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Potlucks Suck.

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Re: Potlucks Suck.

  • When I say that I hate potlucks, I don't mean that there is anything wrong with people who have them. I also hate Super Bowl parties. I don't think having preferences for the types of entertainment I enjoy is particularly classist. 
    DrillSergeantCatMairePoppy
  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I have to agree with those saying it is classist and shitty to hate on potlucks.  

    I have known a lot of college students/early career adults who would basically never have been able to socialize at all if not for potlucks.  (I am also acutely aware that for many people poverty isn't a period you age out of, but I don't personally know any older adults struggling in that way.)  I used to do potlucks with a dozen or more friends at a time when the vast majority of people in the group certainly couldn't have afforded to provide food and drink for all those people.  I would absolutely take a potluck over "fully hosted" ramen and powdered juice drink.

    If you like to cook, a potluck gives you a reason to cook for a crowd.  If you don't like to cook, you can buy something premade and get access to others' home cooked foods without having to prepare it yourself.  

    I would never condone a potluck wedding, but for casual gatherings of friends or at work/church/social clubs/etc. it's a great alternative to ordering from Jimmy Johns again.  
    I don't get this. You really can't order a pizza and get a case of beer? It's not like social events have to be fine dining with different courses. Even if my poorest days, I was able to afford cheap hot dogs and hamburgers. 
    My best friends are supporting a family of 5 on 30k a year, while paying child support for another child who lives with the H's ex-wife. Being a broke single (probably young) adult is vastly different from being a broke family. Some people can't make ends meet when they are paying just for themselves and their family. Those people have friends they want to hang out with too.
    Ok? I'm sorry they have 5 kids they are supporting on a small income. But, those are the choices they've made. If you can't afford to have a party without begging your guests to provide for it, don't have a party. 
    Or they can have a party, just a different kind of party. Meet your friends at a public park and everyone packs a picnic for their own family or brings their own meat to grill. Or meet at McDonalds and let your kids play in the playplace. Or invite people over for a bonfire (after dinner) and have smores (graham crackers $2, marshmallows $1, chocolate $5). 

    There are a million things these people can do. It doesn't have to be a dinner party if they can't afford to have a dinner party. 
    Exactly. Or do what my parents did - plan the party months in advance, and save whatever money you can put aside. I did not have a privileged upbringing. My dad worked three jobs. My parents loved having a 4th of July party, so that meant in January, they started putting aside money for it. And by the time July came around, they had enough money to buy food and beer for all their friends.  

  • When I say that I hate potlucks, I don't mean that there is anything wrong with people who have them. I also hate Super Bowl parties. I don't think having preferences for the types of entertainment I enjoy is particularly classist. 
    True, I totally agree with you on the right to your preferred types of entertainment. I think other PPs were taking exception to the idea that you have to fully host a get together at your house and the judgmental attitudes. I think this is definitely a "circle" thing. I grew up where pot lucks at church were very common. Our family reunions every year were potlucks.Our holidays are pot luck so that no one person is in charge of everything. Now we have a group of friends who love to cook. We often get together and bring food to share. That being said, I wouldn't invite people for a dinner party (which in my mind is different than a pot luck) and ask them to bring something.
    DrillSergeantCatshort+sassySP29emmaaa
  • I think the point is that many people who could afford to host a basic spaghetti dinner non-alcoholic drinks for a group opt for a potluck cash bar because everyone's going to get a much better meal drinks out of it and, as a result, have a better time. Of course any guest should graciously accept whatever food drinks are is served to them, but let's be real- food alcohol is a big source of fun and realistically as a guest I'm going to have more fun getting to try a variety of different things my friends made or bought drinking alcohol than eating drinking some noodles with jarred tomato sauce crappy non-alcoholic drinks graciously provided by the hosts.

    The difference in mentality to me stems from thinking of a potluck as hosting a party in a traditional sense. I think a potluck (when done right) is more of a get-together that's mutually undertaken and planned for the common benefit of getting to enjoy a good meal with people you like. It's not supposed to be like, I'm independently deciding I'm going to host a potluck party so I'm going to call everyone up and tell them that's the plan and what will they be bringing, you know?
    I see what you're saying but this is the same kind of logic that people use the justify a cash bar. See above.
    *********************************************************************************

    image
    lizybefflyndausviSP29
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I think the point is that many people who could afford to host a basic spaghetti dinner for a group opt for a potluck because everyone's going to get a much better meal out of it and, as a result, have a better time. Of course any guest should graciously accept whatever food is served to them, but let's be real- food is a big source of fun and realistically as a guest I'm going to have more fun getting to try a variety of different things my friends made or bought than eating some noodles with jarred tomato sauce.


    This is exactly where I was coming from with my spaghetti comment. It's not special. I don't mind serving it to my best friends, but inviting a bunch of people over for spaghetti- given my skills in the kitchen, they could all have a better meal at their own homes. I'd be embarrassed to serve it at a dinner party. 
    If I could make my own pasta and a mean sauce from scratch, that would change the game, sure. But I can't. Therefore, it takes more money to come up with meals that my friends would enjoy. 
    And conversely, I don't judge what I'm served at my friends' homes. But none of my friends are the dinner-party-hosting types, either because their cooking skills are as mediocre as mine, or because we like going out and doing other stuff (museums, movies, sports events, bars, walks/runs, whatever). 


    ________________________________


  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    This is obviously not a one size fits all thing.    

      I've rarely attended potluck events.  The few I have people went on the cheap.  Pasta or potato salad, veggie tray, grilled chicken type stuff.  Variety just meant there was both pasta and potato salad.   The food wasn't anymore exciting than a spaghetti dinner in my opinion.

    I do have to remind myself that our group of friends are mostly in the hospitality industry.  Many of them are chefs/cooks.    Chefs like to cook for others.  They like show off.  The rest of us work in the front of house.  We are natural hosts.  

     Potlucks aren't really our thing. 






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • I have to agree with those saying it is classist and shitty to hate on potlucks.  

    I have known a lot of college students/early career adults who would basically never have been able to socialize at all if not for potlucks.  (I am also acutely aware that for many people poverty isn't a period you age out of, but I don't personally know any older adults struggling in that way.)  I used to do potlucks with a dozen or more friends at a time when the vast majority of people in the group certainly couldn't have afforded to provide food and drink for all those people.  I would absolutely take a potluck over "fully hosted" ramen and powdered juice drink.

    If you like to cook, a potluck gives you a reason to cook for a crowd.  If you don't like to cook, you can buy something premade and get access to others' home cooked foods without having to prepare it yourself.  

    I would never condone a potluck wedding, but for casual gatherings of friends or at work/church/social clubs/etc. it's a great alternative to ordering from Jimmy Johns again.  
    I don't get this. You really can't order a pizza and get a case of beer? It's not like social events have to be fine dining with different courses. Even if my poorest days, I was able to afford cheap hot dogs and hamburgers. 
    And that itself is a position of privilege.  Hamburger is what, $4 a pound at the low end?  3 burgers per pound means you need 5 pounds to feed 15 people. Then maybe 50 cents each for cheap buns.  We are coming up on $30 and all we have is meat and bread.  How about toppings?  Side dishes?  Beverages?   Working part time at $8.50 an hour, that thirty bucks would account for 10% of bi-weekly take home pay.  Once you add cheap sides/toppings/drinks you are probably double that.  I am lucky enough that I would not have had trouble hosting something like this, but many of my friends would.  
    Then you don't host that many people. Does it suck? Yes. Welcome to being an adult. 
    Do you truly believe that "poor folks should just have fewer friends/come from smaller families" is a better solution than "everyone collaborates on a lovely meal that will feed everyone"?

    I love to cook and I have a decent level of economic security, so when I have people over I provide all the food and drinks.  But I have no problem bringing a dish to pass when friends or family or a social group are getting together. Also, it is worth noting that a potluck has a much more egalitarian atmosphere.  When one person is playing host, they have certain duties and obligations that aren't present when everyone is "hosting" everyone else.
    OurWildKingdom
  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I have to agree with those saying it is classist and shitty to hate on potlucks.  

    I have known a lot of college students/early career adults who would basically never have been able to socialize at all if not for potlucks.  (I am also acutely aware that for many people poverty isn't a period you age out of, but I don't personally know any older adults struggling in that way.)  I used to do potlucks with a dozen or more friends at a time when the vast majority of people in the group certainly couldn't have afforded to provide food and drink for all those people.  I would absolutely take a potluck over "fully hosted" ramen and powdered juice drink.

    If you like to cook, a potluck gives you a reason to cook for a crowd.  If you don't like to cook, you can buy something premade and get access to others' home cooked foods without having to prepare it yourself.  

    I would never condone a potluck wedding, but for casual gatherings of friends or at work/church/social clubs/etc. it's a great alternative to ordering from Jimmy Johns again.  
    I don't get this. You really can't order a pizza and get a case of beer? It's not like social events have to be fine dining with different courses. Even if my poorest days, I was able to afford cheap hot dogs and hamburgers. 
    And that itself is a position of privilege.  Hamburger is what, $4 a pound at the low end?  3 burgers per pound means you need 5 pounds to feed 15 people. Then maybe 50 cents each for cheap buns.  We are coming up on $30 and all we have is meat and bread.  How about toppings?  Side dishes?  Beverages?   Working part time at $8.50 an hour, that thirty bucks would account for 10% of bi-weekly take home pay.  Once you add cheap sides/toppings/drinks you are probably double that.  I am lucky enough that I would not have had trouble hosting something like this, but many of my friends would.  
    Then you don't host that many people. Does it suck? Yes. Welcome to being an adult. 
    Do you truly believe that "poor folks should just have fewer friends/come from smaller families" is a better solution than "everyone collaborates on a lovely meal that will feed everyone"?

    I love to cook and I have a decent level of economic security, so when I have people over I provide all the food and drinks.  But I have no problem bringing a dish to pass when friends or family or a social group are getting together. Also, it is worth noting that a potluck has a much more egalitarian atmosphere.  When one person is playing host, they have certain duties and obligations that aren't present when everyone is "hosting" everyone else.
    Ok, you're being completely ridiculous. Please tell me where I said "poor people should have fewer friends."

    If you can't afford to host a party properly for a large amount of people, then don't host one. There are many other options.  Have smaller parties. Save up money. Have cheap food and beer. Ask friends to meet you at the park. 

    Also, "egalitarian atmosphere"? Really? I can't. Also, if you're hosting a potluck party at your house, you're really going to tell me that the other people invited that are bringing food are also hosting? Does that mean they get to clean up and do the dishes too? Wow, how nice! Sounds like a great time. "Hey, come over to my house and bring food and drinks, and then help me clean up."

    SP29
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I like coordinated meals with my extended family members. I prepare a balanced meal and each household brings their special something that they must have, but I'm not going to cook for them. This is a huge help, since all of the holiday meals are at my house.

    I avoid potlucks at all costs. Some of those mystery casseroles, scattered among the various potato salads, look yucky. 
                       
    short+sassyphotokitty
  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    Who knew potlucks were so polarizing?

    I agree with whomever said it's definitely a circle kind of thing. If you're getting together for a watch party, I see no issue with it being potluck. If you're hosting a dinner party, the host should fully host. 
    kimmiinthemittenSP29OurWildKingdomMairePoppy
  • SaintPaulGalSaintPaulGal member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    edited September 2016
    I have to agree with those saying it is classist and shitty to hate on potlucks.  

    I have known a lot of college students/early career adults who would basically never have been able to socialize at all if not for potlucks.  (I am also acutely aware that for many people poverty isn't a period you age out of, but I don't personally know any older adults struggling in that way.)  I used to do potlucks with a dozen or more friends at a time when the vast majority of people in the group certainly couldn't have afforded to provide food and drink for all those people.  I would absolutely take a potluck over "fully hosted" ramen and powdered juice drink.

    If you like to cook, a potluck gives you a reason to cook for a crowd.  If you don't like to cook, you can buy something premade and get access to others' home cooked foods without having to prepare it yourself.  

    I would never condone a potluck wedding, but for casual gatherings of friends or at work/church/social clubs/etc. it's a great alternative to ordering from Jimmy Johns again.  
    I don't get this. You really can't order a pizza and get a case of beer? It's not like social events have to be fine dining with different courses. Even if my poorest days, I was able to afford cheap hot dogs and hamburgers. 
    And that itself is a position of privilege.  Hamburger is what, $4 a pound at the low end?  3 burgers per pound means you need 5 pounds to feed 15 people. Then maybe 50 cents each for cheap buns.  We are coming up on $30 and all we have is meat and bread.  How about toppings?  Side dishes?  Beverages?   Working part time at $8.50 an hour, that thirty bucks would account for 10% of bi-weekly take home pay.  Once you add cheap sides/toppings/drinks you are probably double that.  I am lucky enough that I would not have had trouble hosting something like this, but many of my friends would.  
    Then you don't host that many people. Does it suck? Yes. Welcome to being an adult. 
    Do you truly believe that "poor folks should just have fewer friends/come from smaller families" is a better solution than "everyone collaborates on a lovely meal that will feed everyone"?

    I love to cook and I have a decent level of economic security, so when I have people over I provide all the food and drinks.  But I have no problem bringing a dish to pass when friends or family or a social group are getting together. Also, it is worth noting that a potluck has a much more egalitarian atmosphere.  When one person is playing host, they have certain duties and obligations that aren't present when everyone is "hosting" everyone else.
    Ok, you're being completely ridiculous. Please tell me where I said "poor people should have fewer friends." (1)

    If you can't afford to host a party properly for a large amount of people, then don't host one. There are many other options.  Have smaller parties. Save up money. Have cheap food and beer. Ask friends to meet you at the park. 

    Also, "egalitarian atmosphere"? Really? I can't. Also, if you're hosting a potluck party at your house, you're really going to tell me that the other people invited that are bringing food are also hosting? Does that mean they get to clean up and do the dishes too? (2) Wow, how nice! Sounds like a great time. "Hey, come over to my house and bring food and drinks, and then help me clean up."
    (1) Your exact words were "Then you don't host that many people."  If someone is only allowed the friends they can afford to buy dinner for, poor people will definitionally have fewer friends.  I'm not sure how families would work under this model.  Large families would never be able to share a meal at all unless someone had a few hundred or thousand dollars lying around to spring for everybody's meals.

    (2) Well, yeah.  Although I guess I would say co-hosting.  Virtually all potlucks I have been to used disposables, so yeah I would expect people to "clean up and do the dishes" by dropping them in the trash when they were finished.

    When I say that I hate potlucks, I don't mean that there is anything wrong with people who have them. I also hate Super Bowl parties. I don't think having preferences for the types of entertainment I enjoy is particularly classist. 
    Nothing classist at all about not personally enjoying potlucks.  It's the looking down on the practice that is kinda icky.  Like, I don't eat at McDonalds.  But I also don't go around saying "why would anyone eat there?"  I know why. Because it's cheap.  You can feed a family of 4 for five bucks.  That matters a whole lot to a whole lot of people.
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Who knew potlucks were so polarizing?

    I agree with whomever said it's definitely a circle kind of thing. If you're getting together for a watch party, I see no issue with it being potluck. If you're hosting a dinner party, the host should fully host. 
    If a group of friends decide collectively to get together and everything brings some thing.   I'm all good.

    Family gatherings for holidays and such and everyone coordinates?  I'm good.  '

     For those above, the person's house is really just a venue for the group to meet.


    Now, if I get a call or even worse an invitation that says "hey we want to invite you over to watch the big game.   Can you bring the potato salad?"   I would be miffed.  Why is it okay to "invite" someone to bring food/beverages to your home?   It's weird too me. 






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    kimmiinthemittenSP29
  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    lyndausvi said:
    Who knew potlucks were so polarizing?

    I agree with whomever said it's definitely a circle kind of thing. If you're getting together for a watch party, I see no issue with it being potluck. If you're hosting a dinner party, the host should fully host. 
    If a group of friends decide collectively to get together and everything brings some thing.   I'm all good.

    Family gatherings for holidays and such and everyone coordinates?  I'm good.  '

     For those above, the person's house is really just a venue for the group to meet.


    Now, if I get a call or even worse an invitation that says "hey we want to invite you over to watch the big game.   Can you bring the potato salad?"   I would be miffed.  Why is it okay to "invite" someone to bring food/beverages to your home?   It's weird too me. 
    It's usually, "Hey. We're thinking about doing a potluck for the Super Bowl. Would you like to come?"
    ILoveBeachMusic
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    lyndausvi said:
    Who knew potlucks were so polarizing?

    I agree with whomever said it's definitely a circle kind of thing. If you're getting together for a watch party, I see no issue with it being potluck. If you're hosting a dinner party, the host should fully host. 
    If a group of friends decide collectively to get together and everything brings some thing.   I'm all good.

    Family gatherings for holidays and such and everyone coordinates?  I'm good.  '

     For those above, the person's house is really just a venue for the group to meet.


    Now, if I get a call or even worse an invitation that says "hey we want to invite you over to watch the big game.   Can you bring the potato salad?"   I would be miffed.  Why is it okay to "invite" someone to bring food/beverages to your home?   It's weird too me. 
    It's usually, "Hey. We're thinking about doing a potluck for the Super Bowl. Would you like to come?"
    And my world it's "hey we are having a super bowl party.  It starts at 4pm.  Hope to see you there."

    It never occurs to us to ask people to bring food/beverages.  People might ask, but we never invite people to bring food to our home.      

     I love hosting people.  When I host, I fully host.     I also like being hosted.  It's a nice break to just be a guest once in a while.  Potlucks means I have still have to cook.  


    Different strokes for different folks.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    lyndausvi said:      

     I love hosting people.  When I host, I fully host.     I also like being hosted.  It's a nice break to just be a guest once in a while.  Potlucks means I have still have to cook.  

    That's the event professional in you.  When my best friend hosts, she has a fully coordinated menu down to the specialty cocktail.  If the host is close to her, she's totally on board and throwing out ideas and offering to help.  But when it's a wedding or other social event where it's staffed and catered - she rejoices in her role as a true guest.
    image
  • For my group of friends, if we have a party or whatever, whomever is hosting gives options on who can bring what {given what they are making/buying} and then we all just kind of say 'oh i'll bring dessert' or whatever.

    This way you get a choice and no matter what the person's budget is they can work with it. Like a side dish doesn't have to be something fancy, we all enjoy a veggie tray. I know one friend who normally brings a couple bags of chips as snack also.
    SP29
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    lyndausvi said:      

     I love hosting people.  When I host, I fully host.     I also like being hosted.  It's a nice break to just be a guest once in a while.  Potlucks means I have still have to cook.  

    That's the event professional in you.  When my best friend hosts, she has a fully coordinated menu down to the specialty cocktail.  If the host is close to her, she's totally on board and throwing out ideas and offering to help.  But when it's a wedding or other social event where it's staffed and catered - she rejoices in her role as a true guest.
    Yep.

    As I stated most of our friends are in the hospitality industry.  Some of them  cook up to 12 hours a day for with no days or one day off a week for months.   The others are servers/bar tenders/hotel front office people.  We are always in host/server mode.

    So when we have parties we like to fully host our friends so they can be just guests.  They don't have plan/shop/cook/clean in order to come to our house. They get their much needed break. 

    On the flip side, when we are invited to someone's house we love that we can just be a guest.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    kimmiinthemittenOurWildKingdom
  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited September 2016
    I have to agree with those saying it is classist and shitty to hate on potlucks.  

    I have known a lot of college students/early career adults who would basically never have been able to socialize at all if not for potlucks.  (I am also acutely aware that for many people poverty isn't a period you age out of, but I don't personally know any older adults struggling in that way.)  I used to do potlucks with a dozen or more friends at a time when the vast majority of people in the group certainly couldn't have afforded to provide food and drink for all those people.  I would absolutely take a potluck over "fully hosted" ramen and powdered juice drink.

    If you like to cook, a potluck gives you a reason to cook for a crowd.  If you don't like to cook, you can buy something premade and get access to others' home cooked foods without having to prepare it yourself.  

    I would never condone a potluck wedding, but for casual gatherings of friends or at work/church/social clubs/etc. it's a great alternative to ordering from Jimmy Johns again.  
    I don't get this. You really can't order a pizza and get a case of beer? It's not like social events have to be fine dining with different courses. Even if my poorest days, I was able to afford cheap hot dogs and hamburgers. 
    And that itself is a position of privilege.  Hamburger is what, $4 a pound at the low end?  3 burgers per pound means you need 5 pounds to feed 15 people. Then maybe 50 cents each for cheap buns.  We are coming up on $30 and all we have is meat and bread.  How about toppings?  Side dishes?  Beverages?   Working part time at $8.50 an hour, that thirty bucks would account for 10% of bi-weekly take home pay.  Once you add cheap sides/toppings/drinks you are probably double that.  I am lucky enough that I would not have had trouble hosting something like this, but many of my friends would.  
    Then you don't host that many people. Does it suck? Yes. Welcome to being an adult. 
    Do you truly believe that "poor folks should just have fewer friends/come from smaller families" is a better solution than "everyone collaborates on a lovely meal that will feed everyone"?

    I love to cook and I have a decent level of economic security, so when I have people over I provide all the food and drinks.  But I have no problem bringing a dish to pass when friends or family or a social group are getting together. Also, it is worth noting that a potluck has a much more egalitarian atmosphere.  When one person is playing host, they have certain duties and obligations that aren't present when everyone is "hosting" everyone else.
    Ok, you're being completely ridiculous. Please tell me where I said "poor people should have fewer friends." (1)

    If you can't afford to host a party properly for a large amount of people, then don't host one. There are many other options.  Have smaller parties. Save up money. Have cheap food and beer. Ask friends to meet you at the park. 

    Also, "egalitarian atmosphere"? Really? I can't. Also, if you're hosting a potluck party at your house, you're really going to tell me that the other people invited that are bringing food are also hosting? Does that mean they get to clean up and do the dishes too? (2) Wow, how nice! Sounds like a great time. "Hey, come over to my house and bring food and drinks, and then help me clean up."
    (1) Your exact words were "Then you don't host that many people."  If someone is only allowed the friends they can afford to buy dinner for, poor people will definitionally have fewer friends.  I'm not sure how families would work under this model.  Large families would never be able to share a meal at all unless someone had a few hundred or thousand dollars lying around to spring for everybody's meals.

    (2) Well, yeah.  Although I guess I would say co-hosting.  Virtually all potlucks I have been to used disposables, so yeah I would expect people to "clean up and do the dishes" by dropping them in the trash when they were finished.

    When I say that I hate potlucks, I don't mean that there is anything wrong with people who have them. I also hate Super Bowl parties. I don't think having preferences for the types of entertainment I enjoy is particularly classist. 
    Nothing classist at all about not personally enjoying potlucks.  It's the looking down on the practice that is kinda icky.  Like, I don't eat at McDonalds.  But I also don't go around saying "why would anyone eat there?"  I know why. Because it's cheap.  You can feed a family of 4 for five bucks.  That matters a whole lot to a whole lot of people.
    I just want to make sure I understand this correctly. You would invite people over to your house for a party, ask them to bring food, and then expect them all to clean up your house? 

    And when I said don't host that many people, that means only invite 20 instead of 50. Making that jump to "well, she must mean poor people can't have friends" is totally ridiculous. What about couples that only afford to throw a wedding for 100 and not 250? Are we also telling them they can't have friends or large families? Get a grip. 

    ei34SP29MyNameIsNot
  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    lyndausvi said:

     I love hosting people.  When I host, I fully host.     I also like being hosted.  It's a nice break to just be a guest once in a while.  Potlucks means I have still have to cook.  


    Different strokes for different folks.
    I do too. I mean, I cooked an entire Thanksgiving dinner while 6 months pregnant last year and I host dinner with friends once a month where I do it all. It doesn't have to be all or nothing all the time. 

    A potluck is intended to be more casual and laid back than a dinner party.
    ILoveBeachMusicSP29
  • So based on this post, do some of you find any type of BYOB get together rude?
    We have a group of about 20 people that are all friends and like to hang out. We also all like to drink. We're all broke 20-somethings, and only my husband and I and one other couple are the only ones in the group who don't either live with our parents or in an apartment, so the get togethers usually end up being at one of our places. These are usually later at night parties, no food, but they are always BYOB. If the hosts were to fully host all of the alcohol, it would easily end up being over $500, and none of us could afford that. We would never be able to all hang out as a group in these circumstances.
    So, are our parties "rude" because we don't fully host them?

    (side note- this has been the same way for multiple years, and everyone involved agrees this is fine. I am also not condoning BYOB weddings, as this is a completely different situation. We had a full open bar at our wedding :)
  • LOL at potlucks being "egalitarian". The definition of egalitarian is: "of, relating to, or believing in the principle that all people are equal and deserve equal rights and opportunities." 

    So are hosted dinners aristocratic? The equivalent of social exceptionalism? A potluck is like socialism (everyone contributes and eats the food) and a hosted dinner is like a dictatorship (you will eat this food)? At some point, trying to look too deeply into this and draw sociological connections is RIDICULOUS. It's food. It's hosting. FFS
    I'm not saying that I would make an ideological choice to have a pot luck in the interest of socialism.  I just mean that everybody brings a dish, everybody serves themselves, everybody refills their own drinks, everybody is equally free to chat and socialize and enjoy.  

    When I am hosting, on the other hand, I am focused on serving my guests.  I don't get to just sit and enjoy the party.  I am making a round of drinks/refilling the bowl of crackers/serving the food/cutting more bread/checking on or serving the next course/cleaning up an overturned water glass/grabbing another bottle of wine from the basement/getting Martha a new spoon after she dropped hers/clearing the dishes/finalizing and plating the dessert/making the next round of drinks/clearing the dessert dishes/making another round of drinks...etc, etc, etc. It's virtually unheard of that I get to sit for more than 5 minutes at a time, and I always serve myself a tiny portion (if I eat at all) so I can be ready to jump up again and take care of the next thing without delaying everyone else's pace.  

    I love hosting.  It's fun to serve friends or family and just let them take it in without lifting a finger.  But that is not the only acceptable way to assemble a group.  Sometimes you just want a free-and-easy summer afternoon with the neighbors.  Help yourself to beer from the fridge, munch on that seven layer dip Jim from across the alley is famous for, and everybody puts their feet up.
    OurWildKingdomspockforprezcowgirl8238Kahlyla
  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    So based on this post, do some of you find any type of BYOB get together rude?
    We have a group of about 20 people that are all friends and like to hang out. We also all like to drink. We're all broke 20-somethings, and only my husband and I and one other couple are the only ones in the group who don't either live with our parents or in an apartment, so the get togethers usually end up being at one of our places. These are usually later at night parties, no food, but they are always BYOB. If the hosts were to fully host all of the alcohol, it would easily end up being over $500, and none of us could afford that. We would never be able to all hang out as a group in these circumstances.
    So, are our parties "rude" because we don't fully host them?

    (side note- this has been the same way for multiple years, and everyone involved agrees this is fine. I am also not condoning BYOB weddings, as this is a completely different situation. We had a full open bar at our wedding :)
    Dude, I'm in my 30's and still go to BYOBs. I would assume that some people will side-eye the shit out of that, but I don't have an issue with it. 
    MissKittyDangershort+sassy
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