My fiancé and I are getting married in about 7 months and are anticipating some very awkward moments with his father. My FI does not have a good relationship with his dad, who has a lot of personal issues with anger and alcohol. After a particular incident a few months ago that involved me (short story is that my FFIL yelled at me in the way he yells at everyone in the family, and when my FI stood up for me, his dad stormed out), my FI has decided he no longer wants to have any real relationship with his father. However, in order to not create a massive family feud, we have decided we have to invite his dad to the wedding. (I should note here that FI's parents are no longer together.)
There are two things we're especially worried about - that he'll want to give a speech at the reception, and that he'll try to insist on contributing to the wedding. At the reception my FI imagines his mom may want to get up and say something (he's very close with her and she's a wonderful public speaker). Any tips on this, besides just refusing to give FFIL the mic if he tries to take it? I suggested to my FI that we instead have any parental words spoken in the ceremony, so it is more pre-planned, but he didn't like that idea as much as toasts/speeches at the reception.
Second, FFIL has hinted in conversations to my FI that he plans to contribute money to the wedding. I think these hints have always been dropped when others are around, so my FI didn't feel he could say anything at the time. If his dad tries to give us money, my FI suspects he plans to take it out of his retirement plan or something equally ill-advised (his dad has mentioned this in the past when needing money quickly). We really don't want him to make a poor financial decision OR do anything that would make him think we're in his debt OR give him any control in how we plan our wedding. He's also a terrible braggart, and we know he would boast about paying for our wedding to everyone in the family, which would make us deeply uncomfortable.
If he does bring up the money directly to my FI (we wouldn't initiate the conversation), what should he say to politely turn down the money? It's possible that just refusing the gift would set his dad off so much that he wouldn't come to the wedding anyway, in which case the first question is resolved...!
Thanks for any help you can give! I've been a member here for a year or so and have only posted a few times, but I have a lot of respect for the collective wisdom in these forums.