Venue renovations...
Somewhere in the renovation planning they decided to make this venue accommodate larger weddings... 250 person weddings. They torn out all of the beautiful vineyards that were in front of the building and added a patch of lawn and paved a large area. They also built a redwood fence to serve as a wedding backdrop. The intimate charming feel is gone, it now feels barren and more like a super commercial banquet hall, something we could have rented for much cheaper, had we wanted that.
I have been very disappointed with the changes, but have tried to stay positive and change my vision for that day. It is so hard because for over a year I pictured so many parts of that day feeling and looking a certain way. FI feels the same way, but he cares far less.
I met with our florist today who does a lot of work with our venue, she told me that almost every bride that has the space booked is disappointed and upset. She asked me if I had told the venue and I told her no because I didn't want to be difficult. She told me that so many couples are getting large discounts and comped extras. she told me to email the sales manager asap and be direct.
I AM SO BAD AT THIS.
I've written an email and would like your feedback:
Hi Sales Manager,
I hope you are doing well.
I have been dreading writing this email. I have been trying very hard to be positive about the changes to VENUE but now that we are almost 60 days out from our wedding it is impossible to hold back my feelings.
Since last spring when you showed us the artist rendering, I have been worried about the changes to VENUE. I didn’t want to be difficult but after seeing the changes in person, and realizing that we would need to change our original vision for our wedding and realizing all of the added costs associated with this I felt this is something I had to bring up with you because FI and I are very unhappy.
When we booked the venue early last year we knew there would be renovations made, but we were promised that the changes would enhance the beauty of the property and not destroy the charm and intimate feeling of the space. Had we been told that the renovations would make the VENUE look and feel less like an intimate vineyard, we wouldn’t have booked the space.
FI and I are paying for the entire wedding ourselves, and we booked VENUE because of the charm, but more specifically we didn’t felt that we would need to spend a lot on rentals, decorations, and floral arrangements because of the natural beauty of the property. Now because of the renovations all of that has changed. We cut the gold chargers and late night snacks we had originally planned for because we knew the cost would need to be redirected to floral arrangements for the ceremony since we would no longer have the vineyard as our background.
In the last 2-3 months, I'm having to re plan and vision my wedding, which is very stressful, and not within the original budget FI and I set. In talking with our vendors, to keep somewhat of an intimate feel, I am considering having our ceremony in the barrel room. This will come at a higher cost to us because this means additional floral arrangements, lighting, candles, etc. In having the ceremony in the barrel room I would like to have the reception on the lawn. Again, this comes at an added cost to us; renting market place lights, outdoor heaters, etc. We may even have to have the DJ have a second set up for speeches and dinner music would still like to have dancing in the barrel room, but since dinner would be outside, there would be no seating and we would need to rent lounge furniture. FI and I are requesting that we be comped for most of these change, as the venue for our wedding is nowhere near the same venue we booked last year.
It is so frustrating to feel this way just a few months from our wedding especially because the changes made to the property are way more drastic than the proposed changes that were explained to us when we signed the contract.
You have mentioned previously that a lot of couples have been upset and disappointed with the changes so I feel we are not alone in this. Please let me know what can be done so that we can review our options and move forward.
Thank you-
Just for reference below are the before and after
Before renovations
ceremony site before renovations 
New ceremony site... the lawn is sloped. 
the front of the building
the new view from outside the building
Re: Venue renovations...
1. No matter what you do, please cut out this sentence: "FI and I are paying for the entire wedding ourselves..." What on earth does that have to do with anything? You want a cookie or a gold star because you're doing what most adults do, which is pay for stuff they want? This sentence is unnecessary.
2. While I appreciate that it sucks to have your heart set on one thing and discover it won't be what you imagined, some of the things - like the floral arrangements are really fluff. They aren't required for any wedding. Include them, but I would lead with the stuff that is actually required for the comfort of your guests first (like heat lamps and seating) because there is a good chance they aren't going to comp you the whole thing and you'll have to pick your battles. The changing the ceremony site makes sense to me, not because you don't have the pretty vineyards anymore but because who the hell seats people on a slope?
3. To that end, you would do yourself a favor if you were more concise and made use of bullet-points for what the issues are, what you want, and what the increased costs will be. It's really confusing and all over the place when you're talking about what changes you would like to make and switching of all of the rooms. Something like...
"We selected your venue because of X, Y, and Z and these attributes allowed us to stay within our budget because the natural beauty of the venue wouldn't require us to get X, Y, and Z on our own. We liked the idea of having an intimate and blah blah blah wedding and feel like the venue no longer matches this due to the following renovations:
bullet point
bullet point
bullet point
We would like to make the following changes in order to create what we envisioned when we booked the venue:
bullet point
bullet point
bullet point
Unfortunately, this requires us to cut out other items we had planned on to accommodate the increased costs to make this happen. We will now need to add in:
bullet point seating
bullet point heat lamps
bullet point additional décor"
At least that's my view. Maybe others have more insight.
The reason I stated we are paying for the wedding ourselves is because several times the sales manager has said things like "oh, just hit up mom and dad for more cash!" when we have said something is out of budget or said something like a dessert buffet wasn't something we wanted to pay for when we are already paying for a cake. It's been a weird situtation. I think she assumes FI's parents are paying because they came with us to a site visit.
Well, I hope you corrected her when she made statements like that. I think that's gross and inappropriate. Honestly, I can't say I would have continued to do business with someone who makes comments like that, especially more than once. I'm pretty picky about who I give my money to and I would have had no qualms about taking it elsewhere if I found them to be unprofessional or inappropriate. If I present you with a budget then it should be respected. I can understand a salesperson doing their job trying to upsell me on the benefits of an extra option and convince me to up my budget, but not doing so by acting like cash is just an unlimited disposable object and it's ok to treat other people like human ATMs. Ugh. I would not do business with someone like that.
That said, I still find your original sentence unnecessary. You can emphasize that you have a strict budget in other ways.
I will also say that if you are able to negotiate discounts or make changes, make sure you are very specific and you get it in writing as an addendum to your original contract. A lot of the problems I see people write on here about re: their vendors and changes could have been avoided if they took better care to carefully negotiate their contract and make sure important details are put in writing instead of just signing the boilerplate contract and trusting it will all work out. For the most part, when I see situations like this, I'm Team Venue because a business has the right to make changes and improvements to their property/business as they see fit - unless you negotiated very specifically what you wanted into your contract and these changes are in breach of that. On the other hand, I also think it doesn't hurt to at least ask what can be done if you're unhappy with the changes - the worst that can happen is they say no.
He he recommends keeping your letter very short and listing only the physical things that are changed and how that changes the physical portions of the day. Feelings about the changes are important but are better conveyed in person.
If if you can find out what compensation other couples have have received and that is your end goal. Start high with what you are asking for.
Your letter is far far too wordy and feelings-y, it makes you seem kind of like you're not serious about your demands.
The meaning of your communication is the result you get. This letter isn't going to do what you are wanting it to do. Above all else, you need to read your contract's terms as you may have a leg to stand on in negotiating that you shouldn't have to pay all these add-on fees, OTOH, if those things aren't included in the present contract, they didn't exist at the time you signed it no matter what anyone says. Whether you like the renovations or not is simply irrelevant as you have two choices, cancel the venue per your contract terms as the renovated venue is not true to the drawings and isn't representative of the finished product you were promised. That may get you most of your deposit back so you can find a new venue. But really, go back to your contract!
I agree with the above that your letter is wordy and feelings-y, and to make it more direct and list both the reasons you are unhappy AND what you would like to see them do to fix it. I would also follow up directly (either in person or over the phone), and state in the letter you will be doing this.
I also agree to focus less on smaller details like flowers (no one needs flowers) and more on items directly related to the venue set up/structure/etc. You can definitely mention the aesthetic, but I wouldn't lead or focus on that.
I can see why you are unhappy with the ceremony space. The original space was very nice- looks like a concrete pad. Not only is it level and easy to access, but say if it rained in the morning and then cleared up, you could still use the space. Now that it is on grass, you could be dealing with wet grass or mud. I would say something to the effect that the new ceremony space is not comparable to what was there before, and you have concerns that the uneven ground and possible issues with rain/mud make it unsafe for guests. As for your solution, I would ask them to move your ceremony into the barrel room for the same price as you are paying for the outdoor ceremony.
I would clearly state the reason you chose the venue in the first place (you liked the feel/aesthetic, it suited your smaller guest list, need for minimal decor which would save you money) and I would not be afraid to say that the venue now resembles as common banquet facility, which you could have gotten for a cheaper price. State that you were happy to pay for the original venue space because you felt like you were getting something unique that was not available at other venues, but you no longer think the venue is worth the price you are paying. This is where you may get a discount (since you mentioned other couples have gotten one).
Just wanted to add a little extra info because I did type up my post quickly and upon re reading it I feel I left out important details that totally make me sound like a brat
I agree with everyone else. It's to wordy. It's fine to be heartfelt, but you took it too far. After a while it's just blah, blah, just get to the point.
"Dear Venue,
We have noticed that there have been a number of renovations to the venue that go above and beyond the ADA compliance issues you informed us of last spring [specifics about elevator, etc.]. In looking at the artist renderings and the completed renovations, FI and I are frustrated and disheartened that the intimate, charming feel of the venue we fell in love with is gone. It looks more like a common banquet hall and lawn now; had we wanted that, we could have rented such a venue at a significantly lower cost.
In addition, we loved the original venue because there would be little required in the way of additional decor; the natural beauty was enough! However, now we find we have a large number of unexpected costs in order for the venue to achieve the look we had envisioned; due to our tight budget, you have put us in a difficult spot.
We would like to discuss in person what can be done to rectify the situation.
Thank you,
Names"
Also, definitely check your contract before meeting in person, and go into it with a sense of what you want to achieve. Definitely be kind, but firm, in the meeting; you will achieve more if you come across as polite, mature, and understanding that negotiations mean compromise.
ETA: Stop taking advice from a paid vendor (your florist) - they will definitely be looking out for their bottom line first and foremost, and that comes across in your original letter (all of the mentions of floral arrangements).
Good luck, @dyerwise! Keep us posted.