Bridal Shower - Invite List

Knottie935c88d6a00cf00d

Hey everyone, 

So my MOH sent out invites to my bridal shower last week which she graciously was excited to host and throw. Today, my future mother in law started asking my fiance who from his side of the family was invited, because she got her invite. My bridal shower list consists of my friends, my family, his mom, sister, aunts and a some of my fiance's female friends (who always invite us to their events like baby showers, etc). There are 40 people invited. What really irked me today is my fiance's mom started asking if certain people she knows were invited, well specifically speaking, my fiance's little sister is also getting married this summer and so his mom was wanting to know if I invited his sister's future in laws! I thought that was so strange! Mind you, I do know them and I am happy to invite them to our wedding but when I sat and thought about who I wanted to my shower it was my close friends, family, and his close family.
It's not to say that I would that I would want to exclude these people from my bridal shower, in fact I initially did think about inviting them, but I explained to my fiance that I made the list also keeping in mind that costs do add up per person as well and it is in a private home, so I also am trying to be mindful of numbers.

So, do I extend the list to include these 3-5 other people and make my future mother in law happy or just explain my reasonings? 

missfrodo

Knottie935c88d6a00cf00d said:

Hey everyone, 

So my MOH sent out invites to my bridal shower last week which she graciously was excited to host and throw. Today, my future mother in law started asking my fiance who from his side of the family was invited, because she got her invite. My bridal shower list consists of my friends, my family, his mom, sister, aunts and a some of my fiance's female friends (who always invite us to their events like baby showers, etc). There are 40 people invited. What really irked me today is my fiance's mom started asking if certain people she knows were invited, well specifically speaking, my fiance's little sister is also getting married this summer and so his mom was wanting to know if I invited his sister's future in laws! I thought that was so strange! Mind you, I do know them and I am happy to invite them to our wedding but when I sat and thought about who I wanted to my shower it was my close friends, family, and his close family.
It's not to say that I would that I would want to exclude these people from my bridal shower, in fact I initially did think about inviting them, but I explained to my fiance that I made the list also keeping in mind that costs do add up per person as well and it is in a private home, so I also am trying to be mindful of numbers.

So, do I extend the list to include these 3-5 other people and make my future mother in law happy or just explain my reasonings? 

You don't need to invite these other people, and you don't need to explain why to your FMIL--that will just give her the opening to argue back as to how/why they should be accommodated.  Have FI tell her, "The host is not able to accommodate any additional guests at the shower."  If you've planned on inviting these people to your wedding, he can reassure her of that when he tells her.  It's possible she was just curious about the guests--was this more of a question or a demand?

If you want to invite them because you really want them there, ask your MOH if she can handle the extra guests before inviting them.  

MobKaz

Your FMIL was being inappropriate. 

I would use the clear and concise verbage suggested by @missfrodo.  If FMIL is so concerned about additional guests, she is free to host a shower for friends and family from FI's side of the family.

FTR, not all guests invited to the wedding need to be invited to showers.  In our area, shower guests are typically limited to immediate family and close friends. 

I do disagree with the suggestion about asking the hostess to consider adding to the guest list.  It puts her in an uncomfortable and awkward position.  40 guests being hosted in a private home is already a fairly big number.

southernbelle0915

She might just be asking so that she knows who she can talk to about the shower. It doesn't sound like she's saying "these people need to be invited." Be careful what you are assuming here. 

But no, these people don't need to be invited. 

banana468

I was thinking exactly what @southernbelle0915  was thinking.

One of my oldest friends got married last year.   I asked her if my family was invited to the shower and wedding so I'd know whether or not I was speaking out of turn about the event itself.   Nothing would be so awkward as saying, "Hey Mom!   Do you want to carpool to the restaurant?" and having my mom look at me like I was drunk.

Don't read into it more than necessary.   If she asks why not, simply say that the budget only allowed for so many guests.

FWIW, this is why more and more people have multiple showers.  

STARMOON44

She's just asking. Tell her no. 

SP29

No, do not invite these additional guests.

Not every person needs to be invited to every event. It doesn't mean you don't like these people. In my circle, showers are a little more intimate- close friends and family.

I do agree with PPs who suggested maybe FMIL is just asking. And your FI can just tell her, "No, they aren't invited" and leave it at that. If FMIL THEN asks you to invite them, FI/you can say, "The host is unable to accommodate additional guests". Your FMIL does not get a say in the guest list. 40 people is already pretty large. I wouldn't ask your MOH if she can host more. You've already given her a guest list, she already has a budget.

Knottie935c88d6a00cf00d

Thanks all  agreed!