Outdoor wedding in July - Rude or not?

aurianna

So someone I know was talking about her daughter's wedding.
Her daughter has a large property about an hour away from the city and wanted to have an outdoor wedding on it.

She purposely planned her wedding for the middle of July.

We live in the midwest in an area that it is usually in the 90s in July and always humid. It reached 100 degrees the day of the wedding.

I believe there were tents, but the entire thing was outdoors.

She commented that they had a cooler of 100 water bottles and went through all of them. She said this proudly.

She kept insisting that "it wasn't that bad."
I'm not sure I'd want my wedding being remembered as "not that bad."

It sounded miserable to me but I don't know.


Do you think it's rude to plan an outdoor wedding when you have no reason to assume it won't be 85+ outside and humid?

geebee908

I think a "suck it up" attitude with regard to your guests comfort is the epitome of rude. It says that I don't care how you feel; what I want is more important.

PrettyGirlLost

Absolutely I think it's rude.  It's also really fucking stupid. 

What bride wants to be sweating in her wedding dress and have her makeup literally melting off of her face?  What groom wants to be sweating through his tux.

I would have declined that wedding in a hot minute. . .even if it was for a sibling!  Actually I would have said to my sibling when he/she was planning the wedding, "Are you out of your fucking mind?  No way!"

aurianna

Ok. Glad it's not just me. I had to mask my horror when she told me about it.
It's one thing if you plan a wedding in September and it's unseasonably hot or you plan a wedding in a part of the country that's usually temperate and there's a freak heatwave. In that case, you move it inside if you can, and if you can't, fans, shade, extra drinks, apologies to your guests and acceptance of no-shows and people leaving early.
But purposely having an outdoor wedding in the Midwest in July? I can't comprehend the thought process. It wasn't even a cheaper vendor issue. She had the wedding on her own property!!

lyndausvi

I ended up having a tent wedding in the middle of a tropical storm (early sept wedding).   While we had fans and such, it was hot and humid under the tent.  The rain also came under the tent (it was on a concrete slab)

Was it ideal?  No.  I'm sure some people said "it wasn't that bad" when describing our wedding.    

However, the food was amazing and plentiful.   The booze was flowing and the dance floor was packed all night long.  Even in between food courses.    People still talk about how much fun the wedding was even with the not so ideal weather conditions.

On paper it doesn't sound idea, but I wasn't there.  If there were tents with fans or a/c and it was otherwise hosted properly it might have been better than it sounded.   

kahluakoala

lyndausvi said:

I ended up having a tent wedding in the middle of a tropical storm (early sept wedding).   While we had fans and such, it was hot and humid under the tent.  The rain also came under the tent (it was on a concrete slab)

Was it ideal?  No.  I'm sure some people said "it wasn't that bad" when describing our wedding.    

However, the food was amazing and plentiful.   The booze was flowing and the dance floor was packed all night long.  Even in between food courses.    People still talk about how much fun the wedding was even with the not so ideal weather conditions.

On paper it doesn't sound idea, but I wasn't there.  If there were tents with fans or a/c and it was otherwise hosted properly it might have been better than it sounded.   

I think the big difference here is that your situation was a freak accident. Like, shit happens! And you made the best of it! And I bet everyone had a blast.

In the situation the OP described, the wedding was purposely planned that way. Super hot and humid IS going as planned. Sounds bizarre. 

STARMOON44

Obviously you make do if you have to, but yes, I think planning a hot humid sticky wedding is rude. Same as planning for everyone to be uncomfortably cold outside. 

MandTFebruary62011

We just went to a wedding outside in the Midwest in July.  It was sunny and hit 97 that day.  It. Was. Brutal.  The ceremony was 40 minutes long in a field.  There was no shade, no breeze, nothing.  The grooms family members stood in the shade and the groomsmen were asking people to please sit in the chairs so we did.  I'm sure the ceremony was beautiful, but I couldn't tell you because I was focused on keeping myself and my fiance relatively cool (thank you invitation in my purse).  EVERYONE was melting.  There was a poor groomsman who just had sweat pouring off of him like a waterfall.  The saving grace was that the reception was inside so we got to cool off after that but I was surprised they did not get fans or move the ceremony inside considering the temps. 

aurianna

MandTFebruary62011 said:

We just went to a wedding outside in the Midwest in July.  It was sunny and hit 97 that day.  It. Was. Brutal.  The ceremony was 40 minutes long in a field.  There was no shade, no breeze, nothing.  The grooms family members stood in the shade and the groomsmen were asking people to please sit in the chairs so we did.  I'm sure the ceremony was beautiful, but I couldn't tell you because I was focused on keeping myself and my fiance relatively cool (thank you invitation in my purse).  EVERYONE was melting.  There was a poor groomsman who just had sweat pouring off of him like a waterfall.  The saving grace was that the reception was inside so we got to cool off after that but I was surprised they did not get fans or move the ceremony inside considering the temps. 

Heh.. maybe I was wrong about the reception area. Was it in Lake St. Louis and the cake was just the top layer surrounded by cupcakes?

MandTFebruary62011

aurianna said:

MandTFebruary62011 said:

We just went to a wedding outside in the Midwest in July.  It was sunny and hit 97 that day.  It. Was. Brutal.  The ceremony was 40 minutes long in a field.  There was no shade, no breeze, nothing.  The grooms family members stood in the shade and the groomsmen were asking people to please sit in the chairs so we did.  I'm sure the ceremony was beautiful, but I couldn't tell you because I was focused on keeping myself and my fiance relatively cool (thank you invitation in my purse).  EVERYONE was melting.  There was a poor groomsman who just had sweat pouring off of him like a waterfall.  The saving grace was that the reception was inside so we got to cool off after that but I was surprised they did not get fans or move the ceremony inside considering the temps. 

Heh.. maybe I was wrong about the reception area. Was it in Lake St. Louis and the cake was just the top layer surrounded by cupcakes?

Haha, no, it was further north and no cupcakes... but I'll be honest while I was reading I was waiting to see if it was the same one!    Every time I hear about a terrible wedding plan I always look to see if someone writes about it here!

AddieCake

I think deliberately planning an outdoor wedding in the middle of summer is awful. It would certainly have been more convenient for me as a teacher to do it in the summer, but we were in TX, we wanted an outdoor ceremony, and we're not assholes.

DrillSergeantCat

AddieCake said:

I think deliberately planning an outdoor wedding in the middle of summer is awful. It would certainly have been more convenient for me as a teacher to do it in the summer, but we were in TX, we wanted an outdoor ceremony, and we're not assholes.

Where did you get married btw? That waterfall background is stunning!

spockforprez

DrillSergeantCat said:

AddieCake said:

I think deliberately planning an outdoor wedding in the middle of summer is awful. It would certainly have been more convenient for me as a teacher to do it in the summer, but we were in TX, we wanted an outdoor ceremony, and we're not assholes.

Where did you get married btw? That waterfall background is stunning!

HAHAHAHA!!! I am such an idiot. All this time I've been on TK I thought Addie's photos showed like a white trellis/arbor type thing. 

aurianna

spockforprez said:

DrillSergeantCat said:

Where did you get married btw? That waterfall background is stunning!

HAHAHAHA!!! I am such an idiot. All this time I've been on TK I thought Addie's photos showed like a white trellis/arbor type thing. 

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Me too

jacques27

I think any time you deliberately put your "vision" ahead of your guests' comfort, you're being rude.

If you want to get married outside in 90+ degrees with dew points in the mid-70s like it has been here all summer, go right ahead...all by your lonesome selves.  But the minute you invite guests, you are hosting a party for them and it's no longer about you.  So that might mean being a grown-up and accepting that you may have to compromise something (whether that be the date or the location).

And planning without an inclement weather back-up plan (and not realizing that inclement weather also means too hot, too cold, too windy and not just too wet) is just asinine. 

charlotte989875

Yup it's rude. It was 97 degrees and full sun today. I was in the dog park for 30 minutes with my dog (in shorts and a tshirt) and I was sweating hard. I'd be pissed if I was asked to do that for hours in a dress. 

monkeysip

I think the only way it's not rude is if you provides lots of shade, fans, even some air conditioning units, plenty of cold beverages, and preferably make it early in the morning or late in the evening.

If I got invited to an outdoor wedding in TX at like 3pm, I'd be busy washing my hair that day.

AddieCake

DrillSergeantCat said:

AddieCake said:

I think deliberately planning an outdoor wedding in the middle of summer is awful. It would certainly have been more convenient for me as a teacher to do it in the summer, but we were in TX, we wanted an outdoor ceremony, and we're not assholes.

Where did you get married btw? That waterfall background is stunning!

Thank you! That's at Canyon Springs Golf Club in San Antonio. 

CMGragain

No, it is not rude to plan a wedding for the middle of July at an outdoor site.
It is also not rude to decline such an invitation.  Reason for the decline does not need to be specified.

aurianna

CMGragain said:

No, it is not rude to plan a wedding for the middle of July at an outdoor site.
It is also not rude to decline such an invitation.  Reason for the decline does not need to be specified.

What if someone wanted to have their wedding in a garbage dump full of vicious scorpions and an evil clown that liked to pee on people's shoes?
Is it not rude to invite people to a wedding there?

Is the thought that while it might not be "rude", your friends and family are still gonna talk about you like you're batshit crazy? Or is there a line you can actually cross?

STARMOON44

CMGragain said:

No, it is not rude to plan a wedding for the middle of July at an outdoor site.
It is also not rude to decline such an invitation.  Reason for the decline does not need to be specified.

I think it is rude. It is rude to be a poor host. It is rude to invite people to an uncomfortable event, whether that is because you fail to feed them appropriately for the time of day, fail to provide chairs, or fail to plan for reasonable temperatures. 

banana468

I don't think it's rudeasy IF there is a contingency for heat.   I'd AC units are rented then fine.   

But if it's super hot with everyone fanning wedding programs to cool off - not OK.  

CMGragain

Like I posted earlier, just because you are invited doesn't mean you have to accept.  Daughter's wedding was in July in the Washington DC area.  It was 105 degrees! 
DH's brother-in-law asked "Is any part of this wedding going to be held outdoors?"  We told him "No."  He said. "OK, then," and accepted the invitation.
I've seen plans for camping weddings, hiking weddings, beach weddings - all on The Knot.  They are not rude, but I wouldn't accept an invitation to one.

geebee908

So it's not rude to plan to treat guests like crap because they have the option to decline the invitation. Then why do we say anything to dissuade brides who are planning such weddings? It's the fault of the poor schmuck who accepted the invitation. They obviously should have known better.

STARMOON44

CMGragain said:

Like I posted earlier, just because you are invited doesn't mean you have to accept.  Daughter's wedding was in July in the Washington DC area.  It was 105 degrees! 
DH's brother-in-law asked "Is any part of this wedding going to be held outdoors?"  We told him "No."  He said. "OK, then," and accepted the invitation.
I've seen plans for camping weddings, hiking weddings, beach weddings - all on The Knot.  They are not rude, but I wouldn't accept an invitation to one.

No, your daughter's wedding wasn't rude. Because it was indoors. And this post is about an outdoor wedding, so your anecdote is pointless and off topic. No one is saying a wedding indoors is rude just because it is hot outside. 

Do you not think it is rude to invite someone to a wedding with no chairs? Because guests can always decline?

CMGragain

STARMOON44 said:

CMGragain said:

Like I posted earlier, just because you are invited doesn't mean you have to accept.  Daughter's wedding was in July in the Washington DC area.  It was 105 degrees! 
DH's brother-in-law asked "Is any part of this wedding going to be held outdoors?"  We told him "No."  He said. "OK, then," and accepted the invitation.
I've seen plans for camping weddings, hiking weddings, beach weddings - all on The Knot.  They are not rude, but I wouldn't accept an invitation to one.

No, your daughter's wedding wasn't rude. Because it was indoors. And this post is about an outdoor wedding, so your anecdote is pointless and off topic. No one is saying a wedding indoors is rude just because it is hot outside. 

Do you not think it is rude to invite someone to a wedding with no chairs? Because guests can always decline?

My point was that a VIP guest inquired about the venue before he accepted.  If it had been outdoors, he would have declined.

When you invite someone to a wedding, they should assume that there will be chairs.  If you are invited to an outdoor wedding, you should assume that there will not be air-conditioning, or, like DH's BIL, the guest could ask in advance.
My sister's wedding was in Iowa in August in a city park.  No one thought it would be air-conditioned.  Of course there were seats for everyone.  Now THAT would have been rude, not to have seats for guests.
I, personally, dislike outdoor weddings at any time of year, but that doesn't make them rude.  Please pass the bug spray.

Viczaesar

It's rude to host your guests in inhospitable environs, which includes both excessive heat and excessive cold.  If your wedding is going to be outdoors you need to ensure that the climate is temperate, whether that be through the time of day, the time of year, or the use of air-conditioned tents.

peachy13

If I was a guest and received an invitation for an outdoor wedding in July, I wouldn't find it rude, but I would think the bride/groom/parents were stupid.

MobKaz

MandTFebruary62011 said:

We just went to a wedding outside in the Midwest in July.  It was sunny and hit 97 that day.  It. Was. Brutal.  The ceremony was 40 minutes long in a field.  There was no shade, no breeze, nothing.  The grooms family members stood in the shade and the groomsmen were asking people to please sit in the chairs so we did.  I'm sure the ceremony was beautiful, but I couldn't tell you because I was focused on keeping myself and my fiance relatively cool (thank you invitation in my purse).  EVERYONE was melting.  There was a poor groomsman who just had sweat pouring off of him like a waterfall.  The saving grace was that the reception was inside so we got to cool off after that but I was surprised they did not get fans or move the ceremony inside considering the temps. 

This would not appease me at all.  To me, the WORST feeling in the world is having dried, salty sweat caked all over me.  It makes me feel as if I am shrouded in some disgusting covering. 

banana468

CMGragain said:

STARMOON44 said:

CMGragain said:

Like I posted earlier, just because you are invited doesn't mean you have to accept.  Daughter's wedding was in July in the Washington DC area.  It was 105 degrees! 
DH's brother-in-law asked "Is any part of this wedding going to be held outdoors?"  We told him "No."  He said. "OK, then," and accepted the invitation.
I've seen plans for camping weddings, hiking weddings, beach weddings - all on The Knot.  They are not rude, but I wouldn't accept an invitation to one.

No, your daughter's wedding wasn't rude. Because it was indoors. And this post is about an outdoor wedding, so your anecdote is pointless and off topic. No one is saying a wedding indoors is rude just because it is hot outside. 

Do you not think it is rude to invite someone to a wedding with no chairs? Because guests can always decline?

My point was that a VIP guest inquired about the venue before he accepted.  If it had been outdoors, he would have declined.

When you invite someone to a wedding, they should assume that there will be chairs.  If you are invited to an outdoor wedding, you should assume that there will not be air-conditioning, or, like DH's BIL, the guest could ask in advance.
My sister's wedding was in Iowa in August in a city park.  No one thought it would be air-conditioned.  Of course there were seats for everyone.  Now THAT would have been rude, not to have seats for guests.
I, personally, dislike outdoor weddings at any time of year, but that doesn't make them rude.  Please pass the bug spray.

I disagree.   We are able through the miracles of technology for guests to still get hit food outside,  heat outside and fans or AC outside.    When someone I know plans a wedding, I assume that unless stated, I'm not going to be in 100 degree heat with no other option than my car's AC.   

There's a difference between knowing that in your area in July it's most likely hot but the venue is pretty vs. a situation another poster encountered where a tropical storm hit.   FWIW, anytime I've been stuck in a humid rain storm, I also don't find that it's crazy hot - just humid.   That's a major difference between feeling like your dress is damp and feeling like you're sweating so much you may need an ambulance.

A dear friend went to a wedding last year that originally was her dream wedding.   It was rustic and in the summer and in a barn.   All was lovely until the lack of AC and no cooling kicked in and everyone sweat so much that the groom's grandmother was taken to the hospital.

lyndausvi

  I've seen a ton of outdoor weddings.      We did over 100 a year in the islands.  I've seen weddings on boats.  I've seen them on beaches.  I've seen them on top of mountains in the summer time.   And on top of the mountains in the winter time.   I've seen them by river banks.   I've seen them on farms, large estates and backyards.

Most of the time the details sound worse on here than it really is.   Other times there is indeed poor planning.   

A tented wedding in July in the mid-west does not have to be a shit show if planned correctly.   DH was flown to Iowa at the end of June to do an outside wedding reception.  They had a barn, but for the most part the wedding was outside.   DH doesn't sugar coast anything and he is overly sensitive to heat and he said it's wasn't bad at all.

The club I work does wedding.  They are all outdoor weddings (veranda and tents).  We actually do not do any indoor weddings at all.    It will be 90 and sun baring in your eyes at sunset.  Then it drops down to 60 degrees by the end of the night.  We do not have a/c, but there are heaters.

It sounds horrible when writing it out, but it really isn't bad at all.   I don't hear people complaining (and trust me guests love to complain to the servers).