Odd Questions/Venting/Regrets LONG

SP29

ScottishSarah said:

Maybe my family and friends are total lushes but I think 3 drinks is a slow night.  We have pre-ordered around 6 drinks pp for cocktail hour, toast, and meal, then we have an open bar in addition.

Do people really think 3 drinks is excessive?  

Good to know that you are hosting people that want more though.  And also, there will always be people that find the location of your wedding inconvenient.  That's life, I wouldn't worry about it too much as long as you aren't gutted if a particular guest can't make it.

No.

Depends on the length of the event. I'm not a big drinker, but I still had 3 glasses of wine when DH and I went out to dinner with one of his co-workers and wife the other week (I was one of the non- drivers, couldn't let that bottle go to waste!).

glasgowtolondon

ScottishSarah said:

Knottie1464374655 said:

Okay trying to address some of you in 1 post!

 

Scrunchy, Food would be the biggest factor for us. We want people to leave being well fed with great food. We aren’t really on the fence for location. We have wanted it in Hawaii since we got engaged. Again no matter how you look at it, we would have guests that would have to fly out whether we had a wedding in CA, Hawaii, NY, etc so to some it is a destination wedding. With the dress, no idea if I will do a flower or a veil. I’m kind of feeling doing a little veil. I won’t be doing the lei thing. I’ll hold a bouquet but that’s it. I’m actually very allergic to flowers and most perfumes lol.

 

CM, there is no drink limit we are putting on guests like I mentioned before. The luau itself includes up to 3 drinks. We would take care of any drinks beyond 3. I’ll be honest though, having more than 3 drinks seems excessive to me but there are people who get drunk at weddings. Our crowd is far from wild or “fratish”. I would be shocked if anyone gets more than 3 drinks. My fiance’s friends are the types to get a couple of IPAs but that’s really it. The article you mentioned is spot on to me. Unless everyone lives in the city you are having the wedding, some will be annoyed at the location. Good read.

 

Winston, I will be messaging you. Would love to hear about what you did!

 

Again to those that don’t like me sharing my observations the truth hurts. 

Maybe my family and friends are total lushes but I think 3 drinks is a slow night.  We have pre-ordered around 6 drinks pp for cocktail hour, toast, and meal, then we have an open bar in addition.

Do people really think 3 drinks is excessive?  

Good to know that you are hosting people that want more though.  And also, there will always be people that find the location of your wedding inconvenient.  That's life, I wouldn't worry about it too much as long as you aren't gutted if a particular guest can't make it.

Definitely not! My friends and family will be 3 deep by the end of cocktail hour. I've never really thought of us a 'wild and frattish' crowd, but now that the error of our ways has been pointed out to us I actually quite like it. Can't wait for the party.

I'm neither a 20-something nor having a big wedding. No pouffy dress for me either, or even a gown for that matter. I don't think that makes me any better than the next bride, and I certainly don't think it makes me non traditional. A small horse to be looking down on others from, indeed.

glasgowtolondon

Also, if people have given you abuse in pm's then I'm sure @knotriley will deal with that appropriately if you have reported it. I'd also think about how you could have handled the situation differently yourself given that you unnecessarily upset a community of people who only tried to give you the advice you asked for, you know since you are a mature growed up lady and all. Perhaps if you hadn't needlessly insulted a proportion of that community we could all have just gone about our day.

ScottishSarah

OurWildKingdom said:

drunkenwitch said:

OurWildKingdom said:

Yeah, I'm a recovering alcoholic (sober 3 years this go-round), so I'm not even going to address the whole "more than three drinks is excessive" thing.

Can I high five you for that? That is something you shouldbe proud of. 

Absolutely! Thank you. 

Well done babe, I know how hard it is!

artbyallie

glasgowtolondon said:

ScottishSarah said:

Knottie1464374655 said:

Okay trying to address some of you in 1 post!

 

Scrunchy, Food would be the biggest factor for us. We want people to leave being well fed with great food. We aren’t really on the fence for location. We have wanted it in Hawaii since we got engaged. Again no matter how you look at it, we would have guests that would have to fly out whether we had a wedding in CA, Hawaii, NY, etc so to some it is a destination wedding. With the dress, no idea if I will do a flower or a veil. I’m kind of feeling doing a little veil. I won’t be doing the lei thing. I’ll hold a bouquet but that’s it. I’m actually very allergic to flowers and most perfumes lol.

 

CM, there is no drink limit we are putting on guests like I mentioned before. The luau itself includes up to 3 drinks. We would take care of any drinks beyond 3. I’ll be honest though, having more than 3 drinks seems excessive to me but there are people who get drunk at weddings. Our crowd is far from wild or “fratish”. I would be shocked if anyone gets more than 3 drinks. My fiance’s friends are the types to get a couple of IPAs but that’s really it. The article you mentioned is spot on to me. Unless everyone lives in the city you are having the wedding, some will be annoyed at the location. Good read.

 

Winston, I will be messaging you. Would love to hear about what you did!

 

Again to those that don’t like me sharing my observations the truth hurts. 

Maybe my family and friends are total lushes but I think 3 drinks is a slow night.  We have pre-ordered around 6 drinks pp for cocktail hour, toast, and meal, then we have an open bar in addition.

Do people really think 3 drinks is excessive?  

Good to know that you are hosting people that want more though.  And also, there will always be people that find the location of your wedding inconvenient.  That's life, I wouldn't worry about it too much as long as you aren't gutted if a particular guest can't make it.

Definitely not! My friends and family will be 3 deep by the end of cocktail hour. I've never really thought of us a 'wild and frattish' crowd, but now that the error of our ways has been pointed out to us I actually quite like it. Can't wait for the party.

I'm neither a 20-something nor having a big wedding. No pouffy dress for me either, or even a gown for that matter. I don't think that makes me any better than the next bride, and I certainly don't think it makes me non traditional. A small horse to be looking down on others from, indeed.

If I'm eating/have recently eaten, 3 won't even get me past buzzed! The weekend before last we were in Charleston with my parents and went on a pub crawl after having tasted liquor and wine at two distilleries and a winery. I had three strong drinks on the crawl and a dessert wine at the cafe we went to afterward. Food at every stop as well. Still wasn't drunk.

TrixieJess

I'm 38 and in the past 30+ years of friends and family getting married at all ages from early 20s to late 50s, I can say I have been to ALL kinds of weddings.

 I have been to Black Tie princess weddings, as well as intimate, private weddings in backyards. Age has nothing to do with it. It's about personality and what you are comfortable with.

As you can see, TK has lots of personalities and lots of different kinds of weddings. So long as you aren't overstepping any etiquette, no one cares if you get married in a bikini and flip-flops or a froofy, princess dress.

Tyvm

Is it possible that @Knottie1464374655 got confused, and thought the front pages of The Knot proper ( http://www.theknot.com/ ) are directly related to the women on these message boards? Like, maybe she thought that this community actually endorses the behaviors on TheKnot.com. Is that possible?

That could explain a little bit of the every-wedding-here-is-a-princess-wedding, the every-bride-here-is-20 condescension, and the belief that a Hawaii destination wedding is unusual? Newsflash for lurkers: TheKnot.com and The Knot forums are pretty much completely separate. TheKnot.com tends to be pretty tacky (finance your wedding! Honeyfunds! Weeeeeee).

However, the 3+ drinks is disgusting, 20-somethings are the worst, opinions are not true or false, etc. attitudes are all on OP. Can't really get that in TheKnot.com!

MairePoppy

@Knottie1464374655  Please check your PMs.

PrettyGirlLost

Knottie1464374655 said:

I would have posted on the 40 and up board (I'm 37) but it seems fairly dead. If any of you are say mid 30s and up and it's your first wedding, do you do the whole "princess" thing?

I was 33 when I got married and I guess I did "the whole princess thing."  I got married in a cathedral in the most extravagant gown I've ever worn, all the men in the WP wore tuxes, and then we had a great reception in a lovely historical venue afterwards.

My desire to have this kind of wedding had absolutely, 0% to do with my age and everything to do with my taste, my DH's taste, and what we wanted to spend our money on.

PP's have the rest of it covered.

Knottie1464374655 said:

I never said everyone in their 20s has these loud, ostentatious wedding where it really is a giant show however I think the average bride on TheKnot who is fairly young does does do that. All you have to do is look at their pictures/blog/profile etc..... Many things brides on here (and in general...again not all but in general) do I consider excessive but that's my opinion. To me most of their weddings are a show but to many people (again many not all...) it isn't. I get that. What some of you may consider judgmental I consider to by my own opinion which is based on what I have observed. Opinions aren't right or wrong and I think I make valid points. I see I made a few of you very upset... In the words of Shakespeare, the lady doth protest too much, me thinks.  

Um. . . the reason DH and I didn't get married in our 20's is because we were just starting our careers and we were broke and couldn't afford to have the "ostentatious" wedding we wanted.

A lot of the younger brides I see posting on these boards are *not* having the kind of weddings you seem to be judging them for.  And many of the brides in your age group are.

This is some serious ageist bullshit that seems to be you projecting your own disappointment and rationalizing your decision.  If you want to have a huge blow out wedding but can't afford to do so now, then have a longer engagement and save up for it.