Registry and Gift Forum

Charity Registry

edited August 2016 in Registry and Gift Forum
Hello, I was wondering if any other brides will do or have had a charity registry instead of home-wares. My fiance and I both make good money, both had homes before we lived together and have an obscene amount of appliances, towels...etc so we were thinking of registry for a few things to appease my mom but we would really like to give back to 2 of our favorite charities. Any suggestions or pros or cons you could share with me? I appreciate any advice unless its negative comments about not asking people for a toaster. Thank you in advance.

Update** it specifically states I'm asking for advice from Charity Registry Brides. Whether or not you like my choice of registry, it's mine. Some of you nasty women deserve a slap in your bitter mouths. Some of you have been married for over 10 years yet you sit here and troll a wedding planning website looking to attack others. Maybe some of you need to do more charity.
Jackie_JormpjompKnottie1465682639
«13

Re: Charity Registry

  • Its the animal foundation I happen to volunteer with. I appreciate your suggestion but I've made up my mind. Thank you again.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited July 2016
    If you've already made up your mind why are you asking for advice?

    Announcing your giving gifts to charity is a bad choice because 1) people have their own charities they prefer to donate to and many may not agree with the charity of your choice and either not give you a gift (I probably wouldn't) or buy you a random gift and 2) it screams "look how kind and generous we are, we're giving all our gifts to charity!" And 3) you telling your guests exactly what to gift you and this is rude. 

    Give charity donations privately and do not tell your guests how to spend their money. 
    Co-signed.

    Let your guests decide for themselves whether or not they want to support any charity instead of telling them what to do with their money.

    Also, what if your guests don't support the causes you registered for? It's their decision to make whether or not they want to donate to those causes - not yours.

    Sorry, but if you want to support charities, you need to do it with your own money, not money that you anticipate receiving from others - which they're not required to give just because you're getting married. 
    OurWildKingdomernursejInLoveInQueenscharlotte989875
  • Hello, I was wondering if any other brides will do or have had a charity registry instead of home-wares. My fiance and I both make good money, both had homes before we lived together and have an obscene amount of appliances, towels...etc so we were thinking of registry for a few things to appease my mom but we would really like to give back to 2 of our favorite charities. Any suggestions or pros or cons you could share with me? I appreciate any advice unless its negative comments about not asking people for a toaster. Thank you in advance.
    Knottie1465870913 said:
    Its the animal foundation I happen to volunteer with. I appreciate your suggestion but I've made up my mind. Thank you again.
     
    First bolded: you asked for pros and cons. PPs gave you pros and cons. I'm really confused as to why you posted asking for advice when you didn't actually want advice. 

    Charities are a very personal thing. If you want to donate money to a charity, then do so. But you cannot ask other people to donate to your charity of choice. 

    For example, my cousin works for an organization that I find antiquated and offensive. I know many other people who support this organization. She asked me to donate money to this organization and I was extremely offended. 

    Second bolded sentence: this is the internet. You cannot tell people how to post.

    OurWildKingdomInLoveInQueensCMGragain
  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    Anyone who's spent any time on here would know that it's always frowned upon to ask for cash for whatever reason. 
    OurWildKingdomViczaesarCMGragain
  • justsie said:
    I will assume that what happened here is Knottie#s posted her question, lurked and found what the consensus of the boards were, and then posted her "update" as a way to try and avoid hearing what she obviously didn't want to here.

    Here knottie, here is the response you wanted:
    OMG U are DA BEST, so thoughtful to donate MONEY that you get to the place you work for. Animals are DA BEST. Every1 will fall ova how AWESOME and SELFLESS U are! ALL HAIL QUEEN KNOTTIE#.
    If they did that they would have realized what happens when someone gets advice (especially on a topic they asked for advice on!) and then says "actually no, eff you, I've already made up my mind, just coddle me and tell me how awesome and generous I am".
    justsie
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Ditto everyone else.  No charity registry.  Just don't register, and then privately donate any cash gifts you receive.  


    image
    OurWildKingdom
  • I've just never understood why people have to flaunt their charity.  OP, you are aware that the charity still gets to use the money even if you don't make a big production out of it, right?  You could take all of the money people decide to give you when they see you didn't register for household goods (or return the goods and donate the cash or donate the goods for the charity's silent auction if they run one) and privately give the money to them.  There's nothing stopping you from giving money for any old reason on any old day of the year not in connection to your wedding - they'll still take the money from you, I promise.  Your wedding isn't a fundraiser.  I personally find people who find excuses to flaunt their charitable giving to not be in the spirit of charity.  I'll guess at least one of your guests will feel likewise, which should be good enough reason to not do it and not risk offending people you are hosting, since you asked for cons.

    I honestly would probably just give you a card and maybe a bottle of wine if you told me to donate to your charity.  If I'm feeling compelled, I'd give the money I would have spent on your gift to my own pet causes instead.  I plan my charitable donations and I research the organizations I contribute to well before giving them my money. 
    OurWildKingdomInLoveInQueensSP29
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    NO.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    OurWildKingdomCMGragainTrixieJess
  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    edited July 2016
    @jacques27, I see what you did there with "pet causes."  :)
    DrillSergeantCatei34
  • From a practical point of view, if your guests make a charity donation, they get the tax benefit.  If you make the donation after your wedding is over, then you get to claim the entire amount as a donation.
    Asking for money or a charity donation is tacky and your guests probably won't appreciate it.  Donating your own gifted money is perfectly fine.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    DrillSergeantCatInLoveInQueens
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Hello, I was wondering if any other brides will do or have had a charity registry instead of home-wares. My fiance and I both make good money, both had homes before we lived together and have an obscene amount of appliances, towels...etc so we were thinking of registry for a few things to appease my mom but we would really like to give back to 2 of our favorite charities. Any suggestions or pros or cons you could share with me? I appreciate any advice unless its negative comments about not asking people for a toaster. Thank you in advance.
    I'm just trying to picture this.  
    ei34InLoveInQueensHeffalumplizybeff
  • I'm extremely picky about where I donate to charity, and I often do not participate in forced charity events and you would get nothing from me if this was all you registered for.
  • NOPE NOPE NOPE.

    Giving to charity is great!  But making a great big production about how saintly you are to choose charity over gifts is just gross.

    If you want to use your wedding to fund your favorite charity, here's how you do it:
    1.  Do not register for gifts or have a very small registry
    2.  Graciously accept whatever physical or cash gifts are given
    3.  Privately donate the cash to  your charity of choice.  Return, sell, or donate physical gifts as well.

    In addition to being an icky form of showing off how very superior and very good you are, charity registries are counterproductive.  If someone I care about gets married, I'll probably give them a hundred bucks or a gift in that range.  If they "register" for charitable donations, I'm probably going to give either nothing or a token $5.  I already support charitable causes I feel strongly about, and my giving has nothing to do with your wedding.  Your wedding is not a chip you can cash in for a certain dollar value in goods or services--if I give you a gift, it's because I care about you and I want you to have that thing or those funds.
    DrillSergeantCatSP29InLoveInQueens[Deleted User]
  • Its the animal foundation I happen to volunteer with. I appreciate your suggestion but I've made up my mind. Thank you again.

    If you made up your mind, why come here asking "pros and cons" and advice? Seriously - why?

    I sense the purpose of this post and your "registry" are literally to seek atta-girls and brownie points for your oh-so-selfless charity efforts which is exactly the point everyone is making. Thank you for exemplifying why this is eye-roll worthy.

    *********************************************************************************

    image
    DrillSergeantCatInLoveInQueensOurWildKingdomCMGragain
  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    No, it's not bad at all! Go to myregistry.com! I know tons of couples who have charity registries there, while also having a small normal universal registry. A lot of people like to donate to charities because it is a good cause, and I personally think that it is good that you are promoting this to your guests. 
    Do you work for myregistry? This is the third comment you've left suggesting them and giving terrible advice that goes against all etiquette. 
    InLoveInQueens
  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    cd1231 said:

    I'm very confused as to why leaving positive comments on a site I had great experience with raises the question as to if I work for them. I thought this was a site to give advice, no? And how is this a terrible advice? And please describe "etiquette." 
    If you'd read any of the other responses, you'd know why telling someone to "sure sign up for a cash registry" and "absolutely it's great to tell people to give their hard earned cash for a charity they may not believe in " is terrible advice and why it's against etiquette.
    OurWildKingdomInLoveInQueens
  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    cd1231 said:
    So are you saying that simply stating my opinion is "terrible advice?" Actually, in my area (northeast), a lot of people do this because they feel that it is better to promote a cause than to receive gifts they already have. In fact, many cultures also have this tradition, and who knows if the OP was a part of this? Even if she is not, we, as members, have to respect her opinion. Any the charity is not mandatory, is it? It's simply a suggestion, thus implying that it is optional. If you think otherwise, you don't have to donate. Have you never come across supermarkets or places asking for donations to charities like Red Cross or Make a Wish? Please respect my opinion as I am respecting yours. In addition, I still am curious to know what your definition of "etiquette" is. 
    I think addiecake covered the definition of etiquette pretty well. Etiquette exists to make those around you comfortable. 

    It is rude to ask people for cash regardless of the reason. Many people would prefer the value of their gift not be known. It may make someone who could only afford to give $20 uncomfortable seeing someone give $200. This is what etiquette is for.

    If you do not want gifts, you simply don't register. When people ask if you're registered, you say, "there's nothing that we really need or want." If you're saving for something (a house, new car, honeymoon, whatever), then you can add, "but we're saving for ___________." People may then give you cash for that. You may then use it towards a purchase or quietly donate it.

    And yes, telling someone that it's perfectly fine and dandy to straight up ask for cash is terrible advice.
    SP29Jen4948InLoveInQueens
  • cd1231 said:
    cd1231 said:

    I'm very confused as to why leaving positive comments on a site I had great experience with raises the question as to if I work for them. I thought this was a site to give advice, no? And how is this a terrible advice? And please describe "etiquette." 
    If you'd read any of the other responses, you'd know why telling someone to "sure sign up for a cash registry" and "absolutely it's great to tell people to give their hard earned cash for a charity they may not believe in " is terrible advice and why it's against etiquette.
    So are you saying that simply stating my opinion is "terrible advice?" Actually, in my area (northeast), a lot of people do this because they feel that it is better to promote a cause than to receive gifts they already have. In fact, many cultures also have this tradition, and who knows if the OP was a part of this? Even if she is not, we, as members, have to respect her opinion. Any the charity is not mandatory, is it? It's simply a suggestion, thus implying that it is optional. If you think otherwise, you don't have to donate. Have you never come across supermarkets or places asking for donations to charities like Red Cross or Make a Wish? Please respect my opinion as I am respecting yours. In addition, I still am curious to know what your definition of "etiquette" is. 
    Nope. I am also from the Northeast and no one I know does this because asking for money is extremely rude and gauche. 
    DrillSergeantCatOurWildKingdomInLoveInQueensei34
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards