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Registry and Gift Forum
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[Deleted User]
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Charity Registry
Hello, I was wondering if any other brides will do or have had a charity registry instead of home-wares. My fiance and I both make good money, both had homes before we lived together and have an obscene amount of appliances, towels...etc so we were thinking of registry for a few things to appease my mom but we would really like to give back to 2 of our favorite charities. Any suggestions or pros or cons you could share with me? I appreciate any advice unless its negative comments about not asking people for a toaster. Thank you in advance.
Update** it specifically states I'm asking for advice from Charity Registry Brides. Whether or not you like my choice of registry, it's mine. Some of you nasty women deserve a slap in your bitter mouths. Some of you have been married for over 10 years yet you sit here and troll a wedding planning website looking to attack others. Maybe some of you need to do more charity.
Update** it specifically states I'm asking for advice from Charity Registry Brides. Whether or not you like my choice of registry, it's mine. Some of you nasty women deserve a slap in your bitter mouths. Some of you have been married for over 10 years yet you sit here and troll a wedding planning website looking to attack others. Maybe some of you need to do more charity.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Charity Registry
When you thank people for the money, you just thank them for their generous gift. You don't need to tell them how you used it. For instance, if you are planning to donate to the "Donald Trump for President" fund, they might not want to know this.
Announcing your giving gifts to charity is a bad choice because 1) people have their own charities they prefer to donate to and many may not agree with the charity of your choice and either not give you a gift (I probably wouldn't) or buy you a random gift and 2) it screams "look how kind and generous we are, we're giving all our gifts to charity!" And 3) you telling your guests exactly what to gift you and this is rude.
Give charity donations privately and do not tell your guests how to spend their money.
Let your guests decide for themselves whether or not they want to support any charity instead of telling them what to do with their money.
Also, what if your guests don't support the causes you registered for? It's their decision to make whether or not they want to donate to those causes - not yours.
Sorry, but if you want to support charities, you need to do it with your own money, not money that you anticipate receiving from others - which they're not required to give just because you're getting married.
If you want to donate money to a cause, do it on your own. Please don't ask your guests to do this.
First bolded: you asked for pros and cons. PPs gave you pros and cons. I'm really confused as to why you posted asking for advice when you didn't actually want advice.
Charities are a very personal thing. If you want to donate money to a charity, then do so. But you cannot ask other people to donate to your charity of choice.
For example, my cousin works for an organization that I find antiquated and offensive. I know many other people who support this organization. She asked me to donate money to this organization and I was extremely offended.
Second bolded sentence: this is the internet. You cannot tell people how to post.
Here knottie, here is the response you wanted:
OMG U are DA BEST, so thoughtful to donate MONEY that you get to the place you work for. Animals are DA BEST. Every1 will fall ova how AWESOME and SELFLESS U are! ALL HAIL QUEEN KNOTTIE#.
I would side-eye an charity registry. Depending on the charity it's likely I will not give a gift at all as I would rather give nothing than donate to a cause I do not believe in and/or are offended by the charity itself. ETA - for example, breast cancer is a good cause. Susan Komen charity for breast cancer, umm, not so much.
In addition to the potential to offend someone who doesn't agree with the charity, you also risk insulting people who think your charity is less worthy than their own. e.g. "Why would you want me to donate money to save animals when there are starving children in my own city?" Charity is a very personal thing. People feel very strongly about charities for a variety of reasons. Don't presume to think that your charity is the best, or that everyone will agree it's a good cause.
Last, it just smacks of bragging. Donations should be made privately. Sharing your donation or intention to donate with friends and family is in poor taste.
I honestly would probably just give you a card and maybe a bottle of wine if you told me to donate to your charity. If I'm feeling compelled, I'd give the money I would have spent on your gift to my own pet causes instead. I plan my charitable donations and I research the organizations I contribute to well before giving them my money.
Asking for money or a charity donation is tacky and your guests probably won't appreciate it. Donating your own gifted money is perfectly fine.
Seriously, just quietly donate any money you receive to your charity. The moment you need to tell people about it or create a charity registry, it isn't about your charity, it is about you needing attention and validation.
Charity registries are an eye-roll worthy Humblebrag, just a hair away from loudly announcing at your office "don't you just hate when your arms are so tired from feeding and hugging orphans all weekend?"
Giving to charity is great! But making a great big production about how saintly you are to choose charity over gifts is just gross.
If you want to use your wedding to fund your favorite charity, here's how you do it:
1. Do not register for gifts or have a very small registry
2. Graciously accept whatever physical or cash gifts are given
3. Privately donate the cash to your charity of choice. Return, sell, or donate physical gifts as well.
In addition to being an icky form of showing off how very superior and very good you are, charity registries are counterproductive. If someone I care about gets married, I'll probably give them a hundred bucks or a gift in that range. If they "register" for charitable donations, I'm probably going to give either nothing or a token $5. I already support charitable causes I feel strongly about, and my giving has nothing to do with your wedding. Your wedding is not a chip you can cash in for a certain dollar value in goods or services--if I give you a gift, it's because I care about you and I want you to have that thing or those funds.
If you made up your mind, why come here asking "pros and cons" and advice? Seriously - why?
I sense the purpose of this post and your "registry" are literally to seek atta-girls and brownie points for your oh-so-selfless charity efforts which is exactly the point everyone is making. Thank you for exemplifying why this is eye-roll worthy.
It's poor etiquette to ask your guests for cash. Asking them to donate to a charity is asking for cash, albeit not for yourself.
It is rude to ask people for cash regardless of the reason. Many people would prefer the value of their gift not be known. It may make someone who could only afford to give $20 uncomfortable seeing someone give $200. This is what etiquette is for.
If you do not want gifts, you simply don't register. When people ask if you're registered, you say, "there's nothing that we really need or want." If you're saving for something (a house, new car, honeymoon, whatever), then you can add, "but we're saving for ___________." People may then give you cash for that. You may then use it towards a purchase or quietly donate it.
And yes, telling someone that it's perfectly fine and dandy to straight up ask for cash is terrible advice.