FFIL Invited More Guests to Wedding -- Help with Ceremony Seating

STARMOON44

You know how much these people cost today. Email him right now "FIL, here's the cost breakdown for the 6 additional people. We'd appreciate a check from you in the amount."

if if you wait until after the wedding it will never get done. 

PrettyGirlLost

I don't believe people are so daft as to not understand that SOMEONE has to pay for the reception. . . which includes paying to rent tables and chairs and paying for the food to feed people ><

FFIL was being a jerk when he invited these ppl behind his son's and FDIL's backs.  He knew SOMEONE was going to end up paying for these guests, he just figured it wasn't going to be him.

Send him the bill.

MeetTheLaras

I say this with all the love in the world, but my FFIL is not the quickest thinker. He doesn't consider the implications of his actions. But he is a very kind and loving person. And I'm sure he repeatedly told his friends that they were invited, which is probably why they believed they were.

And I as much as it makes sense to request him to cover the costs, it feels like such a negative conversation to have so close the wedding. And I'm really hoping for a positive, happy experience over the next 3 days. 

I honestly think he'll pull through and help out. Even if it is after the wedding. 

If not.. well... then I know for next time something happens with him. And that'll be a lesson learned. I think I'll give him a chance to remedy this. 

Edited for spelling

PrettyGirlLost

MeetTheLaras said:

I say this with all the love in the world, but my FFIL is not the quickest thinker. He doesn't consider the implications of his actions. But he is a very kind and loving person. And I'm sure he repeatedly told his friends that they were invited, which is probably why they believed they were.

And I as much as it makes sense to request him to cover the costs, it feels like such a negative conversation to have so close the wedding. And I'm really hoping for a positive, happy experience over the next 3 days. 

I honestly think he'll pull through and help out. Even if it is after the wedding. 

If not.. well... then I know for next time something happens with him. And that'll be a lesson learned. I think I'll give him a chance to remedy this. 

Edited for spelling

Well that's good, I guess, but it still kinda screws you guys financially ><

I don't think you should say anything prior to the wedding, but maybe your FI could have a Come to Jesus with his Dad afterwards.

Good luck!  It sounds like you are doing your best to make it all work.

photokitty

banana468 said:

photokitty said:

banana468 said:

CMGragain said:

I find it rather odd that your FFIL's friends assume they are invited to a wedding to which they did not receive a written invitation!  If someone verbally invited me to their daughter's wedding, I would call the bride and double check with her, giving her ample opportunity to wiggle out of the situation.

And you'd have the phone number of her how?   Do you regularly not believe your friends?

While I might not call the bride, I would not believe my friend until a paper invite arrived. People say things in passing, sometimes they are excited and speak out of turn. I've had distant friends say I would be invited and an invite never arrived. Rude, yes, but note worst thing in the world. Showing up without a formal invite would be far worse IMO.

If I never received an actual invite with date, time and location, I would not plan to attend. Also I assume I would know my friend well enough to know if he was the type to do this, then I might contact his son or daughter to confirm. But I'd never show up without receiving the formal invite and properly rsvp-ing.

But my point is that if all of these people are allegedly showing up then there must be something about the FIL that allows these people to put their trust in him with what he says.  

I might do things differently depending on the circumstance but we have multiple couples here so the FIL is clearly leading them to believe that they're wanted. 

Or FFIL hangs out with equally dim-witted people who don't know proper etiquette.

Either way, I'm not showing up without a formal invite. And I wouldn't verbally invite extra people to my kid's wedding.

banana468

photokitty said:

banana468 said:

photokitty said:

banana468 said:

CMGragain said:

I find it rather odd that your FFIL's friends assume they are invited to a wedding to which they did not receive a written invitation!  If someone verbally invited me to their daughter's wedding, I would call the bride and double check with her, giving her ample opportunity to wiggle out of the situation.

And you'd have the phone number of her how?   Do you regularly not believe your friends?

While I might not call the bride, I would not believe my friend until a paper invite arrived. People say things in passing, sometimes they are excited and speak out of turn. I've had distant friends say I would be invited and an invite never arrived. Rude, yes, but note worst thing in the world. Showing up without a formal invite would be far worse IMO.

If I never received an actual invite with date, time and location, I would not plan to attend. Also I assume I would know my friend well enough to know if he was the type to do this, then I might contact his son or daughter to confirm. But I'd never show up without receiving the formal invite and properly rsvp-ing.

But my point is that if all of these people are allegedly showing up then there must be something about the FIL that allows these people to put their trust in him with what he says.  

I might do things differently depending on the circumstance but we have multiple couples here so the FIL is clearly leading them to believe that they're wanted. 

Or FFIL hangs out with equally dim-witted people who don't know proper etiquette.

Either way, I'm not showing up without a formal invite. And I wouldn't verbally invite extra people to my kid's wedding.

I'm not doing that either.

BUT, the point is that these people are trusting enough in that FFIL.   Perhaps they do weddings differently in their social circle where paper invitations aren't the thing or perhaps FFIL is lying through his teeth and they still have a trust in him.   But I don't think it's fair to blame the friends here. 

CMGragain

banana468 said:

CMGragain said:

I find it rather odd that your FFIL's friends assume they are invited to a wedding to which they did not receive a written invitation!  If someone verbally invited me to their daughter's wedding, I would call the bride and double check with her, giving her ample opportunity to wiggle out of the situation.

And you'd have the phone number of her how?   Do you regularly not believe your friends?

I believe that I am invited to a wedding when I receive a written invitation.  This is only proper.  If FFIL verbally invited us, I would say "Wonderful!  I'll look forward to receiving the written invitation!"
Phone numbers are easily obtained.
I am very aware of how expensive modern weddings can be, and I wouldn't assume that I am invited to one unless I received a written invitation.  I might send a gift, though, whether I am invited, or not.

banana468

CMGragain said:

banana468 said:

CMGragain said:

I find it rather odd that your FFIL's friends assume they are invited to a wedding to which they did not receive a written invitation!  If someone verbally invited me to their daughter's wedding, I would call the bride and double check with her, giving her ample opportunity to wiggle out of the situation.

And you'd have the phone number of her how?   Do you regularly not believe your friends?

I believe that I am invited to a wedding when I receive a written invitation.  This is only proper.  If FFIL verbally invited us, I would say "Wonderful!  I'll look forward to receiving the written invitation!"
Phone numbers are easily obtained.
I am very aware of how expensive modern weddings can be, and I wouldn't assume that I am invited to one unless I received a written invitation.  I might send a gift, though, whether I am invited, or not.

That's great that you'd do these things.   It doesn't help the OP.    These people trust the FOG enough to believe his verbal invitation.  

CMGragain

banana468 said:

CMGragain said:

banana468 said:

CMGragain said:

I find it rather odd that your FFIL's friends assume they are invited to a wedding to which they did not receive a written invitation!  If someone verbally invited me to their daughter's wedding, I would call the bride and double check with her, giving her ample opportunity to wiggle out of the situation.

And you'd have the phone number of her how?   Do you regularly not believe your friends?

I believe that I am invited to a wedding when I receive a written invitation.  This is only proper.  If FFIL verbally invited us, I would say "Wonderful!  I'll look forward to receiving the written invitation!"
Phone numbers are easily obtained.
I am very aware of how expensive modern weddings can be, and I wouldn't assume that I am invited to one unless I received a written invitation.  I might send a gift, though, whether I am invited, or not.

That's great that you'd do these things.   It doesn't help the OP.    These people trust the FOG enough to believe his verbal invitation.  

Yes, and this was their mistake.  FFIL made the big mistake of verbally inviting people when he did not have that authority.  This was a fail on many sides.
You see what I mean?  It took more than one person to create this situation.

photokitty

banana468 said:

CMGragain said:

banana468 said:

CMGragain said:

I find it rather odd that your FFIL's friends assume they are invited to a wedding to which they did not receive a written invitation!  If someone verbally invited me to their daughter's wedding, I would call the bride and double check with her, giving her ample opportunity to wiggle out of the situation.

And you'd have the phone number of her how?   Do you regularly not believe your friends?

I believe that I am invited to a wedding when I receive a written invitation.  This is only proper.  If FFIL verbally invited us, I would say "Wonderful!  I'll look forward to receiving the written invitation!"
Phone numbers are easily obtained.
I am very aware of how expensive modern weddings can be, and I wouldn't assume that I am invited to one unless I received a written invitation.  I might send a gift, though, whether I am invited, or not.

That's great that you'd do these things.   It doesn't help the OP.    These people trust the FOG enough to believe his verbal invitation.  

Lots of people trust what Trump is saying...sometimes you just can't fix stupid.

I don't understand why you think their behavior is justified. FFIL was wrong to invite them, they were wrong to assume a verbal invite is a formal invite.

banana468

photokitty said:

banana468 said:

CMGragain said:

banana468 said:

CMGragain said:

I find it rather odd that your FFIL's friends assume they are invited to a wedding to which they did not receive a written invitation!  If someone verbally invited me to their daughter's wedding, I would call the bride and double check with her, giving her ample opportunity to wiggle out of the situation.

And you'd have the phone number of her how?   Do you regularly not believe your friends?

I believe that I am invited to a wedding when I receive a written invitation.  This is only proper.  If FFIL verbally invited us, I would say "Wonderful!  I'll look forward to receiving the written invitation!"
Phone numbers are easily obtained.
I am very aware of how expensive modern weddings can be, and I wouldn't assume that I am invited to one unless I received a written invitation.  I might send a gift, though, whether I am invited, or not.

That's great that you'd do these things.   It doesn't help the OP.    These people trust the FOG enough to believe his verbal invitation.  

Lots If people trust what Trump is saying...sometimes you just can't fix stupid. I don't understand why you think their behavior is justified. FFIL was wrong to invite them, they were wrong to assume a verbal invite is a formal invite.

If no one is telling them that they are wrong then the OP is still going to have them at her wedding.    

This is about trusting someone they presumed was an authority and no one has told them that they made a poor choice.   

Sure she can turn them away at the door and sure she'd be "right" to do so.    But that rings hollow and that's my point.    The time to tell them no has passed.