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Wedding Etiquette Forum
Knottie10724897
member
Change "No" RSVP?
Hi Everyone,
I was invited to a friend's destination wedding. Unfortunately, we had a trip already planned for just after the wedding date and could not afford to do both. We were also invited to a more local reception (still out of state for us, but could be a cheap flight or maybe a long drive). That reception was scheduled for during our trip. As we are planning and budgeting, we are realizing that we may not even be able to afford the trip that we have planned. I had already RSVP'd "no" to both the wedding and reception. But now it may be possible that we could attend the local reception. We're approximately 8 months out from their reception date. Do I just need to accept that I said no, and that is my answer. Or do I reach out to the bride (my friend) and explain the situation, and that we may be able to attend after all?
Thanks!
I was invited to a friend's destination wedding. Unfortunately, we had a trip already planned for just after the wedding date and could not afford to do both. We were also invited to a more local reception (still out of state for us, but could be a cheap flight or maybe a long drive). That reception was scheduled for during our trip. As we are planning and budgeting, we are realizing that we may not even be able to afford the trip that we have planned. I had already RSVP'd "no" to both the wedding and reception. But now it may be possible that we could attend the local reception. We're approximately 8 months out from their reception date. Do I just need to accept that I said no, and that is my answer. Or do I reach out to the bride (my friend) and explain the situation, and that we may be able to attend after all?
Thanks!
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Re: Change "No" RSVP?
They asked you to RSVP EIGHT MONTHS in advance?!
Well this is what they get for asking for RSVPs like 1,000 years in advance.
I'd flip and flop back and forth for the next 6 months just to annoy them for being dumb.
Anyway, I see nothing wrong with letting them know you're a maybe now. No final numbers will be due for several months.
I have been to several destination weddings, I have never, ever heard of RSVPs 8 months ahead of time!
Expecting or even allowing RSVPs this far ahead of time is bonkers, and your story is exactly why. Guests just can't know that far ahead if they will be able to make it or not.
If it looks like you could go after all and you want to change your response, give the friend a call and let them know your circumstances have changed. PS: this is yet another reason not to have a B list. If someone's availability changes like this and you have already replaced them on your guest list, you are screwed.
As for the "reception", this is simply a party, and they should send out separate invitations for it, also about 8 weeks before the event. It is not a part of their wedding. This is why etiquette is important when you are planning a wedding. If you don't follow it, you will cause confusion and possibly bad feelings among your guests.
If you want to come to the party, I would just call the bride and ask if you would still be welcome to come. Don't worry about breaking etiquette. She obviously doesn't understand it or care about it.
Her guest count for the wedding (and local reception) should not be until a few weeks before each event, so I see no problem with telling her, "Hey, our plans have changed- we can make it!".
The above is why one should not B list. Once an invitation is sent, the hosts of an event should be prepared to accept guests' RSVP for yes up until the RSVP date (which should be at a reasonable time period before the event, 2-3 weeks, not 8 months).