Chit Chat

Buying a Home

H and I are getting ready to sell our teeny duplex and move someplace with acreage out of the city. We live in DFW, and the market here is almost always crazy hot.

I have been keeping an eye on the market without really falling in love with anything because our current house isn't even listed yet, and half of our down payment ability is wrapped up in it. No seller in their right mind would take a contingency in this market. Our goal is 20%, and once we sell, we will have it, or close enough depending on price. 

Last weekend, H found a place and we went to go look at it. Mistake. It's on 30 acres, with a huge insulated shop. Fenced, lots of trees, two ponds, a barn. In our price range. Nice right? The house is a prefab. Not a mobile home, just prefabricated. It's  20 years old, and needs carpet and paint. Nothing wrong with it, aside from being smaller than I would like, but it's a far cry from my dream home. We are essentially buying the property and the house comes with it. 

H and I have fought and discussed for two days. He loves it, and nothing else will make him happy. This will forever be the one that got away. My preference is a nicer house on 5 ish acres, of which there are plenty in our price range. But no. I'm unreasonable. We can always build a house or add on to this one but will not ever get this acreage again. He thinks I'm being shortsighted and silly (and a snob) for not wanting small prefab house. I think it's silly for city boy to even think he knows what the shit to do with 30 acres, but what do I know, I grew up in the country and there is a reason my parents downsized.

I have never bought a place before, so I have no idea what to do. I'd appreciate some advice here. 


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Re: Buying a Home

  • We just had the misfortune of having to buy a home in the DFW market. Holy hell it's hot! But, believe it or not, we put in an offer on one home, below ask as we knew it would not appraise,, with no contingencies. They received another offer for full ask with a contingency. The sellers took the contingency offer and when the sale finally went through months later, the home did not appraise and the final sales price was what we offered! I was super mad, but we ended up with a nicer home in the end.

    I personally bought a house in the city because acreage was not something we wanted. We did look at some homes with 1-2 acres but it was so overwhelming. I think 30 would be insane. You could never maintain it unless your job was to maintain it. But, maybe I'm just not used to acreage living!  I think 5 is more feasible with that smaller land swath, you can put more of your budget to a nicer home. We seriously thought we'd never find a great home in the neighborhood we wanted to live in, but patience prevailed and we got what we wanted at the right price. 

     







  • You're not being short-sighted and silly, to use your H's words.  If anything, he's acting that way.  Even if the house was the dream home for both of you, you're not totally ready to buy.  You two need to sit down and make lists of your likes and dislikes (with 1-3 must-haves and no-ways too).   Just so you each know what's important to the other.

    Good god I can't even fathom 30 acres.  My dream home would definitely have a yard, but 50x100 or 60x100 would be great.  As soon as the measurement is in acres my mind is blown, it's just so different from what I'm used to :Dgood luck!
  • Simple question: what does he want all that land for?

    It kind of sounds like he’s just taking the “more is more” mentality- “we’re never going to be able to get more acres than that for the price, so we have to jump on this!” But in reality he doesn’t have a concrete idea of what he’s going to do with all that land.

    It’s like when my H and I were grocery shopping together the other day and he was flipping out because they had a “buy two tubs of hummus, get three free” deal. He was mad because I was like “we don’t need five tubs of hummus, it will go bad before we can eat half of it,” but he couldn’t see beyond what a great “deal” it was.

    Anyway it’s going to be a loooooong house hunting process if either of you are just going to get attached to one very specific vision and refuse to consider anything else. Tell him you are willing to discuss what he wants to do with the land and be flexible on that front, but both of you need to be able to have reasonable vetoes and once a veto has been invoked the other person needs to respect it. 

  • STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited September 2016
    Hell no. I don't care what you want to dress them us as, it's lipstick on a pig. You don't have a down payment, you aren't ready to buy, not wanting a prefab home is completely legit, and he's behaving like a child with something shiny. 

    You can always get more acreage later. Can you afford to build a new home immediately?
  • It sounds like you need to go ahead and put your house on the market and then find temporary housing while you look for a place that you both agree on. I wouldn't want to live in a pre-fab house either. It's not completely snobbery, it's the fact that they aren't worth what a stick built home is worth. 
  • If my dream house came on 30 acres in our price range I'd sell my mother. I won't use 30 acres, but it doesn't do me any harm. Taxes are low because it's an ag exemption.

    The area is BFE, but to get acreage in DFW, you have to be. We don't have children yet.  It's a small school district. I'd rather look for a house the next town over because I have actually been in those schools and liked them. Nothing in that area is available right now, but last spring there were, and next spring might be again. 

    He wants a gun range, a hunting blind, aquaponic farming, a blacksmith shop, a welding setup, a woodworking shop, etc etc etc. These are all things he knows how to do, but he already has a full time job with 2 hours of commute. He won't have time for all of it. 

    We have already been preapproved for a 5 or 10% down payment. I don't want to pay pmi, he doesn't care if we do. He thinks we can just get out of it in a year or so, I don't want to count on it.
  • If my dream house came on 30 acres in our price range I'd sell my mother. I won't use 30 acres, but it doesn't do me any harm. Taxes are low because it's an ag exemption.

    The area is BFE, but to get acreage in DFW, you have to be. We don't have children yet.  It's a small school district. I'd rather look for a house the next town over because I have actually been in those schools and liked them. Nothing in that area is available right now, but last spring there were, and next spring might be again. 

    He wants a gun range, a hunting blind, aquaponic farming, a blacksmith shop, a welding setup, a woodworking shop, etc etc etc. These are all things he knows how to do, but he already has a full time job with 2 hours of commute. He won't have time for all of it. 

    We have already been preapproved for a 5 or 10% down payment. I don't want to pay pmi, he doesn't care if we do. He thinks we can just get out of it in a year or so, I don't want to count on it.
    Why does he want all that? Are these activities (farming, blacksmithing, welding, woodworking) things he really knows how to do already and would be able to make money off of, or does he just have a really ambitious vision of further developing all these skills as a hobby? Do you have the money to buy this property and have him quit his job so he can do all this stuff?
  • I think you made a big mistake physically looking at homes when you aren't anywhere close to being ready to buy. Why did you go to your bank and get pre-approval anyway when you haven't even listed your home? My understanding is pre-approvals are only good for a short period of time...like 3-6 months before you'd need to get pre-approved again.

    We have already been preapproved for a 5 or 10% down payment. I don't want to pay pmi, he doesn't care if we do. He thinks we can just get out of it in a year or so, I don't want to count on it.
    I don't want to throw around the words "red flag" but this statement really bothers me. He doesn't CARE that you'll pay extra money in addition to interest, principal, and escrow payments? Have you used a calculator to estimate what your month to month payment would be based on PMI+interest+principal+escrow based on your down payment and the loan balance? Sure, PMI can be deducted from your taxes but that's only if you itemize and don't take the standard deduction and only if your AGI is under a certain limit.

    There are some loan types out there where PMI is now for the life of the loan or until you re-finance, but I think at least with a conventional loan you stop paying on PMI once you have put in 20% equity into your home. This is all something you'd work out with your bank anyway.

    I absolutely think you need to hold out for a home that is compromise between your's and your H's big ticket needs and wants. The structure of the home is one of those big ones IMO and you aren't being a snob for not wanting a pre-fab home just because it happens to be on 30 acres.



  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited September 2016
    scribe95 said:
    I've never known anyone who got out of PMI. I just finished paying it on the condo I bought when I was single before I knew hubby.
    Once you hit 20% equity or are below 80% of the original loan you can get out of PMI.   If you are under, I think 76%, the lender is suppose to cancel PMI.

    There are a few ways to get out of it, mostly initiated by you.  If prices have gone up you can refinance.  You can get an appraisal to show you have more than 20% equity.      You can show that you have less than 80% of the loan to pay off.  You are in good standing (no late payments).  There are a few other requirements.

     Often why you do not hear of people getting out of it is people simply do not take the effort to see if they still need to pay PMI.   If you only dropped 5% down  it might take a while to hit the parameters of getting out PMI since early on most of the payment goes towards interest.  People simply forget they are paying PMI.


    ETA - I think if you have Fannie Mae/Freddie mac and put down less than 11% it's for life.  Don't quote me on that. I just know there are a few loans that it's for life.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • Lol yup. Child with a shiny toy. Nope. No major financial decisions based on your fantasy life. 
  • If my dream house came on 30 acres in our price range I'd sell my mother. I won't use 30 acres, but it doesn't do me any harm. Taxes are low because it's an ag exemption.

    The area is BFE, but to get acreage in DFW, you have to be. We don't have children yet.  It's a small school district. I'd rather look for a house the next town over because I have actually been in those schools and liked them. Nothing in that area is available right now, but last spring there were, and next spring might be again. 

    He wants a gun range, a hunting blind, aquaponic farming, a blacksmith shop, a welding setup, a woodworking shop, etc etc etc. These are all things he knows how to do, but he already has a full time job with 2 hours of commute. He won't have time for all of it. 

    We have already been preapproved for a 5 or 10% down payment. I don't want to pay pmi, he doesn't care if we do. He thinks we can just get out of it in a year or so, I don't want to count on it.
    Why does he want all that? Are these activities (farming, blacksmithing, welding, woodworking) things he really knows how to do already and would be able to make money off of, or does he just have a really ambitious vision of further developing all these skills as a hobby? Do you have the money to buy this property and have him quit his job so he can do all this stuff?

    This. I really want to have a mote and a penguin petting zoo but I understand how unrealistic it is.

    I also hear on the radio that I can lease a Maserati for $660 per month. Just because it's a great deal doesn't mean I can afford it or it makes sense for me.

    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
  • When my H and I started house hunting, we both had things we were looking for.
    location - our immediate families are in the west end of the city, my mother doesn't drive, I don't want to rely on having to drive since we're a 1 vehicle home so buses had to be good

    schools - we're wanting kids in the future, are schools near? what are they like?

    area - what's the areas of the houses like?

    actual house - spacing? hardwood? {carpet wasn't a deal breaker but it would kill a house if it was down to 2 houses}
    yard? - we weren't picky, just enough for a small garden, bbq and a table


    Like PPs have said, any house really break down what each of you want.
  • If my dream house came on 30 acres in our price range I'd sell my mother. I won't use 30 acres, but it doesn't do me any harm. Taxes are low because it's an ag exemption.

    The area is BFE, but to get acreage in DFW, you have to be. We don't have children yet.  It's a small school district. I'd rather look for a house the next town over because I have actually been in those schools and liked them. Nothing in that area is available right now, but last spring there were, and next spring might be again. 

    He wants a gun range, a hunting blind, aquaponic farming, a blacksmith shop, a welding setup, a woodworking shop, etc etc etc. These are all things he knows how to do, but he already has a full time job with 2 hours of commute. He won't have time for all of it. 

    We have already been preapproved for a 5 or 10% down payment. I don't want to pay pmi, he doesn't care if we do. He thinks we can just get out of it in a year or so, I don't want to count on it.
    Why does he want all that? Are these activities (farming, blacksmithing, welding, woodworking) things he really knows how to do already and would be able to make money off of, or does he just have a really ambitious vision of further developing all these skills as a hobby? Do you have the money to buy this property and have him quit his job so he can do all this stuff?

    This. I really want to have a mote and a penguin petting zoo but I understand how unrealistic it is.

    I also hear on the radio that I can lease a Maserati for $660 per month. Just because it's a great deal doesn't mean I can afford it or it makes sense for me.

    Yep.

    Even though you said he knows how to do all of these things, it doesn't sound like he will have time. Also, to set up the out buildings and shops will be super expensive to just get started for a hobby. 

  • If my dream house came on 30 acres in our price range I'd sell my mother. I won't use 30 acres, but it doesn't do me any harm. Taxes are low because it's an ag exemption.

    The area is BFE, but to get acreage in DFW, you have to be. We don't have children yet.  It's a small school district. I'd rather look for a house the next town over because I have actually been in those schools and liked them. Nothing in that area is available right now, but last spring there were, and next spring might be again. 

    He wants a gun range, a hunting blind, aquaponic farming, a blacksmith shop, a welding setup, a woodworking shop, etc etc etc. These are all things he knows how to do, but he already has a full time job with 2 hours of commute. He won't have time for all of it. 

    We have already been preapproved for a 5 or 10% down payment. I don't want to pay pmi, he doesn't care if we do. He thinks we can just get out of it in a year or so, I don't want to count on it.
    Why does he want all that? Are these activities (farming, blacksmithing, welding, woodworking) things he really knows how to do already and would be able to make money off of, or does he just have a really ambitious vision of further developing all these skills as a hobby? Do you have the money to buy this property and have him quit his job so he can do all this stuff?

    This. I really want to have a mote and a penguin petting zoo but I understand how unrealistic it is.

    I also hear on the radio that I can lease a Maserati for $660 per month. Just because it's a great deal doesn't mean I can afford it or it makes sense for me.

    Hahaha thank you for putting it this way, this is exactly what I was thinking but I was just so confused by the idea of basically wanting to build an entire medieval village on one's property all I could do was ask questions.

    OP I don't know your financial situation, but what you're describing sounds like something a reclusive multimillionaire would have. Like we'd all love to buy a big property and have our own bowling alley, swimming pool, laser tag arena, and basketball court but like... that's a house you build for yourself when you're playing the Sims, not IRL (unless you are very wealthy and have plenty of free time).
  • lyndausvi said:
    scribe95 said:
    I've never known anyone who got out of PMI. I just finished paying it on the condo I bought when I was single before I knew hubby.
    Once you hit 20% equity or are below 80% of the original loan you can get out of PMI.   If you are under, I think 76%, the lender is suppose to cancel PMI.

    There are a few ways to get out of it, mostly initiated by you.  If prices have gone up you can refinance.  You can get an appraisal to show you have more than 20% equity.      You can show that you have less than 80% of the loan to pay off.  You are in good standing (no late payments).  There are a few other requirements.

     Often why you do not hear of people getting out of it is people simply do not take the effort to see if they still need to pay PMI.   If you only dropped 5% down  it might take a while to hit the parameters of getting out PMI since early on most of the payment goes towards interest.  People simply forget they are paying PMI.


    ETA - I think if you have Fannie Mae/Freddie mac and put down less than 11% it's for life.  Don't quote me on that. I just know there are a few loans that it's for life.
    That's dependent on the type of loan. Mine is an FHA loan and the PMI is the life of the loan or until I refinance. 
  • The big draw, for him anyway, is it already has the outbuildings. The shop alone is worth about 50k. But you all are right. This isn't the right time. In a few weeks our house will be listed. We can look then, and if we dont find anything more, more properties will go on the market after the new year, and we can start looking then, it was stupid of him to seek preapproval now. 
  • But the shop is only "worth" fifty thousand dollars if you need that particular kind of shop.  Just because that is what it would cost to build doesn't mean it is worth that amount in your life.  It's like buying a property that comes with an MRI machine permanently installed.  Well, those things cost like 5 million dollars, so the property must be worth at least that much, right?  Well, not unless you need an MRI machine.
    Are you an accountant?
  • Everyone has covered the "it doesn't sound like it's the right to buy this property", but I will also echo that you both need to come up with your "must have's" and compromise. My H would love 30 acres, would know what to do with it (hunt, and fish if it was on the water), and he'd do that all the time, because he already leaves most weekends in the fall and spring to do those anyway. It wouldn't be a "shiny new toy" as someone mentioned above. Different strokes, different folks.

    Buying a home was more stressful than anything else we've done together, and we had our DP ready, our budget, our must-have lists, and we still had a tough time deciding. It helped that we knew the house we were buying wasn't our "forever home", but it's a hard process.
  • But the shop is only "worth" fifty thousand dollars if you need that particular kind of shop.  Just because that is what it would cost to build doesn't mean it is worth that amount in your life.  It's like buying a property that comes with an MRI machine permanently installed.  Well, those things cost like 5 million dollars, so the property must be worth at least that much, right?  Well, not unless you need an MRI machine.
    Are you an accountant?
    No, I'm in sales.  But I have processed my fair share of invoices.
  • LD1970LD1970 member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited September 2016
    You definitely need to be on the same page.  Is he planning to turn those hobbies into a vocation?  Because that's a whole different ballgame and discussion to make sure you're ok with that sort of risk.

    My husband and I are in a similar place, but we've got a consensus on what we're looking for based on the life we want.  I'm dying to get out of the day job and be a full time beekeeper, and he supports that, so we rand the numbers and figure if we can get to 100+ hives, I can quit my job.  That obviously takes land, and preferably a farm assessment... we'd also love many more chickens (right now we have 6 for eggs, but want 50+ for eggs and meat, plus quail (we have two for eggs, want lots for both eggs and meat), and my husband has wanted a horse for many years, since he worked on his uncle's horse ranch out west.  We also tap our maple trees for syrup.  He does woodworking in addition to his day job.

    We're in northern NJ, and I finally agreed to move out of Bergen County (I was a total Bergen County snob) to achieve our goals.  We're looking at 6+ acres for the farm reassessment, and houses with 2+ bedrooms & 1.5+ bathrooms.  They'd have to fit all our stuff and hobbies, including a wood shop for H, and have land to accommodate the hives and chickens and things.  Maples for tapping would be a huge benefit.

    We looked at a place that was on 19 acres, part fields, part forest, with a big ol' pond (also a plus so we don't have to dig one for our fish, and so the bees have a water source).  The land was amazing, and the house was great, but in need of some repairs so it wouldn't pass the VA inspection (because H was USAF, we're pre-approved for a VA loan with no PMI and a killer interest rate, so we're loathe to go with a different sort of loan), so we had to nix it and go back on the hunt.

    It's REALLY hard to make yourself realize that what your heart thinks is perfect really isn't when you use your brain.  So yeah, you and he need to figure out what will and won't work for your lives, and he may have to come to terms with the fact that what he'd really love still isn't right for your circumstances, just like you might have to compromise on the house.
    You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough. ~Mae West
  • No, I'm in sales.  But I have processed my fair share of invoices.
    I was impressed with your very firm grasp of cost/benefit. 
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited September 2016
    I worked as a real estate agent in the Washington DC area during the late 1970s.  I honestly feel that if a house is right for you, it will happen.

    I let my DH have his dream home last time in Laurel, MD.  It backed to 100 acres of woodlands, but it was in a rough school district.  I was never happy there, and I regretted it.  This time we found a house that we both love.  Keep looking.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • No, I'm in sales.  But I have processed my fair share of invoices.
    I was impressed with your very firm grasp of cost/benefit. 
    Why thank you!  Economics was one of my favorite subjects in college.
  • vikinganna87vikinganna87 member
    Fifth Anniversary 250 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer
    edited September 2016
    I don't think there's anything wrong with looking; the more you see the more you understand what you want.  The big question is: are you likely to also enjoy the 30 acres?  Do you consider yourself an outdoorsy person?  Having grown up in the country, is that what you want right now?  It sounds like this particular place is a no-go, but at some point you and H need to level with each other on priorities.  And you may come to the conclusion that you either wait 10-20 years to buy a place with lots of land or think about one "practical" house and eventually getting a camp or ranch with lots of land in the middle of nowhere as a 2nd house.

    We have a house on 5 acres and are lucky to abut a nature reservation with a trail system through the woods, so our backyard feels endless.  So that's something to think about - you may have low acreage but be next to a big tract of land unlikely to get developed.  Before we married, H bought a place on 11 acres but at least 9 are in the woods and nobody uses those, including the tenants now so just  2 acres would've been fine.  My parents have 300+ acres but they're aggressively outdoorsy, have developed a trail system with the help of state funds and spend a lot of resources keeping up the land.  Yikes.  Beautiful but very high-maintenance. And expensive; tractors, trucks, ATVs or whatever you need to work on the land.  You mention not having kids yet, so it sounds like they may be in your future.  If so, just consider how much of your free time you're willing to spend maintaining your property.

    Good luck :)  And keep us posted on how it goes.

    ETF typos
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