Wedding Party

Maid of honor help!

Help! So, my maid of honor has been my best friend since high school. Recently, she lost her job, and took it really hard. I've been doing my best be supportive and understanding. My wedding is a month away, and now I've been going through a lot on top of, well, wedding planning (my mom is mentally ill, and it's just another layer of stress). I love my MOH dearly, by she's totally dissappeared- she hasn't planned anything she said she would, stopped answering phones calls or texts- and this is a time I really need her. 

I don't want to come off as a bridezilla, because I know she's got a lot on her plate, too; but if she can't handle the responsibility, can I nicely ask another one of the girls to step up and help these next few weeks? My future sister in law has pretty much taken over all her responsibilities, since she didn't plan the shower or Bachelorette party like she said she would, and I feel like she deserves to be recognized for that.

Re: Maid of honor help!

  • MOHs are not responsible for helping to plan your wedding. That's what your FI is for. If his/her help isn't enough even after you split the work 50/50, hire a wedding planner. If you can't afford it, cut DIY projects and things that don't matter - like decore and favors. That should lighten your load. 

    I'm sorry she said she'd help with certain things and isn't delivering now, but she's going through a really hard time. She's probably at one of the lowest points in her life right now.....and you're worried about how wedding projects are going to get done? Shame on you. Go be her friend. 
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    sparklepants41short+sassyInLoveInQueensSP29
  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Wait, your best friend from school lost her job (one of life's most stressful traumas) and is taking it really bad, and you are worried about getting enough attention and a party?! My advise is take a breath and reevaluate your priorities. Because if you keep acting like this, the problem of having friends seems like it will solve itself. 

    Recognise your sister in law by writing her a thank you note. 
    CMGragainInLoveInQueensSP29
  • Many brides do not get showers or bachelorette parties at all.  You are not entitled to them.  It is certainly NOT the MOH's responsibility  to plan them or to even be involved with them.

    Being a MOH is not a job.  It does not have "responsibilities", other than to show up on time, wearing the dress, sober, and to stand up next to you and hold your bouquet while you say your vows.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    SP29
  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing Alaska member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    If she volunteered to plan things and isn't, I think you have a right to be disappointed, but honestly, since she lost her job, I would completely understand. The key word there is volunteered. If she was told or asked or it was suggested in any way that she needed to plan these parties, then that was wrong of the suggestors.

    You should not ask anyone else to plan these parties. Bachelorettes and bridal showers are gifts that are offered. Other things you need help with, some people on here may disagree, but I'm ok with you calling up someone and asking for favors or help with a few things, because that's just a normal part of friendship. But, these should be somewhat small things that can be completed quickly and don't put a burden on anyone. They shouldn't be asked to help plan the wedding or take on a DIY project. 

    Yes, your future sister-in-law does deserve to be recognized for planning (I hope she offered and was not asked) the bridal shower and bachelorette, and the appropriate way to do that is to write her a nice thank you note and get her a hostess gift. 

    charlotte989875MesmrEwe
  • Whatever. I don't know what I expected anyone to even say- I clearly didn't explain it well enough. I don't care about the party's and shit. I literally don't want her to spend any money or do any thing but pick up her phone once and a while. That's all. At this point I don't even know if she's even coming to the wedding, since no one can get a hold of her. So yeah, am I pissed that she agreed to things a plan things, and then just dissappeared? But if she had been an adult and said hey, I lost my job and I can't handle it, I wouldn't have been upset. It's the fact that now, when I need a friend, she's just GONE that I'm irritated about. But clearly, people on these boards aren't allowed to complain or they get jumped on, instead of just a little sypmathy. Don't bother responding, I'm out.
  • peachy13peachy13 in my cubicle, doing very important work member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    Whatever. I don't know what I expected anyone to even say- I clearly didn't explain it well enough. I don't care about the party's and shit. I literally don't want her to spend any money or do any thing but pick up her phone once and a while. That's all. At this point I don't even know if she's even coming to the wedding, since no one can get a hold of her. So yeah, am I pissed that she agreed to things a plan things, and then just dissappeared? But if she had been an adult and said hey, I lost my job and I can't handle it, I wouldn't have been upset. It's the fact that now, when I need a friend, she's just GONE that I'm irritated about. But clearly, people on these boards aren't allowed to complain or they get jumped on, instead of just a little sypmathy. Don't bother responding, I'm out.
    jic
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers


  • Whatever. I don't know what I expected anyone to even say- I clearly didn't explain it well enough. I don't care about the party's and shit. I literally don't want her to spend any money or do any thing but pick up her phone once and a while. That's all. At this point I don't even know if she's even coming to the wedding, since no one can get a hold of her. So yeah, am I pissed that she agreed to things a plan things, and then just dissappeared? But if she had been an adult and said hey, I lost my job and I can't handle it, I wouldn't have been upset. It's the fact that now, when I need a friend, she's just GONE that I'm irritated about. But clearly, people on these boards aren't allowed to complain or they get jumped on, instead of just a little sypmathy. Don't bother responding, I'm out.

    levioosawmam35
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    Whatever. I don't know what I expected anyone to even say- I clearly didn't explain it well enough. I don't care about the party's and shit. I literally don't want her to spend any money or do any thing but pick up her phone once and a while. That's all. At this point I don't even know if she's even coming to the wedding, since no one can get a hold of her. So yeah, am I pissed that she agreed to things a plan things, and then just dissappeared? But if she had been an adult and said hey, I lost my job and I can't handle it, I wouldn't have been upset. It's the fact that now, when I need a friend, she's just GONE that I'm irritated about. But clearly, people on these boards aren't allowed to complain or they get jumped on, instead of just a little sypmathy. Don't bother responding, I'm out.
    No luck there.

    "When I need a friend" - because your wedding is just so important or super extra stressful? If so, you need a margarita. It's not that serious. I really doubt you need her to give you her time and attention. You just want more time and attention from people, and you think you're entitled to it particularly because you're getting married. If anyone truly needs a friend here, it's her - and maybe you really want to be that for her and can't because she won't pick up the phone, but I think I might have an idea why she wouldn't.

    Anniversary

    geebee908SP29short+sassy
  • justsiejustsie member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    OP- you have a friend. Right now he is also your FI and in a bit you will call him husband. How about you lean on him, and then make sure your other friend is okay. If my friend completely stopped talking to me I would be very worried that she was even ok. I'd be driving to her house. 
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    thefanciestbecklerSP29
  • Maybe she feels abandoned, feels depressed, etc?

    She lost her job.   That's a major financial event.   If she doesn't have savings maybe she's freaking out about money - or what she'll do - or finding a new job.

    Instead of focusing on what YOU NEED, why not say, "Hey, this is is just a party.   What can *I* do to HELP YOU?"

    It's amazing what happens when you treat a friend as....a friend. 
    Thenimage Nowimage
    sparklepants41SP29
  • Ro041Ro041 member
    500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments First Answer
    Also, I don't understand why so many people need support during a wedding. 

    You know who needs support? Someone that was just laid off or fired from their job. 
    I always think "am I doing this wrong?" because I don't need any support from anyone while planning my wedding.  I have FI and he is awesome (which is why i am marrying him).  But no - I don't need any of my friends to hold my hand or support me while I am planning a freakin' party.  I am an adult.  

    charlotte989875adk19SP29thisismynickname
  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    And I'm sure picking out which napkin fold or confetti colour is just as stressful as someone wondering if they can pay rent. You're so right to be cross that she hasn't dropped everything for you to help 'support' you during the stressful decisions of programme fonts and glitter metallacity. I mean, who has time to worry about defaulting on a mortgage or where there next meal is coming from when you are buried under the stress of blush, baby pink or peach ribbon options!
    InLoveInQueensshort+sassy
  • Ro041Ro041 member
    500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments First Answer
    @KnotRiley vendor 2 posts above. 

  • SP29SP29 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Help! So, my maid of honor has been my best friend since high school. Recently, she lost her job, and took it really hard. I've been doing my best be supportive and understanding. My wedding is a month away, and now I've been going through a lot on top of, well, wedding planning (my mom is mentally ill, and it's just another layer of stress). I love my MOH dearly, by she's totally dissappeared- she hasn't planned anything she said she would, stopped answering phones calls or texts- and this is a time I really need her. 

    I don't want to come off as a bridezilla, because I know she's got a lot on her plate, too; but if she can't handle the responsibility, can I nicely ask another one of the girls to step up and help these next few weeks? My future sister in law has pretty much taken over all her responsibilities, since she didn't plan the shower or Bachelorette party like she said she would, and I feel like she deserves to be recognized for that.
    Your words, not ours.

    Everything in your post is about you and your wedding and how your friend hasn't upheld her "responsibilities" (she has none).

    She needs you to be her friend, not the other way around. And if you haven't heard from here AT ALL- I'd be worried. Go find her.
    sparklepants41InLoveInQueensshort+sassy
  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited March 23
    OP - it's time to pick up the phone and invite her out for lunch and DO NOT talk one word about the wedding.  Or, make a detour on your way home and bring pizza and cupcakes..  PERIOD!  It's time to simply be a friend.  It's like peeling an onion, be concerned about your friend, not the wedding.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Maybe she's dodging your calls because she's sick and tired of you talking nonstop about your wedding and her "responsibilities". 

    MissKittyDangerInLoveInQueenssparklepants41
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