My parents and I haven't gotten along since a family feud with my dad's dead brother's family. They took my uncle's family. I was called many names my many people. My grandmother sent me a card from the hospital saying why do I insist on punishing my family. I was told by my brother, grandma and another cousin that my dad will always stick by my uncle's family because that's his dead brother's kid. I'm just his daughter.
I got engaged during the good times. I wanted a small wedding. My fiance wanted a small wedding. My parents wanted a big wedding so they could show off to their friends. Mom's words: I went to the weddings of all of my friends' kids and now it is payback time. Mom said I could have the wedding I wanted. I asked her not to invite my dead uncle's family unless we talk to them first. She said okay. A week later she said no. We have to invite them. I was livid. I went and had a conversation with them for the first time in 10 years. They called my mom to complain. Mom said she was cutting me off unless I agree to her viewpoint on the feud. I said hell no. I cancelled the venue and paid for our wedding myself. Mother was called me back many times teary eyed. She promised she would stick up for me. She had opportunities. She never did.
She said she would pay for it if she could just have a party for my uncle's family new daughter in law the day after. I said no. I was also furious she didn't want the family to spend time with my fiance or inlaws. I was pissed at the suggestion.
We cancelled the venue and got a much smaller one. I decided to be a bigger person and invite them. They got no say in the wedding. They were not allowed to plan. It was so small we weren't going to have a processional. My dad was upset that we didn't get to walk me down the aisle. I had a loong talk with him about sticking up for me. He said he would in the future. I gave in.
8 months post wedding my parents are placating me and saying "what my family did was wrong." They are also agreeing with the comments my family is making about me. I feel betrayed.
When your family is offering you to pay, beware. My mom was more interested in having a party for image purposes than she was in a relationship with a daughter.