries someday, the chances of her having the same taste as you right now today are infinitesimally small.  Who knows, maybe this hypothetical daughter would like the "retro" style of the oh-so-2016 dress?  Shop for YOU, not for some potential descendant who may or may not even exist.

Never know - she could end up with all boys!

kahluakoala

SaintPaulGal said:

I'm going to swim against the tide here.  Usually I fall on the side of "you loved it for a reason, don't second guess yourself.  It's just a dress after all."

But in your case: I just don't see someone who loves a dress like #2 being truly happy with a dress like #1.  The one you bought looks lovely on you, but it's its pretty much the polar opposite of #2.  The DB dress is generic and contemporary, and the other one is more of a vintage statement piece. 

If it's not going to throw you into the poorhouse, I would get the second dress so you can at least try it on and see what feels right to you,

I agree with this - the first dress is very flattering and looks great on you! It's not a "WOW" type dress - it's a little bit more...I don't know, standard. The BHLDN dress on the other hand, if it works on you and looks good, is more of a unique piece. I think if that's what you're looking for, you should try it on.

kahluakoala

CMGragain said:

I am also curious as why you dislike the "symbolism" of a veil?  Until the 1960's, women covered their heads with hats, headdresses or veils in church.  It was simply normal.  What's the big deal?

I always thought veils were supposed to symbolize virginity. From wikipedia:
"An occasion on which a Western woman is likely to wear a veil is on her white wedding day. Brides once used to wear their hair flowing down their back at their wedding to symbolise their virginity. Veils covering the hair and face became a symbolic reference to the virginity of the bride thereafter. A bride may wear the face veil through the ceremony. Then either her father lifts the veil, presenting the bride to her groom, or the groom lifts the veil to symbolically consummate the marriage. Brides may make use of the veil to symbolize and emphasize their status of purity during their wedding however, and if they do, the lifting of the veil may be ceremonially recognized as the crowning event of the wedding, when the beauty of the bride is finally revealed to the groom and the guests."

I can see how someone could feel uncomfortable with that. You also don't know if the bride here is christian and/or getting married in a church. Not everyone is.

Tyvm

Everyone's responses have been so helpful! I've actively been removing the "heirloom quality" as a reason for preferring one dress over the other. I think if the price of the dress drops again, I'll just purchase it and see what happens. At least sleep on it for a day or two. Worse comes to worst, I can always return it. 

@CMGragain - The symbolism of the wedding veil goes beyond just a religious show of reverence. *Especially* if the veil covers the face, and the groom removes it (it's a symbol of what the man is now entitled to, *shudder*). FI and I are what I'd describe as anti-religious, so even the reverence to gods, or the veil as a symbol of faith in Jesus Christ is really in poor taste. At worst, offensive [to us and to believers] and at best cultural appropriation. It's sort of lose-lose. To be perfectly honest, even wearing a white dress as a symbol of virginity seems a bit odd to me, since we've been living together for 4+ years. But the white dress is more palatable than the woman wearing a veil. Maybe if both the groom and the bride wore a veil, I'd be a little more on board with it  

@KahluaKoala - Your comment is referring to exactly my thinking stated above to CMGragain. "symbolically consummate the marriage" ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

@SP29 - Thanks for specifically addressing my concerns about strapless gowns shifting and the bustle. It really does help!

MandyMost

Buy the new dress and then return it if you don't absolutely love it. It's only $15 if you don't love it.

If you do love it, sell the original dress, and sell the $200 credit. You'll be out some money, but not a ton.  

MesmrEwe

Tyvm said:

Everyone's responses have been so helpful! I've actively been removing the "heirloom quality" as a reason for preferring one dress over the other. I think if the price of the dress drops again, I'll just purchase it and see what happens. At least sleep on it for a day or two. Worse comes to worst, I can always return it. 

@CMGragain - The symbolism of the wedding veil goes beyond just a religious show of reverence. *Especially* if the veil covers the face, and the groom removes it (it's a symbol of what the man is now entitled to, *shudder*). FI and I are what I'd describe as anti-religious, so even the reverence to gods, or the veil as a symbol of faith in Jesus Christ is really in poor taste. At worst, offensive [to us and to believers] and at best cultural appropriation. It's sort of lose-lose. To be perfectly honest, even wearing a white dress as a symbol of virginity seems a bit odd to me, since we've been living together for 4+ years. But the white dress is more palatable than the woman wearing a veil. Maybe if both the groom and the bride wore a veil, I'd be a little more on board with it  

@KahluaKoala - Your comment is referring to exactly my thinking stated above to CMGragain. "symbolically consummate the marriage" ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

@SP29 - Thanks for specifically addressing my concerns about strapless gowns shifting and the bustle. It really does help!

Have you looked outside of the standard "Wedding Dresses" when it comes to formalwear if the whole "white" (or cream/tea stained) part isn't your thing?   There are some absolutely stunning formal dresses similar to the second dress that come in a variety of colors...  I have a friend that's ordering an over the top black formal dress for her wedding because white just isn't "it" for her this time around (though Red is another color possibility) and she's planning on a black/red veil as well for the fun of it without the rest.. She's also getting married on Halloween so that's another part of things..  Really consider your options if it's not the right fit for you - what about adding color to the bridal gown you have - would that change things without resorting to a whole new dress? 

Tyvm

MesmrEwe said:

Have you looked outside of the standard "Wedding Dresses" when it comes to formalwear if the whole "white" (or cream/tea stained) part isn't your thing?   There are some absolutely stunning formal dresses similar to the second dress that come in a variety of colors...  I have a friend that's ordering an over the top black formal dress for her wedding because white just isn't "it" for her this time around (though Red is another color possibility) and she's planning on a black/red veil as well for the fun of it without the rest.. She's also getting married on Halloween so that's another part of things..  Really consider your options if it's not the right fit for you - what about adding color to the bridal gown you have - would that change things without resorting to a whole new dress? 

I actually bought this dress months ago, as a sort of "back up" wedding dress. It's non-traditional and I love it: http://www.bhldn.com/bridal-party-guests-bridesmaids/ascott-dress/productoptionids/1a8f60f7-abdf-4254-8cb7-e28232c91d78  But my mom seemed super pleased that I bought a "real wedding dress" so whatever. I can wear this lovely number to someone else's wedding, as it's champagne-colored and not super bridal.

The wedding's in Pennsylvania outside in October (just the ceremony), so I've been considering adding a purple or green shrug to the look. Or maybe a nice pashmina scarf. Because there's a fair chance I'm going to freeze through the ceremony in a strapless gown. Changing up the accessories, like with a green/grey pashmina does make me feel a bit better about the original dress. I'm probably also going to get a bangin' bouquet with a bit of cascading greenery. So then it becomes, perhaps the unexciting-ness of the dress would be a nice backdrop to a lovely scarf and a beautiful bouquet? That, and it's not like anyone else except me cares about this. 

So it's all in my head anyways.

hyechica81

not much to add but store samples get stretched out a bit so the size you tried locally  where you are was to big because of that. try the classifieds board on here or preownedweddingdress.com if you decided to sell it.

artbyallie

FWIW, a white wedding dress is a symbol of wealth, not virginity. Blue is the traditional color of virginity and was quite popular for wedding dresses (which, for the not-rich, was generally the nicest dress one already owned or one that was new for the occasion but worn many times thereafter.) Queen Victoria was the first famous bride to wear white, which started the 150+ year trend.

CMGragain

Tyvm said:

Everyone's responses have been so helpful! I've actively been removing the "heirloom quality" as a reason for preferring one dress over the other. I think if the price of the dress drops again, I'll just purchase it and see what happens. At least sleep on it for a day or two. Worse comes to worst, I can always return it. 

@CMGragain - The symbolism of the wedding veil goes beyond just a religious show of reverence. *Especially* if the veil covers the face, and the groom removes it (it's a symbol of what the man is now entitled to, *shudder*). FI and I are what I'd describe as anti-religious, so even the reverence to gods, or the veil as a symbol of faith in Jesus Christ is really in poor taste. At worst, offensive [to us and to believers] and at best cultural appropriation. It's sort of lose-lose. To be perfectly honest, even wearing a white dress as a symbol of virginity seems a bit odd to me, since we've been living together for 4+ years. But the white dress is more palatable than the woman wearing a veil. Maybe if both the groom and the bride wore a veil, I'd be a little more on board with it  

@KahluaKoala - Your comment is referring to exactly my thinking stated above to CMGragain. "symbolically consummate the marriage" ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

@SP29 - Thanks for specifically addressing my concerns about strapless gowns shifting and the bustle. It really does help!

If you don't want to wear a veil, that is perfectly OK, but don't make that decision because of wrong information.
The blusher veil never symbolized consummating the marriage, or virginity.  It is a HISTORICAL reference referring to when Jacob married the wrong woman, Leah, who was veiled. (He was too drunk to notice in the dark tent after the ceremony!)   Many Jewish brides have a ceremony where the modern groom lifts the veil to insure that he is getting the right bride.  It is not a religious symbol at all, and has nothing to do with Christianity.  It is simply a custom, based on the old story.  Of course, modern veils are so transparent that this is only a custom.  At the weddings I have seen, the FOB usually lifts the blusher veil just before the ceremony begins, symbolizing that this is the right woman he is presenting for marriage.
Blusher veils have gone a bit out of fashion.  Most brides do not wear them, but they do wear a veil that covers some of their hair - mostly because of tradition and the fact that it looks so great on them!
White dresses have never been a symbol of virginity.  The first white dress that we know of was worn by Queen Victoria in 1840.  Many brides chose to copy her if they could afford it, but most could not.  Historically, blue is the color of virginity, not white.  Mary, mother of Jesus, is usually depicted wearing a blue veil in art.
These days, brides who are being married for the second or third time may wear a white wedding dress if they wish, and they may also wear a veil, but the blusher veil is not usually used.  In the old days, they were confined to wearing street clothes, a hat and gloves.  (No decent woman would leave her house without a hat and gloves!)  Times have changed.
What you wear on your wedding day is completely your choice, but don't make that choice based on wrong information.

PS.  Another historical tidbit:  In Tudor times, women did not expose their hair.  They wore headdresses with veils that completely covered it.  (Think of the old fashioned nun's headdress.)  Ann Boleyn came back from a trip to France wearing a shocking French headdress that actually showed her hairline!  Well!  Henry VIII obviously liked it, but it shocked the court.

Tyvm

@CMGragain The idea of incorporating a tradition based on a story from Genesis, a story where the groom married the wrong woman because he was drunk, sounds like the exact opposite of something I'd want to include in a wedding. It's both religious and a terrible reflection of the bride, groom, and bride's family! What's not to love?!

The Genesis interpretation is a popular one, but there are also other interpretations that include moving the veil away as a symbol of consummating the marriage (as @KahluaKoala has also pointed out). As it is a very old tradition, there are likely many additional reasons/interpretations for the veil beyond just this one you've described. And I haven't yet read a single one that I've actually liked. 

I am not wrong, there are just many interpretations, all of which I find rather terrible. Unless maybe there's some evidence that says the Genesis interpretation is the only legitimate one? I haven't seen it.

CMGragain

What others interpretation would there be?  Jacob didn't marry the wrong woman because he was drunk.  His Father-in-law tricked him by presenting the wrong woman, completely veiled.  Jewish weddings were not big religious celebrations back in the ancient days, though a religious blessing was given.  They were the fulfillment of a contract between the FOB and the groom, and were wildly celebrated by everybody.  That is no longer the case.  Modern weddings in western culture are the celebration of a legal contract (marriage) between the bride and groom.  Some of them are also wildly celebrated.
What I am trying to tell you is that veils are not religious.  Your decision to wear one is completely personal, but those are the wrong reasons.

Tyvm

"What others interpretation would there be?"

I have already mentioned twice, along with @KahluaKoala, what other interpretations there are. I quote what we have said, for your convenience: 

•  @KahluaKoala said: "I always thought veils were supposed to symbolize virginity. From wikipedia: "An occasion on which a Western woman is likely to wear a veil is on her white wedding day. Brides once used to wear their hair flowing down their back at their wedding to symbolise their virginity. Veils covering the hair and face became a symbolic reference to the virginity of the bride thereafter. A bride may wear the face veil through the ceremony. Then either her father lifts the veil, presenting the bride to her groom, or the groom lifts the veil to symbolically consummate the marriage. Brides may make use of the veil to symbolize and emphasize their status of purity during their wedding however, and if they do, the lifting of the veil may be ceremonially recognized as the crowning event of the wedding, when the beauty of the bride is finally revealed to the groom and the guests." I can see how someone could feel uncomfortable with that. You also don't know if the bride here is christian and/or getting married in a church. Not everyone is."

•  I have said: "The symbolism of the wedding veil goes beyond just a religious show of reverence. *Especially* if the veil covers the face, and the groom removes it (it's a symbol of what the man is now entitled to, *shudder*)." and "The Genesis interpretation is a popular one, but there are also other interpretations that include moving the veil away as a symbol of consummating the marriage"

"What I am trying to tell you is that veils are not religious."

(1) You posit that the tradition of wearing a veil comes from Jewish tradition, particularly from Genesis and the story of Jacob/Leah/etc.

(2) If the tradition of the wedding veil originates from a religious story, then it is religious.

(3) The tradition of wearing a veil comes from Genesis 24:65 (+29?), which is a religious story, therefore wearing a wedding veil is religious. 

I suspect we're having a miscommunication somewhere in this logic. For me, if the tradition is said to come from that [religious] story, then the tradition is religious. 

  

"Your decision to wear one is completely personal, but those are the wrong reasons."

I would really appreciate it if you could stop telling me I'm wrong, when I'm fairly certain that I am not. It is not productive.

CMGragain

You are casting aspersions on religion - any religion.  This is why I am objecting.
The BIBLE IS NOT A BOOK.  it is a collection of historical documents from a long period of time.  Some of the those books are highly religious in nature, but others are not.  It records the early traditional history of the Jewish people.  One of the books does not even mention God.  The Bible did not exist in its present form until hundreds of years after Jesus and his apostles lived.
I don't care if you wear a veil or not, but you shouldn't cast aspersions on the brides who do choose to wear the veil, and claim false traditions.  Some people may think that a veil symbolizes virginity, just as many people insist that a white dress means virginity.  Neither is true today.
I have read the entire article from Wikipedia, and I do see that there are other ideas about veils.  However, when you are posting your dislike of them, you are citing these as reasons, and these reasons are not universally accepted.
I was a bride in the 1970's when lots of my friends just wore flowers in their hair.  No biggie. 
I wouldn't have bothered with this, but your comments on symbolism offended me.

charlotte989875

I wore a veil and I'm not offended by anything @Tyvm said. There are many interpretations of the traditions of veils, many of which include religion. She said she's not religious and isn't comfortable with a veil; she's not wrong. 

Also, I love the last dress you just posted; is the only reason you're not wearing the backup is that you mom was pleased you bought a "real" wedding dress? (FWIW a real wedding dress is any dress you wear at your wedding). If you love that one I say sell the DB dress and go with the one you love. 

artbyallie

Side note on the veil: Roman brides wore them too, though theirs was a yellow fabric and worn over the hair, not the face. It was seen as a protection from evil. So veils are traditional for other reasons than religion. The blusher does tend to have those connotations, though.

kvruns

Tyvm said:

 

I actually bought this dress months ago, as a sort of "back up" wedding dress. It's non-traditional and I love it: http://www.bhldn.com/bridal-party-guests-bridesmaids/ascott-dress/productoptionids/1a8f60f7-abdf-4254-8cb7-e28232c91d78  But my mom seemed super pleased that I bought a "real wedding dress" so whatever. I can wear this lovely number to someone else's wedding, as it's champagne-colored and not super bridal.

The wedding's in Pennsylvania outside in October (just the ceremony), so I've been considering adding a purple or green shrug to the look. Or maybe a nice pashmina scarf. Because there's a fair chance I'm going to freeze through the ceremony in a strapless gown. Changing up the accessories, like with a green/grey pashmina does make me feel a bit better about the original dress. I'm probably also going to get a bangin' bouquet with a bit of cascading greenery. So then it becomes, perhaps the unexciting-ness of the dress would be a nice backdrop to a lovely scarf and a beautiful bouquet? That, and it's not like anyone else except me cares about this. 

So it's all in my head anyways.

I really like the "back up" dress and should reconsider it since you're not really looking for traditional bridal anyway.

But if you're afraid you're going to freeze with the wedding outside, what about your guests??? is there an indoor Plan B?

MesmrEwe

Tyvm said:

MesmrEwe said:

Have you looked outside of the standard "Wedding Dresses" when it comes to formalwear if the whole "white" (or cream/tea stained) part isn't your thing?   There are some absolutely stunning formal dresses similar to the second dress that come in a variety of colors...  I have a friend that's ordering an over the top black formal dress for her wedding because white just isn't "it" for her this time around (though Red is another color possibility) and she's planning on a black/red veil as well for the fun of it without the rest.. She's also getting married on Halloween so that's another part of things..  Really consider your options if it's not the right fit for you - what about adding color to the bridal gown you have - would that change things without resorting to a whole new dress? 

I actually bought this dress months ago, as a sort of "back up" wedding dress. It's non-traditional and I love it: http://www.bhldn.com/bridal-party-guests-bridesmaids/ascott-dress/productoptionids/1a8f60f7-abdf-4254-8cb7-e28232c91d78  But my mom seemed super pleased that I bought a "real wedding dress" so whatever. I can wear this lovely number to someone else's wedding, as it's champagne-colored and not super bridal.

The wedding's in Pennsylvania outside in October (just the ceremony), so I've been considering adding a purple or green shrug to the look. Or maybe a nice pashmina scarf. Because there's a fair chance I'm going to freeze through the ceremony in a strapless gown. Changing up the accessories, like with a green/grey pashmina does make me feel a bit better about the original dress. I'm probably also going to get a bangin' bouquet with a bit of cascading greenery. So then it becomes, perhaps the unexciting-ness of the dress would be a nice backdrop to a lovely scarf and a beautiful bouquet? That, and it's not like anyone else except me cares about this. 

So it's all in my head anyways.

Looking at that dress you purchased already as your "back up" the first thing I thought was "WOW!"...  You own that dress already - put it into service!  I'd rather see it at your wedding than for you to wear it to someone else's wedding you may or may not get the chance to wear it at. 

If it's freezing on your wedding day - I hope you have an indoor backup plan in place - we HM in PA and went back for our anniversary - not that it was freezing, but it was definitely jacket weather by mid-month. 

Given the added information here - I'd say your "back-up plan" on the dress part is the way to go because of the temperatures outside factor and your "love affair" <sarcasm> with white..  Instead of wearing the white dress for the entire day, just wear it for the ceremony and then change into the first dress you purchased and you won't have the alterations expense for the bustle and get your cake and eat it too.  Treat the white as just a base color and go to town adding in color.