Wedding Etiquette Forum

Too many guests to greet?

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Re: Too many guests to greet?


  • That was directed too a particular poster. So people are rude to me and I respond accordingly......and I'm snarky?
    1. Yes that is being snarky.

    2. Dude how was I rude to you? I said I felt like you were being overly dramatic about a very fixable and routine problem and it made me think you were just looking for an excuse not to do table visit. That's honestly how your posts read to me (and a lot of other people apparently), and it certainly wasn't a personal attack or insult. I even offered you advice! IMO that's not being rude... now calling someone a troll and an idiot, on the other hand...

    [3. In case your snark-sensor is still malfunctioning, that last bit was me being snarky and calling you rude. Lol.]
    DrillSergeantCatcowgirl8238InLoveInQueensdrid
  • MrsJ2410 said:
    Also re: eating during the reception, I had time to eat and greet everyone, but my dress was more confining than I thought and I couldn't eat as much as I wanted to. I was glad I ate before and that my bridesmaids kept force-feeding me snacks and passed apps. Regardless of anything else, make sure to eat beforehand: breakfast, snacks, apps during cocktail hour. A million things may come up that keep you from being able to eat your meal at the reception and table visits are just one of them. 

    I am going to parlay off this and suggest you do something similar.  A person's wedding can be a LOT of fun, but you are going to be so busy with a thousand things running through your head.  It's easy...even for a gal like myself who never misses a meal, lol...to forget to eat.  Since this is already an issue for you, ask your mom/dad or a member of your WP to make sure you are eating throughout the day.

    This doesn't excuse the table visits, but PPs have given a lot of great suggestions for fitting in food fast and/or on the fly.

    You didn't say this but, if low blood sugar can sometimes be an issue, drink a "quick carb" like juice or a non-Diet soda.  And then follow it up about 30 minutes later with some protein (cheese, nuts, etc.).  The sugary drink boosts your blood sugar up fast and then the protein 30ish minutes later helps maintain it.

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    mollybarker11KnotYetTied
  • 2 people isn't a lot of people.
  • MrsJ2410 said:
    Also re: eating during the reception, I had time to eat and greet everyone, but my dress was more confining than I thought and I couldn't eat as much as I wanted to. I was glad I ate before and that my bridesmaids kept force-feeding me snacks and passed apps. Regardless of anything else, make sure to eat beforehand: breakfast, snacks, apps during cocktail hour. A million things may come up that keep you from being able to eat your meal at the reception and table visits are just one of them. 

    I am going to parlay off this and suggest you do something similar.  A person's wedding can be a LOT of fun, but you are going to be so busy with a thousand things running through your head.  It's easy...even for a gal like myself who never misses a meal, lol...to forget to eat.  Since this is already an issue for you, ask your mom/dad or a member of your WP to make sure you are eating throughout the day.

    This doesn't excuse the table visits, but PPs have given a lot of great suggestions for fitting in food fast and/or on the fly.

    You didn't say this but, if low blood sugar can sometimes be an issue, drink a "quick carb" like juice or a non-Diet soda.  And then follow it up about 30 minutes later with some protein (cheese, nuts, etc.).  The sugary drink boosts your blood sugar up fast and then the protein 30ish minutes later helps maintain it.

    All good ideas thanks!
    short+sassy
  • You invited 345 people to this wedding. Did you really think you were going to be able to sit down and enjoy a relaxing meal? Girl please. Give yourselves 10 minutes to shovel food in your face (like many couples do - we did) and go be a good host. 

    Ideas for making this happen:
    - do a first look and take 90% of wedding photos beforehand. 
    - thank your wedding party, their SOs, and all of your family involved in photos while you're doing group photos, even make a point to say something special to this group. Maybe that will save you some table visiting time at the reception.
    - use cocktail hour to eat your dinner (arrange with caterer prior)
    - use the entire dinner time to do table visits
    - have a neutral 3rd party (who is assertive), like a wedding planner or venue coordinator move you from table to table. at 90 seconds, she's telling your wrap it up and move on
    - move toasts right before cake cutting so that you don't use precious, seated dinner time listening to speeches
    Well......Girl.......my inlaws are paying and are putting together the invite list. We have about 345 responses so far but the number of invited people is about 500. My FI is part indian. So a lot more people to see than 345, if everyo! Lol
    IDGAF what nationality you are or what your husband is. You're an adult who agreed to accept money that came with strings/hundreds of guests. You have other priorities (like food or not thanking people), pay for your wedding yourself and eat a 6 course meal prepared by your nutritionist with exactly the number of calories you need. lol Jesus.

    You came here asking for help. I gave you 6 solid ideas on how to help your situation, which is exactly what you asked for. So you can chill with the snark. Oh and you're welcome. 
    What are you talking about? How was I being snarky. I don't know what your problem is?
    me: "....girl please...."
    you: "well........girl.....my inlaws blah blah blah"

    That is snark. 
    That's just me.........talking and responding to you. 
    It was snarky, period. And snark is fine, but at least shout out a thank you for the 6 ideas I gave you. Instead you're like "well my inlaws...blah blah blah" (aka, excuses). No one cares. You're an adult responsible for being polite, period. So now you have ideas which will help you do that. Again, you're welcome.
    I was making conversation about my wedding. Not sure why you have taken it as a personal slight.
  • You invited 345 people to this wedding. Did you really think you were going to be able to sit down and enjoy a relaxing meal? Girl please. Give yourselves 10 minutes to shovel food in your face (like many couples do - we did) and go be a good host. 

    Ideas for making this happen:
    - do a first look and take 90% of wedding photos beforehand. 
    - thank your wedding party, their SOs, and all of your family involved in photos while you're doing group photos, even make a point to say something special to this group. Maybe that will save you some table visiting time at the reception.
    - use cocktail hour to eat your dinner (arrange with caterer prior)
    - use the entire dinner time to do table visits
    - have a neutral 3rd party (who is assertive), like a wedding planner or venue coordinator move you from table to table. at 90 seconds, she's telling your wrap it up and move on
    - move toasts right before cake cutting so that you don't use precious, seated dinner time listening to speeches
    Well......Girl.......my inlaws are paying and are putting together the invite list. We have about 345 responses so far but the number of invited people is about 500. My FI is part indian. So a lot more people to see than 345, if everyo! Lol
    IDGAF what nationality you are or what your husband is. You're an adult who agreed to accept money that came with strings/hundreds of guests. You have other priorities (like food or not thanking people), pay for your wedding yourself and eat a 6 course meal prepared by your nutritionist with exactly the number of calories you need. lol Jesus.

    You came here asking for help. I gave you 6 solid ideas on how to help your situation, which is exactly what you asked for. So you can chill with the snark. Oh and you're welcome. 
    What are you talking about? How was I being snarky. I don't know what your problem is?
    me: "....girl please...."
    you: "well........girl.....my inlaws blah blah blah"

    That is snark. 
    That's just me.........talking and responding to you. 
    It was snarky, period. And snark is fine, but at least shout out a thank you for the 6 ideas I gave you. Instead you're like "well my inlaws...blah blah blah" (aka, excuses). No one cares. You're an adult responsible for being polite, period. So now you have ideas which will help you do that. Again, you're welcome.
    I was making conversation about my wedding. Not sure why you have taken it as a personal slight.
    Says the poster who took any sign of a disagreement as a personal slight.
    right? lol 

    Yea, she was called out as snarky and is back-peddling. So unnecessary.
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    kimmiinthemittenei34
  • 2 people isn't a lot of people.
    Uhhhh like ten people liked my post, haha. Anyway it doesn't matter if zero people agreed with me because I was expressing how your post came across to me. And I did so while also offering you advice and without calling you names sooooo... don't think I'm the rude one here.
    DrillSergeantCatMairePoppycowgirl8238ei34
  • For a large wedding, a table visits are the best way to go.

    Skip the meal...
  • At our wedding, we stayed behind at the church for pictures (we took the big groups pics first then sent the wedding party and parents ahead to the reception venue where cocktail hour was underway) then my husband and I did our couples shots.  I packed a cooler with food left over from our rehearsal open house the night before...it was mostly finger sandwiches and wraps..heavy appetizer type stuff, and some bottles of water.  We ate our "picnic" on the way to the reception venue (we had a driver).  We were able to make our table visits that way as we had eaten something before hand.  Our caterer had plates prepared for us so that we could eat when we wanted to at any point. After the toasts and the like, when our guests were having fun dancing, we slipped into the private room we had and ate our dinner fairly quickly (15 minutes I think) then we rejoined the party.  No one noticed our absence and we were able to greet every one of our guests, enjoy our dinner and have fun.
    short+sassySP29
  • So glad I saw this! I had no idea that you're supposed to do table visits! 

    Do you guys mind if I use this forum to ask my own question? 

    I planned on visiting with everyone at the reception to thank them for coming, you know like mingling. Is that okay? Or do I need to include a line or table visits? Is the goal just to talk to/visit with all of the guests, or does it need to be one of the above methods?

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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its

    So glad I saw this! I had no idea that you're supposed to do table visits! 

    Do you guys mind if I use this forum to ask my own question? 

    I planned on visiting with everyone at the reception to thank them for coming, you know like mingling. Is that okay? Or do I need to include a line or table visits? Is the goal just to talk to/visit with all of the guests, or does it need to be one of the above methods?

    Table visits and receiving line are the most efficient way of greeting every guest. If you have a method that will ensure that you thank every single guest for coming, that's fine. How will you keep track?
                       
    OliveOilsMomSP29
  • KnotYetTiedKnotYetTied member
    10 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited January 2017

    So glad I saw this! I had no idea that you're supposed to do table visits! 

    Do you guys mind if I use this forum to ask my own question? 

    I planned on visiting with everyone at the reception to thank them for coming, you know like mingling. Is that okay? Or do I need to include a line or table visits? Is the goal just to talk to/visit with all of the guests, or does it need to be one of the above methods?

    Table visits and receiving line are the most efficient way of greeting every guest. If you have a method that will ensure that you thank every single guest for coming, that's fine. How will you keep track?
    True, I guess I was just thinking I'd know in my head. We should have 100 guests or less (still ironing all that out), but though it'll probably be easier to remember who we visited with on my side, it may be difficult for me to remember on his side. And I know he won't remember for either side lol! Maybe a receiving line would be good for this small amount of guests? Then at the same time, I hate the idea of people "waiting in line" to talk to us.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • So glad I saw this! I had no idea that you're supposed to do table visits! 

    Do you guys mind if I use this forum to ask my own question? 

    I planned on visiting with everyone at the reception to thank them for coming, you know like mingling. Is that okay? Or do I need to include a line or table visits? Is the goal just to talk to/visit with all of the guests, or does it need to be one of the above methods?

    Table visits and receiving line are the most efficient way of greeting every guest. If you have a method that will ensure that you thank every single guest for coming, that's fine. How will you keep track?
    True, I guess I was just thinking I'd know in my head. We should have 100 guests or less (still ironing all that out), but though it'll probably be easier to remember who we visited with on my side, it may be difficult for me to remember on his side. And I know he won't remember for either side lol! Maybe a receiving line would be good for this small amount of guests? Then at the same time, I hate the idea of people "waiting in line" to talk to us.
    If you only have a 100 people, it shouldn't take that long. We had about 175 and got through everyone in 20-30 minutes or so. The way to keep it shorter is to have the receiving line but just you and your FI - not your parents, siblings, and/or bridal party. The more people greeting, the longer it will take. 
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    cowgirl8238ILoveBeachMusicMairePoppySP29
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited January 2017

    So glad I saw this! I had no idea that you're supposed to do table visits! 

    Do you guys mind if I use this forum to ask my own question? 

    I planned on visiting with everyone at the reception to thank them for coming, you know like mingling. Is that okay? Or do I need to include a line or table visits? Is the goal just to talk to/visit with all of the guests, or does it need to be one of the above methods?

    Table visits and receiving line are the most efficient way of greeting every guest. If you have a method that will ensure that you thank every single guest for coming, that's fine. How will you keep track?
    True, I guess I was just thinking I'd know in my head. We should have 100 guests or less (still ironing all that out), but though it'll probably be easier to remember who we visited with on my side, it may be difficult for me to remember on his side. And I know he won't remember for either side lol! Maybe a receiving line would be good for this small amount of guests? Then at the same time, I hate the idea of people "waiting in line" to talk to us.
    I had about 150 or 160 guests and we did a receiving line at our reception venue once we arrived on site.  It was just us and our parents.

    We did our entrance, cut the cake, and then the DJ announced that we were doing a receiving line.  Our guests came in and out of line with their apps and drinks, the whole thing took about 20mins, maybe 30mins tops, and by that time the food stations for diner were set up and ready to go!

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    So glad I saw this! I had no idea that you're supposed to do table visits! 

    Do you guys mind if I use this forum to ask my own question? 

    I planned on visiting with everyone at the reception to thank them for coming, you know like mingling. Is that okay? Or do I need to include a line or table visits? Is the goal just to talk to/visit with all of the guests, or does it need to be one of the above methods?

    Table visits and receiving line are the most efficient way of greeting every guest. If you have a method that will ensure that you thank every single guest for coming, that's fine. How will you keep track?
    True, I guess I was just thinking I'd know in my head. We should have 100 guests or less (still ironing all that out), but though it'll probably be easier to remember who we visited with on my side, it may be difficult for me to remember on his side. And I know he won't remember for either side lol! Maybe a receiving line would be good for this small amount of guests? Then at the same time, I hate the idea of people "waiting in line" to talk to us.

    We had 100 guests as well.  We also did a sit down plated meal (3 courses - we finished all table visits within those courses).  We were always fed the course first.  We would eat quickly and then get up and go do some tables.  When we noticed our next course was on the sweetheart table, we would finish that table and go eat.  We were able to finish all of our tables throughout dinner.  We also would try to do it so we didn't interrupt any table who was actively eating or being served their course at the time.  We just started with my parents table (they paid for the reception) and went around the room until we finished.
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    So glad I saw this! I had no idea that you're supposed to do table visits! 

    Do you guys mind if I use this forum to ask my own question? 

    I planned on visiting with everyone at the reception to thank them for coming, you know like mingling. Is that okay? Or do I need to include a line or table visits? Is the goal just to talk to/visit with all of the guests, or does it need to be one of the above methods?

    Table visits and receiving line are the most efficient way of greeting every guest. If you have a method that will ensure that you thank every single guest for coming, that's fine. How will you keep track?
    True, I guess I was just thinking I'd know in my head. We should have 100 guests or less (still ironing all that out), but though it'll probably be easier to remember who we visited with on my side, it may be difficult for me to remember on his side. And I know he won't remember for either side lol! Maybe a receiving line would be good for this small amount of guests? Then at the same time, I hate the idea of people "waiting in line" to talk to us.
    Keep in mind that your wedding will be an emotional, busy, and fun day.   Something "structured" like table visits or a receiving line helps make sure you have made a concerted effort to thank everyone. 
    mollybarker11short+sassyOliveOilsMomSP29
  • OP, while this is an international board, most of us are not familiar with Indian weddings.  Are you having a traditional Indian wedding?  Are you having an American style wedding?  You need to decide.

    When someone comes on The Knot, we assume that you are asking about American/Canadian etiquette.  If you are not, then the cultural board might be a better place for your questions.  (I have Indian people in my family.  When my nieces get married, there might be some issues like this, too.)
    American etiquette says that you MUST greet every guest personally, no matter how many guests you have.  I do not know Indian etiquette, but if there are going to be non-Indian guests at your wedding, I can guarantee you that they will be offended if you do not take the trouble to greet each guest personally after your ceremony.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    MesmrEwecowgirl8238OliveOilsMomSP29
  • edited February 2017
    I'm the OP and I'm definitely going to implement some of the ideas into my wedding, so for all those who helped - Thanks! I'm doing a buffet and I will find a way to incorporate greetings into the dinner and the cocktail hour. I also have the evening part to say hello to people.  So I'll just try my best.

     @CMGragain I'm not American, but I was using the Knot to get a general idea about Western etiquette. It's interesting that you identify indian and american etiquette as different. I keep reading on TK that etiquette is univeral, but there clearly are differences between cultures. Etiquette is not just about being nice, it's the rules and social conventions that cultures use in order to be polite and respectful, which can differ between countries.
    CMGragainshort+sassyKnottie737c32aade6d0ff7
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited February 2017
    There are different customs in different countries.  It really helps us to know if you are coming from a culture outside of the US.
    Stick around.  We will be glad to help you.

    (My husbands BIL is from a Gujarati family, formerly from Uganda, now 100% American, except in traditions and a slight accent!  :)  They used traditional Indian wedding invitations, and my SIL wore a sari at the reception.)
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    MesmrEwe
  • CMGragain said:
    There are different customs in different countries.  It really helps us to know if you are coming from a culture outside of the US.
    Stick around.  We will be glad to help you.

    (My husbands BIL is from a Gujarati family, formerly from Uganda, now 100% American, except in traditions and a slight accent!  :)  They used traditional Indian wedding invitations, and my SIL wore a sari at the reception.)
    My FI is caribbean indian, so his culture is a bit different to traditional indian culture.
  • Prior to the ceremony make sure you've talked to and thanked all of your immediate family and bridal party.  The people helping you get ready and taking pre-ceremony pictures. I'd suggest doing a first look, then doing all the combined family and bridal party pictures together all before the ceremony so you have a chance to speak to all these people then, and don't need time after the ceremony. For a 345-person wedding I assume that might be at least 20-30 people, but I don't know your family.

    After the ceremony you can have the DOC bring you a few apps to wherever you are doing more pictures. Eat them quick and take your last few pics quick. Then you can join the cocktail hour after about 20 minutes. 

    That gives you 40 minutes to try to mingle and talk to people that aren't your immediate family and bridal party.

    When people take their seats for dinner, sit immediately and be served first, and eat your meal in 10-15 minutes. 

    For a wedding this size I'd expect the meal to be at least 90 minutes, so you'll have 75 minutes left to do your table visits, which gives you 2 minutes per table. Since you already saw a many people as possible during the cocktail hour you won't really need to speak to them at the tables, which will speed up the visits (even though you'll still be visiting every table). 

    I'd leave your dancing/party friends to last on the table visits, because if you run out of time you can more easily make sure to see them on the dance floor after the meal is over. 
    short+sassy
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Ro041 said:
    MandyMost said:
    For a wedding this size I'd expect the meal to be at least 90 minutes, so you'll have 75 minutes left to do your table visits, which gives you 2 minutes per table. Since you already saw a many people as possible during the cocktail hour you won't really need to speak to them at the tables, which will speed up the visits (even though you'll still be visiting every table). 

    I'd leave your dancing/party friends to last on the table visits, because if you run out of time you can more easily make sure to see them on the dance floor after the meal is over. 
    I would be careful about this -- can you imagine looking across a table and only speaking to 5 of them while ignoring the other 5 because you spoke to them at the cocktail hour?  How awkward for the guest who doesn't understand why you are pretending they aren't there.
    I don't think she means outright ignore them, just that the bride won't need to make specific, individual chit chat with them.  The bride should certainly include them in the conversation, though.

    But let's get real, table visit "conversations" aren't actual conversations, it's the same sort of talk that goes on in receiving lines- "So great to see you!  Thanks so much for coming!"  "Oh your dress is fantastic!" "Oh thanks!" Blah blah. . . then you move on.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    cupcait927charlotte989875MandyMostcowgirl8238
  • Ro041 said:
    MandyMost said:
    For a wedding this size I'd expect the meal to be at least 90 minutes, so you'll have 75 minutes left to do your table visits, which gives you 2 minutes per table. Since you already saw a many people as possible during the cocktail hour you won't really need to speak to them at the tables, which will speed up the visits (even though you'll still be visiting every table). 

    I'd leave your dancing/party friends to last on the table visits, because if you run out of time you can more easily make sure to see them on the dance floor after the meal is over. 
    I would be careful about this -- can you imagine looking across a table and only speaking to 5 of them while ignoring the other 5 because you spoke to them at the cocktail hour?  How awkward for the guest who doesn't understand why you are pretending they aren't there.
    I don't think she means outright ignore them, just that the bride won't need to make specific, individual chit chat with them.  The bride should certainly include them in the conversation, though.

    But let's get real, table visit "conversations" aren't actual conversations, it's the same sort of talk that goes on in receiving lines- "So great to see you!  Thanks so much for coming!"  "Oh your dress is fantastic!" "Oh thanks!" Blah blah. . . then you move on.
    Exactly, I wasn't suggesting you could blatantly ignore people you spoke to earlier. For instance, if someone you had an earlier conversation with is a few people away from where you are, you wouldn't have to go out of your way to go give them a hug. Including them in the conversation and giving them a hello and a smile is enough. But when you haven't seen people at all, it's customary to actually make an effort to speak to them more directly. And that takes time. 
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