Wedding Etiquette Forum

Invites with two rsvp dates

Wondering if anyone has done this before?

 I'm getting married early September and for several reasons which I won't get into, I feel like I need to send my invites on the early side (1st week of June) and have one RSVP date 6 weeks out from wedding in order to be able to quickly mail out new invites once I get back any no's and then those invites will have an rsvp date one week before the wedding. 
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Re: Invites with two rsvp dates

  • Wondering if anyone has done this before?

     I'm getting married early September and for several reasons which I won't get into, I feel like I need to send my invites on the early side (1st week of June) and have one RSVP date 6 weeks out from wedding in order to be able to quickly mail out new invites once I get back any no's and then those invites will have an rsvp date one week before the wedding. 
    Definitely don't B List.

    I'm also curious for the "Reasons" as to why you "need" to send invites out early.

    Be considerate of your guests. Make one guest list, and send invites 6 weeks before the wedding. That will solve your problem.


  • If the "B listers" get the invitation 6 weeks before the wedding (which is a normal time to receive it anyway) how would they know they are B listers? I'm sending out the first batch of invitations early with an earlier RSVP date, to be able to send to B list 6 weeks out. There are about 6 family members that I've been told I HAVE to invite but will most likely not attend. I'm not going to run the risk of sending an extra 6 invites out, but if they do decline I'd like the opportunity to still invite others.
  • Oooh, so who are the lucky guests on the b-list??? Is the reason you 'need' to do this because your venue is not large enough to hold all the guests you would like to attend?

    The answer to your question is yes. Yes, lots of rude couples have b-listed their guests before. Some have probably even c-listed. Is that a group you really want to join? It's rude. And if you do it, then you will be a rude person. Good luck with that.
                 
  • wow harsh much? 
  • wow harsh much? 
    You ask a question, you get answers. Some you won't like. B-listing is an incredibly rude thing to do, no matter what you call it or what excuse you may have. You can listen to PPs or risk alienating your guests. Your call.
  • Yeah, definitely asking for a better way to do it. It's really judgmental for someone to come down on you without knowing ANY of the circumstances surrounding your wedding, your family, what situation you're in, etc. To write someone off as rude for doing something you don't agree with is pretty ridiculous. We all know how complicated weddings can get and I think most people try to do things with the best intention, trying to satisfy the many parties involve.
  • I can take blunt but saying "no, it's rude" is such a simple response to what clearly is a more complicated situation. Anyway thanks, I guess?
  • The internet provides more advice than knot members it seems. http://www.kaileymichelle.com/wedding-invitation-b-list/
  • OP, ypu can find something on the internet to back up any bad idea you want. Internet links to some website I've never heard of doesn't make me any less certain that b-listing is rude.

    Look, you are free to do as you wish and I'm sure you will. However you can never say that no one told you this was rude. You know now.

    I hope your guests on the b-list never find out, because it's no way to treat people. Your wedding is no excuse to treat people poorly, it's just a big party at the end of the day. I really hope you reconsider.
                 
  • @ShesSoCold made my friday night!
                 
  • OP, ypu can find something on the internet to back up any bad idea you want. Internet links to some website I've never heard of doesn't make me any less certain that b-listing is rude.

    Look, you are free to do as you wish and I'm sure you will. However you can never say that no one told you this was rude. You know now.

    I hope your guests on the b-list never find out, because it's no way to treat people. Your wedding is no excuse to treat people poorly, it's just a big party at the end of the day. I really hope you reconsider.
    To be fair, she knew it was rude when she posted. I'm pretty sure she wasn't asking for advice on how to print RSVP cards with two dates, but more like "Did your family find out? Did they hate you, or did it work out okay?"
  • Just like finding 4 out of 5 Dentists to agree that brushing is bad for your teeth, the internet is chock full of places that will reinforce rude behavior.  OP - if you do come back - no one ever wants to be a second-class guest.  Plan the wedding you can afford to host and if fewer people show up, great.  Don't plan 100 guests and find a way to fill that number of seats in a room to hold 99. 
  • OP, ypu can find something on the internet to back up any bad idea you want. Internet links to some website I've never heard of doesn't make me any less certain that b-listing is rude.

    Look, you are free to do as you wish and I'm sure you will. However you can never say that no one told you this was rude. You know now.

    I hope your guests on the b-list never find out, because it's no way to treat people. Your wedding is no excuse to treat people poorly, it's just a big party at the end of the day. I really hope you reconsider.
    To be fair, she knew it was rude when she posted. I'm pretty sure she wasn't asking for advice on how to print RSVP cards with two dates, but more like "Did your family find out? Did they hate you, or did it work out okay?"
    Well she could have spared us the butthurt! 
                 
  • flantasticflantastic member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited April 2016
    OP, ypu can find something on the internet to back up any bad idea you want. Internet links to some website I've never heard of doesn't make me any less certain that b-listing is rude.

    Look, you are free to do as you wish and I'm sure you will. However you can never say that no one told you this was rude. You know now.

    I hope your guests on the b-list never find out, because it's no way to treat people. Your wedding is no excuse to treat people poorly, it's just a big party at the end of the day. I really hope you reconsider.
    To be fair, she knew it was rude when she posted. I'm pretty sure she wasn't asking for advice on how to print RSVP cards with two dates, but more like "Did your family find out? Did they hate you, or did it work out okay?"
    Well she could have spared us the butthurt! 
    Seriously. That link she posted is pretty funny - "If you don't do this carefully and people find out, they're liable to feel like second fiddle." "If the A-listers ask why the RSVP date is so early, lie and say it's the caterer!"
  • she called us rude let her go to the other wedding website board. I hear they promote b listing and everything else that is rude 
  • I can take blunt but saying "no, it's rude" is such a simple response to what clearly is a more complicated situation. Anyway thanks, I guess?
    No, it's actually not a complicated situation.  This is a black and white situation.  There are no circumstances that make it okay to B-list, period. 



  • Seriously. That link she posted is pretty funny - "If you don't do this carefully and people find out, they're liable to feel like second fiddle." "If the A-listers ask why the RSVP date is so early, lie and say it's the caterer!"
    You know what's complicated? Doing something rude while trying to maintain the appearance that you're not doing something rude.
  • This was entertaining. I love the internet. You can always find a site to support any behaviour/idea.

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