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Wedding Etiquette Forum
Knottie1459970861
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Cake and Punch Reception
Me and FH have settled on a sweet, and simple cake and punch reception. We have no issue with this. Although we do have people coming in from out of town. Some are family that are a few hours away, and 2 are friends that are out of state. My parents are very concerned about not having any food (my grandpa is diabetic, although he knows how to deal with it), which I understand but I have never wanted a sit down dinner. IMO as long as I let the guests know in the invitation that it will be a Cake and Punch Reception, I see no real problems.
Thoughts?
Thoughts?
"Let me give you some advice. Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you." - Tyrion Lannister
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Re: Cake and Punch Reception
The time of day of the reception is supposed to indicate to guests whether or not they can reasonably expect a full meal, so if you want a cake and punch reception, it needs not to be held at a time of day when a full meal would be expected, such as between about noon and 2pm (lunch) or between about 6 and 8pm (dinner).
So sorry, but you do not let your guests know in the invitation that the reception is a cake and punch reception, just as you do not use "dinner and dancing" to describe that type of reception. It's up to the guests to deal with whatever dietary issues arise out of the scheduling for themselves.
Also, everything I've ever seen has said that you should include something along the lines of "Please join us for blah blah blah after the ceremony" Usually dinner and drinks, drinks and dancing, etc. Is this not true??
Im not sure on the etiquette but I'd prefer if you wrote something like cake and punch reception to follow on the invite.
1) It should not be at a meal time. Starting your wedding at 1 really pushes that (I want to be at least 15 minutes early, I'll have to drive there and park - say I live 30 minutes away - I take about an hour to get ready, more if I have a family going and am getting kids ready...I probably would have had to eat lunch at 11am at the latest and wolf it down at that).
I would start your ceremony at no earlier than 2. That gives people who have to drive some distance time to stop for lunch along the way and people enough time to eat before/while getting ready. At 2 or 2:30, I wouldn't assume a full meal, but I probably would with a 1pm start time. In fact, with no dancing, meal, or alcohol, two to two and a half hours for a reception should be plenty. End at 5pm and then people can go out for dinner afterwards.
2) Just in case you weren't planning on it, you should still provide something other than literally cake and punch. Especially since you know you have diabetics. Some people do not enjoy sweets that much or would enjoy cutting the sweet with something else. It doesn't have to be much. Meat and cheese platter with crackers, veggie tray, bowl of mixed nuts (if there aren't allergy concerns) or a snack mix, and some non-sweet beverage options like tea, coffee, a diet soda or sugar-free lemonade/iced tea.
I had originally thought of that, and I don't mind getting some food trays from HEB (grocery store that will also be doing my flowers and maybe my cake). However FH has a really big issue with giving people grocery store platters. He feels that if we have food at all, we need to have real food and not just platters of finger foods.
Non-sweet beverage options like tea, coffee, a diet soda or sugar-free lemonade/iced tea.
That one I don't really mind at all, I just don't know how to do a coffee bar without spending big bucks or having to hire someone to make the coffee.
I would move your ceremony until 2pm, start your reception at 2:30, and it can end between 4-5 pm.
I would add in a couple of options- water, coffee and tea. I would get some simple trays- cheese/crackers, fruit/veggies, even snack food like chips, popcorn or a mix. I would stress to FH it is meant to be a snack, something to nibble on. If you have the budget, you could get something catered, like pin-wheel sandwiches and the like, but that is not necessary.
As for what you state on your invitation- technically no, you should not list what kind of reception you are having. The time of the event should give this detail and your guests should graciously accept whatever you offer. What you write is "Reception to follow" at the bottom under where you have listed the location/address of your ceremony site. I would spread via word of mouth that you are having a cake and punch reception. If you have some extra snacks and sugar-free drinks, you won't need to worry about issues such as diabetics. (Personally though, I think putting "Cake and punch reception to follow" is a victim-less crime).
P.S. If you *did* want something catered, you can of course go the restaurant route, or you can look at organizations such as Knights of Columbus, Rotary clubs, or even some church groups provide low cost catering where they provide food, drink and the needed utensils to go with it (such as the coffee/ tea urn).
Ditto PP about having a tiny something other than actual cake and punch. Fruit/veggie platters, wraps, hummus, etc. Especially if you have some family a few hours away, and friends from out of state, I'm not sure when they'd have the chance to eat a proper lunch.
Was that not ok? Whoops! Lol.
Cake and punch is totally fine, but I agree with others that I'd push the time back a bit.
Although it may be confusing because I had a 2:00 wedding and a full dinner (but that's because ceremony went until 3:15, cocktail hour started at 3:45, dinner at 5:00). Weddings vary so much now that I feel like it's not always apparent to guests whether a wedding will provide a meal or not just based on the time.
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Honestly, I have never received a wedding invitation that didn't list the type of reception that was happening after the wedding. We included that cocktails and dinner was happening immediately after the ceremony because everything is at one venue and also because we wanted to hint that there would be no dancing so people know it wasn't going to be a late evening.
I'm confused about this as well. Over two years ago I was on here all the time when preparing for my wedding, combed every thread about etiquette, saw things like "Don't tell your guests what to wear on your invitation". But... I never saw "don't put dinner and dancing to follow" or something along those lines.
Now as others mentioned I also didn't put this on the actual invitation, but I did have in on a separate insert.
Right now I'm wracking my brain trying to figure out how this could possibly be rude. Any other kind of invitation would include such a thing wouldn't it, why not a wedding? Why would there be this weird, random wedding etiquette that people "Should just know by the time of day". Especially when so many people have complained on here about being blinded sided by showing up starving only to find it is a cake and punch reception. Whatever time of day you try to plan a wedding there will always be preparing, driving, and ceremony to push the reception to a meal time in one form or another. Also since the invitation says "ceremony" regardless of weather is a five minute exchange of vows to a full blown Catholic mass... it can be hard to tell exactly what time of day the reception will be.
Also as Ernursej said... I have never been to a wedding that didn't include this. Personally I would hate it if I was left wondering if I should eat ahead of time or not. But can someone explain the thought process behind why it would be rude?
The explanation that I've seen is that it's rude because it implies the guests are unduly interested in what they'll get out of the situation. Or, the hosts are showing off.
Do you have some cute platter or dishes you can bring from home (assuming its the shiny black plastic thing that he doesn't like) to serve food on? Ive been to plenty of parties where no real meal was served and that is all your reception needs.
We had a very simple looking buffet set up-plastic utensils and plates, standard sterno set up, plastic tablecloths on the buffet line. We had so, so many compliments on the food. No one mentioned the set upt stuff.
I listed on our reception card that we were having a cake & punch reception (with heavy apps) and have been able to spread by word of mouth how we're having sandwiches, meats/cheeses, fruits/veggies, water/tea/lemonade and of course, yummy cake. It's been really received so far by wedding guests and family. We are having a 2pm ceremony with the reception beginning around 2:45 once ceremony is over.
I agree with the others that you need to change your ceremony time to 2:00PM.
Most churches and clubs have a big coffee maker that is used for these occasions. You can also rent them. There are coffee junkies out there who really need their caffeine fix.