Odd Questions/Venting/Regrets LONG

CMGragain

Just thought I would post this.  It is in today's paper, written by advice columnist Carolyn Hax:

Dear Carolyn: Please comment on destination weddings. My cousin is getting married on the other side of the country. I love my cousin, but taking my family to her wedding will cost thousands of dollars. I think destination weddings are incredibly narcissistic and I’m feeling pretty angry right now. Any words of wisdom? She and her fiancé live locally. — Anonymous

What people think of destination weddings is half the problem with destination weddings.

I realize this goes against human nature at the molecular level, but please consider not having an opinion at all.

Instead: Are you able to go? Yes/No. Do you want to go on the given terms? Yes/No.

And then either go or don’t go accordingly. If you can stop yourself there, without judging anybody, then you can emerge from this without emotionally downgrading someone you love or spending a nickel unwillingly spent.

If it helps: Imagine if she eloped, wed in a groom’s faraway hometown, or chose to cohabit ever after; would you be angry then? Are those guest-unfriendly choices narcissistic too?

Knottie1464374655

Okay trying to address some of you in 1 post!

 

Scrunchy, Food would be the biggest factor for us. We want people to leave being well fed with great food. We aren’t really on the fence for location. We have wanted it in Hawaii since we got engaged. Again no matter how you look at it, we would have guests that would have to fly out whether we had a wedding in CA, Hawaii, NY, etc so to some it is a destination wedding. With the dress, no idea if I will do a flower or a veil. I’m kind of feeling doing a little veil. I won’t be doing the lei thing. I’ll hold a bouquet but that’s it. I’m actually very allergic to flowers and most perfumes lol.

 

CM, there is no drink limit we are putting on guests like I mentioned before. The luau itself includes up to 3 drinks. We would take care of any drinks beyond 3. I’ll be honest though, having more than 3 drinks seems excessive to me but there are people who get drunk at weddings. Our crowd is far from wild or “fratish”. I would be shocked if anyone gets more than 3 drinks. My fiance’s friends are the types to get a couple of IPAs but that’s really it. The article you mentioned is spot on to me. Unless everyone lives in the city you are having the wedding, some will be annoyed at the location. Good read.

 

Winston, I will be messaging you. Would love to hear about what you did!

 

Again to those that don’t like me sharing my observations the truth hurts. 

crowsgirl15

Knottie1464374655 said:

Okay trying to address some of you in 1 post!

 

Scrunchy, Food would be the biggest factor for us. We want people to leave being well fed with great food. We aren’t really on the fence for location. We have wanted it in Hawaii since we got engaged. Again no matter how you look at it, we would have guests that would have to fly out whether we had a wedding in CA, Hawaii, NY, etc so to some it is a destination wedding. With the dress, no idea if I will do a flower or a veil. I’m kind of feeling doing a little veil. I won’t be doing the lei thing. I’ll hold a bouquet but that’s it. I’m actually very allergic to flowers and most perfumes lol.

 

CM, there is no drink limit we are putting on guests like I mentioned before. The luau itself includes up to 3 drinks. We would take care of any drinks beyond 3. I’ll be honest though, having more than 3 drinks seems excessive to me but there are people who get drunk at weddings. Our crowd is far from wild or “fratish”. I would be shocked if anyone gets more than 3 drinks. My fiance’s friends are the types to get a couple of IPAs but that’s really it. The article you mentioned is spot on to me. Unless everyone lives in the city you are having the wedding, some will be annoyed at the location. Good read.

 

Winston, I will be messaging you. Would love to hear about what you did!

 

Again to those that don’t like me sharing my observations the truth hurts. 

Your posts reek of condescension and judgement. About 5 20-something brides on this thread alone demonstrated that what you said was far from true, and even if it was, do you really think coming on a board and insulting the population is the way to endear people for advice?

Your plans are fine, but far from unique. Plenty of brides of all ages have small destination weddings. Stop pretending that this is some sort of age distinction and realize that people just have different visions for their weddings.

A luau sounds like a good plan, and since you're willing to cover your guests when some have more than three drinks, all sounds good to me! I'd get those STDs in the mail soon, though, if you're thinking of next January-June, many people will already have started planning vacations for next year!! Good luck.

Tyvm

Again to those that don’t like me sharing my observations the truth hurts. 

@Knottie1464374655 ROTFLMAO. Oh man. Please don't ever leave.

ahahahahahha. Yes, the truth does indeed hurt...my sides from laughing so darn much. 

Many brides in theirs 20s don't give a shit about what you think is "normal". 
...
Also I didn't take engagement photos, I wasn't "me me me" i was "we we we", and I didn't have my cell phone the entire night of my wedding - i actually thought I lost it later that night because I hadn't seen it so long. Please stop trying to lump everyone into groups based on their age - it's insulting.
...
I am 24, my fiancé and I don't care about most of the crap the wedding industry says you have to get. Please don't assume my generation is all the same. It's incredibly insulting. 
...
Hey OP, I pretty much did your wedding. 
...
I hate to tell you, but a destination wedding in Hawaii isn't exactly not-cookie-cutter. You're totally normal and not a speshul snowflake. Welcome to the club.
...
But by all means, continue to believe that every 20-something year old is attached to their phone and lives on selfies and frappuccinos with a burning desire for a big blow out wedding event. *eye roll*  Everything you are planning on doing is relatively normal. 
...
Your posts reek of condescension and judgement. 
...
Your plans are fine, but far from unique.
...

People tried to help and be nice and you insulted them, then went on denying the facts of their life, insisting that you are right. Lovely. Maybe someone does indeed deserve to be in the speshul snowflake club, eh?

Viczaesar

Knottie1464374655 said:

Okay trying to address some of you in 1 post!

 

Scrunchy, Food would be the biggest factor for us. We want people to leave being well fed with great food. We aren’t really on the fence for location. We have wanted it in Hawaii since we got engaged. Again no matter how you look at it, we would have guests that would have to fly out whether we had a wedding in CA, Hawaii, NY, etc so to some it is a destination wedding. With the dress, no idea if I will do a flower or a veil. I’m kind of feeling doing a little veil. I won’t be doing the lei thing. I’ll hold a bouquet but that’s it. I’m actually very allergic to flowers and most perfumes lol.

 

CM, there is no drink limit we are putting on guests like I mentioned before. The luau itself includes up to 3 drinks. We would take care of any drinks beyond 3. I’ll be honest though, having more than 3 drinks seems excessive to me but there are people who get drunk at weddings. Our crowd is far from wild or “fratish”. I would be shocked if anyone gets more than 3 drinks. My fiance’s friends are the types to get a couple of IPAs but that’s really it. The article you mentioned is spot on to me. Unless everyone lives in the city you are having the wedding, some will be annoyed at the location. Good read.

 

Winston, I will be messaging you. Would love to hear about what you did!

 

Again to those that don’t like me sharing my observations the truth hurts. 

Good lord.  37 going on 13.

PamBeesly524

Knottie1464374655 said:

Okay trying to address some of you in 1 post!

 

Scrunchy, Food would be the biggest factor for us. We want people to leave being well fed with great food. We aren’t really on the fence for location. We have wanted it in Hawaii since we got engaged. Again no matter how you look at it, we would have guests that would have to fly out whether we had a wedding in CA, Hawaii, NY, etc so to some it is a destination wedding. With the dress, no idea if I will do a flower or a veil. I’m kind of feeling doing a little veil. I won’t be doing the lei thing. I’ll hold a bouquet but that’s it. I’m actually very allergic to flowers and most perfumes lol.

 

CM, there is no drink limit we are putting on guests like I mentioned before. The luau itself includes up to 3 drinks. We would take care of any drinks beyond 3. I’ll be honest though, having more than 3 drinks seems excessive to me but there are people who get drunk at weddings. Our crowd is far from wild or “fratish”. I would be shocked if anyone gets more than 3 drinks. My fiance’s friends are the types to get a couple of IPAs but that’s really it. The article you mentioned is spot on to me. Unless everyone lives in the city you are having the wedding, some will be annoyed at the location. Good read.

 

Winston, I will be messaging you. Would love to hear about what you did!

 

Again to those that don’t like me sharing my observations the truth hurts. 

You're kidding me with this, right? What you said is NOT the truth, as proved by myself and several other posters. I was going to comment on your questions but since I'm a 26 year old airhead your probably not interested in what I have to say. I'll just go snapchat a picture of my saltine that I'm having as a meal today and then lock myself in a room and wait until I turn 30 to emerge and share my opinions, shall I? 

glasgowtolondon

Sounds like a classic case of 'I think I'll shit all over other people's plans to make myself feel better about my own wedding'. I wonder if that truth hurts?

I'm so curious as to why you have few friends, OP. 

Happy planning! Keep us all up to date, won't you.

charlotte989875

Knottie1464374655 said:

Okay trying to address some of you in 1 post!

 

Scrunchy, Food would be the biggest factor for us. We want people to leave being well fed with great food. We aren’t really on the fence for location. We have wanted it in Hawaii since we got engaged. Again no matter how you look at it, we would have guests that would have to fly out whether we had a wedding in CA, Hawaii, NY, etc so to some it is a destination wedding. With the dress, no idea if I will do a flower or a veil. I’m kind of feeling doing a little veil. I won’t be doing the lei thing. I’ll hold a bouquet but that’s it. I’m actually very allergic to flowers and most perfumes lol.

 

CM, there is no drink limit we are putting on guests like I mentioned before. The luau itself includes up to 3 drinks. We would take care of any drinks beyond 3. I’ll be honest though, having more than 3 drinks seems excessive to me but there are people who get drunk at weddings. Our crowd is far from wild or “fratish”. I would be shocked if anyone gets more than 3 drinks. My fiance’s friends are the types to get a couple of IPAs but that’s really it. The article you mentioned is spot on to me. Unless everyone lives in the city you are having the wedding, some will be annoyed at the location. Good read.

 

Winston, I will be messaging you. Would love to hear about what you did!

 

Again to those that don’t like me sharing my observations the truth hurts. 

Sounds mature and wise to me. 

seriosuly OP, I'm 30 and my H is 31 and we had a "big blow out wedding" with food, dancing, open bar (where shocking people over 50 had more than 3 drinks, the horror) where some people even got drunk. I also took pictures of my flowers and details (and sent them to our vendors so they could use them for their portfolios). 

My H and I are also both college professors. We work, research, and own our own home. So just because we had a large, formal wedding doesn't make us vapid, or "fratish", or whatever other condescending insult you were implying in your posts. 

AddieCake

I was 38 when I got married. It was small but a big deal. Does that make it princess-y? I'm 43 now. I have a throne in my classroom and wear a tiara every Tuesday at work. And everybody loves it.

Knottie1464374655

I never said everyone in their 20s has these loud, ostentatious wedding where it really is a giant show however I think the average bride on TheKnot who is fairly young does does do that. All you have to do is look at their pictures/blog/profile etc..... Many things brides on here (and in general...again not all but in general) do I consider excessive but that's my opinion. To me most of their weddings are a show but to many people (again many not all...) it isn't. I get that. What some of you may consider judgmental I consider to by my own opinion which is based on what I have observed. Opinions aren't right or wrong and I think I make valid points. I see I made a few of you very upset... In the words of Shakespeare, the lady doth protest too much, me thinks.  

Knottie1464374655

All that matters is how you see yourself Charlotte. 

charlotte989875

Knottie1464374655 said:

I never said everyone in their 20s has these loud, ostentatious wedding where it really is a giant show however I think the average bride on TheKnot who is fairly young does does do that. All you have to do is look at their pictures/blog/profile etc..... Many things brides on here (and in general...again not all but in general) do I consider excessive but that's my opinion. To me most of their weddings are a show but to many people (again many not all...) it isn't. I get that. What some of you may consider judgmental I consider to by my own opinion which is based on what I have observed. Opinions aren't right or wrong and I think I make valid points. I see I made a few of you very upset... In the words of Shakespeare, the lady doth protest too much, me thinks.  

Knottie1464374655 said:

All that matters is how you see yourself Charlotte. 

How long have you been on these forums? From you're activity it looks like it took you an entire week to make these obversations and judges us. If you had actually spent time here getting to know us you'd find a diverse group of women (and some men) from various age groups, economic backgrounds, regions of the world with significant differences in tastes and styles.

But riddle me this Knotties#s; why bother asking for advice/input if we're all 20 somethings with loud ostentatious, showy weddings that you seem to disdain so much? And maybe I do "protest too much" but I would hate for lurkers or other newcomers to the site to think that we're all right with posters insulting others peoples styles and choices. 

Tyvm

I get that. What some of you may consider judgmental I consider to by my own opinion which is based on what I have observed. Opinions aren't right or wrong and I think I make valid points.

Fun fact! Opinions are right or wrong, if they're not backed up by evidence, which we have clearly proven in this thread. Example: I can say, "The sky is green. That's my opinion." Is there no way to refute that opinion? Also, "Because I say so" is not backing up your opinion with evidence. Neither is "I once saw 4 old posts with women who had floral centerpieces." We've provided plenty of specific examples, from the currently active TK body that shows that most weddings aren't luxurious over the top affairs here...and that a destination wedding in Hawaii is totally normal.

I'm guessing you're not a psychology researcher, so you won't find this fascinating, but if you can you should look up Baxter-Magolda's (1992) "Knowing and reasoning in college: Gender-related patterns in students' intellectual development." There's stages of intellectual development that determine how people understand the formation of knowledge/fact. Most college seniors don't get to the final stage of 'Contextual'. I like to summarize the prior stage, Independent, as "everyone's entitled to their own opinion." Which is basically the belief that everyone can have an opinion and there's no need to back it up with properly weighted evidence.

BUT, if you wish to continue to insult the bulk of the brides here on The Knot, you go on thinking that your opinion is valid and proven. There's plenty of people at The Wedding Bee and Wedding Wire forums who would be glad to catch your mature pearls of wisdom.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Okay, your perspective recap!

It looks like your first and second posts were totally fine and not crazy condescending. Good for you! Onto your other posts.

Here's where you started to go wrong:

Anyway I was just hoping the 40 and up bride (or even if there was an older bride forum on here) would be more active. Most of the posts on Theknot that I've read are from 20something brides who spend money I things that are either so over the top or way too cookie cutter for me. I knew I wasn't going to be the "normal" bride once I realize most people today take engagement photos. Just seems so me, me, me, aren't I great. I dunno. I'm not into the whole cell phone attached at your side, take a million pictures of yourself, and post what you had for lunch on Facebook thing. Probably why I have few friends lol. 

After lots of evidence to refute your claims, you followed it up with this gem. Showing that you understand the importance of evidence, and not stomping your foot like a toddler in a tantrum.

"I said and believe my observations are valid. I will live if you are insulted by my shared observations. Life will go on for me!"

And reinforced that reasoned statement with this sage bit of a retort:

Again to those that don’t like me sharing my observations the truth hurts. 

And then this considered, open-minded, humble verbage:

I never said everyone in their 20s has these loud, ostentatious wedding where it really is a giant show however I think the average bride on TheKnot who is fairly young does does do that. All you have to do is look at their pictures/blog/profile etc..... Many things brides on here (and in general...again not all but in general) do I consider excessive but that's my opinion. To me most of their weddings are a show but to many people (again many not all...) it isn't. I get that. What some of you may consider judgmental I consider to by my own opinion which is based on what I have observed. Opinions aren't right or wrong and I think I make valid points. I see I made a few of you very upset... In the words of Shakespeare, the lady doth protest too much, me thinks.  

P.S. If someone wants an over-the-top luxury wedding, it in no way affects you (or the rest of us). Only the guests. Who probably get a shuttle in between their hotel and reception venue. Which sounds nice. So, who cares. Why do you need to put down other people's weddings when it doesn't impact you? You could have just said, "We don't want to be super traditional/conventional" and then left it at that, no one on TK would've blinked an eye.

LondonLisa

Knottie1464374655 said:

Scrunchy, the luau is not included with the hotel fee. I just meant it's open to the public if they buy a ticket for $90something dollars which includes the entertainment, buffet, and 3 drinks. Sorry if I wasn't clear. We are set on a destination wedding. I know some people we will invite will not show up do to it being costly (though, many people we will invite will still have to buy a plane ticket and get a hotel since they are on the East coast anyway) and others would actually like it because it's a wedding with their family/friends and a vacation too. My mom is really the main one who would be annoyed. My parents are both retired and go on trips a lot (especially cruises). My dad loves the idea of getting married in Hawaii since he's like me, very into diving and tanning! My mom is kind of strange though. She would be willing to spend more $$$ on throwing a wedding in CA versus only spending money on a hotel and airfare to Hawaii (that would cost significantly less than a local wedding). I think though she just likes the idea of being in control and planning everything based on what she wants. I do not want her having any say in my wedding since she doesn't get my taste or style at all. For the dress example, she is really into the princess or ball gown thing. I have a dress I got at Macy's which is clearly not a wedding dress but I would like to wear it on my wedding day. I've looked at dresses online that seem beachy and only found a couple that I cared for. Nothing holds a light though to my $80something dollar dress I got at Macy's!

Is it "socially appropriate" to call up each guest who is confirmed to go and ask them to their preference and go with what the majority says? My fiance and I are wanting the luau but we aren't set on that if the majority wants it more private. 

Anyway I was just hoping the 40 and up bride (or even if there was an older bride forum on here) would be more active. Most of the posts on Theknot that I've read are from 20something brides who spend money I things that are either so over the top or way too cookie cutter for me. I knew I wasn't going to be the "normal" bride once I realize most people today take engagement photos. Just seems so me, me, me, aren't I great. I dunno. I'm not into the whole cell phone attached at your side, take a million pictures of yourself, and post what you had for lunch on Facebook thing. Probably why I have few friends lol. 

There are few things more immature than bashing an entire age group with gross generalisations and insulting people who prefer to do things differently than you.

You don't know the age of anyone on here. Quit thinking age gives you maturity. Or that your way of doing things is the only way. 

NavyBlue143

Well of course the featured posts and photos on TK are going to be ostentatious weddings, that's how TK convinces everyone these weddings are normal and that's what your wedding has to look like so you'll spend money to make it happen. 

A destination wedding in Hawai'i is no less a narcissistic show, because you are asking people to fly to an expensive location to watch you get married when you could have done it at the Courthouse. And it's fine if that's what you want, doesn't make you a shallow, selfish person. But it's a pretty small horse to be looking down on other weddings with derision from. You claim to be against "me,me,me" but you're saying "fly to Hawai'i, for ME, to see ME get married". And of course, nobody forces your guests to go, but nobody forces guests to attend a domestic wedding either. I think people take umbrage at the fact that you are setting yourself as above, or at least different from, others while planning something that is not different or superior at all. All while saying young brides are self centered and want the big blowout weddings, and you're not, because you're older, when years on TK have shown all of us that 21 year olds can have intimate, heartwarming affairs and 50 year olds can have extravagant ones, and nothing is wrong with either one so long as you can afford it and are treating people with respect. 

But hey, what do I know? I got married at 24, on the beach (fairly cookie cutter) in a red dress, with Pagan ceremony, for 5k, where the only people who got rip roaring drunk were my parents and their friends (all 50+) while two stepping to country music on the dance floor while us kids hung out on the beach. I don't consider my wedding any more or less meaningful just because it was a bit different than what societal norms would indicate. At 27 I've taken probably 5 selfies in my life, and have only one social media account, which mainly focuses on my deaf pitbull, because she has a small facebook following and my friends enjoy her antics. 

Also, Frasier Crane, we all read Hamlet in high school. Well done you. 

crowsgirl15

Knottie1464374655 said:

I never said everyone in their 20s has these loud, ostentatious wedding where it really is a giant show however I think the average bride on TheKnot who is fairly young does does do that. All you have to do is look at their pictures/blog/profile etc..... Many things brides on here (and in general...again not all but in general) do I consider excessive but that's my opinion. To me most of their weddings are a show but to many people (again many not all...) it isn't. I get that. What some of you may consider judgmental I consider to by my own opinion which is based on what I have observed. Opinions aren't right or wrong and I think I make valid points. I see I made a few of you very upset... In the words of Shakespeare, the lady doth protest too much, me thinks.  

If you think a destination wedding in Hawaii - one of the most expensive tourist destinations, especially in the US - is somehow less ostentatious than an engagement shoot and a ball gown, I'm really not sure what world you're living in.

The difference is that it's your guests who end up eating the cost for your "vision" rather than the bride and groom. If they're willing to do that and you're ok with some saying no, than that's awesome! Live your life and have your awesome wedding! But it's hardly a more subdued choice than, to use your example, someone who decides to get engagement photos done.

Instead of "look at me" you're saying "spend thousands of dollars on me"...and, let's face it, one is way easier.

ETA: End of a sentence.

Knottie1464374655

The fact that I got so many of you all wound up by my views is funny. I'm sure you could spend your time more efficiently by helping out brides who have similar outlooks on you for their weddings because clearly we don't share the same vision. You are welcome to your views and I am allowed to have mine. I have reported 2 of you on Theknot who sent me messages cursing me out where 1 of you also felt the need to tell me you know my address since you have my IP address. 

crowsgirl15

Knottie1464374655 said:

The fact that I got so many of you all wound up by my views is funny. I'm sure you could spend your time more efficiently by helping out brides who have similar outlooks on you for their weddings because clearly we don't share the same vision. You are welcome to your views and I am allowed to have mine. I have reported 2 of you on Theknot who sent me messages cursing me out where 1 of you also felt the need to tell me you know my address since you have my IP address. 

It's not about your vision for your wedding. It's about your judgement of those who choose a different path for theirs. I actually have a similar "vision" to your wedding, albeit closer to home, but the difference is that I wouldn't insult or put down those who have a different "vision".

The issue people are having is the insults towards people who choose something larger and more princessy than you. It has nothing to do with your "vision".
 
And, obviously, if someone is personally attacking you, report them. It doesn't make the rest of the comments on this thread incorrect.

Tyvm

 In the words of Shakespeare, the lady doth protest too much, me thinks.  

If you came on here and called us all a bunch of lazy homophobic racists, we'd also be up in arms. Does that automatically make us lazy homophobic racists? Your logic is incredibly fallible.

 I'm sure you could spend your time more efficiently by helping out brides who have similar outlooks on you for their weddings because clearly we don't share the same vision. 

Well, I hope you've realized you could have received more input and advice if you avoided putting down others. This is not a great use of anyone's time. Your condescension and insults have swung this thread into a giant distraction where people aren't even answering your questions anymore.

I guess "If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all" was after your time, eh?

ernursej

I'm rather upset that I missed out on another opportunity to get popcorn ...

scrunchythief

OP, I'm really not understanding your attitude.  You came in looking for advice and making negative generalizations about a lot of ladies on the board.  You got lots of good, thoughtful advice, even from people like me, who are in your "immature" age range.  But you still felt the need to keep bringing up your "opinions" and observations.  

Based on my personal observations, I've seen more older brides with stereotypical blow-out weddings and more younger brides with more modest affairs.  Normally because the older brides have had more time to save up.   But I know that neither is the case in every single instance for either age of bride.  So I don't lead with those observations when talking to people I don't know, let alone seeking advice and help from them.

NavyBlue143

http://theconversation.com/no-youre-not-entitled-to-your-opinion-9978

ScottishSarah

Knottie1464374655 said:

Okay trying to address some of you in 1 post!

 

Scrunchy, Food would be the biggest factor for us. We want people to leave being well fed with great food. We aren’t really on the fence for location. We have wanted it in Hawaii since we got engaged. Again no matter how you look at it, we would have guests that would have to fly out whether we had a wedding in CA, Hawaii, NY, etc so to some it is a destination wedding. With the dress, no idea if I will do a flower or a veil. I’m kind of feeling doing a little veil. I won’t be doing the lei thing. I’ll hold a bouquet but that’s it. I’m actually very allergic to flowers and most perfumes lol.

 

CM, there is no drink limit we are putting on guests like I mentioned before. The luau itself includes up to 3 drinks. We would take care of any drinks beyond 3. I’ll be honest though, having more than 3 drinks seems excessive to me but there are people who get drunk at weddings. Our crowd is far from wild or “fratish”. I would be shocked if anyone gets more than 3 drinks. My fiance’s friends are the types to get a couple of IPAs but that’s really it. The article you mentioned is spot on to me. Unless everyone lives in the city you are having the wedding, some will be annoyed at the location. Good read.

 

Winston, I will be messaging you. Would love to hear about what you did!

 

Again to those that don’t like me sharing my observations the truth hurts. 

Maybe my family and friends are total lushes but I think 3 drinks is a slow night.  We have pre-ordered around 6 drinks pp for cocktail hour, toast, and meal, then we have an open bar in addition.

Do people really think 3 drinks is excessive?  

Good to know that you are hosting people that want more though.  And also, there will always be people that find the location of your wedding inconvenient.  That's life, I wouldn't worry about it too much as long as you aren't gutted if a particular guest can't make it.

ScottishSarah

crowsgirl15 said:

Knottie1464374655 said:

I never said everyone in their 20s has these loud, ostentatious wedding where it really is a giant show however I think the average bride on TheKnot who is fairly young does does do that. All you have to do is look at their pictures/blog/profile etc..... Many things brides on here (and in general...again not all but in general) do I consider excessive but that's my opinion. To me most of their weddings are a show but to many people (again many not all...) it isn't. I get that. What some of you may consider judgmental I consider to by my own opinion which is based on what I have observed. Opinions aren't right or wrong and I think I make valid points. I see I made a few of you very upset... In the words of Shakespeare, the lady doth protest too much, me thinks.  

If you think a destination wedding in Hawaii - one of the most expensive tourist destinations, especially in the US - is somehow less ostentatious than an engagement shoot and a ball gown, I'm really not sure what world you're living in.

The difference is that it's your guests who end up eating the cost for your "vision" rather than the bride and groom. If they're willing to do that and you're ok with some saying no, than that's awesome! Live your life and have your awesome wedding! But it's hardly a more subdued choice than, to use your example, someone who decides to get engagement photos done.

Instead of "look at me" you're saying "spend thousands of dollars on me"...and, let's face it, one is way easier.

ETA: End of a sentence.

QFT

I am 36 and FI is 40 and we are having a fancy wedding.  Does that make me an airhead as well like all these "average younger brides?"  F*** that.

drunkenwitch

Alright, I'll play. I'm 40 and not married. BF and I have been together 5 years, not engaged, but marriage is definitely in our future.

Also rolling my eyes at your sweeping generalizations. 

Since I've been known to have more than 3 drinks in a night (scandal!) not sure if you want my advice (sips her mimosa).

OurWildKingdom

Yeah, I'm a recovering alcoholic (sober 3 years this go-round), so I'm not even going to address the whole "more than three drinks is excessive" thing.

drunkenwitch

OurWildKingdom said:

Yeah, I'm a recovering alcoholic (sober 3 years this go-round), so I'm not even going to address the whole "more than three drinks is excessive" thing.

Can I high five you for that? That is something you shouldbe proud of. 

Viczaesar

Knottie1464374655 said:

I never said everyone in their 20s has these loud, ostentatious wedding where it really is a giant show however I think the average bride on TheKnot who is fairly young does does do that. All you have to do is look at their pictures/blog/profile etc..... Many things brides on here (and in general...again not all but in general) do I consider excessive but that's my opinion. To me most of their weddings are a show but to many people (again many not all...) it isn't. I get that. What some of you may consider judgmental I consider to by my own opinion which is based on what I have observed. Opinions aren't right or wrong and I think I make valid points. I see I made a few of you very upset... In the words of Shakespeare, the lady doth protest too much, me thinks.  

That's complete and utter bullshit.  You've got to be one of the most immature 30-somethings I've seen on here.  Please improve personal quality.

OurWildKingdom

drunkenwitch said:

OurWildKingdom said:

Yeah, I'm a recovering alcoholic (sober 3 years this go-round), so I'm not even going to address the whole "more than three drinks is excessive" thing.

Can I high five you for that? That is something you shouldbe proud of. 

Absolutely! Thank you. 

levioosa

I'm laughing so hard at "opinions can't be wrong or right."  Um, yes, yes they can.  If you haven't figured that out by 37, I don't know how to help you.  I definitely was more mature than that at 18.  And do you fail at reading comprehension?  Almost all of us agreed with smaller scale weddings.  

I also highly doubt any of the regulars who have posted on this thread sent you threatening messages.  That is highly frowned upon.  As far as cursing goes...so fucking what?  Get over it.