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Wedding 911
Knottie1428773465
member
Ditch Wedding and Elope?
in Wedding 911
For a lot of personal reasons, my fiancé and I do not feel like our large wedding will really make either of us happy at this point. It seems more like a chore and something to please others! However, the wedding is at the end of May (4 months away) and save the dates were previously sent out. Is there an appropriate way to cancel and elope just the two of us? Does anyone have any experience with getting deposits back? If so, how did that go? Thanks in advance!
Re: Ditch Wedding and Elope?
Cancellation notices should be sent out immediately. Cards will do. No explanations should be included. If someone asks before you elope, you just say "Our plans have changed." The sooner you elope, the easier explanations will be.
Marriage announcements look just like wedding invitations, but they have less information. You do not explain why you chose to get married, or what the ceremony was like. No photos. You send these AFTER the ceremony.
Receiving a marriage announcement does not mean that someone should send you a gift. Card of congratulations are in order. This is just a formal and personal way of telling people that you are now married.
If you do choose to have a party later, no wedding traditions, no wedding dress. It will just be a party. You can share your photos from your honeymoon. Many members of my own family have eloped. Do remember that an elopement is secret until after it has taken place. If you tell people about your plans, then it is not an elopement, it is a private ceremony.
Presume the answer to your deposits is "read your contract before you signed it", chances are most of your deposits are gone depending on what your contracts say. That said, you hired these vendors to do a job, instead of getting yourself worked up over details - "Here's the budget, feed 300 guests, I like beef!" to your caterer. To your florist "Here's the budget, our wedding color is David's periwinkle, here's who I need flowers for", same for cake. Stop complicating this! People plan funerals using many of the same vendors on less than a week's notice, and in some cases three days. Decide and delegate. If people are annoying you telling you "You NEED/HAVE TO/etc. do (Detail)" - unless they're PAYING for this out of their pockets - use the fine art of "Bean Dip" and change the subject. Leave the room if you have to. If people are behaving like children the day-of it'll be on them, not reflective of you. Don't feed the drama beast.
There's more than what you posted obviously, but eloping isn't going to take the problems away, and it's likely going to be a large financial hit. If you haven't already, and this is something recommended for all couples, premarital counseling either through your church or with a Marriage and Family Counselor (it's surprisingly reasonable OOP). Whatever the issue is, is likely going to find its way into your marriage from time to time, it's far easier to address how to handle issues like this on the front end than it is after the wedding because right now you're setting the boundaries you need in place for the long haul. You'll thank yourself later whether you elope or have the large wedding by having invested into the marriage.
I can relate. My fiancé and I ended cancelling our May wedding. We had some family issues, and felt like things were done to appease other people; the wedding didn't feel like us and we were not looking forward to it. So we ended up deciding to elope.
I feel there is no good way to tell friends and family about your decision to cancel the wedding. Find a way that works for you an your fiancé, and hopefully the people who love you will understand and support your decision.
Best wishes!