Gifts for parents when one set of parents has paid more?

Knottie3aaa2f5b89621cff

So my parents are being amazing and paying for the wedding. My FI's parents are contributing to a few things before and after the wedding (welcome reception for OOT guests, rehearsal dinner, etc.), but much less $$$.

I want, and I think it would be appropriate, to get my parents an extra-nice gift. So here are my questions:

(1) Do you agree? Or should I give both sets of parents the same?

(2) What should I get them?? I'm looking for something that goes above and beyond what we were going to get for both sets of parents (a personalized frame & handkerchief for moms & pocket knife for dads). It's tricky, because I think my parents would appreciate extra acknowledgement, but also would not want me to spend too much...

(3) *When* would I give it to them? On one hand, it would feel awkward to give it to them in front of FI's parents, but on the other hand, if we gave it to them in private, I don't want FI's parents to think we were hiding it from them when they found out...

Thanks!!!

redoryx

What would you do if one or neither set of parents contributed at all? 

(Hint: the correct answer is buy them a gift anyway.) 

The gift isn't about their financial contribution to your wedding. It's about thanking them for raising you and supporting you and all that other parent stuff they did. So get them equal level of gift. 

redoryx

Knottie3aaa2f5b89621cff said:

So my parents are being amazing and paying for the wedding. My FI's parents are contributing to a few things before and after the wedding (welcome reception for OOT guests, rehearsal dinner, etc.), but much less $$$.

I want, and I think it would be appropriate, to get my parents an extra-nice gift. So here are my questions:

(1) Do you agree? Or should I give both sets of parents the same?

(2) What should I get them?? I'm looking for something that goes above and beyond what we were going to get for both sets of parents (a personalized frame & handkerchief for moms & pocket knife for dads). It's tricky, because I think my parents would appreciate extra acknowledgement, but also would not want me to spend too much...

(3) *When* would I give it to them? On one hand, it would feel awkward to give it to them in front of FI's parents, but on the other hand, if we gave it to them in private, I don't want FI's parents to think we were hiding it from them when they found out...

Thanks!!!

JIC

kaos16

Silly me, I thought giving gifts to parents was a thank you for raising us to be decent human beings, for loving us and supporting us, etc. . . . . . not for how much money they spent on a party for us!

give them comparable gifts.  Heck, give them a hand written note of thanks.  They'll likely appreciate that.  Don't single out who spent more money. . . .tackiness!

OurWildKingdom

Oh FFS. Get them gifts they'll love, write heartfelt thank-you notes, and grow up. It's not a contest, and financial contributions do not equal more love.

ILoveBeachMusic

Give them gifts in private not in front of others. The gift is a thank you for being your parents and supporting you as other PPs have said. I have no idea what DD and SIL gave his parents. I don't know if his parents know what they did for us. I doesn't matter. The one thing I wanted was a framed picture.

ahoywedding

We spent roughly the same on each parent gift, and then roughly the same for each wedding party member. My parents spent significantly more on the wedding than his parents did, but they received comparable gifts. We gave the gifts to everyone before the rehearsal dinner. There was some time before other guests arrived. We tried to give the gifts at the end of the rehearsal since it was a little more private, but H's family left immediately after.

If you'll see any of those people earlier in the day the day before, or even a couple days before, that would be a good time. I've been to RDs where the bride & groom make a big deal out of giving gifts and that seems a little uncomfortable.

southernbelle0915

I agree with all posters above and we bought our parents equal "thanks for raising us" gifts.

However, my parents contributed a decent amount of money and H's parents did not. We bought my parents a separate "thank you for helping host" gift. Much like we would give a hostess gift for someone throwing a shower or other party. We gave this gift a couple of weeks before the wedding at a totally separate time (his folks were not around). 

OP, I see the difference you're trying to draw and agree that there is one. But these are separate gifts. You're equally grateful to each pair of parents for raising you and that's one gift (that should be equal). And you want to give your parents a "host/ess" type gift for helping make the party happen. I see no issue with that as long as you're clear about the purpose of the gifts and give them privately. 

greeninspring

Give each set of parents equal gifts. I agree that you could give an extra "host/hostess" gift to your parents if you wanted. I would do an experience type gift for that...fandango gift card, restaurant gift card, etc.