HELP!!!! What to do about a problem bridesmaid??

MairePoppy

lnixon8 said:

MairePoppy said:

You've been a good friend. You've talked to her about her drinking and encouraged her to get help. Those aren't easy conversations to initiate. Alcoholics are sneaky, reckless, manipulative liars. That's how they deal with their problems until they are forced to clean up after themselves. This isn't reflection on how she feels about you, it's about her sickness. 

Although your friend lied to your FMIL about her reason for missing the RD, it seems like she is trying to avoid a situation where she might drink and drive or act like an ass. Maybe it's beginning to dawn on her that she needs to change. You shouldn't kick her out of the wp. See what happens. If she shows up sober, on time, in the bm dress, she will be in your wedding party. If she's a mess when she shows up, you may ask her to sit it out.

OP, Ive changed my mind about you, I judged too quickly. What you're going through sounds really rough, I'm sorry.

To everyone else... the bolded is TK's accepted, often repeated verbatim rule for bridesmaids. But many of us (in media and in my own wedding) had mimosas while getting ready. What happens when you have an alcoholic in the wedding? Just hope she can walk a semi straight line? Tell her shes too drunk and kick her out then?

Here's the problem. The alcoholic is responsible for her own drinking. If she is ready to 'reform,' she will have to find some coping mechanisms. She will tell her friends that she is ready to stop. If that's the case, her friends can decide to forgo the mimosas, since her sobriety in new. If she's not ready to get sober (and she probably isn't,yet, but thinking about it), nothing will stop her from getting drunk. If OP doesn't serve mimosas, her friend will have a stash somewhere. One thing about alcoholics is that they always know where their next drink is. 

And yes, if Friend is too drunk to walk down the aisle, the bride may ask her to sit it out. I'm betting that friend will stay sober enough to walk down the aisle. All bets are off for the reception though. I hope her date is responsible and will know when to leave the party.

kimmiinthemitten

@knotriley TOS violation - someone is clearly using this site for self promotion.