Wedding Woes

Dad Refusing to Come to my Wedding

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Re: Dad Refusing to Come to my Wedding

  • OP, Do you ever discuss personal responsibility with your therapists?  All of the consequences that will come from your dad not being at your wedding will be caused by you, not him.  I agree that maybe you should seek someone else to speak to. 
    SP29
  • My dad bought a house last year and his SO moved into it. She wanted a picture wall with the "family." Pictures of she and my dad, her kids and her grand-kids are on the wall and throughout the house. My dad had pictures of he and I, and my mom, dad, and I. His SO would not let him put them up. 

    SO started going to my dads counseling sessions on her own accord. Now he doesn't have the one-on-one time with his therapist that he was getting and he doesn't want to upset his SO by asking her to let him have his alone time w/counselor.

    My dad was going to give me items from my parents house that he was putting up for sale. We talked about the things I'd like. One day he called and said he rented a storage unit and said the stuff is in there for me. I noticed some things weren't in there. Asked and was told his SO wanted them for "their house." these were things my mom picked out..a few she bought when she was sick so they were the last things she purchased that I thought would be nice to have to include some of her in my new home,

    My father and I decided to make sure we saw each other once a week for lunch or dinner. SO told my dad and a mutual friend she felt left out when he went out with me.

    Those are just a few things that come to mind. A lot of you are right, their relationship isn't my business...but when it directly affects my relationship with him, and it hurts, I take issue with it.

    On another note, it boggles my mind how downright nasty many of you have been. Sorry I seemed to have struck a nerve and pissed you off with my postings, but to be called a "troll" and a "twatwaffle" then be told how rude I'm being to my dad's SO is a bit hypocritical. It's pretty easy to judge and say mean things to a complete stranger when you're sitting behind a screen. I wonder how many of you have actual real friends and relationships that you don't have to log into. 
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited March 2017
    OP, do you even know what an internet Troll is?

    None of your story has anything to do with your refusing to invite your father's fiancee to your wedding.  This is inexcusably rude of you.  Try addressing that, without making excuses.


    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    SP29
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited March 2017
    elilik01 said:
    On another note, it boggles my mind how downright nasty many of you have been. Sorry I seemed to have struck a nerve and pissed you off with my postings, but to be called a "troll" and a "twatwaffle" then be told how rude I'm being to my dad's SO is a bit hypocritical. It's pretty easy to judge and say mean things to a complete stranger when you're sitting behind a screen. I wonder how many of you have actual real friends and relationships that you don't have to log into. 
    ...but, YOU ARE BEING RUDE TO YOUR DAD'S FIANCEE!!!!!!!!

    Why can't you accept this?  Is it so impossible for YOU to make a mistake?  Why does it have to be other people who make the mistakes?
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    SP29
  • ugh. OP, your wedding is not that important. Stop trying to make it a year of magical moments. Life is not a hallmark movie. Your feelings are valid and real but not an excuse for shitty behavior. You are not the first person to lose a parent before a major life event, try to handle it with some grace.

    This whole thing screams of an only child who never learned to share and isn't the single focus on dad's attention anymore so she is throwing a temper tantrum because bad attention is better than no attention. 
    Agreed!!! 

    We've validated that you can feel your feelings...but actions are a totally different thing. 

    So choose your choice, OP.  But if you refuse to invite your STB-stepmom and it is detrimental to your relationship with your dad...don't say we didn't warn you. 


    HeffalumpkimmiinthemittenInLoveInQueens
  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    All of these things you're mad about your dad's FI doing - he's allowed her to do! You've placed all the blame on her, and are now trying to punish both of them by banning her from your wedding. 

    I'm telling you - you will seriously regret this in the long run. 20 years from now, you'll wish you would have let yourself enjoy this time, instead of throwing out ultimatums, acting like a brat, and trying to force your dad to pick you over his new wife. 
    kimmiinthemittenInLoveInQueensSP29
  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    elilik01 said:
    My dad bought a house last year and his SO moved into it. She wanted a picture wall with the "family." Pictures of she and my dad, her kids and her grand-kids are on the wall and throughout the house. My dad had pictures of he and I, and my mom, dad, and I. His SO would not let him put them up. I can see where that would hurt your feelings, but you have kind of told her with your actions that you don't want her as your family. 

    SO started going to my dads counseling sessions on her own accord. Now he doesn't have the one-on-one time with his therapist that he was getting and he doesn't want to upset his SO by asking her to let him have his alone time w/counselor. That's messed up, but that's their business.

    My dad was going to give me items from my parents house that he was putting up for sale. We talked about the things I'd like. One day he called and said he rented a storage unit and said the stuff is in there for me. I noticed some things weren't in there. Asked and was told his SO wanted them for "their house." these were things my mom picked out..a few she bought when she was sick so they were the last things she purchased that I thought would be nice to have to include some of her in my new home, You put their house in quotes like you don't believe it's their home, but it is. He moved her in there, it's her home now. 

    My father and I decided to make sure we saw each other once a week for lunch or dinner. SO told my dad and a mutual friend she felt left out when he went out with me. Imagine you're new to the family and your SO's daughter is going out of her way to push you aside. You'd probably feel left out too. 

    Those are just a few things that come to mind. A lot of you are right, their relationship isn't my business...but when it directly affects my relationship with him, and it hurts, I take issue with it.

    On another note, it boggles my mind how downright nasty many of you have been. Sorry I seemed to have struck a nerve and pissed you off with my postings, but to be called a "troll" and a "twatwaffle" then be told how rude I'm being to my dad's SO is a bit hypocritical. It's pretty easy to judge and say mean things to a complete stranger when you're sitting behind a screen. I wonder how many of you have actual real friends and relationships that you don't have to log into. 
    I understand where you are. I lost my dad 15 years ago. My mom remarried 2 years after his death. She had only known him 3 months when they married and I had only met him twice. I was terrible to him (much like you are to your new step parent). I didn't want him around, I refused to treat him like part of the family, I barely acknowledged his existence. I still don't really like him, but he's not mine to have to like. On one hand I feel badly for how I treated him back then, but on the other he was pushing too hard. Is your dad's FI pushing too hard? I know with my step dad he pushed because he wanted me to accept him. 
    kimmiinthemitten
  • At my wedding this past September, the only people I looked at were the officiant and my H. I promise you won't be looking at people in the audience. We usually say don't memorialize someone at your wedding, but in this case it might not be a bad idea to place a flower on the first chair on the first row and have your father and his wife sit in seats 2 and 3. ALSO, unless you switch sides your "side" is behind you in which case you won't see her at all.


    I am glad to see someone else posted this. Had my wedding 3 days ago and only looked at the officiant and my H too. I had no idea where my parents sat.


    My venue could have been burning to the ground, with the fire trucks pulling in, sirens screaming, to put out the flames and I wouldn't have noticed!  I still remember the amount of tunnel vision I had walking down the aisle 2.5 years ago! 

    OP, all I want to add to this discussion is if everyone is telling you something is wrong it is probably wrong.  At the end of the day you are going to do whatever it is you decide to do, and it will have zero effects on our lives.  We will still go about our days and live our lives while you are dealing with whatever fallout you are creating.  The women here are blunt and sometimes come across as harsh but they all mean well.  There was a time I stayed off the boards I figured "eh I'm married now I don't need to hang out on a wedding site" but then I came back after a former friend treated me like crap.  Not to vent or bitch (well not entirely), but to prevent others from making the same mistakes.  To give people some perspective from my own experiences. 

    Personal info:  I spent a good portion of my 20s pissed at my parents.  I had a lot of hate and anger because they didn't listen to 5 year old me when I told them that grandpa touched me while I was sleeping...that they continued to bring me over to his house so he could babysit me and wait for me to "fall asleep".  It took years of self reflection and therapy to deal with that trauma.  I have a relationship with them now...its not great...but it's something.  The first step to that was understanding that people aren't always perfect and that sometimes the vision that you have in your head of what they are/should be doesn't equal reality.  That lesson took a long time to understand, but it made my life much easier once I accepted it.

  • *Barbie* said:
    why are people still feeding the troll?

    Duty Calls
    Awwwwwww Barrrrrbiiiiiieeee can't we keep her? Pretty please?  I'll feed her and walk her and disagree with her and throw lots of unpopular opinions at her.

    Please please please please?

    TrixieJesskimmiinthemittenMesmrEwe
  • Greenjinjo Greenjinjo New Zealand member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    At my wedding this past September, the only people I looked at were the officiant and my H. I promise you won't be looking at people in the audience. We usually say don't memorialize someone at your wedding, but in this case it might not be a bad idea to place a flower on the first chair on the first row and have your father and his wife sit in seats 2 and 3. ALSO, unless you switch sides your "side" is behind you in which case you won't see her at all.


    I am glad to see someone else posted this. Had my wedding 3 days ago and only looked at the officiant and my H too. I had no idea where my parents sat.


    SIAB 


    Likewise. I was focusing on looking at my now Husband. If I had looked elsewhere I probably would have started crying. I paid too much money to ruin my makeup that early on in the day. 

    Honestly OP,  I didn't spend that much time with my parents on my wedding day. Even though we only had 30 guests I tried to talk to each person for an equal amount of time. 
    How MANY guests will you be having on the day? You could easily get away with only exchanging a greeting. 
    short+sassy
  • *Barbie* said:
    *Barbie* said:
    why are people still feeding the troll?

    Duty Calls
    Awwwwwww Barrrrrbiiiiiieeee can't we keep her? Pretty please?  I'll feed her and walk her and disagree with her and throw lots of unpopular opinions at her.

    Please please please please?
    @drunkenwitch fine, but when she pees on the new rug, it's totally on you. 

    sparklepants41mrsconn23
  • you know it's going to happen. 
    Image result for rupaul gif pee
    MesmrEwe
  • At my wedding this past September, the only people I looked at were the officiant and my H. I promise you won't be looking at people in the audience. We usually say don't memorialize someone at your wedding, but in this case it might not be a bad idea to place a flower on the first chair on the first row and have your father and his wife sit in seats 2 and 3. ALSO, unless you switch sides your "side" is behind you in which case you won't see her at all.


    I am glad to see someone else posted this. Had my wedding 3 days ago and only looked at the officiant and my H too. I had no idea where my parents sat.


    SIAB 


    Likewise. I was focusing on looking at my now Husband. If I had looked elsewhere I probably would have started crying. I paid too much money to ruin my makeup that early on in the day. 

    Honestly OP,  I didn't spend that much time with my parents on my wedding day. Even though we only had 30 guests I tried to talk to each person for an equal amount of time. 
    How MANY guests will you be having on the day? You could easily get away with only exchanging a greeting. 
    That's a good point I hadn't thought of!  I was already spending a lot of time over the weekend of my wedding with my mom, SF, and a few other relatives who were staying with my mom or grandma.  I naturally gravitated toward spending time with the other guests who I was only going to see during the wedding reception.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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