Bridal Party Dance

flantastic

Well, wedding planning is women's work, so the groom should automatically get the few things his bride is lucky enough that he does care about, without regard for the comfort of those involved or the sense of the plan. I don't know why you all aren't just being helpful here.

redoryx

Put me in the "I do not dance" camp. Hell, I don't want a spotlight dance at my own wedding and that's with the person I'm marrying. No way in hell am I dancing with some random guy just because the couple paired with him at the wedding ceremony. 

AddieCake

What exactly is the point of having the WP dance anyway? It's so awkward for so many people.

ThisShamanluvsaMage

Please don't make them dance.  If I were a BM, I'd refuse.  As a guest I use that moment to escape to the bathroom (or anywhere) so I wouldn't have to watch.

holyguacamole79

If I was a BM who had to dance, I'd be super tempted to do this.

OliveOilsMom

OP, show your FI this thread.  Maybe he will realize that WP dances make MANY people uncomfortable.  Why would you want to make your nearest & dearest uncomfortable?

I've been to one wedding where they did this.  My H was BM.  He absolutely hates dancing and will only do so minimally with me!  Here he had to dance with the MOH who he never met before.  He was very put off by being asked to do the dance, but being it was his brother's wedding and he only found out 5 minutes be entering the reception, he didn't say anything.  To make matters worse, when the dance started my MIL was standing up there, all by herself when everyone else, including the bride's parents, paired off to dance.  MIL is a widow and the look on her face was just too much to bear.  I did run onto the dance floor to dance with her, which brightened her spirits.  But if they never had that stupid dance, it would have saved a lot of grief to their closest friends and family.

aurianna

OliveOilsMom said:

OP, show your FI this thread.  Maybe he will realize that WP dances make MANY people uncomfortable.  Why would you want to make your nearest & dearest uncomfortable?

I've been to one wedding where they did this.  My H was BM.  He absolutely hates dancing and will only do so minimally with me!  Here he had to dance with the MOH who he never met before.  He was very put off by being asked to do the dance, but being it was his brother's wedding and he only found out 5 minutes be entering the reception, he didn't say anything.  To make matters worse, when the dance started my MIL was standing up there, all by herself when everyone else, including the bride's parents, paired off to dance.  MIL is a widow and the look on her face was just too much to bear.  I did run onto the dance floor to dance with her, which brightened her spirits.  But if they never had that stupid dance, it would have saved a lot of grief to their closest friends and family.

It's bad enough they forced the bridal party to do this. They roped the parents in too?
You're good people.

jacques27

MaggieF1990 said:

I'm the odd one out here because I have never seen or heard of a bridal party dance...I haven't been to tons of weddings, but this sounds weird and is a foreign concept to me.

Not really.  I've only heard of it through people posting on forums or in movies/television.  I've never been to a wedding with one and I can't think of a single person I know in real life who did one.  I offered up compromises to make it less awkward (actual compromises - not just "I'll find a non-romantic slow song - that will totally make everyone ok with slow dancing with strangers) because I feel like all of our comments suggesting to not do it at all will fall on deaf ears anyway.

In reality, I'm Team Skip This Dance.  I really find the concept strange.  Even if all the bridal party members were from the same group of friends and not complete strangers, who the hell gives a shit about seeing people who didn't get married that day dance with people who aren't their real life partners?  On what other occasion would we force people we presumably love to slow dance with people who are not their partners?  And on what premise - to put on a show?  The people who were picked to be bridal party members should playact being a romantic couple because...??? the bride(s) and groom(s) got married and by extension the bridal party are now bonded together forever, too?  As a guest I just want to eat, drink, mingle, and dance.  I don't want to watch strangers (to each other or to me...since I usually only know a fraction of the bridal party, if any at all) awkwardly dance together.

missfrodo

I told H about this thread and he said, "What is this?  High school?"  Because that's the only time when he could have imagined anyone wanting random people to be forced to dance together.  Your FI doesn't have a right to tell your BP what to do after the ceremony.  And all he can ask of them during the ceremony is to stand next to you guys.  Tell him you'd love to honor his wedding wishes regarding the two of you, but that anything affecting your guests' comfort is non-negotiable.

wmam35

Would a compromise to your FI be to have the DJ invite all couples onto the dance floor instead of just your wedding party members?  Then your FI wouldn't be in the spotlight but if members of your wedding party didn't want to dance they wouldn't have to, and if they want to they can dance with their SO.  I've seen this at a few weddings and I actually like it, but I'm the type that will stop eating dinner to go dance (I went to a wedding once where the DJ played an awesome Michael Jackson song during dinner, so I had no choice ) and I dance for the entire wedding.  It sounds like you aren't going to get rid of this no matter what PP's have said/suggested, so this would be my advice.  Otherwise I do agree with others, cause again, I LOVE to dance at weddings, but I don't want to slow dance with some guy I barely know. 

Jen4948

wmam35 said:

Would a compromise to your FI be to have the DJ invite all couples guests onto the dance floor instead of just your wedding party members?  Then your FI wouldn't be in the spotlight but if members of your wedding party didn't want to dance they wouldn't have to, and if they want to they can dance with their SO.  I've seen this at a few weddings and I actually like it, but I'm the type that will stop eating dinner to go dance (I went to a wedding once where the DJ played an awesome Michael Jackson song during dinner, so I had no choice ) and I dance for the entire wedding.  It sounds like you aren't going to get rid of this no matter what PP's have said/suggested, so this would be my advice.  Otherwise I do agree with others, cause again, I LOVE to dance at weddings, but I don't want to slow dance with some guy I barely know. 

FTFY

monkeysip

I don't get this at all.  I've never seen a bridal party dance either.

What is even the point?  Unless your bridal party all come to you and say, "Hey, we all discussed it and we'd love to have a coordinated dance at your wedding!", then why would you do this?

They don't enjoy doing it... no one enjoys watching it... so I feel like it's just the bride and grooms enjoying making their monkeys dance for their own amusement.  Gross.

madamerwin

monkeysip said:

I don't get this at all.  I've never seen a bridal party dance either.

What is even the point?  Unless your bridal party all come to you and say, "Hey, we all discussed it and we'd love to have a coordinated dance at your wedding!", then why would you do this?

They don't enjoy doing it... no one enjoys watching it... so I feel like it's just the bride and grooms enjoying making their monkeys dance for their own amusement.  Gross.

I've only ever seen it on YouTube. It seemed like it was a "thing" for, like, a minute - kind of like the bridal party breaking into a dance coming down the aisle, a la The Office and Jim and Pam's wedding. I have no idea why people still think it's cute or original. It's a dead trend, if it was even a trend to begin with.

And re-reading the OP, I am definitely convinced it's not that the FI wants a BP dance, it's that OP wants one, but FI doesn't want a fast song. So, OP, just save your husband (and the rest of your BP) the discomfort and embarrassment and skip this altogether. Invite the BP to dance with their dates if you MUST do some sort of dance.

ETA: I also assume OP is imagining some sort of choreographed dance...

kahluakoala

I've seen the BP dance their way into the ceremony during intros, which I know a lot of people here think is attrocious but to me is kind of no big deal (since it's only 20 seconds or so) but THIS, I've never seen and don't really get it. A slow dance? Just why?

MandyPandy87

I'm a very shy, very awkward person. If I had to dance in any of the weddings I've been in or will be in (aside from my own) I would be mortified. The only two people I've danced with at weddings have either been a very close relative (brother, uncle, etc.) or my FI. 

Please don't make your WP do this.

lyndausvi

JUST
SAY
NO

MyNameIsNot

Add me to the list of people who have never seen this done. I've been to 50 some weddings, and it wasn't at a single one.

Knowingly making your friends uncomfortable is an asshole move, plain and simple. I can't believe brides and grooms are so self absorbed that they think they have the right to make their friends dance with anyone, much less people who aren't their partners.

You're getting married, not running North Korea. 

spockforprez

Waiting for OP to come back has me like

CMGragain

This reminds me of when I taught high school vocal music, and a group of girls came to me with the proposal that the school would do Les Miserables as the school musical.
OK.  Les Miz needs many classically trained singers.  Do we have any classically trained singers in our school?  No.
Les Miz is copyrighted.  Is it available for high school drama production?  No
We would need an orchestra to accompany the music.  Does he school have one?  No.
Does the school have a budget for putting on a musical?  No.
OK.  Nice idea, but totally impractical.

The same goes for a choreographed wedding party dance at a wedding.  Nice idea, but.....

banana468

I've seen a few WP dances.   One I was in when I was 14.   The only other one I saw was when DH was a GM and he looked like a robot.   

MairePoppy

Wedding party dances used to be a thing, but I haven't seen one in the last twenty years. That's a good thing.

redwoodoriginal

It reminds me of sweet sixteen / cinquañera parties where I had to waltz and do salsa dances with the group. I detested every second of it. Why would you want something that's done when ppl turn 15/16?

drunkenwitch

These are your nearest and dearest, not your props. Not your flying monkies. Not your little puppets to dance for your amusement. Why would your fiance want to force people into an awkward situation? What purpose would it serve? And trust me, as a guest, the wedding party slow dance is as boring as a seminar 1000 and 1 uses for the modern paperclip.

short+sassy

CMGragain said:

This reminds me of when I taught high school vocal music, and a group of girls came to me with the proposal that the school would do Les Miserables as the school musical.
OK.  Les Miz needs many classically trained singers.  Do we have any classically trained singers in our school?  No.
Les Miz is copyrighted.  Is it available for high school drama production?  No
We would need an orchestra to accompany the music.  Does he school have one?  No.
Does the school have a budget for putting on a musical?  No.
OK.  Nice idea, but totally impractical.

The same goes for a choreographed wedding party dance at a wedding.  Nice idea, but.....

Great analogy!  I love to sing but, whoa!, Les Mis has a seriously tough musical score.  I was cringing at the thought of hearing non-pros try to sing some of the songs.

Just like I would cringe watching adults doing an awkward slow dance, especially if they were hating every minute.