Chit Chat

Potlucks Suck.

I saw this article on Jezebel and thought of all of you. If you want to read hilarious/sad whiny comments on their FB about how hating potlucks makes us all snobby and classist, click the second link. I sent it to my mon, the ultimate hater of potlucks. She thoroughly enjoyed it.

http://jezebel.com/potlucks-suck-1720699254?utm_campaign=socialflow_jezebel_facebook&utm_source=jezebel_facebook&utm_medium=socialflow


https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10153645679552434&id=34407447433&fs=1


No seriously I'm not fond of bringing shit to someone's house beyond a bottle of booze, maybe some snacks. 


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MesmrEweSTARMOON44MairePoppySP29vikinganna87
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Re: Potlucks Suck.

  • LabLove86LabLove86 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited September 2016
    I think potlucks have their place - but that they are overused.


    Weddings, birthday parties, grad parties, ect. Host fully hosts.

    Backyard BBQ? Last minute get together? Book club? I'm totally fine bringing a dish to pass. Or bottle of wine. Or whatever.


    BUT - don't expect me to BYOB or bring something to pass if you're inviting me and making it sound like its fully hosted.


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    SP29OurWildKingdomDrillSergeantCatkimmiinthemitten
  • Yep, potlucks definitely have their place, but I still think of you guys when I hear that "P" word. Like I said, I'm not fond of them... But that's because I dislike cooking, especially when I have to psych myself out thinking of something that everyone will like, that I can eat, that my friend with the food allergy can also eat, that my friend who eats gluten free/clean/whatever can also eat. 

    So really I just prefer to bring booze and snacks.


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  • I hate them so much. I love to cook. I don't love bringing a random dish that won't go with anything else on the table to share with people who won't even appreciate it. 

    I I think they're not rude or anything when done appropriately but I still hate them. To me they turn a lovely festive meal into a rando buffet.

     This, especially the first part! Except I kinda hate cooking dinners (I love making myself different breakfasts and lunches, but H and I go out to dinner almost every night. He's just not fond of what I like to make) and feel so pressured to make something that just isn't appreciated by other people.


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  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I love potlucks. I've never been to a bad one. I've never been to one that hasn't had more than enough food, usually with people taking home extra. I've also never been to one where everyone brought the same thing or everyone brought stupid stuff. 

    In my circle, you don't bring hostess gifts. When someone invites you over for dinner, you offer to bring something, and they typically say a salad or some sort of side or a dessert. So most meals end up being partially potluck. 
    That is so foreign to me.  If I'm invited to someone's house I assume I'm being hosted. It doesn't occur to me to bring something that is to be consumed that night.  

     If I invite you to my house, I'm providing everything.  Even those with dietary restrictions. 

    Now, I've had people offer, but I always decline.  Except for ice.  We never have enough ice - ha. 






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    charlotte989875hellohkblc07
  • H's family live on a large family compound with a family lodge, family gazebo, light house and pool. There are usually around 60 of us for holidays so its super organized and no one is stuck cooking 4 turkeys, 2 hams, sides/dessert for 60 etc.

    That being said there is a ton of  "who's mashed potatoes are these? Are these Aunt Carol's brownies or Tricia's?" and over memorial day when we did taco bar an entire family's contribution was a package of shredded kraft cheddar cheese. For the most part it works but (as with most family things) people get annoyed and there are obvious kinks. I've never hosted one of my own.


  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I was taught that if you are hosting an event, that means you are providing everything - all food, all drinks. You don't ask people to bring food. This is a huge pet peeve of mine. I've been invited to events before, and accepted, only to be asked, "So, what are you bringing?" 

    I was also taught that you never show up to someone's house empty handed. So, if you invite me to an event, I will bring either something I know you like to drink, or a dessert from my job that I know you like (for example, my best friend loves our mango coconut cheesecake). 

    The one exception to this is holidays with my relatives. Whomever is hosting (Thanksgiving, Xmas, etc.) provides everything, but the non-hosts will all bring either an appetizer or a dessert. 

    lyndausviei34PrettyGirlLost
  • I am also in the potlucks have their place camp.  When there is a larger group or a real celebration going on I feel like the event should be fully hosted. (Weddings, Showers, Birthdays, the like).  But when it comes to smaller get togethers I don't mind them so much.

    Generally if I am hosting something I will provide a sufficient amount of food, drink, and snacks for the time of day.  If someone asks what they can bring, I will tell them what is planned and then if they want anything else they are welcomed to bring it.  Typically my friends don't bring anything but on occasion they will surprise us with some amazing snacks. 

    I am generally not a fan of potlucks with specifically assigned items to bring, but also don't like the whole "free-for-all" style either.  In general I think a host should provide the protiens/main meals and can divide apps, desserts, sides, and drinks evenly amongst the others.  I don't mind making a dessert but I don't want to be told to bring a cheesecake...I dunno why it makes such a difference to me but it does.

    ei34SP29
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited September 2016
    I have to agree with those saying it is classist and shitty to hate on potlucks.  

    I have known a lot of college students/early career adults who would basically never have been able to socialize at all if not for potlucks.  (I am also acutely aware that for many people poverty isn't a period you age out of, but I don't personally know any older adults struggling in that way.)  I used to do potlucks with a dozen or more friends at a time when the vast majority of people in the group certainly couldn't have afforded to provide food and drink for all those people.  I would absolutely take a potluck over "fully hosted" ramen and powdered juice drink.

    If you like to cook, a potluck gives you a reason to cook for a crowd.  If you don't like to cook, you can buy something premade and get access to others' home cooked foods without having to prepare it yourself.  

    I would never condone a potluck wedding, but for casual gatherings of friends or at work/church/social clubs/etc. it's a great alternative to ordering from Jimmy Johns again.  
    I don't get this. You really can't order a pizza and get a case of beer? It's not like social events have to be fine dining with different courses. Even if my poorest days, I was able to afford cheap hot dogs and hamburgers. 
    Exactly.

    People always go to extremes.   A box of pasta costs a dollar and feeds 8+ people.   You can get a jar of sauce for a few bucks (if you have spices then you can doctor it up).   Couple loafs of bread for a dollar and boom, you have a cheap meal for a lot of people.    

    Ground beef goes on sale pretty often.  If it's in your budget you can pick up a 3lb pack and make up some meatballs.      It might take planning, but it's not really that hard.



    ETA - I do think they have their place.   I just never seem to be in those places though.   With the exception of holiday meals where one house is just the gathering place and everything is coordinated, my family and friend always host when inviting people to their homes.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    climbingsinglelizybeffphotokitty
  • I am also in the potlucks have their place camp.  When there is a larger group or a real celebration going on I feel like the event should be fully hosted. (Weddings, Showers, Birthdays, the like).  But when it comes to smaller get togethers I don't mind them so much.

    Generally if I am hosting something I will provide a sufficient amount of food, drink, and snacks for the time of day.  If someone asks what they can bring, I will tell them what is planned and then if they want anything else they are welcomed to bring it.  Typically my friends don't bring anything but on occasion they will surprise us with some amazing snacks. 

    I am generally not a fan of potlucks with specifically assigned items to bring, but also don't like the whole "free-for-all" style either.  In general I think a host should provide the protiens/main meals and can divide apps, desserts, sides, and drinks evenly amongst the others.  I don't mind making a dessert but I don't want to be told to bring a cheesecake...I dunno why it makes such a difference to me but it does.

    I was invited to a 4th of July party by my boss (in a previous job).  He and his wife had a great house for entertaining and often threw these kind of casual shindigs.  It was typical they would have the main dishes and drinks.  Guests would supplement apps and desserts. 

    I sent his wife an e-mail a couple days ahead of time and asked if she wanted me to bring anything.  The morning of the party, she replies and says that she "hates to ask, because they were planning to host everything", but would appreciate it if I would make these two recipes.  And attached the two recipes that were essentially"fresh squeezed lemonade" and "potato salad".  I was like WTF?!?  They both appeared to be extremely time consuming.  I sent her a reply back, apologizing that I wasn't comfortable making either one, because I didn't have a juicer and I'd never made potato salad.  I told her I would bring some pasta salad, lol.  She at least didn't have any problem with that.

    But that was definitely a disconnect for me.  It's one thing to say, "it would be great if you could bring a side dish," and quite another to send actual recipes for TWO items.   

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  • If I invite people over, I'm hosting the whole thing. Period. I like to cook and make dishes/drinks that go together. Most people in my circle will ask what they can bring. I always tell them nothing but if they bring something anyway, I'll set it out.

    However, I always ask other hosts if they'd like me to bring something and I'm never offended if they ask me to contribute. I wouldn't offer if I was going to be offended by the answer. 

    I'm not a big fan of most potlucks just because the food never goes together and if everything sucks I'm hungry. But I do like work potlucks. I feel like I can try stuff, get recipe ideas and if everything is terrible, I just go down to the cafeteria and buy something.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers

    I am also in the potlucks have their place camp.  When there is a larger group or a real celebration going on I feel like the event should be fully hosted. (Weddings, Showers, Birthdays, the like).  But when it comes to smaller get togethers I don't mind them so much.

    Generally if I am hosting something I will provide a sufficient amount of food, drink, and snacks for the time of day.  If someone asks what they can bring, I will tell them what is planned and then if they want anything else they are welcomed to bring it.  Typically my friends don't bring anything but on occasion they will surprise us with some amazing snacks. 

    I am generally not a fan of potlucks with specifically assigned items to bring, but also don't like the whole "free-for-all" style either.  In general I think a host should provide the protiens/main meals and can divide apps, desserts, sides, and drinks evenly amongst the others.  I don't mind making a dessert but I don't want to be told to bring a cheesecake...I dunno why it makes such a difference to me but it does.

    At the potlucks I've been to, the persons hosting circulate a sign-up sheet where everyone can list what they plan to bring so people can coordinate and make sure there's no duplication or bringing things that don't fit with what everyone else is bringing. I agree with you that being told what to bring is not a good idea.
  • lyndausvi said:
    So it's classist to hate potlucks.  

    But it's not classist to poo-poo a spaghetti dinner that your friend has graciously offered to make you?  Or to think a spaghetti dinner isn't good enough food to make for your friends?



    Okay.
    Stop with your logic, Lynda. Once they make the dislike of potlucks into a socioeconomic issue, you are automatically wrong and they are forever right.
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    lyndausvihellohkb
  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I have to agree with those saying it is classist and shitty to hate on potlucks.  

    I have known a lot of college students/early career adults who would basically never have been able to socialize at all if not for potlucks.  (I am also acutely aware that for many people poverty isn't a period you age out of, but I don't personally know any older adults struggling in that way.)  I used to do potlucks with a dozen or more friends at a time when the vast majority of people in the group certainly couldn't have afforded to provide food and drink for all those people.  I would absolutely take a potluck over "fully hosted" ramen and powdered juice drink.

    If you like to cook, a potluck gives you a reason to cook for a crowd.  If you don't like to cook, you can buy something premade and get access to others' home cooked foods without having to prepare it yourself.  

    I would never condone a potluck wedding, but for casual gatherings of friends or at work/church/social clubs/etc. it's a great alternative to ordering from Jimmy Johns again.  
    I don't get this. You really can't order a pizza and get a case of beer? It's not like social events have to be fine dining with different courses. Even if my poorest days, I was able to afford cheap hot dogs and hamburgers. 
    And that itself is a position of privilege.  Hamburger is what, $4 a pound at the low end?  3 burgers per pound means you need 5 pounds to feed 15 people. Then maybe 50 cents each for cheap buns.  We are coming up on $30 and all we have is meat and bread.  How about toppings?  Side dishes?  Beverages?   Working part time at $8.50 an hour, that thirty bucks would account for 10% of bi-weekly take home pay.  Once you add cheap sides/toppings/drinks you are probably double that.  I am lucky enough that I would not have had trouble hosting something like this, but many of my friends would.  
    Then you don't host that many people. Does it suck? Yes. Welcome to being an adult. 

    hellohkb
  • I have to agree with those saying it is classist and shitty to hate on potlucks.  

    I have known a lot of college students/early career adults who would basically never have been able to socialize at all if not for potlucks.  (I am also acutely aware that for many people poverty isn't a period you age out of, but I don't personally know any older adults struggling in that way.)  I used to do potlucks with a dozen or more friends at a time when the vast majority of people in the group certainly couldn't have afforded to provide food and drink for all those people.  I would absolutely take a potluck over "fully hosted" ramen and powdered juice drink.

    If you like to cook, a potluck gives you a reason to cook for a crowd.  If you don't like to cook, you can buy something premade and get access to others' home cooked foods without having to prepare it yourself.  

    I would never condone a potluck wedding, but for casual gatherings of friends or at work/church/social clubs/etc. it's a great alternative to ordering from Jimmy Johns again.  
    I don't get this. You really can't order a pizza and get a case of beer? It's not like social events have to be fine dining with different courses. Even if my poorest days, I was able to afford cheap hot dogs and hamburgers. 
    My best friends are supporting a family of 5 on 30k a year, while paying child support for another child who lives with the H's ex-wife. Being a broke single (probably young) adult is vastly different from being a broke family. Some people can't make ends meet when they are paying just for themselves and their family. Those people have friends they want to hang out with too.
    SaintPaulGal
  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I have to agree with those saying it is classist and shitty to hate on potlucks.  

    I have known a lot of college students/early career adults who would basically never have been able to socialize at all if not for potlucks.  (I am also acutely aware that for many people poverty isn't a period you age out of, but I don't personally know any older adults struggling in that way.)  I used to do potlucks with a dozen or more friends at a time when the vast majority of people in the group certainly couldn't have afforded to provide food and drink for all those people.  I would absolutely take a potluck over "fully hosted" ramen and powdered juice drink.

    If you like to cook, a potluck gives you a reason to cook for a crowd.  If you don't like to cook, you can buy something premade and get access to others' home cooked foods without having to prepare it yourself.  

    I would never condone a potluck wedding, but for casual gatherings of friends or at work/church/social clubs/etc. it's a great alternative to ordering from Jimmy Johns again.  
    I don't get this. You really can't order a pizza and get a case of beer? It's not like social events have to be fine dining with different courses. Even if my poorest days, I was able to afford cheap hot dogs and hamburgers. 
    My best friends are supporting a family of 5 on 30k a year, while paying child support for another child who lives with the H's ex-wife. Being a broke single (probably young) adult is vastly different from being a broke family. Some people can't make ends meet when they are paying just for themselves and their family. Those people have friends they want to hang out with too.
    Ok? I'm sorry they have 5 kids they are supporting on a small income. But, those are the choices they've made. If you can't afford to have a party without begging your guests to provide for it, don't have a party. 

    southernbelle0915lnixon8
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited September 2016
    I admit I'm economically privileged.   I also have a  husband who is a profession chef and  can take simple ground meat into a mouth watering meal.

    I also grew up with an extended family who is pretty firmly in the lower-to-middle class.   A large family one at that.  They always seem to know how to host on the cheap.   

    Takes planning, looking for sales, etc.  But it can be done.


    Now, sometimes our friends collectively decide together and someone volunteers their home.  In those cases, together we decide who is bringing what.   This is different than one person/couple inviting you to their home.   It was a group decision to get together.  A group choice on who's house.   A group choice on what is going to be served.







    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • I have to agree with those saying it is classist and shitty to hate on potlucks.  

    I have known a lot of college students/early career adults who would basically never have been able to socialize at all if not for potlucks.  (I am also acutely aware that for many people poverty isn't a period you age out of, but I don't personally know any older adults struggling in that way.)  I used to do potlucks with a dozen or more friends at a time when the vast majority of people in the group certainly couldn't have afforded to provide food and drink for all those people.  I would absolutely take a potluck over "fully hosted" ramen and powdered juice drink.

    If you like to cook, a potluck gives you a reason to cook for a crowd.  If you don't like to cook, you can buy something premade and get access to others' home cooked foods without having to prepare it yourself.  

    I would never condone a potluck wedding, but for casual gatherings of friends or at work/church/social clubs/etc. it's a great alternative to ordering from Jimmy Johns again.  
    I don't get this. You really can't order a pizza and get a case of beer? It's not like social events have to be fine dining with different courses. Even if my poorest days, I was able to afford cheap hot dogs and hamburgers. 
    My best friends are supporting a family of 5 on 30k a year, while paying child support for another child who lives with the H's ex-wife. Being a broke single (probably young) adult is vastly different from being a broke family. Some people can't make ends meet when they are paying just for themselves and their family. Those people have friends they want to hang out with too.
    Ok? I'm sorry they have 5 kids they are supporting on a small income. But, those are the choices they've made. If you can't afford to have a party without begging your guests to provide for it, don't have a party. 
    Or they can have a party, just a different kind of party. Meet your friends at a public park and everyone packs a picnic for their own family or brings their own meat to grill. Or meet at McDonalds and let your kids play in the playplace. Or invite people over for a bonfire (after dinner) and have smores (graham crackers $2, marshmallows $1, chocolate $5). 

    There are a million things these people can do. It doesn't have to be a dinner party if they can't afford to have a dinner party. 
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    climbingsinglecharlotte989875SP29photokitty
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