Bridal Party Dance

Knottie1447867658

I need some help. My fiancé is determined to have a slow bridal party dance. He can't dance so he doesn't want a fast song but none of my girls have a matching spouse on the guys said. So the bridal party are all strangers but two people on both sides are married to people that aren't standing. Essentially, this is going to be awkward and despite my attempts, I can't persuade my groom thange his mind.  With that, would ya'll have any ideas for songs that aren't romantic (or creepy) that we could use? I'm trying to make this as painless as possible. 

Thanks!!

levioosa

Knottie1447867658 said:

I need some help. My fiancé is determined to have a slow bridal party dance. He can't dance so he doesn't want a fast song but none of my girls have a matching spouse on the guys said. So the bridal party are all strangers but two people on both sides are married to people that aren't standing. Essentially, this is going to be awkward and despite my attempts, I can't persuade my groom thange his mind.  With that, would ya'll have any ideas for songs that aren't romantic (or creepy) that we could use? I'm trying to make this as painless as possible. 

Thanks!!

I can't give you ideas because I am horrified at this idea.  No.  Please don't do this to your WP.  I've been in weddings where they make us dance into the reception, and I've hated every second of it.  I'm sure you're going to get a lot of replies similar to mine on this thread. You should show it to your FI.  Your wedding is not a theatrical production.  This also doesn't make any sense. Like, he wants the WP up there with you guys for a first dance?  Or he wants them to dance into the reception this way?  It doesn't fit anywhere.  

Having a first dance is not necessary, if your FI is worried about dancing.  But don't drag down the rest of your poor WP with him.  

Viczaesar

No bridal party dance!  Horrible idea.

charlotte989875

What does your wedding party say about this? If they are expressing reservations about this at all you need to find a way to say no to your FI and forgo the bridal party dance. 

Jen4948

Knottie1447867658 said:

I need some help. My fiancé is determined to have a slow bridal party dance. He can't dance so he doesn't want a fast song but none of my girls have a matching spouse on the guys said. So the bridal party are all strangers but two people on both sides are married to people that aren't standing. Essentially, this is going to be awkward and despite my attempts, I can't persuade my groom thange his mind.  With that, would ya'll have any ideas for songs that aren't romantic (or creepy) that we could use? I'm trying to make this as painless as possible. 

Thanks!!

Tell your FI to forget it and let your bridal party figure out for themselves who they want to dance with -- like their own partners.  Nobody is going to want to be forced to do a spotlight dance with a stranger at a wedding.

OurWildKingdom

I was a bridesmaid three times. The first time I was stuck dancing with the groom's brother who was rude to me in high school. The second time was with some random friend of the groom's who was already tipsy. The third was with my cousin's husband; he's nice enough but I would have preferred being able to dance with my then-BF. 

Please don't do that to your WP.

Knottie1447867658

I really appreciate your thoughts, however, they don't really help. This is a wedding that includes both my fiancé and I, so for the few things he does request, I try to acquiesce to his request. Plus, dancing with someone who isn't your other half won't kill, infect or otherwise harm anyone. The dance will stay. 

Would anyone have any suggestions for songs or songs they have used themselves?

banana468

Knottie1447867658 said:

I really appreciate your thoughts, however, they don't really help. This is a wedding that includes both my fiancé and I, so for the few things he does request, I try to acquiesce to his request. Plus, dancing with someone who isn't your other half won't kill, infect or otherwise harm anyone. The dance will stay. 

Would anyone have any suggestions for songs or songs they have used themselves?

I bet they'll feel less than thrilled about it so how about this:  

https://youtu.be/LTnq268y2ms

Seriously with the bolded??   How about you say that no one wants to watch it as a guest and no one wants to do it in the BP.   So instead, invite ALL your guests onto the dance floor to dance with you.  

Remember, your wedding party is no longer under any obligation to you at the reception.   At that event, it's for your guests.   So don't make them DO anything.   Just let them have a good time.   No, dancing with someone other than my spouse won't kill me but I don't want to dance with anyone because I'm told to either. 

levioosa

Knottie1447867658 said:

I really appreciate your thoughts, however, they don't really help. This is a wedding that includes both my fiancé and I, so for the few things he does request, I try to acquiesce to his request. Plus, dancing with someone who isn't your other half won't kill, infect or otherwise harm anyone. The dance will stay. 

Would anyone have any suggestions for songs or songs they have used themselves?

Yeah...it's your wedding.  So you two dance.  The only thing your WP is required to do is show up, on time, sober and in the correct attire for the ceremony.  That's it.  If your doesn't like dancing in front of people, why would he expect your WP to enjoy it?  Seriously, it's kind of messed up.  "Oh hey, you spent all of this time and money to be here with me, but I'd like you to do some more stuff that doesn't actually matter, and is actually really awkward and uncomfortable for all involved."  

charlotte989875

I just stood up in my SIL's wedding. I'm close to her and while I really love her husband I don't know him or his friends all that well. I met all of his WP that day and included his dad and his sister. Sure it wouldn't have killed me to dance with one of them, I would much rather have danced with my H who I hadn't seen all day. Why do you want to make strangers dance together? I promise you your pictures will look better if people are dancing with their choice of partners. 

artbyallie

Yes, your FI gets to choose things because it's his wedding too. HOWEVER, this is something that should take the feelings of the other people involved into account. They will be uncomfortable. Ergo, not an okay thing to force upon them. He can pick songs for the general playlist and leave it at that.

(By the way, what is his reasoning for wanting this at all if he can't dance anyway?)

downtondiva

I'm glad you want to include your FI in planning the wedding and take into account what he wants, but this is not the way to do it. Wedding party dances are often awkward for wedding party members, and most of your guests probably do not want to sit through one either. I'm sorry if this isn't the advice you're looking for, but we are trying to help you avoid having an uncomfortable wedding party and uncomfortable guests. 

If your FI doesn't like dancing, why does he even want to do this? Aren't there other ways you can incorporate some of his ideas into the day?

ernursej

I've been forced to do multiple wedding party dances and every time, I think, just 1 more minute, just 30 more seconds. I hate being in the spot light and to be dancing with someone other than my FI just doesn't turn my crank.

Marriage is all about respect. Respect does mean compromise but it also means listening. Your FI should be listening to you when you mention that it is going to be awkward for your bridal party and that there are other things that can be done. I would happily trade the slow bridal party dance for a slow dance that invites everyone up onto the dance floor (that is compromise).

If he still won't budge, tell your DJ to invite everyone to the dance floor after about 30 seconds. Spouses of the bridal party can cut in and then it is only 30 seconds of being embarrassed and awkward.

jacques27

Knottie1447867658 said:

I really appreciate your thoughts, however, they don't really help. This is a wedding that includes both my fiancé and I, so for the few things he does request, I try to acquiesce to his request. Plus, dancing with someone who isn't your other half won't kill, infect or otherwise harm anyone. The dance will stay. 

Would anyone have any suggestions for songs or songs they have used themselves?

And what is his reasoning for wanting it so badly?  I mean I'm all for getting what you want when it doesn't affect the comfort of other people.  Want to wear a top hat? Rock on.  Want to walk in to death metal playing in the background? Have at it.  

If he said he wanted to rob a bank during cocktail hour, hopefully you wouldn't say "whatever you want cause it's your wedding, too" and then come online asking what type of getaway car is best.  Sometimes bad ideas just need to be acknowledged and then reworked with some compromises.  

Why can't your wedding party dance with their dates, for instance?  What is just so wonderful and magical about watching strangers or acquaintances awkwardly slow dance with each other?  After all, no one on your guest list gives a damn about seeing your wedding party dance together.  You're inviting them to see you get married.  No one RSVPs to a wedding to see bridesmaid #2 dance with groomsmen #3 whom she just met last night at the rehearsal dinner.

MissKittyDanger

I vote no unless they're already together!

H's best man and one of my bridesmaids ended up catching garter/bouquet and they made a decision to dance together, but that was their choice. Instead of making it awkward, the DJ played a pretty platonic song - H danced with my mum and I danced with my Step-FIL to make it less weird {although - my Step-FIL is 6'8" and I am 5'2" ish ....}


If he wants a group dance, why don't you find something fun like the locomotion - we did that and it ended up being hilarious.

cowgirl8238

Here's one for thought...are your sides even? (I'm guessing you each picked the same number of people, hopefully for good reason), what do you do if someone gets the flu and can't make the wedding, have one person slow dance alone?  Are you going to have a backup dancer of each gender waiting in the wings? 

Ugh I hate this idea all around...I understand that you want to give FI a few things to plan, but if the comfort of anyone is in question, you shouldn't be doing it period!  If he is insistent on having this fluff, let the WP dance with their SO/Dates, or just invite everyone who wants to join "the happy couple" join. 

thisismynickname2

Knottie1447867658 said:

I really appreciate your thoughts, however, they don't really help. This is a wedding that includes both my fiancé and I, so for the few things he does request, I try to acquiesce to his request. Plus, dancing with someone who isn't your other half won't kill, infect or otherwise harm anyone. The dance will stay. 

Would anyone have any suggestions for songs or songs they have used themselves?

Ok so.
Something interesting happens as you get older and/or more mature and serious about a relationship-- dancing with strangers gets uncomfortable. This isn't high school or college. I love my husband, I married him, and though I dated a lot before we met, now even linking arms with some dude to process down an aisle or walk out during reception introductions feels a little weird. I have no issues with that walking element, but having to dance with some rando who's not my husband is going to feel even weirder. 

Also, slow dances are by and large romantic. Artists don't really do slow songs about longtime friendship. The only song that popped into my head is from Saved by The Bell- "Friends Forever"- and that's not even that slow. 

If you're going to acquiesce to your FI's demand to have a bridal party slow song, at least let each bridal party member dance with their own date, not each other. 

Honestly, as you attend more weddings at get older, you realize what stuff is senseless and stupid and bridal party dances are one of them. Don't be the couple that other couples talk about in the future--- "Ugh, skip the bridal party dance- we did that at Knottie#'s wedding and it sucked."

climbingsingle

I don't understand why this is so important to your FI. Why force strangers to have to slow dance with each other?? It's a terrible idea. No one enjoys it. Totally agree with the above poster re: stupid little details. This is one of those things. 

peachy13

Not only is the slow wedding party dance uncomfortable for the wedding party, it would be uncomfortable to watch as a guest. I've witnessed fast wedding party dances and those are awkward and forced, so I can't imagine the cringe-worthyness of making people slow dance with others.

TNDancer

OK, at a recent wedding all the bridal party did some sort of line dance. I didn't know the song or dance, so I was bored, but at least then each person dances alone and it's sort of meant to be hokey in the first place. Maybe you fiance can do the cha cha slide?

madamerwin

For some reason, I am thinking the FI thinks that a bridal party dance has to happen - like, it's just what people do in their area or something, so he does not realize that it is by no all means optional...

OP, can you please elaborate on why your FI is so set on it, especially considering he can't/doesn't dance himself?

I am having a hard time picturing what this "slow dance" would even look like, but this comes to mind:

holyguacamole79

I also think this is a terribly awkward idea.  Please don't subject your loved ones to this.

aurianna

So sorry if I'm way off base here, but something about the way you kept saying "married" over and over again in your OP made me wonder.

You are inviting all couples together, regardless of marital status and time together, correct (married, engaged, living together, dating for a year, dating for a week, etc)?
And as a bonus and a thank you for spending so much time, money and effort on your wedding, you're even letting your bridal party members who are single bring a guest, right?

Assuming you are, and assuming this slow bridal party dance has to happen, can't you let the bridal party members dance with their dates (who they will also be sitting with at the reception)? And make it optional. Those who are single / just want to sit out can.

I also like the line dance idea (or square dance, which would involve pairing up but be less awkward and less talent-required for your FI).

Jen4948

Knottie1447867658 said:

I really appreciate your thoughts, however, they don't really help. This is a wedding that includes both my fiancé and I, so for the few things he does request, I try to acquiesce to his request. Plus, dancing with someone who isn't your other half won't kill, infect or otherwise harm anyone. The dance will stay. 

Would anyone have any suggestions for songs or songs they have used themselves?

Sorry, but you're asking other people to "acquiesce to his request," and they have every right not to be willing to dance with partners not of their own choice. Dancing at a wedding should be up to the guests.

So I think you need to tell your FI, "I'm sorry, but requiring the bridal party to do a performance dance isn't going to fly." Sometimes when you (generic) really want something that involves other people without taking their needs and feelings into consideration, no matter how much you want it, you need to give it up.

sparklepants41

Knottie1447867658 said:

I need some help. My fiancé is determined to have a slow bridal party dance. He can't dance so he doesn't want a fast song but none of my girls have a matching spouse on the guys said. So the bridal party are all strangers but two people on both sides are married to people that aren't standing. Essentially, this is going to be awkward and despite my attempts, I can't persuade my groom thange his mind.  With that, would ya'll have any ideas for songs that aren't romantic (or creepy) that we could use? I'm trying to make this as painless as possible. 

Thanks!!

This is going to be painfully awkward and boring for your guests and your WP. 

Want to make this as painless as possible? Just don't do it.

ShesSoCold

I don't dance. Period. Not with you, not with my husband and definitely not with some random schmo.

If I were your BM, I would literally decline to be in your wedding because of this. SO UNCOMFORTABLE.

jacques27

Some of this smacks of "I'm really uncomfortable dancing,  so I'll make everyone else be equally uncomfortable."  

 OP, you say it has to be a slow song because he doesn't know how to dance.  Wouldn't an equally viable solution be learn how to dance?  Go take some lessons.  Hang out at a bar our club and watch others.  Practice at home.  It's not neurosurgery - it's moving your body to music however it compels you.  Some people are better than others, but for most people we're all just big old  dorks having fun doing the same three moves over and over.  I'd rather watch and join in with someone dorking it up and having fun than cringe-worthy awkward slow-dancing.

MaggieF1990

I'm the odd one out here because I have never seen or heard of a bridal party dance...I haven't been to tons of weddings, but this sounds weird and is a foreign concept to me.

Like @Jen4948 said, dancing at a wedding should be optional. I love dancing and it's my favorite part of weddings, but looking at my wedding party, my sister danced all night, two of my BMs danced a little bit, and my other BM did not dance at all because she hates it. She is one of my best friends, I know she doesn't like the spotlight on her, and I would've felt bad asking her to dance (especially slow dance) with someone she had likely just met the night before at the rehearsal.

If you and your FI insist on it, I like the idea of having the WP dance and just letting them dance with their spouses/dates, or just inviting everyone to the dance floor after your spotlight dances. That's what we did, and we had a full dance floor for most of our reception.

banana468

ShesSoCold said:

I don't dance. Period. Not with you, not with my husband and definitely not with some random schmo.

If I were your BM, I would literally decline to be in your wedding because of this. SO UNCOMFORTABLE.

Lol.   This reminds me of a story my mom told when she and my dad were getting married:

Her dad: I hope you don't play any father / daughter dance songs because I'm not dancing.

My dad: And I'm not dancing with you either!

Viczaesar

thisismynickname said:

show previous quotes

Knottie1447867658 said:

I really appreciate your thoughts, however, they don't really help. This is a wedding that includes both my fiancé and I, so for the few things he does request, I try to acquiesce to his request. Plus, dancing with someone who isn't your other half won't kill, infect or otherwise harm anyone. The dance will stay. 

Would anyone have any suggestions for songs or songs they have used themselves?

Ok so.
Something interesting happens as you get older and/or more mature and serious about a relationship-- dancing with strangers gets uncomfortable. This isn't high school or college. I love my husband, I married him, and though I dated a lot before we met, now even linking arms with some dude to process down an aisle or walk out during reception introductions feels a little weird. I have no issues with that walking element, but having to dance with some rando who's not my husband is going to feel even weirder. 

Also, slow dances are by and large romantic. Artists don't really do slow songs about longtime friendship. The only song that popped into my head is from Saved by The Bell- "Friends Forever"- and that's not even that slow. 

If you're going to acquiesce to your FI's demand to have a bridal party slow song, at least let each bridal party member dance with their own date, not each other. 

Honestly, as you attend more weddings at get older, you realize what stuff is senseless and stupid and bridal party dances are one of them. Don't be the couple that other couples talk about in the future--- "Ugh, skip the bridal party dance- we did that at Knottie#'s wedding and it sucked."

And what about people without a date?  Not everybody is paired up.  My objection to this is just as much about forcing the wedding party to be in the spotlight and dance with someone they didn't choose as it is about forcing them to dance with someone other than their SO.

aurianna

MaggieF1990 said:

I'm the odd one out here because I have never seen or heard of a bridal party dance...I haven't been to tons of weddings, but this sounds weird and is a foreign concept to me.

Luckily less than 20% of the weddings I've been to have had these. Because I think they are dumb. And I think that 80% of the people who have to do them also think they are dumb.