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Financing your wedding?

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Re: Financing your wedding?

  • SP29SP29 member
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    Well, excuse me for being sensitive. Apparently it's not good enough that FW and I are trying to fix what we've both gotten ourselves into, because we shouldn't have done it in the first place. Maybe we shouldn't even get married. We're both fuck-ups and doomed to be fuck-ups forever no matter what we do right going forward.
    Um, what? No one ever said anything of the sort.

    I don't know your personal finances, just as you do not know mine- none of us do. It's very respectable you and FW are preparing for your futures, no one said otherwise. No one said you shouldn't get married, if anything you have shown your maturity in other posts by talking about how you have scaled back your wedding to what is important to you.

    I really don't get the doomed to be fuck-ups part.

    I have friends who make a lot of money, I have friends who make little money. Of those two groups there are those who are debt free with a house and nest egg and there are those who are up to their eyeballs in debt. Anyone who isn't *this* close to them, would never know who was who in that respect.

    I read the point of this original post to be that some people prioritize a dream and a vision (which is unnecessary) over "life".
  • TyvmTyvm member
    First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited June 2016
    The average American (includes those of all ages) doesn't have a nest egg for an unforseen $1000 expense.   When you think that in this day that's basically covering a deductible in a hospital, or to fix a car, that's a concern.    
    @banana468 And half of Americans would have trouble finding $400 for an emergency! The Atlantic wrote an article on this recently: http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2016/05/my-secret-shame/476415/

    It's all part of the reason why Khan Academy has partnered with a bank for some early online banking education stuff: https://www.khanacademy.org/economics-finance-domain/core-finance/money-and-banking/banking-and-money/v/banking-1


    k thnx bye

  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited June 2016
    monkeysip said:
    I think there's a lot of assumptions going on in this thread on both sides.

    I agree completely with the overall sentiment that people spend frivolously and irresponsibly, always financing everything they want.  In general, the principle holds true:  if you can't afford to buy something up front, then don't buy it at all (except a house).

    At the same time, you can have two responsible, hard-working adults that still don't have a savings.  We don't have a savings.  And yes, we both work.  And we have a child.  And we share one car.  And we don't go out much at all.  And we don't drink starbucks or have cable.  And I don't get my nails done, buy purses, buy jewelry, or buy expensive clothes (I rarely buy clothes at all, in fact).  But we pretty much live paycheck to paycheck.  But at least we don't have any credit card debt, and our car is paid off.

    That doesn't mean I need to be educated on financial responsibility.

    Also, it's expensive to be poor.  I've read multiple articles about all the little things poor people have to pay more for.  Poor people are more likely to have to pay late fees and check-cashing fees.  Poor people can't buy in bulk, so they end up paying more for their goods.  They have poorer health care, so when they're sick they suffer more and lose more time at work.  

    Financial responsibility is important, and yes, a lot of people have themselves to blame for their debt.  Materialism and "keeping up with the Joneses" is everywhere.  But the system is also rigged against a lot of people, and being poor is not always a sign of someone's mistakes or character flaws.
    Monkeysip, I lived just like you for the first 12 years of our marriage.  It won't always be like this, and your wise financial planning will pay off.
    We never had a credit card debt - ever.  We did without if we couldn't afford it.
    We are celebrating our 40th wedding anniversary this month.  Compared to most people, we are rich.  We never stopped counting the pennies.  When I inherited money from my mother (completely unexpected), it all went into the savings.  My sister inherited the same amount, and she used it to pay off her enormous credit card debt.  She loved expensive clothes, new cars, boats, motorcycles, etc.  Two sisters, completely different.
    Monkeysip, I am betting that by the time your child reached college age, you will have saved the money to send him without him needing to assume a huge financial college debt.  That is where I plan for my money to go - to my grandchildren, that it.
    Hang in there!  It gets better when you get older.

    PS.  We are still driving 10 year old cars.  Hondas.  There is nothing wrong with them.  Why should we replace them?
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  • MCmeowMCmeow member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited June 2016
    Community college doesn't work for every major. For example in architecture we are required to take 5 years of a specific studio class.

    In my high school teachers told us "don't worry about the cost of college, there will always be a way to pay for it", so incredibly misleading! 17 year olds don't know any better and I believed them, so I went to my dream private school for one semester for engineering, only half was covered by grants and I left owing 10k. I went to a community college for liberal arts for a year then switched to a public architecture school (I should've done this from the beginning but don't regret it because it's how I met my fiancé). My family is poor enough that I got paid to go to college so an extra 5 years of school was just fine, plus this school is considered one of the best for architecture in NY. But yeah, private schools suck, teachers who encourage their students to go to them suck, and I have a great job that cared more about the contents of my portfolio than if I went to private school or not, 10k down the drain, I shudder to think about my situation if I stayed there.
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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited June 2016
    MCmeow said:
    Community college doesn't work for every major. For example in architecture we are required to take 5 years of a specific studio class.

    In my high school teachers told us "don't worry about the cost of college, there will always be a way to pay for it", so incredibly misleading! 17 year olds don't know any better and I believed them, so I went to my dream private school for one semester for engineering, only half was covered by grants and I left owing 10k. I went to a community college for liberal arts for a year then switched to a public architecture school (I should've done this from the beginning but don't regret it because it's how I met my fiancé). My family is poor enough that I got paid to go to college so an extra 5 years of school was just fine, plus this school is considered one of the best for architecture in NY. But yeah, private schools suck, teachers who encourage their students to go to them suck, and I have a great job that cared more about the contents of my portfolio than if I went to private school or not, 10k down the drain, I shudder to think about my situation if I stayed there.
    This is a pretty broad generalization, isn't it?  Obviously, a private school was not in your best interest, but that doesn't mean that "private schools suck" for everybody.  It sounds to me that your high school guidance counselor "sucked" for giving you bad advice.
    I would have loved to go to a private college (Simpson College in Iowa) but I couldn't afford it.  State University of Iowa was affordable.
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  • MCmeowMCmeow member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited June 2016
    CMGragain said:
    MCmeow said:
    Community college doesn't work for every major. For example in architecture we are required to take 5 years of a specific studio class.

    In my high school teachers told us "don't worry about the cost of college, there will always be a way to pay for it", so incredibly misleading! 17 year olds don't know any better and I believed them, so I went to my dream private school for one semester for engineering, only half was covered by grants and I left owing 10k. I went to a community college for liberal arts for a year then switched to a public architecture school (I should've done this from the beginning but don't regret it because it's how I met my fiancé). My family is poor enough that I got paid to go to college so an extra 5 years of school was just fine, plus this school is considered one of the best for architecture in NY. But yeah, private schools suck, teachers who encourage their students to go to them suck, and I have a great job that cared more about the contents of my portfolio than if I went to private school or not, 10k down the drain, I shudder to think about my situation if I stayed there.
    This is a pretty broad generalization, isn't it?  Obviously, a private school was not in your best interest, but that doesn't mean that "private schools suck" for everybody.  It sounds to me that your high school guidance counselor "sucked" for giving you bad advice.
    I would have loved to go to a private college (Simpson College in Iowa) but I couldn't afford it.  State University of Iowa was affordable.
    Of course it's a generalization, but it was more of a summary of my experience. But I think the idea our country has that only degrees from private colleges are valid, or that public schools aren't as good is harmful, it makes students think they need to go to their dream school to feel accomplished when public schools are just fine. So to me, for the high price and no return on investment, private schools suck.
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  • MCmeow said:
    CMGragain said:

    Of course it's a generalization, but it was more of a summary of my experience. But I think the idea our country has that only degrees from private colleges are valid, or that public schools aren't as good is harmful, it makes students think they need to go to their dream school to feel accomplished when public schools are just fine. So to me, for the high price and no return on investment, private schools suck.
    While I am a very much in favor of small private schools (as I said earlier they often have a lot of academic scholarships), I disagree that our country says that public schools aren't as good and only private school degrees are valid. Having gone through the college search with my three kids, there are many well respected public school programs. The problem is that many of the top public schools are also too expensive for the middle class. These students don't qualify for financial aide and the schools don't offer many academic scholarships. I say all of this having gone to a top tier private school.
  • Maybe it's where I live, but the public universities here are very well respected. 

    I have spoken on here in the past about how I think the way schools used to go about financing was shady and should make them culpable in the loss of income from debt strapped kids who were tricked or pressured into accepting huge amounts of student debt.

    However, despite being in huge amounts of student debt myself if I could back I wouldn't change a thing. My home was poisonous and therefore community college wouldn't have taken me out of that cycle and I would have drowned at a large public university. I may pay student loans for the remainder of my life, but it's a small price to pay in exchange for living a life that's mine and that I'm proud of. I just more people in the "hey should have went to college" camp would realize how huge and scary of a risk it is for teenagers who literally have no safety net. For many of us the end of college is also "oh shit, where do I live now?"
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  • MCmeowMCmeow member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited June 2016
    Oi sorry but I don't want to be misunderstood here, I'm not good at making points out loud or writing. My point is that to me private schools aren't worth it (to me, in my situation and the situation of similar people). It's a for profit business. If you can afford it that's wonderful but many students are stuck in a trap that they "need" to get into a top tier school regardless of debt. Tuition has been increasing higher than living wages like crazy lately (even at public schools) but at 40k a year with a lower guarantee of getting a job afterwards, for poor students or middle class students, even if you're not in it for the money, it sets a pause on your life, it's also bad for the economy, many people could be contributing and using their incomes on buying things but instead pay back their student loan debt. It would be great if people can choose their passion and not care about the money but private schools make that impossible for many. I have a cousin that did this and can't do unpaid internships in the fashion industry because of his debt, I know someone from my first school making burgers instead of a job in her field. Also I know I'm lucky I got out of it quick and switched to a public school and got a good job, others not so lucky. Again this is about individual situations, if private schools were good for you, then that's great! But anyway loans for your wedding? Wtf
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  • monkeysipmonkeysip member
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    edited June 2016
    MCmeow said:
    It's a for profit business. 
    Some are, some aren't.  Part of the reason why private schools would have higher tuition is because they pay for more prestigious professors, have better resources, and they lack the same state funding that public schools get.  Many private universities are NOT for profit!  It is important to understand the difference though because more for-profit universities have been popping up lately, especially like these online ones, and so you have to make sure you're paying for a better education and not being taking advantage of by what's essentially a corporation.

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  • kvrunskvruns member
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    monkeysip said:
    MCmeow said:
    It's a for profit business. 
    Some are, some aren't.  Part of the reason why private schools would have higher tuition is because they pay for more prestigious professors, have better resources, and they lack the same state funding that public schools get.  Many private universities are NOT for profit!  It is important to understand the difference though because more for-profit universities have been popping up lately, especially like these online ones, and so you have to make sure you're paying for a better education and not being taking advantage of by what's essentially a corporation.

    @MCmeow are you talking about a for-profit college like University of Phoenix, ITT Tech, or smaller Business schools? Because otherwise monkeysip is correct that most private schools are non-profit. Though don't even get me started about public schools and the $$ they pull in either - it might not be just tuition but you can't say that those big public schools with good sports teams aren't businesses.
  • MCmeowMCmeow member
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    kvruns said:
    monkeysip said:
    MCmeow said:
    It's a for profit business. 
    Some are, some aren't.  Part of the reason why private schools would have higher tuition is because they pay for more prestigious professors, have better resources, and they lack the same state funding that public schools get.  Many private universities are NOT for profit!  It is important to understand the difference though because more for-profit universities have been popping up lately, especially like these online ones, and so you have to make sure you're paying for a better education and not being taking advantage of by what's essentially a corporation.

    @MCmeow are you talking about a for-profit college like University of Phoenix, ITT Tech, or smaller Business schools? Because otherwise monkeysip is correct that most private schools are non-profit. Though don't even get me started about public schools and the $$ they pull in either - it might not be just tuition but you can't say that those big public schools with good sports teams aren't businesses.
    Yes true. The US education system is a mess financially public or private. @ScottishSarah lucky! I bet all these American issues sound so silly to other developed countries.
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  • FWIW, when I brought up public vs. private, my comparison is for something like a BS in elementary education.      I know people who went to UConn which wasn't cheap but it's one of the public universities in my state.

    I also know someone who went to Conn College and is now an elementary school teacher.   

    The person who went to Conn College paid far more for her degree and is earning the exact same amount as those who went to UConn.   

    The Conn College degree is great, but so is the UConn one.   And if the choice is to attend UConn and have minimal debt or attend Conn College and wind up saddled with more debt then I'm going to recommend UConn.


  • Now I'm feeling a bit guilty as I had a totally free education in Scotland, all fees paid.  Crazy
    Same here. It's a beautiful thing.
                 
  • monkeysip said:
    MCmeow said:
    It's a for profit business. 
    Some are, some aren't.  Part of the reason why private schools would have higher tuition is because they pay for more prestigious professors, have better resources, and they lack the same state funding that public schools get.  Many private universities are NOT for profit!  It is important to understand the difference though because more for-profit universities have been popping up lately, especially like these online ones, and so you have to make sure you're paying for a better education and not being taking advantage of by what's essentially a corporation.
    Exactly right. Most traditional private schools are non-profit which is why donations to them can be tax deductible.
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