In the mood to chat...long post...

ShesSoCold

I'm genuinely worried that you and Sophia are broken up and that you're no longer tattooing - something you loved. I feel like you change your identity to suit your situation and that worries me.

SaintPaulGal

ShesSoCold said:

I'm genuinely worried that you and Sophia are broken up and that you're no longer tattooing - something you loved. I feel like you change your identity to suit your situation and that worries me.

I so wish I had been around here long enough to get that reference.  I bet it's a doozy! 

RedheadIshida

Oh, I'm sorry I missed a comment. We have a budget plan to pay everything. It's a monthly budget, so debt will be paid in January. Well, actually December, but the holidays are coming up so we will enjoy that first before cleaning out the house. 

TheMostHappy15

SaintPaulGal said:

ShesSoCold said:

I'm genuinely worried that you and Sophia are broken up and that you're no longer tattooing - something you loved. I feel like you change your identity to suit your situation and that worries me.

I so wish I had been around here long enough to get that reference.  I bet it's a doozy! 

Bahaha it was this longtime poster who owned a tattoo parlor with her fiance/wife or something... from what I recall (I did not post much then and only lurked on and off) she was actually pretty popular/well-liked, at least among a certain group of posters (the tone of the board was snarkier/harsher back then and she had a lot of "attitude" that enabled her to fit in well, lol)... I think people started to get suspicious when she was talking a bunch about using a turkey baster to impregnate her wife (which I believe also coincided with several other regular posters getting pregnant or trying to get pregnant, making it more suspicious). People started asking for information about her shop, pics of the tattoos she described doing, more info about her business in general... then she made an alternate account posing as her wife (who she also said had cheated on her I think?) and things basically exploded from there.

RedheadIshida

I can post some video recordings for you tomorrow to entertain you, TheMostHappy 

charlotte989875

RedheadIshida said:

I said "thanks for the concerns." Which actually means "thanks for the concerns". Thank you for wishing me good luck. 

I could record our family conversations and share them in a file. I will do that at a later date. We have a family meeting every morning with Japanese family and my ex-MIL, and another family meeting in the evening with just us in the U.S. 

I really don't mind doing that. We also do language and cooking lessons so it's a good opportunity for everyone. 

Not trying to be snarky, but are you serious with this. Clearly this is not what anyone is saying here. 

All people are saying is that reality might not go as planned. You're having family meetings, that's great, but you're going from never visiting/meeting in person, to marriage and blending a family. That's hard, even if you Skype every night and have plan. 

Additionally, you say that neither of you have money to travel or purchase passports for your son to meet his father, but you have travel back and forth for the foreseeable future worked out? You have to see why posters have raised some eyebrows here. 

RedheadIshida

Yes, we do have that travel worked out. He has money to travel right now, but he can't get another Visa, or he would be here. So we decided to pay off the debt, get my passport, let us spend time with his family while he works on his green card. So that's what we'll do.

Money is split into monthly payments, which I have said before. So we have been staying on schedule with payments. Travel costs are covered. 

It's not my first time meeting my in-laws. I lived with my former in-laws. We still live just a short walk away from them. 

We're happy with our plans, and we have been through so many loopholes already that we have learned how to adapt to life changes. 

So this is it.

I really don't mind sharing our videos. You could see how a family that has been through the immigration process for over two years, still manages to work together. 

Heffalump

OP, what kind of requirements does Japan have for moving there to get married?

Just curious, because my brother is engaged to a British woman, and among other things, he has to stay for a week about 4 months before the wedding (it's either at least 4 mo or no more than 4 mo, I don't remember which), plus a whole bunch of other stuff.  He has an immigration lawyer handling it, so he just goes where he's told when he's told, LOL.  Just wondering if that is the situation with Japan as well, and how y'all are planning to handle it since travel back and forth has been an insurmountable challenge up until now.

cowgirl8238

Sounds like you have everything planned so...

just keep dodging the questions and GOOD LUCK to you!!!!!

ETF: Photo is being dumb!

SaintPaulGal

RedheadIshida said:

Yes, we do have that travel worked out. He has money to travel right now, but he can't get another Visa, or he would be here. So we decided to pay off the debt, get my passport, let us spend time with his family while he works on his green card. So that's what we'll do.

Money is split into monthly payments, which I have said before. So we have been staying on schedule with payments. Travel costs are covered. 

It's not my first time meeting my in-laws. I lived with my former in-laws. We still live just a short walk away from them. 

We're happy with our plans, and we have been through so many loopholes already that we have learned how to adapt to life changes. 

So this is it.

I really don't mind sharing our videos. You could see how a family that has been through the immigration process for over two years, still manages to work together. 

Pretty sure the comments about the in-laws being strangers were directed toward your most recent baby daddy, not the first one.

charlotte989875

RedheadIshida said:

Yes, we do have that travel worked out. He has money to travel right now, but he can't get another Visa, or he would be here. So we decided to pay off the debt, get my passport, let us spend time with his family while he works on his green card. So that's what we'll do.

Money is split into monthly payments, which I have said before. So we have been staying on schedule with payments. Travel costs are covered. 

It's not my first time meeting my in-laws. I lived with my former in-laws. We still live just a short walk away from them. 

We're happy with our plans, and we have been through so many loopholes already that we have learned how to adapt to life changes. 

So this is it.

I really don't mind sharing our videos. You could see how a family that has been through the immigration process for over two years, still manages to work together. 

Maybe I'm confused, but you lived with your former in-laws, but not your future in laws. Just because it was great in one situation, doesn't mean it will be in another. What about your daughter, has she lived with them? I'm assuming your son hasn't if he hasn't met his father. 

I'm glad you're happy with your plans, and I really do hope they work out for you. I think PPs and I are just pointing out potential issues-- hopefully they don't come to fruition and things go as planned. 

I still have to say, I am incredibly surprised you've been okay with having your FI not having ever met his son. 

RedheadIshida

Just work really well with the lawyer. We have paid all of the application and lawyers fees already. It was expensive and we took care of that first. Specific immigration laws/rules are different in every country. There are some great blogs and other online resources that are written by people who have been through this process. They get down to every little detail.

Sometimes we spend our visits just reading blogs while on skype and emailing and calling the lawyers. I suggest finding someone who has married someone there and getting the specifics. We have an ex-pat friend who lives in his city. He has been very helpful. Pretty much just do everything that the lawyer says. Make sure all the applications are filled out properly. 

lyndausvi

charlotte989875 said:

RedheadIshida said:

Yes, we do have that travel worked out. He has money to travel right now, but he can't get another Visa, or he would be here. So we decided to pay off the debt, get my passport, let us spend time with his family while he works on his green card. So that's what we'll do.

Money is split into monthly payments, which I have said before. So we have been staying on schedule with payments. Travel costs are covered. 

It's not my first time meeting my in-laws. I lived with my former in-laws. We still live just a short walk away from them. 

We're happy with our plans, and we have been through so many loopholes already that we have learned how to adapt to life changes. 

So this is it.

I really don't mind sharing our videos. You could see how a family that has been through the immigration process for over two years, still manages to work together. 

Maybe I'm confused, but you lived with your former in-laws, but not your future in laws. Just because it was great in one situation, doesn't mean it will be in another. What about your daughter, has she lived with them? I'm assuming your son hasn't if he hasn't met his father. 

I'm glad you're happy with your plans, and I really do hope they work out for you. I think PPs and I are just pointing out potential issues-- hopefully they don't come to fruition and things go as planned. 

I still have to say, I am incredibly surprised you've been okay with having your FI not having ever met his son. 

Immigration is keeping him from entering the states.   She is prohibited from leaving the states.   Other than a 3rd party, not sure how they would met up. 

Still an odd situation.     

RedheadIshida

He has to have a green card to enter the states, because his visa ran out. That is the only legal way for him to reenter the states. So instead, we will pay off the debt, get my passport and I will enter Japan so that he can meet his son sooner. 

charlotte989875

lyndausvi said:

charlotte989875 said:

RedheadIshida said:

Yes, we do have that travel worked out. He has money to travel right now, but he can't get another Visa, or he would be here. So we decided to pay off the debt, get my passport, let us spend time with his family while he works on his green card. So that's what we'll do.

Money is split into monthly payments, which I have said before. So we have been staying on schedule with payments. Travel costs are covered. 

It's not my first time meeting my in-laws. I lived with my former in-laws. We still live just a short walk away from them. 

We're happy with our plans, and we have been through so many loopholes already that we have learned how to adapt to life changes. 

So this is it.

I really don't mind sharing our videos. You could see how a family that has been through the immigration process for over two years, still manages to work together. 

Maybe I'm confused, but you lived with your former in-laws, but not your future in laws. Just because it was great in one situation, doesn't mean it will be in another. What about your daughter, has she lived with them? I'm assuming your son hasn't if he hasn't met his father. 

I'm glad you're happy with your plans, and I really do hope they work out for you. I think PPs and I are just pointing out potential issues-- hopefully they don't come to fruition and things go as planned. 

I still have to say, I am incredibly surprised you've been okay with having your FI not having ever met his son. 

Immigration is keeping him from entering the states.   She is prohibited from leaving the states.   Other than a 3rd party, not sure how they would met up. 

Still an odd situation.     

I just think parts of the story don't add up. First it was that debt is keeping her from getting a passport, now the debt is taken care of (with a loan) that they're still paying on so it's not an issue, but she has $600 to spend on multiple dresses? Not to mention, the kid is almost pre-school age? There has been no way to work this out until now. Just doesn't add up to me. 

lyndausvi

@charlotte989875 said:

lyndausvi said:

charlotte989875 said:

RedheadIshida said:

Yes, we do have that travel worked out. He has money to travel right now, but he can't get another Visa, or he would be here. So we decided to pay off the debt, get my passport, let us spend time with his family while he works on his green card. So that's what we'll do.

Money is split into monthly payments, which I have said before. So we have been staying on schedule with payments. Travel costs are covered. 

It's not my first time meeting my in-laws. I lived with my former in-laws. We still live just a short walk away from them. 

We're happy with our plans, and we have been through so many loopholes already that we have learned how to adapt to life changes. 

So this is it.

I really don't mind sharing our videos. You could see how a family that has been through the immigration process for over two years, still manages to work together. 

Maybe I'm confused, but you lived with your former in-laws, but not your future in laws. Just because it was great in one situation, doesn't mean it will be in another. What about your daughter, has she lived with them? I'm assuming your son hasn't if he hasn't met his father. 

I'm glad you're happy with your plans, and I really do hope they work out for you. I think PPs and I are just pointing out potential issues-- hopefully they don't come to fruition and things go as planned. 

I still have to say, I am incredibly surprised you've been okay with having your FI not having ever met his son. 

Immigration is keeping him from entering the states.   She is prohibited from leaving the states.   Other than a 3rd party, not sure how they would met up. 

Still an odd situation.     

I just think parts of the story don't add up. First it was that debt is keeping her from getting a passport, now the debt is taken care of (with a loan) that they're still paying on so it's not an issue, but she has $600 to spend on multiple dresses? Not to mention, the kid is almost pre-school age? There has been no way to work this out until now. Just doesn't add up to me. 

Oh, there are holes in the story, but this one I could close for you  

RedheadIshida

I think it would be odd for anyone to think that I have not considered potential issues. Anyone who has been through the immigration process knows very well about potential issues. It's a huge hassle. I am a survivor, so I have seen issues. I am just staying strong, because I am a mother to small children. I have to stay strong and I always will. 

RedheadIshida

We spent $300 on a dress and the money was a wedding gift from family. In Japan you give money as a wedding gift. Otherwise, we would have to pay more for rentals in Japan. We are choosing not to have a Shinto Buddhist ceremony, so we're saving thousands on the wedding this way. You are learning new things about Japan, immigration, families staying strong. Good for you!

lyndausvi

You do not even need a ceremony in Japan.  Just change the family registry (I think that is what it's called?)

 Even cheaper.

levioosa

RedheadIshida said:

We spent $300 on a dress and the money was a wedding gift from family. In Japan you give money as a wedding gift. Otherwise, we would have to pay more for rentals in Japan. We are choosing not to have a Shinto Buddhist ceremony, so we're saving thousands on the wedding this way. You are learning new things about Japan, immigration, families staying strong. Good for you!

Oh stop it with the condescending, passive aggressive bullshit.  No one has a problem with any of those things.  Your story is just so over the top and full of holes that people are questioning it.  

RedheadIshida

He wants a ceremony and so does his family. So I will fully enjoy doing that. It's pretty much just us having dinner with family and his friends. We will use my good camera for pictures. It's nice that we will just get dressed up, take pictures and then eat at a restaurant like we would normally do. The castles and other similar places in Japan are natural backdrops for pictures. This is the easiest part of the whole process. The immigration part kind of reminds me of dealing with wedding vendors!

lyndausvi

The Japanese have a long standing culture of not recognizing joint parental authority.  They think of child custody as a private matter.   One parent gets the kid and other parent just seems to disappear from their lives.  The culture is changing, but it's not quite the Western way of thinking yet.

While they did sign the Hague agreement about international abductions,  they have a long standing culture of keeping kids in the country.    That would include getting the kid in the Japan and then kicking you out.  Making you have to fight to getting the kid back.   If you do not have a custody agreement going to Japan, you might find yourself with problems if things do not work out.

Sorry to be a Debbie Downer, but international laws when it comes to custody is no joke and shouldn't be entered with blinders on.

short+sassy

If you haven't already, make sure your young son is exposed to as much of the Japanese language as possible.  He is at a PRIME age where he is learning language skills and it will be substantially easier for him to learn Japanese now than later on.

Cartoons or any tv programs in Japanese that he likes to watch are excellent tools.  I had a friend in college who grew up in a Mexican border town.  Her parents spoke zero English, but their tv channels were from the States.  She and all her siblings spoke perfect English before they even started school, just from watching tv.  She didn't even have an accent.

I may not be using the perfect description, but the area of our brain that learns languages atrophies around the ages of 5-6.  Before then, it is relatively easy and very natural for humans to learn languages.  After that, of course it can still be done, but it is a different and more difficult learning process of rote and memorization.  

RedheadIshida

Unless it is in the parental rights agreement that he stays with me. Which it will be. I have been through parental rights before, so I got myself familiarized with those things. 

RedheadIshida

Have you been through any immigration or parental rights cases? You seem to be interested in it. 

RedheadIshida

short+sassy, you are so right! He definitely loves his shows. It will be so nice for him to be around the family at a young age to learn from. Also, preschool will be so much fun. 

lyndausvi

RedheadIshida said:

Have you been through any immigration or parental rights cases? You seem to be interested in it. 

Not personally.  I just have friends who have kids with international partners.   Some married, some divorced, some never been married before.  Plus I've watch a lot of documentaries and done research on the subject.   By no means an expert, but know more than average person.

Some are amicable.  Ie. friends allowed to move to another country, but has to pay all expenses for the kid to see the other parents a few times a year.  

  Others can be get ugly.  Kid not allowed to even to leave the state let alone the gov't  issuing a passport.    Kid going to other parent on break, then parent refuses to send them back.

Even Halle Berry wasn't able to move her kid to france from her first marriage to live with the father of her kids from her second marriage.

It's like a prenup. Don't want to think about the worse, then it's too late.

RedheadIshida

Yes, it can be so hard on the kids sometimes. That was one thing we all wanted for my daughter. To just be surrounded by everyone who loves her. I'm so happy she has that. 

kimmiinthemitten

lyndausvi said:

You do not even need a ceremony in Japan.  Just change the family registry (I think that is what it's called?)

 Even cheaper.

Or a lawyer.  A quick google search to the  US Embassy's office in Japan showed me just how quick and easy of a process it it if one partner is living there.  You literally bring proof of your divorce from the States with you, download some paperwork, have two people sign off as witnesses (they don't even have to be Japanese citizens) and register your marriage.  Voila!

RedheadIshida

It's the same as the U.S. You can just go to the courthouse and elope. Unless the family wants a ceremony. Then it's respectful to do that.