Inviting Significant Others

[Deleted User]

So my FI and I recently moved. Right around the time that we moved, my FI was supposed to be getting a wedding invitation in the mail from one of his HS best friends. Due to the mail forwarding and all, we never received the invite. My FI talked to his friend and made sure he knew we were both coming although we didn't get the formal invitation in the mail. Background, at the time my fiancé and I had been together for 4 years, lived together for a year and a half, and engaged for half a year. We both flew across the country to go to the wedding, stayed the entire time, had a GREAT time on the dance floor. A couple weeks later after we had got back home, we finally received the missing invitation in the mail. On the RSVP card, the number of guests attending blank had already been filled out with a number "1". So I guess I wasn't even invited or allowed to go! IMO, I thought this was extremely rude and was upset we had spent  so much money on plane tickets. Is it rude to not invite someone's long term significant other or fiancé to a wedding? What do you all think?

charlotte989875

Knottie1455560017 said:

So my FI and I recently moved. Right around the time that we moved, my FI was supposed to be getting a wedding invitation in the mail from one of his HS best friends. Due to the mail forwarding and all, we never received the invite. My FI talked to his friend and made sure he knew we were both coming although we didn't get the formal invitation in the mail. Background, at the time my fiancé and I had been together for 4 years, lived together for a year and a half, and engaged for half a year. We both flew across the country to go to the wedding, stayed the entire time, had a GREAT time on the dance floor. A couple weeks later after we had got back home, we finally received the missing invitation in the mail. On the RSVP card, the number of guests attending blank had already been filled out with a number "1". So I guess I wasn't even invited or allowed to go! IMO, I thought this was extremely rude and was upset we had spent  so much money on plane tickets. Is it rude to not invite someone's long term significant other or fiancé to a wedding? What do you all think?

Yup, super rude. Significant others should always be invited regardless of length of time together, living situation, or plans to marry. If the invited couple sees themselves as in a relationship/as a social unit they need to be invited together. Full stop. What your FI's friend did was rude. 

aurianna

Omitting you from the invite was quite rude. However, some points back IMO because when your FI called he was not told you weren't invited. Sounds like they decided to just roll with it and made a place for you. Now they should have definitely done that to begin with, but sounds like they came around in the end.

Did other people there have their SOs? Or was it a lot of married couples and then lots of complete singles? Curious if they only excluded some SOs, if you were left off by accident, or if perhaps they realized that all SOs should get to come and invited after the fact?

[Deleted User]

@auriannaIt was a mix of SOs and single guests. We talked to a few other friends who said they received RSVPs with "1 guest" written in so they didn't bring a date. Seemed like they picked and chose who was allowed a plus one and who wasn't. I guess they did decide to just roll with it when my FI talked with his friend. It was also a "no children allowed" reception and this was plainly stated on the invitation. I was surprised that they still had a flower girl/ring bearer in the wedding. I wonder where they went after the wedding because they were not at the reception.

redwoodoriginal

Knottie1455560017 said:

@auriannaIt was a mix of SOs and single guests. We talked to a few other friends who said they received RSVPs with "1 guest" written in so they didn't bring a date. Seemed like they picked and chose who was allowed a plus one and who wasn't. I guess they did decide to just roll with it when my FI talked with his friend. It was also a "no children allowed" reception and this was plainly stated on the invitation. I was surprised that they still had a flower girl/ring bearer in the wedding. I wonder where they went after the wedding because they were not at the reception.

But were there people that were invited without their SO? A date/plus one is very different than not inviting an SO. If I get an invite for 1, I'd be pissed that my H isn't invited, whereas if I were single, an invite for 1 is not rude. 

[Deleted User]

redwoodoriginal said:

Knottie1455560017 said:

@auriannaIt was a mix of SOs and single guests. We talked to a few other friends who said they received RSVPs with "1 guest" written in so they didn't bring a date. Seemed like they picked and chose who was allowed a plus one and who wasn't. I guess they did decide to just roll with it when my FI talked with his friend. It was also a "no children allowed" reception and this was plainly stated on the invitation. I was surprised that they still had a flower girl/ring bearer in the wedding. I wonder where they went after the wedding because they were not at the reception.

But were there people that were invited without their SO? A date/plus one is very different than not inviting an SO. If I get an invite for 1, I'd be pissed that my H isn't invited, whereas if I were single, an invite for 1 is not rude. 

Yes, as I stated my FI and I had been together for 4 years at the time and I was not invited. Another guy at our table had been dating his GF for a year or two and she was not invited either. We also had a single guy at our table who was not allowed a plus one. I met several other people who were dating or brought dates. It just seemed really random to me, but maybe they had a method to their madness. I did not know many people at the wedding prior to the night.

Also I feel like an invite for 1 to a wedding is kind of rude. What does everyone think? You are inviting a single person to a celebration of love where most people with be with SO's. Shouldn't you allow your single guests to bring a date if they desire in order to feel more comfortable and enjoy themselves more?

ILoveBeachMusic

Knottie1455560017 said:

redwoodoriginal said:

Knottie1455560017 said:

@auriannaIt was a mix of SOs and single guests. We talked to a few other friends who said they received RSVPs with "1 guest" written in so they didn't bring a date. Seemed like they picked and chose who was allowed a plus one and who wasn't. I guess they did decide to just roll with it when my FI talked with his friend. It was also a "no children allowed" reception and this was plainly stated on the invitation. I was surprised that they still had a flower girl/ring bearer in the wedding. I wonder where they went after the wedding because they were not at the reception.

But were there people that were invited without their SO? A date/plus one is very different than not inviting an SO. If I get an invite for 1, I'd be pissed that my H isn't invited, whereas if I were single, an invite for 1 is not rude. 

Yes, as I stated my FI and I had been together for 4 years at the time and I was not invited. Another guy at our table had been dating his GF for a year or two and she was not invited either. We also had a single guy at our table who was not allowed a plus one. I met several other people who were dating or brought dates. It just seemed really random to me, but maybe they had a method to their madness. I did not know many people at the wedding prior to the night.

Also I feel like an invite for 1 to a wedding is kind of rude. What does everyone think? You are inviting a single person to a celebration of love where most people with be with SO's. Shouldn't you allow your single guests to bring a date if they desire in order to feel more comfortable and enjoy themselves more?

According to etiquette, a plus one does not have to be extended (it is of course nice if you can afford it); however, ALL SOs should be invited.

MyNameIsNot

Knottie1455560017 said:

redwoodoriginal said:

Knottie1455560017 said:

@auriannaIt was a mix of SOs and single guests. We talked to a few other friends who said they received RSVPs with "1 guest" written in so they didn't bring a date. Seemed like they picked and chose who was allowed a plus one and who wasn't. I guess they did decide to just roll with it when my FI talked with his friend. It was also a "no children allowed" reception and this was plainly stated on the invitation. I was surprised that they still had a flower girl/ring bearer in the wedding. I wonder where they went after the wedding because they were not at the reception.

But were there people that were invited without their SO? A date/plus one is very different than not inviting an SO. If I get an invite for 1, I'd be pissed that my H isn't invited, whereas if I were single, an invite for 1 is not rude. 

Yes, as I stated my FI and I had been together for 4 years at the time and I was not invited. Another guy at our table had been dating his GF for a year or two and she was not invited either. We also had a single guy at our table who was not allowed a plus one. I met several other people who were dating or brought dates. It just seemed really random to me, but maybe they had a method to their madness. I did not know many people at the wedding prior to the night.

Also I feel like an invite for 1 to a wedding is kind of rude. What does everyone think? You are inviting a single person to a celebration of love where most people with be with SO's. Shouldn't you allow your single guests to bring a date if they desire in order to feel more comfortable and enjoy themselves more?

My guess is that they tried to exclude a lot of significant others and didn't invite singles with a plus one, but also didn't "fight" back when people RSVPed for a s/o or date.

It is perfectly fine to invite truly single people without a date. This is not the same thing as a significant other at all. Once a person is in a relationship, it is very rude to exclude their partner. 

cowgirl8238

Knottie1455560017 said:

@auriannaIt was a mix of SOs and single guests. We talked to a few other friends who said they received RSVPs with "1 guest" written in so they didn't bring a date. Seemed like they picked and chose who was allowed a plus one and who wasn't. I guess they did decide to just roll with it when my FI talked with his friend. It was also a "no children allowed" reception and this was plainly stated on the invitation. I was surprised that they still had a flower girl/ring bearer in the wedding. I wonder where they went after the wedding because they were not at the reception.

This couple sounds rude.  They not only selectively refused Significant Others from the guest list but they also put no children on the invite and excluded the FG/RB from the reception?????

Knottie1455560017 said:

Yes, as I stated my FI and I had been together for 4 years at the time and I was not invited. Another guy at our table had been dating his GF for a year or two and she was not invited either. We also had a single guy at our table who was not allowed a plus one. I met several other people who were dating or brought dates. It just seemed really random to me, but maybe they had a method to their madness. I did not know many people at the wedding prior to the night.

Also I feel like an invite for 1 to a wedding is kind of rude. What does everyone think? You are inviting a single person to a celebration of love where most people with be with SO's. Shouldn't you allow your single guests to bring a date if they desire in order to feel more comfortable and enjoy themselves more?

If I had to guess they probably invited family with their SO's but when it came to older/fringe friends they said only the person they know is invited and didn't allow for the SOs to be invited...that is just rude!  I am glad they came around at the end, I guess someone got a hold of them and shook a little sense in.

As far as the SO/Plus one...I think it is great to give everyone a date if you can.  I personally planned my wedding this way.  Some people RSVP'd as single, others brought a date.  Technically I only had to invite the SOs but that just didn't sit right with me.  If someone considers themselves in a relationship you must invite the other person (SO).  If someone is truly single it is nice but not required to include a guest (Plus 1).