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having trouble choosing MOH. would love some advice...

Hello Knotties,

I need some advice and I'm not too sure if I'm posting this in the right place.
Well here goes:

I recently got engaged on my birthday (Oct 23, 2016), and my FI and I have set our wedding day to be in May, 2018, however, we've already started choosing our wedding party. I have a friend who I've basically grew up with, so shes more like a sister, and while I was thinking about making her my MOH, she was the center of a few arguments the night before my birthday and somehow made that night about her and how she felt even after I asked her not to.

Also her and my FI don't really get along. I do have a friend I would like to ask to be my MOH and I ultimately want to choose a MOH who represents my FI and I. He has already chosen his BM and GM. 

Any advice on how to let my friend know? (BTW I would still like her to be one of my maids)

Re: having trouble choosing MOH. would love some advice...

  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    CMGragain said:
    Hello Knotties,

    I need some advice and I'm not too sure if I'm posting this in the right place.
    Well here goes:

    I recently got engaged on my birthday (Oct 23, 2016), and my FI and I have set our wedding day to be in May, 2018, however, we've already started choosing our wedding party. I have a friend who I've basically grew up with, so shes more like a sister, and while I was thinking about making her my MOH, she was the center of a few arguments the night before my birthday and somehow made that night about her and how she felt even after I asked her not to.

    Also her and my FI don't really get along. I do have a friend I would like to ask to be my MOH and I ultimately want to choose a MOH who represents my FI and I. He has already chosen his BM and GM. 

    Any advice on how to let my friend know? (BTW I would still like her to be one of my maids)
    Warning!  Warning! Danger, Will Robinson!
    It is not a good idea to shoose your wedding party this early.  It leads to more trouble than anything else on the Knot.  Relationships change over time.  Wait until about 9 to 10 months from your wedding date to choose attendants.

    If anyone asks you about your wedding party, you say "We really haven't gotten to that yet.  Our wedding is so far away."  If anyone asks if they will be in your wedding party, they are being very rude, and putting you on the spot.

    Remember, once you ask someone to be in your wedding party, you cannot take it back.  You are stuck with your decision.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OWwOJlOI1nU
    [Deleted User]
  • OP, this is not a good time to be making any decisions about your wedding party or asking people to be in it. First of all, it's too far out from your wedding; as others have said here, you are much better off waiting until about 9-10 months prior to the wedding, because relationships can indeed change a lot if you ask sooner than that. Second of all, it seems that you are still kind of mad at your friend right now. You need to cool off from that and see how things go with her over the next few months before you can decide how and if you want to include her in your wedding party. Once you ask, there's no going back. 

    That she and your FI don't get along isn't especially relevant here, unless she has been opposed to your relationship or has been disrespectful toward him (in which case, why would you still be friends with her?). He has the right to his opinions, but he can't pick your wedding party for you. 

    All in all, I strongly suggest you focus on some other parts of wedding planning for now and come back to this question next summer. 
    image
    InLoveInQueenscowgirl8238SP29[Deleted User]
  • Give it some time. This isn't something that needs to be decided right now. Take time (like an entire year) and see where your friendships are at that point and decide then. 
    [Deleted User]
  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    We just had another poster last week facing a situation where she set her WP super early and then had a falling out with her MOH. Don't do it yet. Just wait.
    InLoveInQueensSP29[Deleted User]
  • Agreeing with others. You never know what could happen.

    Also if you're having doubts, definitely don't make a decision unless you're 1000% sure
    [Deleted User]
  • I agree that you should wait until much closer to your wedding date before you ask people to be in your WP.  I also asked early without knowing any better and while I had no issues personally I have read of way too many people that do.

    As an aside, I do want to remind you (and the lurkers) that the only thing your BM or MOH has to do is show up on time for your wedding somewhat sober, happy and in the dress that you agreed upon.  There are no super special duties or jobs that they have to perform outside of this.  (well maybe fluffing your train but you know what I mean!)

    SP29[Deleted User]
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