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Financing your wedding?

2

Re: Financing your wedding?

  • monkeysip said:
    emmaaa said:
    Re college:


    I think a lot of high schools get this idea in kids' heads that certain school will help you get ahead and you will do better. They discourage community colleges or the idea that maybe some kids need a year off. I think people should try to consider the idea of going to a community college for a year or two and then transfer to a university once they figure things out.

    Community college is great if A) you have a good one (some are glorified high schools) and B ) you're smart about what courses you take.

    The people I know who went to community college saved money, yeah, BUT they took unnecessary courses, or courses that wouldn't transfer to their university, or were just flat out poorly advised by the community college advisors.  That's why I always caution people about community college to make sure they utilize it very prudently!

    I got very generous scholarships and grants to the private university I went to, so for me it was a better deal than a public university.  I agree that you shouldn't go into tremendous debt that will burden you for decades, BUT I also don't view college as just a financial risk/return.

    I think there's a lot more advantages to college than just the salary it could gain you.  A little more debt might be worth it for a truly better education.  I don't mean one that gets you a better job--I mean one that makes you a better person.  Education to me is much more than just a tool to job train people.  But again, still need to be wise about how much debt you take on, and a fancier, more expensive school is not always better!
    I'm very fortunate that the community college near me has amazing programs and actually has a specific 2+2 program to transfer. They also have another program that partners with UNC-Chapel Hill so they help set your classes up so that you are prepared to transfer. Again, I know I am really lucky to live in an area with such a good community college program.

    But I think IF you have access to a decent CC, then the guidance counselors at the local high schools should help give students an idea of what they can do as far as to help you prepare for college/community college. Yeah, some people go to CC and take ridiculous classes and never end up transferring or when they do they still are at university for 4+ years because they didn't take the right classes. But you can say the same for people who go to university and take 6 years to graduate with a bachelor's and just screw around half the time.

    Yes education is important and helps shape people into who they are, but I wouldn't say that people who DON't go to a private college or college at all are not as good of people as those that do.

  • emmaaa said:
    monkeysip said:
    emmaaa said:
    Re college:


    I think a lot of high schools get this idea in kids' heads that certain school will help you get ahead and you will do better. They discourage community colleges or the idea that maybe some kids need a year off. I think people should try to consider the idea of going to a community college for a year or two and then transfer to a university once they figure things out.

    Community college is great if A) you have a good one (some are glorified high schools) and B ) you're smart about what courses you take.

    The people I know who went to community college saved money, yeah, BUT they took unnecessary courses, or courses that wouldn't transfer to their university, or were just flat out poorly advised by the community college advisors.  That's why I always caution people about community college to make sure they utilize it very prudently!

    I got very generous scholarships and grants to the private university I went to, so for me it was a better deal than a public university.  I agree that you shouldn't go into tremendous debt that will burden you for decades, BUT I also don't view college as just a financial risk/return.

    I think there's a lot more advantages to college than just the salary it could gain you.  A little more debt might be worth it for a truly better education.  I don't mean one that gets you a better job--I mean one that makes you a better person.  Education to me is much more than just a tool to job train people.  But again, still need to be wise about how much debt you take on, and a fancier, more expensive school is not always better!
    I'm very fortunate that the community college near me has amazing programs and actually has a specific 2+2 program to transfer. They also have another program that partners with UNC-Chapel Hill so they help set your classes up so that you are prepared to transfer. Again, I know I am really lucky to live in an area with such a good community college program.

    But I think IF you have access to a decent CC, then the guidance counselors at the local high schools should help give students an idea of what they can do as far as to help you prepare for college/community college. Yeah, some people go to CC and take ridiculous classes and never end up transferring or when they do they still are at university for 4+ years because they didn't take the right classes. But you can say the same for people who go to university and take 6 years to graduate with a bachelor's and just screw around half the time.

    Yes education is important and helps shape people into who they are, but I wouldn't say that people who DON't go to a private college or college at all are not as good of people as those that do.

    You are also very lucky to live in a state with a FANTASTIC (top 5 I believe) state school system. For students who don't live in states with as strong of programs, the delta between state schools and private universities can be MUCH greater. Just some perspective to keep in mind.
  • I don't know if anyone has heard of the show West Texas Investors Club, but it's basically Shark Tank with 2 oil-rich cowboys in Texas. So this one lady went in and pitched her idea. It was a website where people can contribute to your kid's college fund rather than bringing them a toy for their birthday/Christmas. She was like "there is nothing like this out there!". I was laughing and saying uuuum yea, it's called GoFundMe, bitch. She had it setup where paypal got a 3% fee and she got a 2% fee. And the money isn't invested anywhere to earn interest, it just sits there. I was shaking my head the whole time because obviously just like a honeyfund or anything else- people could give you that money with no fees to invest at your own financial institution!

                                                                     

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  • jenna8984 said:
    I don't know if anyone has heard of the show West Texas Investors Club, but it's basically Shark Tank with 2 oil-rich cowboys in Texas. So this one lady went in and pitched her idea. It was a website where people can contribute to your kid's college fund rather than bringing them a toy for their birthday/Christmas. She was like "there is nothing like this out there!". I was laughing and saying uuuum yea, it's called GoFundMe, bitch. She had it setup where paypal got a 3% fee and she got a 2% fee. And the money isn't invested anywhere to earn interest, it just sits there. I was shaking my head the whole time because obviously just like a honeyfund or anything else- people could give you that money with no fees to invest at your own financial institution!
    Or do what my dad did and start a 529 (he did that instead of buying DD fancy christmas and birthday gifts).  

    The point is, if people want to give you money for your kid's college, they know how to do that!

    SaveSave
  • emmaaa said:
    monkeysip said:
    emmaaa said:
    Re college:


    I think a lot of high schools get this idea in kids' heads that certain school will help you get ahead and you will do better. They discourage community colleges or the idea that maybe some kids need a year off. I think people should try to consider the idea of going to a community college for a year or two and then transfer to a university once they figure things out.

    Community college is great if A) you have a good one (some are glorified high schools) and B ) you're smart about what courses you take.

    The people I know who went to community college saved money, yeah, BUT they took unnecessary courses, or courses that wouldn't transfer to their university, or were just flat out poorly advised by the community college advisors.  That's why I always caution people about community college to make sure they utilize it very prudently!

    I got very generous scholarships and grants to the private university I went to, so for me it was a better deal than a public university.  I agree that you shouldn't go into tremendous debt that will burden you for decades, BUT I also don't view college as just a financial risk/return.

    I think there's a lot more advantages to college than just the salary it could gain you.  A little more debt might be worth it for a truly better education.  I don't mean one that gets you a better job--I mean one that makes you a better person.  Education to me is much more than just a tool to job train people.  But again, still need to be wise about how much debt you take on, and a fancier, more expensive school is not always better!
    I'm very fortunate that the community college near me has amazing programs and actually has a specific 2+2 program to transfer. They also have another program that partners with UNC-Chapel Hill so they help set your classes up so that you are prepared to transfer. Again, I know I am really lucky to live in an area with such a good community college program.

    But I think IF you have access to a decent CC, then the guidance counselors at the local high schools should help give students an idea of what they can do as far as to help you prepare for college/community college. Yeah, some people go to CC and take ridiculous classes and never end up transferring or when they do they still are at university for 4+ years because they didn't take the right classes. But you can say the same for people who go to university and take 6 years to graduate with a bachelor's and just screw around half the time.

    Yes education is important and helps shape people into who they are, but I wouldn't say that people who DON't go to a private college or college at all are not as good of people as those that do.

    You are also very lucky to live in a state with a FANTASTIC (top 5 I believe) state school system. For students who don't live in states with as strong of programs, the delta between state schools and private universities can be MUCH greater. Just some perspective to keep in mind.
    This is very true. Many of the southern and western states have really excellent state universities that are on par with the best private colleges. Not everyone is lucky enough to live in such a state. Virginia, for example, has several excellent public universities. 

    On the other hand, again, even public universities have gotten quite expensive. For example, I grew up in Mass and the best public school there (UMass Amherst) is $14k+ for in-state tuition now. If you took out only loans for tuition for all four years you're still looking at $56k+. 
    image
  • emmaaa said:
    Re college:

    I went to an in state, public university and still graduated with $20,000 in student loans and FI did as well with $13,000. However, those amounts are manageable compared to had I gone to a private school in state or even a public school out of state, my loans would have probably tripled. 

    I think a lot of high schools get this idea in kids' heads that certain school will help you get ahead and you will do better. They discourage community colleges or the idea that maybe some kids need a year off. I think people should try to consider the idea of going to a community college for a year or two and then transfer to a university once they figure things out.

    Yeah, yeah, you can say that a more prestigious school gives you better opportunities for employment, but IDC where you went to college, if you can't interview properly or don't have any job experience, then you won't get hired. 

    It is all about perspective and circumstances and making smart decisions and knowing what is best for each student. 
    My issue with this private school vs. public school arguement  is that a lot of small private universities offer substantial academic scholarships. The top tier private schools don't though. Both of my sons graduated from a small private school. My oldest son had enough academic scholarships to bring the cost down to state school level. Even my youngest, who didn't have the greatest grades in high school received $15K per year of scholarship money. Most public schools don't offer many scholarships just financial aide - and we didn't qualify for financial aide nor did most of my kids' friends. My point is that state universities aren't always cheaper.
  • emmaaa said:
    Re college:

    I went to an in state, public university and still graduated with $20,000 in student loans and FI did as well with $13,000. However, those amounts are manageable compared to had I gone to a private school in state or even a public school out of state, my loans would have probably tripled. 

    I think a lot of high schools get this idea in kids' heads that certain school will help you get ahead and you will do better. They discourage community colleges or the idea that maybe some kids need a year off. I think people should try to consider the idea of going to a community college for a year or two and then transfer to a university once they figure things out.

    Yeah, yeah, you can say that a more prestigious school gives you better opportunities for employment, but IDC where you went to college, if you can't interview properly or don't have any job experience, then you won't get hired. 

    It is all about perspective and circumstances and making smart decisions and knowing what is best for each student. 
    My issue with this private school vs. public school arguement  is that a lot of small private universities offer substantial academic scholarships. The top tier private schools don't though. Both of my sons graduated from a small private school. My oldest son had enough academic scholarships to bring the cost down to state school level. Even my youngest, who didn't have the greatest grades in high school received $15K per year of scholarship money. Most public schools don't offer many scholarships just financial aide - and we didn't qualify for financial aide nor did most of my kids' friends. My point is that state universities aren't always cheaper.
    You do have to be careful with that.  I had a friend who went to private school with an academic scholarship.  It was extremely difficult to hold on to, and not even just about getting good grades.  Most people only had it for one year, and then they're back at the 50k per year prices.  I think at her particular school it was a bit of a racket to get people to come and then pull the rug out.  Whereas I went to the very good state school with a ton of academic scholarships that I kept all the way through.  

    But I'm glad it worked for your sons:)  And I agree with you, you can't just assume one or the other is cheaper.  Just read the fine print.
  • emmaaa said:
    Re college:

    I went to an in state, public university and still graduated with $20,000 in student loans and FI did as well with $13,000. However, those amounts are manageable compared to had I gone to a private school in state or even a public school out of state, my loans would have probably tripled. 

    I think a lot of high schools get this idea in kids' heads that certain school will help you get ahead and you will do better. They discourage community colleges or the idea that maybe some kids need a year off. I think people should try to consider the idea of going to a community college for a year or two and then transfer to a university once they figure things out.

    Yeah, yeah, you can say that a more prestigious school gives you better opportunities for employment, but IDC where you went to college, if you can't interview properly or don't have any job experience, then you won't get hired. 

    It is all about perspective and circumstances and making smart decisions and knowing what is best for each student. 
    My issue with this private school vs. public school arguement  is that a lot of small private universities offer substantial academic scholarships. The top tier private schools don't though. Both of my sons graduated from a small private school. My oldest son had enough academic scholarships to bring the cost down to state school level. Even my youngest, who didn't have the greatest grades in high school received $15K per year of scholarship money. Most public schools don't offer many scholarships just financial aide - and we didn't qualify for financial aide nor did most of my kids' friends. My point is that state universities aren't always cheaper.
    You do have to be careful with that.  I had a friend who went to private school with an academic scholarship.  It was extremely difficult to hold on to, and not even just about getting good grades.  Most people only had it for one year, and then they're back at the 50k per year prices.  I think at her particular school it was a bit of a racket to get people to come and then pull the rug out.  Whereas I went to the very good state school with a ton of academic scholarships that I kept all the way through.  

    But I'm glad it worked for your sons:)  And I agree with you, you can't just assume one or the other is cheaper.  Just read the fine print.
    I don't know as much about undergrad programs doing this (though I'm sure they do) but law schools famously do this. They will offer a hefty scholarship to a large segment of the incoming class and make renewal of the scholarship for the subsequent years based on a certain GPA or class rank. They do this knowing that a large percentage of those receiving scholarships can't possibly keep them. (For example, 30% of students receive an offer of scholarship that they can only keep if they are in the top 10% of their class). There apparently has been a crack down on this behavior in recent years - now schools have to publish their renewal rates to students receiving scholarships. 

    When I went to law school I had an offer like that - free tuition but I had to stay in the top x% of the class. I went to a similarly ranked school for a guaranteed 50% scholarship instead. The "free" tuition could easily have cost me a lot of money.
    image
  • edited June 2016
    Thanks for turning this thread into class warfare and a morality lecture. I've been berating myself for the past 20 years about wanting so badly to get out of my hometown that I went to a private college that wouldn't take one of my scholarships, getting in over my head with loans, having to change majors twice because I spent four years drinking and almost flunked some required classes, and being underemployed since graduation. Don't get me started on fucking things up with my sorority and losing some awesome jobs. 

    Can we all just agree that financing a wedding isn't a great idea pragmatically and not turn it into an indictment of generations, cultures, and individuals?

    ETA: I'm being an ass tonight. Just ignore me. I'm sorry if I offended anyone.
  • FI and I have put some wedding expenses on our credit card.  However, we are comfortable with this as its only about 7% of the total spend.  It was just stuff we wanted to add on and are happy to extend the wedding 'payments' from our accounts for a couple extra months to have things we really wanted.

    On the other hand we have a friend who is divorced now who is still paying off his wedding loan.  He put a £35K loan solely in his name so "his princess could have her dream wedding" we feel kinda sorry for him.
    One budgeting idea:  Calculate the extra interest you'll pay and include that as part of the cost of the item.  That way you're keeping in mind the full cost, and just the upfront amount you're putting on the card.  Ooo, or maybe look into getting a new card that has an intro of 0% interest for a year.  

    I do feel bad for your friend though:( 
    That's actually quite true!  We won't bother with a 0% card as we hope to pay off the card in weeks rather than months, so the balance transfer fee won't be worth it.  But what you said about thinking about the total cost is very wise.

    For example the upgrade to platinum instead of gold for FI ring was an extra 300, pay in 2 months, probs total cost 320.  Is it worth it?  Well he thinks it is. He really really wanted platinum as it was his favorite metal in high school chemistry.     

    Maybe some of the other things we added on at the last minute were a bit more frivolous, and I KNOW it's a bad attitude to have, but we did say, quite a few times, "we're only doing it once!"  

    I think in our case we've not been too bad, but I can totally see how that attitude can end you in thousands and thousands of wedding debt and totally fucked.
  • FI and I have put some wedding expenses on our credit card.  However, we are comfortable with this as its only about 7% of the total spend.  It was just stuff we wanted to add on and are happy to extend the wedding 'payments' from our accounts for a couple extra months to have things we really wanted.

    On the other hand we have a friend who is divorced now who is still paying off his wedding loan.  He put a £35K loan solely in his name so "his princess could have her dream wedding" we feel kinda sorry for him.
    One budgeting idea:  Calculate the extra interest you'll pay and include that as part of the cost of the item.  That way you're keeping in mind the full cost, and just the upfront amount you're putting on the card.  Ooo, or maybe look into getting a new card that has an intro of 0% interest for a year.  

    I do feel bad for your friend though:( 
    That's actually quite true!  We won't bother with a 0% card as we hope to pay off the card in weeks rather than months, so the balance transfer fee won't be worth it.  But what you said about thinking about the total cost is very wise.

    For example the upgrade to platinum instead of gold for FI ring was an extra 300, pay in 2 months, probs total cost 320.  Is it worth it?  Well he thinks it is. He really really wanted platinum as it was his favorite metal in high school chemistry.     

    Maybe some of the other things we added on at the last minute were a bit more frivolous, and I KNOW it's a bad attitude to have, but we did say, quite a few times, "we're only doing it once!"  

    I think in our case we've not been too bad, but I can totally see how that attitude can end you in thousands and thousands of wedding debt and totally fucked.
    I wasn't trying to guilt you:(  Just, if you only have X to spend, then make sure you're only spending X.  Also, the new card suggestion was for purchases not yet made.
  • ScottishSarahScottishSarah member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited June 2016
    FI and I have put some wedding expenses on our credit card.  However, we are comfortable with this as its only about 7% of the total spend.  It was just stuff we wanted to add on and are happy to extend the wedding 'payments' from our accounts for a couple extra months to have things we really wanted.

    On the other hand we have a friend who is divorced now who is still paying off his wedding loan.  He put a £35K loan solely in his name so "his princess could have her dream wedding" we feel kinda sorry for him.
    One budgeting idea:  Calculate the extra interest you'll pay and include that as part of the cost of the item.  That way you're keeping in mind the full cost, and just the upfront amount you're putting on the card.  Ooo, or maybe look into getting a new card that has an intro of 0% interest for a year.  

    I do feel bad for your friend though:( 
    That's actually quite true!  We won't bother with a 0% card as we hope to pay off the card in weeks rather than months, so the balance transfer fee won't be worth it.  But what you said about thinking about the total cost is very wise.

    For example the upgrade to platinum instead of gold for FI ring was an extra 300, pay in 2 months, probs total cost 320.  Is it worth it?  Well he thinks it is. He really really wanted platinum as it was his favorite metal in high school chemistry.     

    Maybe some of the other things we added on at the last minute were a bit more frivolous, and I KNOW it's a bad attitude to have, but we did say, quite a few times, "we're only doing it once!"  

    I think in our case we've not been too bad, but I can totally see how that attitude can end you in thousands and thousands of wedding debt and totally fucked.
    I wasn't trying to guilt you:(  Just, if you only have X to spend, then make sure you're only spending X.  Also, the new card suggestion was for purchases not yet made.
    Ohh scrunchy, I think I should stop making any new purchases for a good while and just stay at home and look at my sparkly things. ;-)
  • kvrunskvruns member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
     
    My issue with this private school vs. public school arguement  is that a lot of small private universities offer substantial academic scholarships. The top tier private schools don't though. Both of my sons graduated from a small private school. My oldest son had enough academic scholarships to bring the cost down to state school level. Even my youngest, who didn't have the greatest grades in high school received $15K per year of scholarship money. Most public schools don't offer many scholarships just financial aide - and we didn't qualify for financial aide nor did most of my kids' friends. My point is that state universities aren't always cheaper.
    That was my situation exactly. I went to a small, private liberal arts school and my brother went to a public state school. Mine was actually cheaper than his because I received academic scholarships and he didn't receive anything at his.
  • kvrunskvruns member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    On the wedding loan subject, my oldest brother was still paying off the ring he purchased after they were already divorced
  • kvruns said:
    On the wedding loan subject, my oldest brother was still paying off the ring he purchased after they were already divorced
    Ugh, yikes.  It blows my mind how much people spend on engagement rings.  And I love, love, love gemstones.  Like, I took a whole college course on them.  But I still wouldn't pay that much for one if I couldn't afford it!

    Do people really have that big of a difference in their ideas of what they can afford?  I just don't understand debt for something like that.
  • kvrunskvruns member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    kvruns said:
    On the wedding loan subject, my oldest brother was still paying off the ring he purchased after they were already divorced
    Ugh, yikes.  It blows my mind how much people spend on engagement rings.  And I love, love, love gemstones.  Like, I took a whole college course on them.  But I still wouldn't pay that much for one if I couldn't afford it!

    Do people really have that big of a difference in their ideas of what they can afford?  I just don't understand debt for something like that.

    I don't know how much he spent but I suspect it wasn't over the top but rather he just didn't have much $$ period so even a few thousand took him a long time to pay off.
  • kvruns said:
    On the wedding loan subject, my oldest brother was still paying off the ring he purchased after they were already divorced
    Ugh, yikes.  It blows my mind how much people spend on engagement rings.  And I love, love, love gemstones.  Like, I took a whole college course on them.  But I still wouldn't pay that much for one if I couldn't afford it!

    Do people really have that big of a difference in their ideas of what they can afford?  I just don't understand debt for something like that.

    A lot of those credit cards or loans are all "pay only $12 per month!" but that's for years and years. Also, after 12 months or whatever, interest starts piling on (and for the full amount, not just the remaining balance) so that adds up.

    My brother has a loan for everything he has. Lawn mower, couch, TV, etc. It's easy for some people to only see the monthly amount due vs. the total payment and also to forget that little $12 Jared card payment when you have 48 other bills due per month.

    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
  • My fiance has been married once before and engaged another time. The first time, he took out a loan on his paid for truck to buy the ring. The second time, he took insurance money from that same truck getting hail damage to buy it. His truck never got fixed and is worth considerably less than it should be and he owes his mom because she paid off his truck for him. When I met him, he would get paid on Friday and be broke on Tuesday with no more money coming in for 2 weeks. I actually broke up with him because of it and it made him realize that he had a problem. It took him less than a month to get his finances in order and now he owes nothing except his mom which he'll pay when he sells his house (her idea) and actually has money in the bank. When he went to buy my engagement ring, he paid cash and we've paid cash for everything except my dress. It's nice knowing when this is all said and done, it's done. I couldn't imagine paying for it for the next 10 years. 
  • FWIW, my only comment about the things we pay for is implying that spending more on something is always the way to go.   We are a culture that is very image-based.   I'll admit to playing my part of it but I'm also paying off the CC bill every month and we're still saving so we aren't in a position of paying medical expenses or the mortgage.


  • edited June 2016
    I had a response typed, but I'm not going to bother. I'm one of those morally inferior, stupid people who got myself into debt, so my opinion counts for nothing.
  • edited June 2016
    Well, excuse me for being sensitive. Apparently it's not good enough that FW and I are trying to fix what we've both gotten ourselves into, because we shouldn't have done it in the first place. Maybe we shouldn't even get married. We're both fuck-ups and doomed to be fuck-ups forever no matter what we do right going forward.
  • Well, excuse me for being sensitive. Apparently it's not good enough that FW and I are trying to fix what we've both gotten ourselves into, because we shouldn't have done it in the first place. Maybe we shouldn't even get married. We're both fuck-ups and doomed to be fuck-ups forever no matter what we do right going forward.

    Yes, that is exactly what I'm saying.


    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
  • Thanks for confirming what I already think about myself, @ShesSoCold
  • ScottishSarahScottishSarah member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited June 2016
    Hey ladies, that took a bit of a turn!  Cupcake and margarita time for you OWK!  :-)
  • banana468 said:
    Whoa.

    My comment is that there is a current overall mindset that we can finance ourselves out of things.

    Does debt happen?  Yup.   

    My concern is when people are faced with a two financial choices the option is to finance the more expensive one because more expensive is better.  That's a tricky cycle to deal with.

    My comment in no way means that those who are in debt are screw ups.  But the current culture of financing our way to better image is quite visual and its concerning. 

    The average American (includes those of all ages) doesn't have a nest egg for an unforseen $1000 expense.   When you think that in this day that's basically covering a deductible in a hospital, or to fix a car, that's a concern.    




    This. 

    there's no need to take it personally.

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