Moms and Maids

FMIL Drama

I don't know if I'm being unreasonable or not, but my Fiance and I have been engaged for about two and a half years now and been together for three and a half. We are finally getting married at the end of this month and his mother and step father, who have all but ignored the fact that we are getting married up until the beginning of this month have started to get really passive aggressive about everything. My fiance and I both from the start of our engagement have been really uncomfortable asking people for any sort of help. So we did everything ourselves we paid for all of it we planned all the before wedding parties and events excluding my bridal shower, which my mom planned after I agreed to have one as long as it was small and I knew everyone.
So we will start with his step fathers family. We planned a very small budget friendly even of 50 people, because he just finished grad school and money is tight and I don't like being in large groups of people I don't know. So we initially planned on having immediate family and close friends at the wedding. His mother and step father very much wanted to invite his step fathers family and offered to pay for us to invite eleven extra people. The wedding is in a few weeks and every time we've brought up the subject of the money for their guests they deflect with stories about how broke they are because of a recent purchase of four wheelers. So I am starting to get really stressed about where I am going to come up with the extra money for these guests we had never intended on inviting.
Now on to my bridal shower. I never wanted one, but my mom really wanted to have one for me so we agreed to have one as long as it was less than 15 people and I personally knew everyone. Last week my mom got an email from my Fiances mother, insisting we invite several members of her husbands family to the bridal shower. I think I may have met these women once several years ago, but I don't know them very well at all. So I was a bit upset that they would insist they have that level of control over a party they aren't throwing. That may just be me being sensitive though.
Moving on to our rehearsal dinner as soon as we got engaged we knew the exact place we wanted to have our rehearsal dinner. At our favorite brewery because we have several friends coming from our of state and we want them to have a chance to try it out. We never asked nor expected his parents to pay for it. They asked our plans and we told them. A week later his mother invited him out for a hike to let him know since we planned the rehearsal dinner they will not be paying for it. And are insisting we do it at a different place of their choosing. Again we never asked nor expected them to pay and we specifically picked this location. It was probably the second wedding related decision we made because we really want our friends to have a chance to check it out.
Theres a few other instances but i feel like this post is crazy long already. I'm not sure if I'm just slowly turning into bridezilla. Or just being overly sensitive, but I felt like I needed to get it all of my chest.        

Re: FMIL Drama

  • You are less than a month out now.  So there really isn't much that can be done about the extra guests your FMIL and FSFIL insisted be invited.  Your FI needs to go to them and tell them that 4 wheelers or not, they promised they would pay for these 11 people.  The amount is X and if its not received in 2 weeks time, he will personally uninvited them because you two cannot afford to host them.  THIS IS ONLY A BLUFF.  You should NEVER uninvited someone.  But if FILs hear their guests may be uninvited may make them cough up the money. 

    In hindsight, you should have only sent out the invitations when you had money in hand.  You are not the first bride on these boards who was promised money for x and did not receive the money.  This is not the best idea, but its an idea.  But could you cover these 11 guests on a credit card?

    Your mother is also free to tell FMIL that her guests cannot be accommodated.  Your FMIL overstepped bounds (sound familiar) by asking your mom to add to the shower guest list. 

    You need to begin to set up healthy boundaries with your FILs or they will continue to walk all over you because they know they can.  Saying "No" is not bad, its not a four letter word, so begin to use it.

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