Intimidated by Dress Shopping

FoxandCrow

Hi folks,

So, I have some bridal appointments coming up on the 22nd of this month. I made one in the morning at one salon, and another at 3PM that day, so there will be time in between for lunch and talking over the first place before going to the second place. I'm bringing my mom, my maid of honor, one other bridesmaid, and my little brother. I've been told that bringing a group isn't always the best idea, but that isn't the part I'm really worried about.

I have never in my life been able to find a dress of any kind that properly flatters my body, and I'm honestly convinced that they don't exist. My measurements currently are 42-37-42. All the body type calculators and such online tell me I'm a rectangle, but their description of a rectangle isn't me at all. I don't have a flat butt AT ALL, and I wear a 36D bra. 

I've lost 10 pounds in the last month and a half, and intend to continue with my weight loss plan right up until my wedding day. Here's the kicker though: I'm currently 170 pounds and only 5'2". 10 pounds off of me is at least 2 dress sizes. I just tried on a size 14 dress that I wore to another person's wedding over the summer, and its too big on me now. It is also not at all flattering, but nothing ever is. My breasts are very wide-set, I can't ever buy pants because my athletic legs swim in any pants big enough for my booty, and most of my body fat is right over my abs. Last time I had to shop for a dress, I tried on 76 nightmares before settling on something that only looked passable. 

What styles should I be trying? What looks good on a very short person with unusual proportions? My fiance says I have a typical Irish body, which makes sense because I am almost 100% Irish, but it doesn't help to know that if there aren't any clothes to fit that type. Help? 

kimmiinthemitten

FoxandCrow said:

Hi folks,

So, I have some bridal appointments coming up on the 22nd of this month. I made one in the morning at one salon, and another at 3PM that day, so there will be time in between for lunch and talking over the first place before going to the second place. I'm bringing my mom, my maid of honor, one other bridesmaid, and my little brother. I've been told that bringing a group isn't always the best idea, but that isn't the part I'm really worried about.

I have never in my life been able to find a dress of any kind that properly flatters my body, and I'm honestly convinced that they don't exist. My measurements currently are 42-37-42. All the body type calculators and such online tell me I'm a rectangle, but their description of a rectangle isn't me at all. I don't have a flat butt AT ALL, and I wear a 36D bra. 

I've lost 10 pounds in the last month and a half, and intend to continue with my weight loss plan right up until my wedding day. Here's the kicker though: I'm currently 170 pounds and only 5'2". 10 pounds off of me is at least 2 dress sizes. I just tried on a size 14 dress that I wore to another person's wedding over the summer, and its too big on me now. It is also not at all flattering, but nothing ever is. My breasts are very wide-set, I can't ever buy pants because my athletic legs swim in any pants big enough for my booty, and most of my body fat is right over my abs. Last time I had to shop for a dress, I tried on 76 nightmares before settling on something that only looked passable. 

What styles should I be trying? What looks good on a very short person with unusual proportions? My fiance says I have a typical Irish body, which makes sense because I am almost 100% Irish, but it doesn't help to know that if there aren't any clothes to fit that type. Help? 

I hated dress shopping and I'm an hourglass who carries my weight in my waist (5'3" and 170 as well). 

First of all, be honest with your shop coordinator about your concerns. At the sixth shop I told my coordinator about my 3 previous trips and how awful they were and about how I felt like a pregnant marshmallow. She was very sensitive to my needs and made sure I didn't try on any samples that were small and would exasperate my existing feelings. 

Second, try on something in every style and decide then what works and what doesn't work and communicate that. 

Third, I did shots of Jameson. Just saying. 

Good luck!

MesmrEwe

First deep breath - remember what's important - you found someone who loves your body as it is to marry!  Before you go look at dresses, plan your undergarments - Going in to look at dresses with your strapless bra (I'm a fan of long-line zip-corset type since I'm loaded on top) will help give you a better idea of how the dresses will look on you.  I know you're in process of dropping some pounds, but IMO it's worth it to have a strapless you own that fits properly for trying on dresses. 

When it comes to sizing, if you do find "the dress" your first day out (DO NOT allow yourself to be pressured in to purchasing a dress that day, you will have a dress even if this was the Tuesday before your wedding that'll look amazing on you that fits your budget!), order the dress in the size you are the day you order it, if you're between two sizes you can go lower, but remember taking a dress in is far easier than letting it out. 

There are plenty of dress styles that'll make you look amazing, you just need to try some on.  Most of my friends have a true athletic build (powerlifters and bodybuilders), and you're going to look amazing!!  The only thing to really think about is the hem for the dress because an ornate lace around the bottom is going to cost a small fortune to alter versus something with a straight hem. 

CharmedPam

Deep breath.  Dress shopping was actually fun for me, and I never thought it would be.  Dresses look horrible on me.  I am so apple shaped, it's not even funny.  I left it in the hands of the dress consultants.  I told them my problem area (stomach) and they actually came up with dresses NOT on my list, but my list was very small anyway.  I showed them what I liked, what my problem areas were and one was able to find my dress!  It won't be that bad!

DrillSergeantCat

Don't worry about it not fitting. Once you find one you like, they'll pull it in and be able to show you what it should look like in your size and altered. I went with a friend of mine and the dress she ended up with didn't look great on her until they started clipping it to show how it would be after alterations. Deep breath and don't worry. You'll find something beautiful.

FoxandCrow

Thank you all for your kind responses; I'm calming down a little. Its funny, at 9 months out I have almost all of my vendors picked, contracts signed, etc, but I'm scared of something as silly as a dress. I really appreciate all the advice. Will try to take it slow and keep all this in mind. 

DrillSergeantCat

FoxandCrow said:

Thank you all for your kind responses; I'm calming down a little. Its funny, at 9 months out I have almost all of my vendors picked, contracts signed, etc, but I'm scared of something as silly as a dress. I really appreciate all the advice. Will try to take it slow and keep all this in mind. 

There's a lot of pressure to find "the one"! You will though. Just don't feel like you have to have the bridal moment. If you put on a dress and feel an emotional attachment, great, if not, just pick the dress that looks best on you.

cowgirl8238

I'm glad that you are already feeling better about the process.  I agree with the PPs to just tell the consultant what your problem areas are.  I also HIGHLY recommend getting a decent bra that is strapless before you go!! Holding up D ups is not the easiest thing to do, and droopy girls will completely change the look of the dress compared to ones where they belong (Hello, 38H here!).  

I would also keep an open mind about styles and try on a bit of everything...I thought a corset would be great, but it cut me in odd place, trumpets looked better than I expected, but I ended up in a ball gown style because that is what looked the best and made me the happiest when I put it on.  Once you find your dress STOP Looking!!!

CharmedPam

cowgirl8238 said:

I'm glad that you are already feeling better about the process.  I agree with the PPs to just tell the consultant what your problem areas are.  I also HIGHLY recommend getting a decent bra that is strapless before you go!! Holding up D ups is not the easiest thing to do, and droopy girls will completely change the look of the dress compared to ones where they belong (Hello, 38H here!).  

I would also keep an open mind about styles and try on a bit of everything...I thought a corset would be great, but it cut me in odd place, trumpets looked better than I expected, but I ended up in a ball gown style because that is what looked the best and made me the happiest when I put it on.  Once you find your dress STOP Looking!!!

I love my nu bra btw!  I didn't have it when trying on dresses, but I had it at my first fitting. 

cowgirl8238

CharmedPam said:

cowgirl8238 said:

I'm glad that you are already feeling better about the process.  I agree with the PPs to just tell the consultant what your problem areas are.  I also HIGHLY recommend getting a decent bra that is strapless before you go!! Holding up D ups is not the easiest thing to do, and droopy girls will completely change the look of the dress compared to ones where they belong (Hello, 38H here!).  

I would also keep an open mind about styles and try on a bit of everything...I thought a corset would be great, but it cut me in odd place, trumpets looked better than I expected, but I ended up in a ball gown style because that is what looked the best and made me the happiest when I put it on.  Once you find your dress STOP Looking!!!

I love my nu bra btw!  I didn't have it when trying on dresses, but I had it at my first fitting. 

Nothing beats an amazing bra!  I just wish I didn't have to replace mine so quickly, as I tend to stretch them out rather quickly (even if I only hand wash as needed, never place in dryer, etc...I just abuse them I think!)

CharmedPam

Lane Bryant/Cacique advertises their new "intuition collection" to be the most comfortable bra ever - I have to say, they're kinda spot on when saying that.  I got an email with that subject heading, was curious enough to open it, buy it on sale and yup.  Best one ever so far.

FoxandCrow

I'm really happy to be hearing all this advice about bras. I actually don't own a single strapless one, so I'm hoping to fit in a shopping trip sometime this week to get one before I go dress shopping. I'm not sure what sort of dress I'll actually end up in, so if anyone has good advice for an all-around-decent bra, I'm happy to hear it. My breasts, as I said, are very wide set. I can actually fit 3 fingers on my sternum between them when I'm not wearing a bra, so I tend to favor bras with sturdy sides to move them inward and a bit upward. Victoria's Secret has been amazing, but they don't like they have anything correct for bridal. 

CharmedPam

FoxandCrow said:

I'm really happy to be hearing all this advice about bras. I actually don't own a single strapless one, so I'm hoping to fit in a shopping trip sometime this week to get one before I go dress shopping. I'm not sure what sort of dress I'll actually end up in, so if anyone has good advice for an all-around-decent bra, I'm happy to hear it. My breasts, as I said, are very wide set. I can actually fit 3 fingers on my sternum between them when I'm not wearing a bra, so I tend to favor bras with sturdy sides to move them inward and a bit upward. Victoria's Secret has been amazing, but they don't like they have anything correct for bridal. 

then look for the sticky nu bra ones!  actually they have competitors out there, one called 'stickybra" which looks the same

MandyMost

The biggest difference between wedding dress shopping and shopping for everything else in the world is that wedding dresses aren't supposed to fit off the hanger. They're SUPPOSED to be altered! Think about how much easier regular shopping would be if you could buy those pants that fit your booty but is way too big in the waist, and then have multiple fittings to get it altered to fit perfectly. 

Normal shopping if finding clothes you like that fit you as they are. Wedding dress shopping is finding clothes you love that can be MADE to fit you. Keep that in mind!

FoxandCrow

Funny enough, I actually end up making most of my own clothes, or altering them myself. I should know, as something as a seamstress, that that's how it goes. But, I stress anyway. Thank you for this reminder, it really helps!

charlotte989875

Also, remember that you can leave any time. I stayed through a really terrible appointment where the consultant kept trying to bring really small dresses in for me (I'm a street 8-10 and she was bringing in bridal a 4-6) and would say "oh just pull it on it doesn't need to close" and I felt terrible. I should have left after the second time she said that, but I stayed. Don't be afraid to leave if you're not feeling respected and treated well. 

Knottie1468424003

You can never go wrong with an A Line dress.....they are universally flattering. A trumpet style could work as well because its still fitted but more forgiving than a mermaid. 

CMGragain

How wonderful that you will have so many choices.  Many brides do not because of budget issues.
Remember, you don't have to find "THE DRESS".  You have to find "a dress" that makes you feel pretty and bridal.  There are hundreds of dresses out there, and you only have to find one that makes you feel good.  Now that doesn't sound so scary, does it?

FoxandCrow

2 Days to go until my appointments, and I'm still quite nervous. I really do appreciate all the helpful advice offered here. I was able to find a good strapless bra to take with me, and I have some heels close to the same height I'll probably wear. My mom, brother, MoH, and one bridesmaid are coming with me. I was really relieved the most when my brother said he would come. We're 4.5 years apart in age, but everyone thinks we're twins. We're really close, and he has great fashion sense. I know I'll be able to find something with him there. 

FoxandCrow

I did it! Shopping actually went great. I think my dress was ~#15, but I wasn't really counting. It was the 3rd dress at the second salon, and I definitely did have a "bridal moment". We're ordering it with some modifications to make it exactly how I want it to be, and I couldn't be happier!

Knottiec606b9ac97c9102b

I would ordering something with a cap or small sleeve off Estey -- lace Mary. Have somone professionally measure you. 

CMGragain

Knottiec606b9ac97c9102b said:

I would ordering something with a cap or small sleeve off Estey -- lace Mary. Have somone professionally measure you. 

This post was from more than three months ago.  By now the bride has probably solved her dress problems.  Please don't resurrect dead zombie threads like this one, just to make a comment.  It is annoying.