500 Thank-You Notes (Prudie #4)

Heffalump

Dear Prudence,
The bad news: Six weeks ago, a married couple I’m close to lost their home, their business, and all their possessions to an arson fire, and their insurance won’t cover everything. The good news: I helped run a GoFundMe campaign which attracted more than 500 donors and raised enough money enough to get them back on their feet. The part where I need advice: They feel a personal obligation to thank every one of these donors with a handwritten note. I don’t think this is necessary. They are nearing retirement age and need to be focused on rebuilding their lives; their donors are happy simply to contribute. What’s the etiquette here?

—500 Thank-You Notes

sparklepants41

Feeling snarky today. 

JFC, if someone takes the time to do something for you (general you) - and especially something as generous as helping you (general you) rebuild your (general your) life, you WRITE A FLIPPING THANK YOU NOTE!

I don't understand why this concept is so difficult for some people. It's really not rocket surgery to say thank you to someone.

***flips table***

bleve0821

Um.... why does LW care so much how her friends spend their time?

thefanciestbeckler

LW needs to butt out. This is none of her business. If her friends want to write 500 thank you cards, let them. It's a lot of work, yes, but technically that is proper etiquette!

OliveOilsMom

I guess LW doesn't care about manners.  I'd be inclined to also want to write thank you notes as well.  Are they supposed to be doing something every second of every day to rebuild their lives?  Their house is probably not yet repaired or rebuilt, so they probably have not purchased anything large for the house yet because they are probably in temporary housing at the moment.  If they want to take the time to write thank you notes, let them.

charlotte989875

Wait, the couple that is rebuilding wants to and LW is convincing them not to? Yah, LW you're wrong and the couple is right. 

ShesSoCold

Yeah this is weird that LW is so concerned about other people writing thank you notes. The couple may feel guilty and uncomfortable about so many people helping them (I would!) and they're trying to do what they can to thank them properly. What's wrong with that?

Five years ago, two of my cousins (one being 7) were murdered. The community outpouring was huge. It was too hard on my cousins so I spent months writing and sending thank you cards on their behalf. I don't think anyone would have been upset at not getting one, but it's a nice thing to do. LW shouldn't stop people from doing nice things.

sparklepants41

ShesSoCold said:

Yeah this is weird that LW is so concerned about other people writing thank you notes. The couple may feel guilty and uncomfortable about so many people helping them (I would!) and they're trying to do what they can to thank them properly. What's wrong with that?

Five years ago, two of my cousins (one being 7) were murdered. The community outpouring was huge. It was too hard on my cousins so I spent months writing and sending thank you cards on their behalf. I don't think anyone would have been upset at not getting one, but it's a nice thing to do. LW shouldn't stop people from doing nice things.

I'm so sorry, @ShesSoCold. I can't imagine how hard that must have been (and still is) for you and your family. All of the hugs for you today!

ShesSoCold

sparklepants41 said:

ShesSoCold said:

Yeah this is weird that LW is so concerned about other people writing thank you notes. The couple may feel guilty and uncomfortable about so many people helping them (I would!) and they're trying to do what they can to thank them properly. What's wrong with that?

Five years ago, two of my cousins (one being 7) were murdered. The community outpouring was huge. It was too hard on my cousins so I spent months writing and sending thank you cards on their behalf. I don't think anyone would have been upset at not getting one, but it's a nice thing to do. LW shouldn't stop people from doing nice things.

I'm so sorry, @ShesSoCold. I can't imagine how hard that must have been (and still is) for you and your family. All of the hugs for you today!

Thank you. Its one of those things that feels like 100 years but five minutes ago at the same time, ya know? 

ei34

LW shouldn't worry about how her friends spend their time.  I don't understand why she'd discourage writing thank you cards.

I'm so sorry @ShesSoCold

short+sassy

ShesSoCold said:

Yeah this is weird that LW is so concerned about other people writing thank you notes. The couple may feel guilty and uncomfortable about so many people helping them (I would!) and they're trying to do what they can to thank them properly. What's wrong with that?

Five years ago, two of my cousins (one being 7) were murdered. The community outpouring was huge. It was too hard on my cousins so I spent months writing and sending thank you cards on their behalf. I don't think anyone would have been upset at not getting one, but it's a nice thing to do. LW shouldn't stop people from doing nice things.

That is just horrifying.  I am so sorry.

The LW should take a page out of your book.  If the family feels the understandable need to write 500 TY notes, than the LW should chip in some time and help them do that.  Bring a bottle of wine over.  Have a TY note writing evening with them.

Heffalump

AtomicBlonde said:

Um.... why does LW care so much how her friends spend their time?

My guess?  I think the LW is one of those "Oh, no one writes TY notes anymore!" kind of people, and if this couple does it, then there goes the LW's excuse for not doing them.

But it's just a theory. Maybe a misanthropic one.

drunkenwitch

LW wants all the credit, why else would she brag about how she alone did the gofundme.

OurWildKingdom

drunkenwitch said:

LW wants all the credit, why else would she brag about how she alone did the gofundme.

Makes a lot of sense to me.

artbyallie

IMO, I would never expect someone in a crisis situation (like this one, or a natural disaster, or just having lost a close relative or spouse) to write thank you notes. However, it is ALWAYS acceptable to do so and LW is an asshole to want to convince her friend not to. If they want to take the time to do it, that's totally on them.

SaintPaulGal

artbyallie said:

IMO, I would never expect someone in a crisis situation (like this one, or a natural disaster, or just having lost a close relative or spouse) to write thank you notes. However, it is ALWAYS acceptable to do so and LW is an asshole to want to convince her friend not to. If they want to take the time to do it, that's totally on them.

This is my position, too.  I would totally give the people who lost everything a pass on thank you notes if I was someone who gave to their cause, but that's not the question being asked.  Lay off these people; if they want to do the thank yous it's weird to try to get them to abandon the idea.  My guess is that writing thank you notes helps them feel normal and in control of something.