Wedding Woes

Stay in your lane. She owes you nothing.

Dear Prudence,

Recently, I found myself attracted to a friend and colleague in my grad program. I asked her out a couple of months ago and she said no—she likes me as a friend but thinks we’re too different for anything deeper (I’m introverted, and she’s a social butterfly). We’re still friends and I have a lot of fun with her, but our interactions are superficial and mostly in the context of our mutual friend group. I keep thinking that I’d love to spend more time with her and be closer platonic friends, but I’m not sure how to ask for that without seeming like I won’t take “no” for an answer. We’re in year two of an eight-year program, so we’re going to be in each others’ lives regardless, for better or worse. Is it worth the risk to try and ask for something more—and, if so, how?

—Looking for More

Re: Stay in your lane. She owes you nothing.

  • If she wanted to spend more time with him I'm sure she would. I have no doubt he thinks he's been unfairly put in the "friendzone", and if he could just spend more time with her she would change her mind. Just stop, mate.
  • This is coming from someone who married a fellow grad student in a PhD program; don't make things awkward. She said no, respect that. It will make things super weird for everyone if you push that any farther.
  • Yea I lost one of my good fiends in college b/c he wanted more and wouldn't take no for an answer. I thought he was a great person and we had fun but I just wasn't attracted to him. I did hang out with him some 1-on-1 (not like dates but studying and watching TV after studying) and I guess to him that meant I changed my mind when I didn't. He got all pissed then and we don't speak anymore. It really sucked. Luckily we only had 1 year of school left, I can't imagine if there were 6 more...
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  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited May 2016

    Back off - and ask again near the start of "year 8" when graduation is certain... Right now she's focusing on school and I suspect he's going to learn in about 7.5 years "Dodged a bullet there!"... 

    But really - back off is #Uno!!! 

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