My wedding is next weekend and one of my bridesmaids has really just sent me over the edge and I would to hear some opinion about what to do in this situation.
This bridesmaid and I have been friends since we were 10 years old and we were very close all through high school and most of college. After college, however, this friend started to drift away from the our friend group and every time she would attend something we'd invite her to, she would always drink too much, get out of control and make a scene. My best friend and I have had multiple talks with her over the years about her drinking and how we'd like her to seek help because we are worried about her wellbeing. She has always brushed it off and blamed other people or other events in her life for her behavior and never once took responsibility for her actions.
Because of her issues with alcohol, I was hesitant to ask her to be a bridesmaid but we have been friends for so long and I used to love the friend she was. In recent years we haven't been that close, so I was on the fence about asking her to be in the wedding. We got together shortly after my engagement because she said she wanted to take me out to celebrate. She said she was so happy for me and that she was really hoping that she could be a bridesmaid since we had grown up together. I decided to ask her because I thought that she did truly value our friendship and that she would be able to keep it together for my wedding since she wanted to be a BM.
Fast forward to when the actual events begin....
-My sister had a dinner at my parents house for the bridesmaids so that they could get to know one another and so they could discuss the shower and bachelorette. She said she couldn't attend the dinner and didn't give an explanation why. This alone would certainly not be a reason to be upset with her, but unfortunately this is just the beginning.
-Our bridesmaid dresses came in and were ready to be picked up and altered in January. All of my BMs except one picked up their dresses in January or February. At the end of March, the bridal shop called me and said I had one bridesmaid who still hadn't picked up her dress yet and they asked if she was still in the wedding. I said yes and that I would be in touch with her. I reached out to her and said that the woman from the bridal shop called and said your dress was still there and she said "oh, sh**, yeah I keep forgetting to go and get it. I'll do that." A few more weeks go by and the shop calls again to say the dress is still there so I decided to go pick it up myself and have her come to meet me to get the dress since it was a month before the wedding and she likely would need to get it altered. I drove 40 minutes to the bridal shop to pick up her dress and we arrange a time for her to come by and pick it up from me. The day she is supposed to pick it up, texts me to tell me she got stuck at work and can't meet me. I ended up dropping the dress off at her apartment later that week because I told her she needed to get it in for alterations quickly as May is prom season.
-She ghosted at my bridal shower brunch in the middle of it without telling anyone she was leaving and never apologized for leaving early or explained why she left. She didn't help my sister and the other BMs set anything up beforehand and didn't say hello to any of my family members that she has known for years.
-The night before my bachelorette party, she calls me crying saying she doesn't have a ride to get there and needs someone to pick her up. I gave her the numbers of two of my other bridesmaids and told her that she could reach out to them and see if they could pick her up.
-She showed up 2 hours late to meet them, which resulted in them getting stuck in traffic and us missing our dinner reservation that night. During the whole weekend she got way too drunk and brought everyone else down because we all had to clean up after her messes each night, which she would casually apologize for the next morning.
-Again, my wedding is next weekend and my future MIL called me yesterday to say she had gotten an email from this BM saying she had a "family emergency" and couldn't attend the rehearsal dinner. I wanted to check in and make sure everything was okay because I hadn't heard anything from her so I ask if everything is okay and she says "Oh, yeah. I lied about the family emergency because I think it sounds better than my actual situation." She then tells me her boyfriend couldn't get the time off work on Friday to drive up with her and doesn't feel comfortable going alone and being around alcohol at the rehearsal dinner without him because of her drinking problem and that she was driving up on Saturday morning now. I didn't respond because I was hurt and angry.
I do understand that she has a drinking problem, we all know this and have been trying to get her to get help for years. I just find it hard to believe that now is when it's all starting to sink it. I want to be supportive of her if she is truly seeking help and wants to rehabilitate herself, but I don't want her to show up late or not show up on Saturday after we've planned for her to be there. I don't know what to say to her to communicate that she has made this whole experience difficult for me and the other girls. I don't know if I should allow her to walk in the wedding because she clearly doesn't value our friendship as much as she said she did if she continuously dropped the ball on the small list of things that were asked of her. PLEASE HELP! What should I do?