Wedding Etiquette Forum

FFIL Questions


Re: FFIL Questions

  • Our venue requires us to hire an off-duty police officer if we're serving alcohol (which we are). The local department here charges $25/hour which isn't TERRIBLE budget-wise. I would definitely consider something like that and giving them a heads up. Also let your DJ/MC and bar staff know so they can handle the situation appropriately. This probably isn't the first time they've dealt with something like this.

    Regarding the money: change the subject, politely refuse, give it back if he physically hands you something, etc.

    Side note: I went to an AHR for a coworker many years ago. It was very casual, so pretty much anyone who wanted to say something just grabbed the mic. Our boss was wasted and gave a 20 minute speech about how hot he thought my coworker's new wife was and how jealous he was. It was SUPER awkward. Please do what you can to prevent this!
    Congrats to your coworker on the post-wedding gigantic raise and promotion ;-)
    He actually left very shortly after his wedding!!  :D  :D
  • Do you absolutely have to invite FFIL to the wedding? Based on the post, I would recommend not inviting him if you are cutting him out of your life. I understand things can be tricky, but I wouldn't be inviting someone that was going to cause me this much stress and worry. If you must invite, I would just instruct DJ not to give him the mic. Just crank up the music as soon as the moms speech is done. 
  • Our venue required at least one off-duty deputy for any event where alcohol is being served.  It's just a good idea on a lot of levels even if you don't predict there ever being an issue.  

    OP - have you considered a dry reception?  That doesn't mean boring drink options, it simply means no alcohol.  Easiest way to head off alcohol related problems is not have the alcohol present.  

    I'd recommend the FMIL speech/toast at the RD instead of the wedding.  That step alone may make things easier for you all and if he chooses to say something at the RD, it's a small crowd and they're all likely to understand "Drinking problem"...  As for the money issue - a simple "Thanks for the offer, but we're good on the finances!" and NEVER complain about how much the wedding is costing in front of him or anyone that talks to him!
  • To the OP:

    As someone who can very much relate to your FI and his relationship with his father I say - do what you two feel is right. There is absolutely no rule saying he has to be invited to the wedding if that is not what you want and if you are not comfortable with it. Be confident in any decision you make. Futhermore, lay down any rules or boundaries with the FFIL prior to giving the invitation should you choose to invite him. Be honest about your concerns and why you have chosen said rules -- i.e. only allowed 2 drinks, no speech etc. It's a crappy situation and there will inevitably be family who don't think you made the right decision - whatever it may be - but, and I say this as someone who is in this boat right now, you do not want to have to worry the entire night about if the FFIL is going to do something he shouldn't do should he indulge too much.
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