Wedding Woes

Four names in the world

Dear Prudence,

I don’t get along with my sister-in-law. She adores my brother and makes him very happy so I try to be friendly when I see her, but now that we’ve moved back to his hometown and she lives just a few miles away, it’s gotten much harder. She criticizes my taste in furniture, my clothes, and my cooking. I try to deflect the comments, but she will not let it go. Recently, my husband and I adopted two rescue dogs and posted pictures of them in Facebook. I then get a text from my sister-in-law telling me that I have to change the names of my dogs because she is going to use those names for her kids, and that she is now pregnant but I can’t tell anyone. This is ridiculous and I don’t know what to do. Do I just ignore her and hope it goes away? Share the text and get raked over the coals for spoiling the pregnancy surprise? Post tons of pictures of my dogs and refer to them as my babies? I have to live with this woman in my life and I don’t want to hurt my brother but I am not changing the names of my dogs.

—Changing Names, Keeping Boundaries
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Re: Four names in the world

  • Don't most rescue dogs come with a name already? That's how it is here, many come with the name. I know people change them slightly to adjust, but that's the name the dog knows. SIL sounds like a bitch tbh.
  • Why can't LW talk to her brother?  Surely she's not spoiling the pregnancy surprise for him.  I think there could be a compromise here (nickname the dogs for when the niece/nephew is around?), though with SIL's attitude I wouldn't be very open to compromising...
  • Don't most rescue dogs come with a name already? That's how it is here, many come with the name. I know people change them slightly to adjust, but that's the name the dog knows. SIL sounds like a bitch tbh.


    People use the word "rescue" regarding us but we just adopted a dog from someone who had her for two months and didn't like her. We changed her name. Especially since it was some Spanish derogatory slang for "white girl".

    H's aunt is very active with a dog rescue organization and they don't know the dog's name or even if they had them when the arrive for a lot of them. She also gets a ton of puppies and pregnant dogs. I'd say the majority of the dogs she gets, she names.

    So I don't think it's hugely abnormal for a rescue's name to be changed.

    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
  • Don't most rescue dogs come with a name already? That's how it is here, many come with the name. I know people change them slightly to adjust, but that's the name the dog knows. SIL sounds like a bitch tbh.


    People use the word "rescue" regarding us but we just adopted a dog from someone who had her for two months and didn't like her. We changed her name. Especially since it was some Spanish derogatory slang for "white girl".

    H's aunt is very active with a dog rescue organization and they don't know the dog's name or even if they had them when the arrive for a lot of them. She also gets a ton of puppies and pregnant dogs. I'd say the majority of the dogs she gets, she names.

    So I don't think it's hugely abnormal for a rescue's name to be changed.

    agreed, a friend fosters rescue dogs and has mentioned that when someone officially adopts the dog the name is usually changed to signal a new beginning or fresh start from before. I guess it is easy for the dog to learn a new name? idk. 
  • kvruns said:
    Don't most rescue dogs come with a name already? That's how it is here, many come with the name. I know people change them slightly to adjust, but that's the name the dog knows. SIL sounds like a bitch tbh.


    People use the word "rescue" regarding us but we just adopted a dog from someone who had her for two months and didn't like her. We changed her name. Especially since it was some Spanish derogatory slang for "white girl".

    H's aunt is very active with a dog rescue organization and they don't know the dog's name or even if they had them when the arrive for a lot of them. She also gets a ton of puppies and pregnant dogs. I'd say the majority of the dogs she gets, she names.

    So I don't think it's hugely abnormal for a rescue's name to be changed.

    agreed, a friend fosters rescue dogs and has mentioned that when someone officially adopts the dog the name is usually changed to signal a new beginning or fresh start from before. I guess it is easy for the dog to learn a new name? idk. 
    It took less than two weeks for Edna to fully know her name and not even recognize her old name. The names were slightly similar, had the same number of syllables, but it didn't take long at all.

    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
  • We changed our dogs name when we rescued him, but his name at the shelter was really stupid. I wasn't gonna run around yelling 'Little Wolf'! Henry suits him and he adapted very quickly.

    I've told my family for years when I have a kid that I would like to name her after my grandmother and everyone knows. My sisters agreed to not use it and frankly I'd be pretty annoyed with her if she did since she'd never had an interest in it before and she is well aware I'd like to use it. That said; you can't just assume everyone knows that there is a name you'd like to use unless you've shared. SIL is being a little silly and it's pretty strange that BOTH names she likes match the dogs names.
  • Don't most rescue dogs come with a name already? That's how it is here, many come with the name. I know people change them slightly to adjust, but that's the name the dog knows. SIL sounds like a bitch tbh.


    People use the word "rescue" regarding us but we just adopted a dog from someone who had her for two months and didn't like her. We changed her name. Especially since it was some Spanish derogatory slang for "white girl".

    H's aunt is very active with a dog rescue organization and they don't know the dog's name or even if they had them when the arrive for a lot of them. She also gets a ton of puppies and pregnant dogs. I'd say the majority of the dogs she gets, she names.

    So I don't think it's hugely abnormal for a rescue's name to be changed.

    Oh see I view rescue dogs as older than new pup. Like the humane society has dogs that could be even 4, so they're use to the name
  • This whole 'I call dibs on a name' thing makes me so irrationally angry.  A name isn't a cookie; you don't get to lick it and keep it.  If someone else gets pregnant first or adopts first, they are free to use any name they like, even if you've already used it.  

    If someone close to me dreamed of naming her baby Elba after her grandmother, I'd respect it, but no one owns Jaxson with an X, or all of the XXXlyn names.  
    I'm with you on that! 
  • SIL needs to find new names then, or name her kid after the dog.  I just don't see how both names of the new dogs are exactly what she wants for her own children.  What are the chances of that!

    My aunt/uncle got a new puppy and let his kids name it.  They picked Reggie.  Fast forward a few months and a different aunt/uncle found out they could adopt the biological brother of their first son.  Guess what the 2 year olds name was?  Yup, Reggie!  But once the son was legally adopted, they changed his name at the same time.

    I follow the FB page of the shelter where I got my Betsey.  They often show updates of their adopted dogs and cats.  Most of them have their names changed and they are all sorts of ages.  Even the seniors get their names changed.  We decided to keep Betsey as is, we just loved the name.  We did discuss changing it after we first met her, but before the adoption was finalized.  They say it can take about 2 weeks for a dog to learn their new name.

    Funny story: We like to say Betsey's name funny, it really gets her tail wagging.  My H also works with a Betsey.  He saw Betsey the co-worker walking down the hall and went to say hello.  He said her name exactly how we say the dog's.  She gave him a funny look when he said it and immediately was just like "Hi, how are you today?"  He said it took all his effort not to laugh then and there.

  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited September 2016
    My late father-in-law once had a dog who came with a name, which was, coincidentally, the name of FIL's brother.  The family had a chuckle about it, and Uncle didn't mind at all.
    Your SIL has no sense of humor, and she has a choice to name her children something else.
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  • I don't know if it's an Irish/Italian thing (I'm sure it's not), but there is a ton of name repetition among my family members.  So I don't even understand when people say things like "my sister and I both wanted abc name, and whoever had the first girl got the name". Can't cousins have the same name?  (My mom actually has cousins- all sisters- named Mary- Mary Rose, Mary Grace, Mary Therese...).  And it doesn't stop with humans.  My uncle's 4-year-old Jack Russell and my cousin's 1-yr-old (human) son are both named Henry.  It's not that serious.
    Given this SIL's track record, I'll bet she's doing this to be a brat, but I'd totally disregard her request. No one owns a name.

  • eileenrob said:
    I don't know if it's an Irish/Italian thing (I'm sure it's not), but there is a ton of name repetition among my family members.  So I don't even understand when people say things like "my sister and I both wanted abc name, and whoever had the first girl got the name". Can't cousins have the same name?  (My mom actually has cousins- all sisters- named Mary- Mary Rose, Mary Grace, Mary Therese...).  And it doesn't stop with humans.  My uncle's 4-year-old Jack Russell and my cousin's 1-yr-old (human) son are both named Henry.  It's not that serious.
    Given this SIL's track record, I'll bet she's doing this to be a brat, but I'd totally disregard her request. No one owns a name.



    Irish-German here. We have four generations of James (Jameses?) in our family: my late grandfather was James Arthur, my uncle is James Terence, my cousin is James Michael, and his son is James Lawrence.

    LW's SIL is being silly.
  • The SIL needs to get over it and either accept the dogs' names or choose new names for her kids. But it's not up to her what other people call their dogs.
  • eileenrob said:
    I don't know if it's an Irish/Italian thing (I'm sure it's not), but there is a ton of name repetition among my family members.  So I don't even understand when people say things like "my sister and I both wanted abc name, and whoever had the first girl got the name". Can't cousins have the same name?  (My mom actually has cousins- all sisters- named Mary- Mary Rose, Mary Grace, Mary Therese...).  And it doesn't stop with humans.  My uncle's 4-year-old Jack Russell and my cousin's 1-yr-old (human) son are both named Henry.  It's not that serious.
    Given this SIL's track record, I'll bet she's doing this to be a brat, but I'd totally disregard her request. No one owns a name.



    Irish-German here. We have four generations of James (Jameses?) in our family: my late grandfather was James Arthur, my uncle is James Terence, my cousin is James Michael, and his son is James Lawrence.

    LW's SIL is being silly.
    That's so funny. Both of my grandfathers, one uncle on each side, and four of my cousins are named James!  :D
  • I have 2 Uncle Bobs (and a grandfather). I almost had 3 but my aunt married Steve instead. ;)
  • I was thinking about this post. H's cousin is having a baby in November, she's naming him Jack. Years ago, H and I had spoken about names and he wants Jack as first boy's name and I'm cool with that, because John is popular in my family.
    When she first announced the name, I was a little irked because I felt "that's our name!" but realized we never told her, she never told us. H is cool with still using the same name, so we'll likely do that.
  • I bet the first person to come up with Neveah is PISSED.
    Can we find them? So we can shoot them?
  • monkeysip said:
    Like a couple PPs above mentioned--people use to (and some families/cultures still do) reuse names like crazy.  How many women in one family could be named Mary at a time?  On the male side, many men took a family name and became John Jr. or John IV.

    Get over this "you stole my name" thing.  Especially with a DOG.  I mix up my daughter and my dog's names all the time anyway, so I probably should have just saved myself the stress and given them the same name.
    Our neighbors up the street have a dog whose name is the same as MIL - and the world keeps turning.

    And to the bolded I have called my dog "mom" absentmindedly a bunch of times - and my own mother thinks it's hilarious.


  • I was thinking about this post. H's cousin is having a baby in November, she's naming him Jack. Years ago, H and I had spoken about names and he wants Jack as first boy's name and I'm cool with that, because John is popular in my family.
    When she first announced the name, I was a little irked because I felt "that's our name!" but realized we never told her, she never told us. H is cool with still using the same name, so we'll likely do that.
    My son's name is Wesley - and I have a first cousin who named her son the same thing.  It was for her H"s grandfather who had recently passed away. Its fine and nobody confuses them.
  • monkeysip said:
    Like a couple PPs above mentioned--people use to (and some families/cultures still do) reuse names like crazy.  How many women in one family could be named Mary at a time?  On the male side, many men took a family name and became John Jr. or John IV.

    Get over this "you stole my name" thing.  Especially with a DOG.  I mix up my daughter and my dog's names all the time anyway, so I probably should have just saved myself the stress and given them the same name.
    Our neighbors up the street have a dog whose name is the same as MIL - and the world keeps turning.

    And to the bolded I have called my dog "mom" absentmindedly a bunch of times - and my own mother thinks it's hilarious.



    Growing up a family down the street had a dog with the same name as me.  One day I went missing, so my mom called a different family a few houses down from the one with the dog.  I was there playing with the kids at that house, but when my mom called and asked if Suzy was there, the mom said no, why would she be here?  Because she immediately thought of Suzy the dog instead of me.  Once that mom finally saw me in her house, she quickly called back my mom!
  • I was thinking about this post. H's cousin is having a baby in November, she's naming him Jack. Years ago, H and I had spoken about names and he wants Jack as first boy's name and I'm cool with that, because John is popular in my family.
    When she first announced the name, I was a little irked because I felt "that's our name!" but realized we never told her, she never told us. H is cool with still using the same name, so we'll likely do that.
    My son's name is Wesley - and I have a first cousin who named her son the same thing.  It was for her H"s grandfather who had recently passed away. Its fine and nobody confuses them.
    Oh good! I think it'll make a difference because H's cousin will be living on the West coast.
  • I bet the first person to come up with Neveah is PISSED.
    Can we find them? So we can shoot them?
    When I was substitute teaching, in one class, I had a set of twins named Heaven and Nevaeh. No kidding.
  • levioosa said:
    When I watched My Big Fat Greek Wedding the first time, I died at the part where the family is introduced, all with the same name. My family is Italian, and there are a zillion aunts, uncles, and cousins, but like 3/4 of them are named some variation of Anthony, Nicholas, and Mary. 
    IIRC, "Goodfellas" had a similar scene, with half the men introduced as either Peter or Paul, and half the women as Marie. 
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