Change "No" RSVP?

Knottie10724897

Hi Everyone,

I was invited to a friend's destination wedding. Unfortunately, we had a trip already planned for just after the wedding date and could not afford to do both. We were also invited to a more local reception (still out of state for us, but could be a cheap flight or maybe a long drive). That reception was scheduled for during our trip. As we are planning and budgeting, we are realizing that we may not even be able to afford the trip that we have planned. I had already RSVP'd "no" to both the wedding and reception. But now it may be possible that we could attend the local reception. We're approximately 8 months out from their reception date. Do I just need to accept that I said no, and that is my answer. Or do I reach out to the bride (my friend) and explain the situation, and that we may be able to attend after all?

Thanks! 

ShesSoCold

Knottie10724897 said:

Hi Everyone,

I was invited to a friend's destination wedding. Unfortunately, we had a trip already planned for just after the wedding date and could not afford to do both. We were also invited to a more local reception (still out of state for us, but could be a cheap flight or maybe a long drive). That reception was scheduled for during our trip. As we are planning and budgeting, we are realizing that we may not even be able to afford the trip that we have planned. I had already RSVP'd "no" to both the wedding and reception. But now it may be possible that we could attend the local reception. We're approximately 8 months out from their reception date. Do I just need to accept that I said no, and that is my answer. Or do I reach out to the bride (my friend) and explain the situation, and that we may be able to attend after all?

Thanks! 

They asked you to RSVP EIGHT MONTHS in advance?!

Knottie10724897

ShesSoCold said:

They asked you to RSVP EIGHT MONTHS in advance?!

Yes...  I think for the destination wedding part of it, it makes sense. It was online. They're probably sending out formal invites to those that said they could attend or likely attend. But for the local reception, I didn't want to say yes and then they're planning on us being there and then we can't. But now I regret saying no, when now it's turned into a maybe! 

DrillSergeantCat

They shouldn't have asked you to RSVP that far in advance. That's just nuts even if it is a DW. That's a planning/logistical nightmare! Anyway, to answer your question, if you think you can go, call her and tell her. 

ShesSoCold

Knottie10724897 said:

ShesSoCold said:

They asked you to RSVP EIGHT MONTHS in advance?!

Yes...  I think for the destination wedding part of it, it makes sense. It was online. They're probably sending out formal invites to those that said they could attend or likely attend. But for the local reception, I didn't want to say yes and then they're planning on us being there and then we can't. But now I regret saying no, when now it's turned into a maybe! 

Well this is what they get for asking for RSVPs like 1,000 years in advance.

I'd flip and flop back and forth for the next 6 months just to annoy them for being dumb.

Anyway, I see nothing wrong with letting them know you're a maybe now. No final numbers will be due for several months.

LondonLisa

Yeah, your friends are crazy if they think they can get accurate numbers 8 months out! 

I have been to several destination weddings, I have never, ever heard of RSVPs 8 months ahead of time! 

SaintPaulGal

Agree with all of the above.

Expecting or even allowing RSVPs this far ahead of time is bonkers, and your story is exactly why.  Guests just can't know that far ahead if they will be able to make it or not.

If it looks like you could go after all and you want to change your response, give the friend a call and let them know your circumstances have changed.  PS: this is yet another reason not to have a B list.  If someone's availability changes like this and you have already replaced them on your guest list, you are screwed.

levioosa

Knottie10724897 said:

ShesSoCold said:

They asked you to RSVP EIGHT MONTHS in advance?!

Yes...  I think for the destination wedding part of it, it makes sense. It was online. They're probably sending out formal invites to those that said they could attend or likely attend. But for the local reception, I didn't want to say yes and then they're planning on us being there and then we can't. But now I regret saying no, when now it's turned into a maybe! 

Ew.  

kimmiinthemitten

Man, I don't know if the rental company and caterer could make those changes in such short time. </sarcasm>

CMGragain

Knottie10724897 said:

Hi Everyone,

I was invited to a friend's destination wedding. Unfortunately, we had a trip already planned for just after the wedding date and could not afford to do both. We were also invited to a more local reception (still out of state for us, but could be a cheap flight or maybe a long drive). That reception was scheduled for during our trip. As we are planning and budgeting, we are realizing that we may not even be able to afford the trip that we have planned. I had already RSVP'd "no" to both the wedding and reception. But now it may be possible that we could attend the local reception. We're approximately 8 months out from their reception date. Do I just need to accept that I said no, and that is my answer. Or do I reach out to the bride (my friend) and explain the situation, and that we may be able to attend after all?

Thanks! 

The couple is putting you in an embarrassing position by asking you to RSVP for an event that is so far into the future.  This is not good etiquette on their part.  They should have sent you an STD for the wedding.  The invitation would be due to arrive two months before the wedding.  This is when you give them your response.  It sounds like they are trying fill up their wedding with a B list.

As for the "reception", this is simply a party, and they should send out separate invitations for it, also about 8 weeks before the event.  It is not a part of their wedding.  This is why etiquette is important when you are planning a wedding.  If you don't follow it, you will cause confusion and possibly bad feelings among your guests.

If you want to come to the party, I would just call the bride and ask if you would still be welcome to come.  Don't worry about breaking etiquette.  She obviously doesn't understand it or care about it.

SP29

Your friend should not have asked for an RSVP so early.

Her guest count for the wedding (and local reception) should not be until a few weeks before each event, so I see no problem with telling her, "Hey, our plans have changed- we can make it!".

The above is why one should not B list. Once an invitation is sent, the hosts of an event should be prepared to accept guests' RSVP for yes up until the RSVP date (which should be at a reasonable time period before the event, 2-3 weeks, not 8 months).