Earn cash as you plan. Get a $20 gift card for every 200 points with The Knot Rewards
Wedding Reception Forum
Too Expensive for Guests?
We are planning a Sunday afternoon wedding in Duluth, MN in August 2017. All of our guests will be traveling either 2-3 hours by car from other parts of MN or flying in from around the country. It's essentially a destination wedding in my mind. The hotel rooms in the area range from $150 - $200 (this includes our wedding block). Some guests will be spending around $50 in gas to drive to the wedding and back the same day. Some guests will be spending $200 with gas and a hotel room. Others will be spending up to $1000 to fly in, potentially rent a car, and stay in a hotel.
My questions: Are we asking too much of people, financially? Should we expect a lower-than-average attendance rate? If we want 120 people in attendance, how many should we invite given our circumstances?
We aren't registered for gifts, but have put together a Honeyfund site in case people who can't afford the trip want to give us something toward our honeymoon. Maybe we shouldn't even do this.
Sara
My questions: Are we asking too much of people, financially? Should we expect a lower-than-average attendance rate? If we want 120 people in attendance, how many should we invite given our circumstances?
We aren't registered for gifts, but have put together a Honeyfund site in case people who can't afford the trip want to give us something toward our honeymoon. Maybe we shouldn't even do this.
Sara
Re: Too Expensive for Guests?
Don't invite people based on what you think your attendance rate will be. Invite the number of people you can afford to properly host.
And please don't have a honeyfund! Not only is it a total ripoff and a scam, they're incredibly tacky! If someone wants to give you a gift, they'll send you a check most likely.
1.) Where are most people based? Is it a fairly even spread all over the place, or are most people based around one or two cities? Destination weddings are hard, and if you choose to have one over a local, you have to accept that people you would have really loved to be there can't afford to go. However, if everyone is spread out all over, then there really is no way to have a 'local' wedding so that is just a fact of life.
2.) If you can host 120 people, you should only invite 120 people. There is no magic formula for how many people will decline. My sister had 100% attendance that involved travel to South Africa so you never know!
3.) The only thing I can 100% say for certain is YES, delete that honeyfund! They are really, really rude and tacky. Plus they scam your guests. They think they are buying you a nice dinner out, but they really are giving you cash, minus a fee. There are countless stories on here of people being upset, angry, hurt and frustrated about honeyfunds. If you don't want physical gifts, don't register! If someone wants to give a gift, no registry usually means to give cash.
Like Climbing said, I couldn't possibly know the financial circumstances of your guests.
ETA: I just saw it was a Sunday. Is there a reason for this other than expense? That is really inconvenient for a DW. Is there any way you could move this to a brunch reception so people could be home at a reasonable hour for work? I'd be more frustrated by having to take a day of holiday so the B&G could save money much more so than a hotel night.
If you want to host 120 people, you invite 120 people and accept that you will celebrate with whomever chooses to make that trip because you can't plan that x number (or percentage) of people will decline. You may be surprised by how many choose to be there, so you need to be prepared to host everyone you invite.
I agree with geebee in that the Sunday afternoon destination wedding is what might make it more difficult. It doesn't give people many options if they work a traditional schedule and need to be back at work Monday. Either they fly home Sunday night (which tends to be the most expensive time on a weekend to fly) or take Monday off. Not great choices in my opinion when you're asking your entire guest list to travel.
The fact is, there is a lot more travel these days. It was once common for a couple to have a wedding in their hometown and it be local for most of their guests. Today, many people move/live within and out of their country for jobs, new opportunities, a spouse, etc. etc. It's pretty hard to have a wedding that is local for all of your guests.
There is some variation on what people think a DW is; to me it's a place the couple chose because it's pretty without any other logistical factors. DH and I got married in our hometown, but we weren't living there at the time. It was a destination for us and many of our friends, but we chose it because both of our families still live in/near our hometown and this group would have the hardest/most expensive time traveling. DH and I are going to a wedding in Hawaii this summer- yes, a destination for us, but it's where the bride is from and her family still lives, so I don't really consider it a "destination wedding".
It's pretty hard to plan a wedding that is going to be local for everyone. You should consider your guests (i.e. is all of your family in one place, or is there a location that is in the middle of two places?), and I would always discuss with your VIPs. But at the end of the day, where you choose to have your wedding is your choice. It is up to your guests to decide if they can attend or not, and whether it is financially feasible. An invitation is not a summons- if they cannot afford to attend, they won't.
Yes- guests may decline a wedding because it involves travel and/or cost. But again, unless you have truly chosen a DW, you probably can't control this. You need to pick the location that works best for yourself and your FI and your VIPs. There is no way to know who will or will not attend and for what reason. You may be surprised at who attends- they may be the people coming from the farthest location. And you never know why someone may choose to decline- the cost, they can't get the time off work, or they have children who either they would need a sitter for or don't want them missing school.
None of us can say if the cost of hotels and travel is too much for your guests. $150-200 a night for a hotel IS a lot of money, but it seems a pretty average price for most cities. Your guests can also choose to find their own hotel or Air BnB.
You should only invite the number of guests you are prepared to host. Always plan for 100% attendance. You never know who will or will not attend, or who may change their mind last minute. You don't want to be stuck in a situation where your venue is over capacity because you over-invited. If you invite 120 guests and only 100 attend, then you've saved yourself money which you can put towards your honeymoon.
I agree that I think having your wedding on a Sunday (unless Monday is a holiday) is probably the most inconvenient thing for a number of guests who have to travel. If your wedding was a Saturday, the guests who need to fly can choose to either fly in Friday night or early Saturday morning and then fly out Monday. With your current plan, not only are you asking your guests to travel, you are now asking them to take Monday off work. With those who are driving, yes, they can drive in/out the same day, but if they have to work on Monday, I would expect them to leave early on Sunday evening to drive home at a reasonable hour; where as on a Saturday, they may choose to stay in a hotel for the night.
NO to the honeyfund. Gifts are never required, so making any mention of "no gifts!", even if it is of well- intention (because you know your guests are spending a lot of money on travel) is still inappropriate. Either create a small registry or have none at all. Guests will get the hint that you do not want things and likely give cash- but it is never appropriate to ask for cash (which is what a honeyfund does). Some people will only ever give a physical gift and thus will get you what they think you will like (if there is no registry). Otherwise, your guests don't need a registry to let them know cash is a good gift. If anyone asks, you can say, "Oh we don't really need anything, but we are saving up for our honeymoon".
What is the reason for the timing and location of your wedding?
Also a strong NO on the Honeyfund, for all of the reasons above.