I'm crazy and becoming materialistic about my ring. Talk sense into me.

[Deleted User]

Our wedding planning started last April quite untraditionally; we always knew we'd get married so we went ring shopping together where we found a 1.15-carat, ideal cut, G, VS2 diamond along with a chic solitaire setting and wedding band.  

We have booked with a venue and a photographer along the past 5 months and fast forward to last weekend my fiance finally "popped the ring".



The thing is, man. I love the ring.  But the diamond looks small to me.  Do my eyes shrink it or something?  In pictures it looks like the perfect size for my size 5 finger.  But in my eyes, it looks SMALL.

Yes, I've seriously gone crazy.  We together make about 200k (pre-tax, of course) and we never believed in the "3-month salary" rule, but people around us all have giant 2-carat and 2.5-carats.  

My ring was about $10K including the wedding band.  In my head, I hate the idea of spending anything over that for a freaking jewelry.  But omg, I feel crazy that my ring looks "small" to me.  I cannot believe how materialistic I feel.  

Please, talk some sense into me!!

geebee908

Knottie1463620958 said:

Our wedding planning started last April quite untraditionally; we always knew we'd get married so we went ring shopping together where we found a 1.15-carat, ideal cut, G, VS2 diamond along with a chic solitaire setting and wedding band.  

We have booked with a venue and a photographer along the past 5 months and fast forward to last weekend my fiance finally "popped the ring".



The thing is, man. I love the ring.  But the diamond looks small to me.  Do my eyes shrink it or something?  In pictures it looks like the perfect size for my size 5 finger.  But in my eyes, it looks SMALL.

Yes, I've seriously gone crazy.  We together make about 200k (pre-tax, of course) and we never believed in the "3-month salary" rule, but people around us all have giant 2-carat and 2.5-carats.  

My ring was about $10K including the wedding band.  In my head, I hate the idea of spending anything over that for a freaking jewelry.  But omg, I feel crazy that my ring looks "small" to me.  I cannot believe how materialistic I feel.  

Please, talk some sense into me!!

And this is where the wedding industry has taken us-- you have a gorgeous 1+ carat diamond and it looks "small" to you. Mine is about 1/4 carat with some 2 pointers around the side, and I love it and am sure I always will because it was chosen for me by my H and symbolizes our commitment to each other. Your ring is far more than it's gem size, metal type, or ring design.

OurWildKingdom

geebee908 said:

Knottie1463620958 said:

Our wedding planning started last April quite untraditionally; we always knew we'd get married so we went ring shopping together where we found a 1.15-carat, ideal cut, G, VS2 diamond along with a chic solitaire setting and wedding band.  

We have booked with a venue and a photographer along the past 5 months and fast forward to last weekend my fiance finally "popped the ring".



The thing is, man. I love the ring.  But the diamond looks small to me.  Do my eyes shrink it or something?  In pictures it looks like the perfect size for my size 5 finger.  But in my eyes, it looks SMALL.

Yes, I've seriously gone crazy.  We together make about 200k (pre-tax, of course) and we never believed in the "3-month salary" rule, but people around us all have giant 2-carat and 2.5-carats.  

My ring was about $10K including the wedding band.  In my head, I hate the idea of spending anything over that for a freaking jewelry.  But omg, I feel crazy that my ring looks "small" to me.  I cannot believe how materialistic I feel.  

Please, talk some sense into me!!

And this is where the wedding industry has taken us-- you have a gorgeous 1+ carat diamond and it looks "small" to you. Mine is about 1/4 carat with some 2 pointers around the side, and I love it and am sure I always will because it was chosen for me by my H and symbolizes our commitment to each other. Your ring is far more than it's gem size, metal type, or ring design.

Our rings don't even have diamonds. But we picked out the rings together, and that makes them special. 

CMGragain

I sincerely hope you haven't told this to ANYONE else!  The dollar signs in your eyes are very ugly.

ei34

Maybe if the bands were slimmer the diamond would look larger?  Although I don't think it looks small.  It's quite pretty.

ILoveBeachMusic

Really??? It is beautiful and looks quite large. I think you're nuts.

[Deleted User]

Well, if you really need a superficial metric to tell you that your ring is beautiful, Google "ring finger coverage chart" and it has the "ideal" finger percentage coverage. Your stats put you in the average range, slightly on the higher side. 

But, none of that really matters. Your ring is beautiful. You and your fiancé chose it for a reason. So you really only have two options. 

1. Stop comparing yourself to others. Accept your ring for what it is and what it means. Who cares how big other people's rings are. Your ring is great and has significance and how big or small someone else's is shouldn't make any difference. It's like comparing your relationship to others. You are unique people. 

2. If you really wish it was larger and have the financial means, get a new one. Some people aren't as sentimental so getting a new engagement ring wouldn't be as big of an issue. But only do it for you, not because of comparisons with others. And also only if you truly can afford it. 

We can't make the decision for you. 

[Deleted User]

I know!!  IM NUTS.  I'll get past it.  I think I'm just a little too overexcited from getting the ring,

CMGragain

Well, she deleted her account.  Not surprised.  There are lots of brides who don't even get an engagement ring!

geebee908

I think she just wanted us all to ooh and aah over her ring, not realizing it's not the culture of the boards to do that sort of thing. She'd get more validation for her humblebrag over at WB.

SaintPaulGal

I know the OP has left the building, but I have to say I think people here are being too harsh.  It's true that a ring is a materialistic possession.  It is true that not everyone wants a diamond and not everyone who wants a diamond can have one.  But their combined income puts them in the top 5% of US households.  I don't think there is anything vile about wanting a luxury item when you have the salaries to support the purchase.  

OP, if you are still reading, I would advise you not to worry about what others around you are wearing.  If you like this ring and you are happy with it, that is what matters.  But if you are not the sentimental sort and you have decided you would prefer something else and you also have the funds to make that happen, I don't think there is anything wrong with that either.  (I am sentimental and I would never trade out my ring, but that viewpoint is no more or less inherently correct than any other.)

jacques27

SaintPaulGal said:

I know the OP has left the building, but I have to say I think people here are being too harsh.  It's true that a ring is a materialistic possession.  It is true that not everyone wants a diamond and not everyone who wants a diamond can have one.  But their combined income puts them in the top 5% of US households.  I don't think there is anything vile about wanting a luxury item when you have the salaries to support the purchase.  

OP, if you are still reading, I would advise you not to worry about what others around you are wearing.  If you like this ring and you are happy with it, that is what matters.  But if you are not the sentimental sort and you have decided you would prefer something else and you also have the funds to make that happen, I don't think there is anything wrong with that either.  (I am sentimental and I would never trade out my ring, but that viewpoint is no more or less inherently correct than any other.)

I don't think anyone is begrudging someone wanting a luxury item if they can afford it.  The part that's vile is when you go up to complete strangers to humblebrag (actually this is just regular bragging) about the exact specs of your luxury item, the cost of your luxury item, your salaries, and how you think said item just isn't big or special enough for your dainty fingers.

 Just own the fact that you care about material objects and go get the damn bigger ring if that's what you want.  Don't go up to strangers acting so put upon asking us to help fake martyr yourself by convincing you to come to terms with your puny $10K ring.  The vile part is the lack of class displayed not having the sense to have some humility and sharing those details.  I don't think she would have gotten the responses she did (which really weren't that harsh all things considered) had she just posted the picture and said something like "i know this seems silly, but i feel like the proportions seem off and the ring looks too small on my finger..." 

artbyallie

I can't imagine the pressure to 'keep up with the Joneses' since H and I hover around the poverty line, though our families are pretty solidly middle-class, and I know because of that we have been more privileged than a lot of people.

But I work for a custom jeweler, and so I see the kind of people for whom that pressure is real. You're pressured to have nice cars, a nice house, a big diamond, etc. And if you want and can afford a huge rock, why the fuck not? It's going to last a lot longer than a car, frankly, and the maintenance/insurance is cheaper. I don't have a diamond myself, but I have gained a lot of appreciation for their strength and beauty while working with them. But one should do it because it's what THEY want and not because someone else has a bigger and more expensive whatever-it-may-be.

MesmrEwe

My "Bling ring" (i.e. the ring after your finger has changed sizes so much after having kids and the original can't be resized without ruining the structural integrity of the ring) doesn't even have a "real" diamond in it - know what - We're still married, I love my ring(s - plural since one after each child my fingers changed that much) and DH doesn't even wear his.  The ring is not the marriage!  Arguably my "Bling ring" has a significantly larger stone in it than my original that if I wanted real I could, but WHY?!?!?  The "fake" stone gives me so much more freedom because I don't have a fear of losing the stone (kids - kids lives/activities).  I love my original so much too!  It represents where we were at that time in our lives and so many of marriage's lessons along the way and if I were to be able to wear it again, I'd absolutely love to, it's a beautiful ring!

I will give the OP credit though - AWESOME change in the headline before the DD!

kimmiinthemitten

MesmrEwe said

I will give the OP credit though - AWESOME change in the headline before the DD!

What was it before?

ernursej

My diamond is small. FI wanted something bigger but I wanted something that was small and 'blended in'. My ring is special to me and FI because it represented the request and agreement to get married. At the end of the day we didn't even need the ring to make that agreement. I love my ring because of the thought that went behind it. I don't care what the size is.

Size isn't the only point in determining price. You can spend a fortune on a diamond and outsiders would never know by looking at it because you spent the money on the cut, clarity and colour.

ei34

kimmiinthemitten said:

MesmrEwe said

I will give the OP credit though - AWESOME change in the headline before the DD!

What was it before?

I think it was pretty similar.  Maybe the last sentence was "tell me I'm being crazy" or something? (Which is what happened 

CMGragain

DH and I have come a long way over the years.  We were living paycheck to paycheck for quite a few years.  Gradually, things got better, and we started to save money for our retirement.  Suddenly, over the last five years, we both received an inheritance that puts us in the comfortably wealthy level.  We still haven't gotten used to that idea.  I clip coupons and look for sales, just like always.

No way would I ever now complain about money, taxes, or our finances, especially to someone who has less than we do.  That is just plain tacky.  That is very much like what the OP did when she complained that her one carat diamond wasn't big enough!

DrillSergeantCat

Do you flash your pay stub to homeless people, too? I mean, since you have no idea who you're flashing your money around to in here, you might as well. Your ring is fine. If it's not good enough for your friends or your need to one-up them is that strong, go get a new one and hope it doesn't hurt your fiance's feelings.