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Pre-wedding Parties

Too Many Parties, not enough weekends left.

FI and I are getting married on 10/14/16 and his aunt and uncle just told us this week that they are wanting to have a party for us. Great! We're looking at the calendar right now for a free Saturday. This is insane...
7/30 - too soon. That's this weekend.
8/6 - We're going to a concert
8/13 - Friend's birthday party
8/20 - Out of town
8/27 - Free
9/3 - My parents are throwing us basically the exact same party for both families and the wedding party and their families. I don't want to have the same party 2 weeks in a row, especially since my parents have been planning theirs for 2 months and if their party is 2nd, I'm worried that'll be the one that people skip or are irritated by since they're back to back shindigs. 
9/10 - Pre-marriage classes all weekend
9/17 - Free but FI said no because it's a huge rivalry football game and no one will want to come. (I agree with him....huge football state)
9/24 - MOH (parents are the ones wanting to have the party) is a bridesmaid in another wedding
10/1 - Free
10/8 - Bachelorette Party
10/15 - We got married yesterday. 
WHERE HAS THE LAST YEAR GONE SINCE THE ENGAGEMENT??????? Is it rude to expect the same people to do back to back parties? We're not asking for gifts or doing a registry so that's ok. It's more of a time commitment. Is 10/1 too close to the actual wedding? Is it ok to say no to someone offering to have a party for us??

Re: Too Many Parties, not enough weekends left.

  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    If you don't have the time, thank them and tell them you don't have the time. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    InLoveInQueensSP29
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Just turn down the offer for the party. 

    InLoveInQueens
  • I'm exhausted just reading that. Thank for the offer and politely turn them down. 
    InLoveInQueenscharlotte989875
  • Just say you can't fit it in between now and the wedding. 
  • I just feel bad telling them that we don't have the time. I'm trying to see if they can do a Sunday instead of a Saturday. The next 80 days are going to fly by. If a Saturday is still their only option I think you're all right and we'll have to turn it down. I just don't know how to do it gracefully when they're so excited about doing it! It's like refusing a gift that someone can't wait to give you. 
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    Are engagement type parties usually gift-giving events in your circle? If so, I would definitely decline since it's the same group of people going to both parties.
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
    InLoveInQueensernursejSP29
  • One alternative: could you maybe suggest a family dinner with them one night? That would be way less work for everyone involved, can occur on a weeknight if necessary and still gives them the opportunity to spend time with you before the wedding to celebrate. 
    FeelTheRainernursejOurWildKingdomRedSolo34
  • ei34ei34 member
    2500 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I just feel bad telling them that we don't have the time. I'm trying to see if they can do a Sunday instead of a Saturday. The next 80 days are going to fly by. If a Saturday is still their only option I think you're all right and we'll have to turn it down. I just don't know how to do it gracefully when they're so excited about doing it! It's like refusing a gift that someone can't wait to give you. 
    Are you close to them?  Show them the list you've showed us...it's overwhelming to read, and once read, completely understandable that you really don't have the time.  All of us have stretches like that here and there, I can't imagine them not understanding.
    FeelTheRaincharlotte989875
  • I just feel bad telling them that we don't have the time. I'm trying to see if they can do a Sunday instead of a Saturday. The next 80 days are going to fly by. If a Saturday is still their only option I think you're all right and we'll have to turn it down. I just don't know how to do it gracefully when they're so excited about doing it! It's like refusing a gift that someone can't wait to give you. 
    Sure, you might feel a little bad but you don't actually have any choice. You don't have any free time, there is no other option! 
                 
    InLoveInQueens
  • Phew. Ok. Done deal. Thank you, my biggest concern was being rude and offending someone. I don't know how pre-wedding parties go. We're not asking for gifts or doing a registry so I didn't know if that made the get togethers different. I like the family dinner idea. Time wise it would be hard on us but equally hard on the WP and their families. His aunt and uncle know how busy our schedule is but I know they're just excited and want to share the love. Which is awesome! I think I'm just starting to get to the "holy crap I'm overwhelmed" stage and this was the first time I'd written down every weekend and realized how fast time is about to go. So. Bad news...80 days until everything needs to come together. Awesome news....only 80 more days!!! Sorry. Tangent over. No more parties. Easy peasy. 
  • lovegood90lovegood90 Ontario member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Nobody needs two engagement parties. Way overkill, not to mention inappropriate if the guest lists overlap. I'd decline even if you did have the time. 

    Formerly martha1818

    image


    geebee908InLoveInQueens
  • edited July 2016
    I had to decline a couples party that my aunt wanted to throw. It was a really nice gesture and she was excited about it, but it just didn't fit. I felt really bad but in the long run it worked out so much better. People really do understand. 
    FeelTheRain
  • Yes. Exactly. It's not an "Engagement" party. It's not a "shower." It's a "Woo-hoo we're all so excited for you guys and really want to drink some glasses of alcohol and get together and be excited that you're getting married really really soon!" party. I guess. I have no idea. My parents said they wanted to get the wedding party and our families together for an outdoor grill out, beers in coolers, backyard party games, relaxed fun day type thing. Which sounds amazing. And then his aunt and uncle just hit us with this other party that THEY want to throw. Again, I don't really know what the purpose is besides just the fact that we're getting married. Which I love! I am happy to celebrate and gush about that any day of the week! But they're talking about having a fancy cocktail party and inviting 50 people and..... I just don't know. It sounds great if it had been planned maybe in January after we'd just gotten engaged. And yes, the guest list would basically be the exact same. I told my MOH earlier today that we were really running low on time and we really appreciate the offer but maybe her parents could get together with my parents and co-host their party? And she basically said that was nonsense and her parents are excited and please get back to her by tomorrow with what day we're wanting to plan this. I'm so not good with confrontation! Can one of you please call her mom for me and put my foot down? 
  • Lol, breathe. First of all, talk to them directly and not through your MOH. 

    "Thank you so much for offering to host a party for us, we greatly appreciate all of your love and support. We are so excited about the big day and it is coming up so quickly! FI and I have had a good look at the calendar and there aren't any available weekends that could work for a party like the one you are proposing. I know, it is too bad since your offer sounded so great. But you know how busy the last few months leading up to a wedding can be! And I need to make sure there is some spare time left in there to take care of all of the last minute details. How about a family dinner one night next week instead? Just you guys, FI and I and MOH? This would be a much better opportunity for us to actually talk instead anyways! Please let me know what you think."

    And if she insists..."no, I'm sorry that just won't work for us." And repeat. 
    FeelTheRainSTARMOON44
  • Another vote "Thank you for your generosity, but we already have so much going on & so very few weekends were can just relax"
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Yes. Exactly. It's not an "Engagement" party. It's not a "shower." It's a "Woo-hoo we're all so excited for you guys and really want to drink some glasses of alcohol and get together and be excited that you're getting married really really soon!" party. I guess. I have no idea. My parents said they wanted to get the wedding party and our families together for an outdoor grill out, beers in coolers, backyard party games, relaxed fun day type thing. Which sounds amazing. And then his aunt and uncle just hit us with this other party that THEY want to throw. Again, I don't really know what the purpose is besides just the fact that we're getting married. Which I love! I am happy to celebrate and gush about that any day of the week! But they're talking about having a fancy cocktail party and inviting 50 people and..... I just don't know. It sounds great if it had been planned maybe in January after we'd just gotten engaged. And yes, the guest list would basically be the exact same. I told my MOH earlier today that we were really running low on time and we really appreciate the offer but maybe her parents could get together with my parents and co-host their party? And she basically said that was nonsense and her parents are excited and please get back to her by tomorrow with what day we're wanting to plan this. I'm so not good with confrontation! Can one of you please call her mom for me and put my foot down? 
    I'll do it! 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    STARMOON44OurWildKingdomInLoveInQueens
  • Ha! Thank you! I talked to my mom this weekend and she said to suggest doing an "after wedding" party. Get whoever wants to come after we get back from our Honeymoon together for their cocktail party and look at pictures and celebrate then once the dust has settled a bit. So I think I will suggest that to them and see if they'll go for it. *Side note - my MOH has decided to have my Bachelorette Party on the Saturday before the wedding. All of the other bridesmaids have expressed concern that this is way to close to the wedding. I don't feel like I really have a say since she's the one planning it so I guess the weekend before is when it'll be done! Wish me luck with this crazy schedule!
  • lovegood90lovegood90 Ontario member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Ha! Thank you! I talked to my mom this weekend and she said to suggest doing an "after wedding" party. Get whoever wants to come after we get back from our Honeymoon together for their cocktail party and look at pictures and celebrate then once the dust has settled a bit. So I think I will suggest that to them and see if they'll go for it. *Side note - my MOH has decided to have my Bachelorette Party on the Saturday before the wedding. All of the other bridesmaids have expressed concern that this is way to close to the wedding. I don't feel like I really have a say since she's the one planning it so I guess the weekend before is when it'll be done! Wish me luck with this crazy schedule!
    Are these people wanting to host on your mom's side of the family? Why doesn't she reach out and ask if they want to cohost the one she's throwing?

    It just seems like a lot of parties for one person. By the time the engagement party your parents are throwing, bachelorette party, any showers, and wedding are over, it's pretty overkill to have yet another "celebrate me!" event after your wedding. Is the aunt wanting to invite anyone not invited to your wedding to this party as well? Because that really wouldn't be cool either.

    This isn't just directed at you, but this board seems full of posts that think saying "no thank you" is a four letter word, which it's really not.

    Formerly martha1818

    image


    charlotte989875ShesSoColdSP29OurWildKingdom
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Ha! Thank you! I talked to my mom this weekend and she said to suggest doing an "after wedding" party. Get whoever wants to come after we get back from our Honeymoon together for their cocktail party and look at pictures and celebrate then once the dust has settled a bit. So I think I will suggest that to them and see if they'll go for it. *Side note - my MOH has decided to have my Bachelorette Party on the Saturday before the wedding. All of the other bridesmaids have expressed concern that this is way to close to the wedding. I don't feel like I really have a say since she's the one planning it so I guess the weekend before is when it'll be done! Wish me luck with this crazy schedule!
    I honestly think it's a little ridiculous to have this many parties surrounding a wedding. What's the point of yet another party after the wedding? 

    Also, after the wedding and honeymoon, I was looking forward to just getting back to normal. I wouldn't have wanted to attend/host another event. 

    I don't see a problem with having a bach party the weekend before, so long as the date works for you and the host. 

    charlotte989875InLoveInQueensSTARMOON44tigerlily6
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