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Wedding Woes

Dogs Not Allowed On Bed

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Re: Dogs Not Allowed On Bed


  • Ro041 said:

    Here's the thing, the LW thinks that her view of whether pets should be in the bed should be respected over her boyfriend's.  My point is that neither party is "right."  I totally understand that not everyone agrees with me that pets' comfort should be considered along with humans.  The fact is that having dogs in the bed brings me great comfort - I sleep better, my depression is better, they comfort me, etc.  Don't I get a say as well?  

    The point of my post was not to suggest that anyone who disagrees with me is wrong - it's that both parties need to be up front about what their expectations are with the dogs and if they don't match, they need to decide if it is a deal breaker for them.  For many of you, it may not be.  For me, it is (was).  Which is cool because we can all set our expectations as long as we are honest about them and don't jerk our partner around.  


    I totally understand all of that and I know people who love sleeping with their pets for all the reasons you mentioned and others.  However, LW is being pushed out of the bed and/or forced to find a different sleeping arrangement because of the dogs.  And she's tried to ask her BF to find a better sleeping arrangement so she can sleep and he doesn't seem to care.  Frankly, I'd be pissed if my SO blew off those concerns.  

    And yes, she threw in there the 'nice furniture' comment and how her dog is trained not to get up on it.  They both need to find a spot to compromise.  Maybe they get a nice dog bed and the dogs sleep on it, but are allowed to snuggle on the couch.  I know people who've had entire couches or recliners that belong 'to the dog' and have trained their dogs that it's 'their spot'.  

    So there's a WIDE area of compromise here, but I think a human's sleep and comfort when sleeping should get the deference here. 
    MesmrEwePrettyGirlLost


  • scribe95 said:


    Out of curiosity, if these are older dogs who have always slept in the bed is there any amount of training that can reverse that? If I suddenly kicked my cats out of the bed I'm not sure how I would do that. I feel like once you train them one way to do a 180 is not as easy as it sounds.




    My dog was 4 when I tried to stop him from sleeping in my bed and it didn't work. As I mentioned in my earlier post, both H and I are happy with our dogs in our bed but last year my pup suffered a spinal cord injury and became paralyzed in his back legs and the vet recommended that sleeping on a firm mat on the floor might be more comfortable for him. We suffered through many sleepless nights where I cried myself to sleep or he cried/barked himself to sleep. He's back in the bed and we are all much happier. 
  • Side note, I love that leopard purse ^






  • Side note, I love that leopard purse ^





    I like that the Chihuahua has its pearls on.  Always a classy and elegant look, lol.


    Timeless look against the black ;) Stylish.
    short+sassy
  • Ro041Ro041 member
    Sixth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited May 2017
    We have a set of nice, expensive leather couches that we put blankets on so the dogs can jump on them.  We also foster (we have fostered over 65 dogs in our time) and still are able to have nice couches.  We have a baby gate that blocks the dogs from our living room when we aren't in there.  All of our dogs are allowed anywhere but we control it.  It teaches them manners and keeps our stuff nice, (at least I think it does).  

    ETA - we also have a nice king sized bed that has a water proof mattress cover so if the dogs make a mess, the mattress isn't destroyed.  

    PrettyGirlLost

  • Ro041 said:

    We have a set of nice, expensive leather couches that we put blankets on so the dogs can jump on them.  We also foster (we have fostered over 65 dogs in our time) and still are able to have nice couches.  We have a baby gate that blocks the dogs from our living room when we aren't in there.  All of our dogs are allowed anywhere but we control it.  It teaches them manners and keeps our stuff nice, (at least I think it does).  

    ETA - we also have a nice king sized bed that has a water proof mattress cover so if the dogs make a mess, the mattress isn't destroyed.  



    Dogs and furniture are nbd (to me)  But do you know the pets you really can't have nice furniture with?  Cats.  At least some cats.

    My dog hasn't done one bit of damage to any furniture.  My cat has clawed the corner of two different mattresses.  Both front corners of two different couches.  One corner of our current couch.  One corner of our recliner and a bit on the other side.

    Her favorite chair is completely ripped to shreds.  Most of the upholstery is clawed up.  That's the first piece of furniture I've seen her do more to than just ripping up the corners.  The wooden legs are all scratched up also.  She loves that chair and has quite adeptly taken it from us.  We throw a blanket on it to try and hide the ugliness, but that chair is all for you now, Nip.   

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • kahluakoalakahluakoala member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    edited May 2017
    Question to all you "My dogs are a dealbreaker" people - would you date someone mild allergies?

    I have mild allergies - even with hypoallergenic dogs they make me sneezy and my eyes are itchy. Like, I have a good friend who has a non hypoallergenic small dog who goes on the couches. If I lay my head down on her couch (which I've done since I've slept over) I feel like I can't breath. I like dogs and want to get one, but they will never be able to sleep in my bed. 

    I'm wondering if you would feel differently if it's like, a medical/health thing vs. just a preference? If the answer is "i wouldn't date someone with a dog allergy", that's fine, just curious if that is the case
    charlotte989875
  • @short+sassy  cats = little shits. Adorable, but little shits lol
    levioosashort+sassycowgirl8238ei34
  • Ro041Ro041 member
    Sixth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    @short+sassy - I can't do cats and that's one of the main reasons why!

    @KahluaKoala - It probs wouldn't matter to me.  Of course, I would probably find that out on the first or second date and be like, "Well damn.  We can be awesome friends though!"  I wouldn't ever be with someone for months and months to the point of almost moving in together and still be wavering on whether to kick the dogs off the furniture.  

    short+sassy

  • Ro041 said:

    @short+sassy - I can't do cats and that's one of the main reasons why!

    @KahluaKoala - It probs wouldn't matter to me.  Of course, I would probably find that out on the first or second date and be like, "Well damn.  We can be awesome friends though!"  I wouldn't ever be with someone for months and months to the point of almost moving in together and still be wavering on whether to kick the dogs off the furniture.  


    I feel like this is where the LW went wrong. I knew from the first time H stayed at my apartment (long before he was H) that he was highly allergic to my cat. It wasn't like it was a surprise. He'd take allergy meds anytime he came over. I knew, and he was super nice about it, that in the long run we'd have to work something out when we moved in together. But we also knew that we would both have to compromise. From the letter sounds like he isn't (granted it doesn't sound like she is either). 

    FTR: H developed a tolerance to her, we also bought a pet hair roomba, she gets to be on the couch, and he had to be super patient with the transition to keeping her out of the room, which involved a lot of scratching on the door and me frequently sleeping on the couch. 
    Ro041
  • bleve0821bleve0821 The Shire member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    @KahluaKoala, an allergy to pets would only be a deal breaker for me if my partner was unable to actually live in a house with a dog.  I can't imagine a lifetime without a pup of my (our) own.

    I'm sympathetic, though, to what you describe.  Hiccup loves to roll in the grass and compost piles, and there have been many a night in the spring time where I can't even sleep in the same room as her because of all the pollen in her fur.  It's the "I can never live with a dog" that would be a deal breaker.


    "And when they use our atoms to make new lives, they won’t just be able to take one, they’ll have to take two, one of you and one of me..."
    --Philip Pullman

    charlotte989875short+sassysparklepants41


  • @KahluaKoala, an allergy to pets would only be a deal breaker for me if my partner was unable to actually live in a house with a dog.  I can't imagine a lifetime without a pup of my (our) own.

    I'm sympathetic, though, to what you describe.  Hiccup loves to roll in the grass and compost piles, and there have been many a night in the spring time where I can't even sleep in the same room as her because of all the pollen in her fur.  It's the "I can never live with a dog" that would be a deal breaker.


    Exactly. This would have been a deal breaker for me, too. 


  • Question to all you "My dogs are a dealbreaker" people - would you date someone mild allergies?

    I have mild allergies - even with hypoallergenic dogs they make me sneezy and my eyes are itchy. Like, I have a good friend who has a non hypoallergenic small dog who goes on the couches. If I lay my head down on her couch (which I've done since I've slept over) I feel like I can't breath. I like dogs and want to get one, but they will never be able to sleep in my bed. 

    I'm wondering if you would feel differently if it's like, a medical/health thing vs. just a preference? If the answer is "i wouldn't date someone with a dog allergy", that's fine, just curious if that is the case


    I'm allergic to cats and still own them. Constant exposure actually helps.
    I grew up with cats - unknowing one was hypo-allergenic and other was such a short hair he didn't create enough dander - and found out when I got Angel that I was allergic. Itchy, watery eyes, etc.

    After having him 11yrs, I only react if her rubs his face on me {ie; eye goobers, saliva, etc} or when Penny decides to run full tilt into my leg. Even then, as long as I clean the area it's fine.


    My arguement would be as long as the person doesn't have breathing {or other serious medical} issues around my pets, there shouldn't be an issue.
  • kahluakoalakahluakoala member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    edited May 2017










    @KahluaKoala, an allergy to pets would only be a deal breaker for me if my partner was unable to actually live in a house with a dog.  I can't imagine a lifetime without a pup of my (our) own.

    I'm sympathetic, though, to what you describe.  Hiccup loves to roll in the grass and compost piles, and there have been many a night in the spring time where I can't even sleep in the same room as her because of all the pollen in her fur.  It's the "I can never live with a dog" that would be a deal breaker.






    Exactly. This would have been a deal breaker for me, too. 





    I think this is totally fair. I mean, not wanting to have children would be a dealbreaker for me. I can see how wanting to have pets or not can have similar implications of basic incompatibility of lifestyle. I wouldn't think that person was a bad person, but I wouldn't get serious with them either.

    I can live with a dog in the house, but it probably has to be hypoallergenic (definitely a compromise on breed preference) and it probably can never sleep in my bed. BF really wants a dog and FWIW I think "I can never live with a dog" might have been a dealbreaker for him too. We're planning to get one this year and he understands that we have to go with a hypoallergenic breed and we'll probably want to foster-to-adopt to make sure I can handle it.
    charlotte989875
  • i've developed an allergy to the dogs over time, and it seems like i have more issues with our bullmastiff than our puggle. i found out (officially) about the allergy when the bullmastiff was 6mo old. (she's 2, now.)

    I love the dogs and i wouldn't get rid of them for the world, but depending on how things go, we may not get any more in the future. (Depends on how the reaction goes over time - right now, as long as i wash my hands and face after hardcore playing with them, i'm usually ok.) 

    I wouldn't hold an allergy against a potential partner - especially if they were open to having other types of pets. 

    My cat allergy is worse, but I really am not a fan of cats, so wouldn't own one, ever. DK feels the same way re: cats. I couldn't have dated/married a cat person - that would have been a deal breaker. 
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    SO is allergic to cats.  But he loves cats. He's the reason we got a cat.  I love Kitten (okay, I'm obsessed with her), but I would have been okay without another cat. I would never get rid of her now though. Most of the time he is okay, but if her fur gets in his face or if he pets her too much he starts to sneeze uncontrollably and his eyes water like crazy.  For me personally, no pets wouldn't have been a deal breaker. But I also haven't had a personal pet for nearly ten years.  It would be a different story if I already had Kitten and a guy was like "um, you have to get rid of her." 

    My BFF just had a baby.  Turns out the baby is really allergic to pets (which is sad and tragically ironic because BFF has had every animal under the sun before and planned to have fun raising them with her kids too).  She had a dog that was like her baby.  She broke up with guys before because they didn't like her dog or wouldn't let him sleep in their bed.  But the second she realized it was the pet dander making her kid so sick, the dog went to her parents.  She still loves him, of course, but she wouldn't keep her kid sick so she could be around the dog too. 


    image












  • @KahluaKoala, an allergy to pets would only be a deal breaker for me if my partner was unable to actually live in a house with a dog.  I can't imagine a lifetime without a pup of my (our) own.

    I'm sympathetic, though, to what you describe.  Hiccup loves to roll in the grass and compost piles, and there have been many a night in the spring time where I can't even sleep in the same room as her because of all the pollen in her fur.  It's the "I can never live with a dog" that would be a deal breaker.






    Exactly. This would have been a deal breaker for me, too. 





    I think this is totally fair. I mean, not wanting to have children would be a dealbreaker for me. I can see how wanting to have pets or not can have similar implications of basic incompatibility of lifestyle.

    I can live with a dog in the house, but it probably has to be hypoallergenic (definitely a compromise on breed preference) and it probably can never sleep in my bed. BF really wants a dog and FWIW I think "I can never live with a dog" might have been a dealbreaker for him too. We're planning to get one this year and he understands that we have to go with a hypoallergenic breed and we'll probably want to foster-to-adopt to make sure I can handle it.


    And this would totally be reasonable to me. Hypoallergenic (or short hair v. long fur), restrict certain spaces, foster first to see if it works; all totally reasonable compromises. The life incompatibility would be pets, but it would also be the unwillingness to find other solutions or compromises if pets are important to the other person.

    H also never made any ultimatums when it came to Charlotte. I still joke she's been in my life a lot longer than he has. 
  • When I started dating the husband, his two dogs weren't allowed on the bed or the furniture, while my dog slept with me and took up an entire couch if he damn well pleased. H was adamant about no dogs in bed because germs or whatever (but cats are fine, wtf) and three good sized dogs on a queen size bed made no sense, so we compromised. Dogs allowed on the furniture, but not the bed. It took some doing, but my dog eventually adjusted and just started sleeping on the couch. 
  • I'd leave it up to the person w/the allergies, but giving the dogs up or never having pets again would be a dealbreaker.  I'm used to having to make concessions on how to deal with the allergies b/c I'm allergic to cats and exH wanted them badly.  Hardwood floors, baths, mild medication, limiting contact, all those things I'm fine with.  But if someone had a really severe reaction and couldn't handle it, I'd have to stop seeing them.  If I didn't have animals when I did start seeing them, I'd have to assess the level of relationship.  I really can't see myself sans pets for the rest of my life when Z&B are gone.
    charlotte989875cowgirl8238PrettyGirlLost






  • Question to all you "My dogs are a dealbreaker" people - would you date someone mild allergies?

    I have mild allergies - even with hypoallergenic dogs they make me sneezy and my eyes are itchy. Like, I have a good friend who has a non hypoallergenic small dog who goes on the couches. If I lay my head down on her couch (which I've done since I've slept over) I feel like I can't breath. I like dogs and want to get one, but they will never be able to sleep in my bed. 

    I'm wondering if you would feel differently if it's like, a medical/health thing vs. just a preference? If the answer is "i wouldn't date someone with a dog allergy", that's fine, just curious if that is the case




    I'm allergic to cats and still own them. Constant exposure actually helps.
    I grew up with cats - unknowing one was hypo-allergenic and other was such a short hair he didn't create enough dander - and found out when I got Angel that I was allergic. Itchy, watery eyes, etc.

    After having him 11yrs, I only react if her rubs his face on me {ie; eye goobers, saliva, etc} or when Penny decides to run full tilt into my leg. Even then, as long as I clean the area it's fine.


    My arguement would be as long as the person doesn't have breathing {or other serious medical} issues around my pets, there shouldn't be an issue.


    I had a mild allergy to cats growing up.  My H, though he was my b/f at the time, wanted to adopt a cat.  I told him about my allergies, but was okay trying it out.  The other thing about my allergies was they only affected me if I was petting a cat.

    I resigned myself to the fact that we might be getting a cat that I couldn't snuggle, or even pet, without it making my eyes puffy and itchy.

    At the time, our little Nip girl was only a 4-month old kitten.  So any plans to not cuddle her a million times a day went right out the window.  For the first two weeks, I still had allergies, but they were better than when I was a kid.  After that, they fortunately just totally disappeared.

    I've heard that people who have cat allergies, are usually not allergic to the fur, they're allergic to something in a cat's saliva.  But, of course with cats being self groomers, their saliva is all over their fur.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker












  • Question to all you "My dogs are a dealbreaker" people - would you date someone mild allergies?

    I have mild allergies - even with hypoallergenic dogs they make me sneezy and my eyes are itchy. Like, I have a good friend who has a non hypoallergenic small dog who goes on the couches. If I lay my head down on her couch (which I've done since I've slept over) I feel like I can't breath. I like dogs and want to get one, but they will never be able to sleep in my bed. 

    I'm wondering if you would feel differently if it's like, a medical/health thing vs. just a preference? If the answer is "i wouldn't date someone with a dog allergy", that's fine, just curious if that is the case






    I'm allergic to cats and still own them. Constant exposure actually helps.
    I grew up with cats - unknowing one was hypo-allergenic and other was such a short hair he didn't create enough dander - and found out when I got Angel that I was allergic. Itchy, watery eyes, etc.

    After having him 11yrs, I only react if her rubs his face on me {ie; eye goobers, saliva, etc} or when Penny decides to run full tilt into my leg. Even then, as long as I clean the area it's fine.


    My arguement would be as long as the person doesn't have breathing {or other serious medical} issues around my pets, there shouldn't be an issue.




    I had a mild allergy to cats growing up.  My H, though he was my b/f at the time, wanted to adopt a cat.  I told him about my allergies, but was okay trying it out.  The other thing about my allergies was they only affected me if I was petting a cat.

    I resigned myself to the fact that we might be getting a cat that I couldn't snuggle, or even pet, without it making my eyes puffy and itchy.

    At the time, our little Nip girl was only a 4-month old kitten.  So any plans to not cuddle her a million times a day went right out the window.  For the first two weeks, I still had allergies, but they were better than when I was a kid.  After that, they fortunately just totally disappeared.

    I've heard that people who have cat allergies, are usually not allergic to the fur, they're allergic to something in a cat's saliva.  But, of course with cats being self groomers, their saliva is all over their fur.



    Depends on the cat apparently! Angel use to give me same reaction - red, puffy, itchy eyes - but allergies can change. Now it's saliva, so I guess that's better. {hives > itchy eyes}
    Side note: Angel knows that rubbing his face/eyes on me will get me out of bed very quickly lmao
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers





    Ro041 said:


    We have a set of nice, expensive leather couches that we put blankets on so the dogs can jump on them.  We also foster (we have fostered over 65 dogs in our time) and still are able to have nice couches.  We have a baby gate that blocks the dogs from our living room when we aren't in there.  All of our dogs are allowed anywhere but we control it.  It teaches them manners and keeps our stuff nice, (at least I think it does).  

    ETA - we also have a nice king sized bed that has a water proof mattress cover so if the dogs make a mess, the mattress isn't destroyed.  





    Dogs and furniture are nbd (to me)  But do you know the pets you really can't have nice furniture with?  Cats.  At least some cats.

    My dog hasn't done one bit of damage to any furniture.  My cat has clawed the corner of two different mattresses.  Both front corners of two different couches.  One corner of our current couch.  One corner of our recliner and a bit on the other side.

    Her favorite chair is completely ripped to shreds.  Most of the upholstery is clawed up.  That's the first piece of furniture I've seen her do more to than just ripping up the corners.  The wooden legs are all scratched up also.  She loves that chair and has quite adeptly taken it from us.  We throw a blanket on it to try and hide the ugliness, but that chair is all for you now, Nip.   



    STUCK IN THE BOX 

    Yes, this is so very true about cats. I bought a couch and a love seat in 2009. Adopted my pit mix in 2010. I always kept blankets on the couches, and they were in pristine condition. Last year, I bought new couches, and gave the old ones to my brother, who has 2 cats. The formerly pristine couches are fucking ripped to SHREDS. I was over his house this weekend, and it killed me to see the couches like that. They have torn apart all the arms/edges of both the couch and love seat and they look like utter shit. So yes, his cats have done way more damage than my pit has ever done. I'm also lucky in the sense that my dog has never even so much chewed on a shoe or a sock. 

    An allergy would have been a deal breaker for me. If someone I went out on a date with had an allergy to dogs, I wouldn't consider moving forward. My dog is my dog until she dies. That's it. It's non-negotiable. In the same sense, I'm actually very allergic to cats, so I would never date someone that had a cat. 

    short+sassysparklepants41PrettyGirlLost



  • Yes, this is so very true about cats. I bought a couch and a love seat in 2009. Adopted my pit mix in 2010. I always kept blankets on the couches, and they were in pristine condition. Last year, I bought new couches, and gave the old ones to my brother, who has 2 cats. The formerly pristine couches are fucking ripped to SHREDS. I was over his house this weekend, and it killed me to see the couches like that. They have torn apart all the arms/edges of both the couch and love seat and they look like utter shit. So yes, his cats have done way more damage than my pit has ever done. I'm also lucky in the sense that my dog has never even so much chewed on a shoe or a sock. 

    An allergy would have been a deal breaker for me. If someone I went out on a date with had an allergy to dogs, I wouldn't consider moving forward. My dog is my dog until she dies. That's it. It's non-negotiable. In the same sense, I'm actually very allergic to cats, so I would never date someone that had a cat


    My experience with our two cats is very different regarding the furniture.  Firstly my DH and I clip their nails about once every other week to keep them from being so sharp, this significantly reduces the "ripping power" without going the full on (and inhumane IMO) declawing route.  But we also provide a few different places and planes where the cats can claw.  (Two vertical towers, one on an angle and two horizontal scratchers spread across each floor in our home).

    I have also had success with stopping the furniture clawing as our one cat liked to scratch for attention on the back of our couch.  First, we didn't reward the behavior or even say his name, just made a sharp and sudden "no" whenever he clawed.  Secondly we placed a scratching post right next to the spot and praised him whenever he used that instead.  Within a week he had transitioned to scratching the post only.  Then we moved the post over to a more convenient and appealing space (still in the living room) and he hasn't scratched the couch once in the past 6 months.  So it is possible!  But with that said, every cat is different...and some are more adapt to training then others.  It is also much easier (in my experience) to break habits right away versus changing something they have done for years. 

    One of my neighbors complains that her cat scratches the couch, and I've been over her house.  Thing is, there is no place for the cat to scratch!  I am a firm believer that you have to provide the proper environment for your pets, and it seems to me that many pet owners (cats specifically for some reason) want to have a cat but no cat furniture...that's like wanting to keep fish but not wanting a fish tank?? Like how is that supposed to work?  My family had a puppy growing up that chewed on everything.  She chewed wooden table tops, furniture legs, you name it.  She even chewed the bottle that contained the bitter apple that was supposed to stop the chewing.  That dog was far more destructive to the house than both of our cats.


    At the end of the day, I love my animals but human comfort comes first.  If we have guests over, their room is cleaned top to bottom to remove the cat hair/dander and the door is kept shut.  The cats are allowed on the couch, but not the tables, or counters.  We do our best to keep them somewhat controlled but cats are bit more "I do what I want" than some other pets.  Personally, I don't think I could live with someone who would never want pets, much like I wouldn't marry someone who didn't have similar life goals.

    PrettyGirlLost
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    My brother clips his cats' nails and has many scratching posts located all over his condo. They still have destroyed furniture. They are assholes. 

    MissKittyDanger


  • My brother clips his cats' nails and has many scratching posts located all over his condo. They still have destroyed furniture. They are assholes. 



    Oh yeah, no doubt about it that not all cats are the same...I just get frustrated with the people that go my cat scratches but I don't want to buy "ugly cat furniture" so I'll just bitch instead!  Like I said, all cats are different and in my personal experience with pets so far my old family dog has been the most destructive one.  And yes, even I consider my cats assholes; adorable, lovable assholes.

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