Asking guests to wear bright colours?

[Deleted User]

My FI wants to add to the bottom of the wedding invite:

'Dress code: Please wear whatever feels comfortable, but in order to celebrate our multicultural wedding, wearing bright colours is encouraged!'

Rude or not?

artbyallie

Kimora_Blax said:

My FI wants to add to the bottom of the wedding invite:

'Dress code: Please wear whatever feels comfortable, but in order to celebrate our multicultural wedding, wearing bright colours is encouraged!'

Rude or not?

Rude. You absolutely cannot tell people what to wear.

downtondiva

Rude. The only time it's acceptable to put a dress code on the invite is if it's black tie, and even that should be a lot more subtle than what you are suggesting. You can't tell guests what color(s) to wear to your wedding.

MobKaz

Rude and unnecessary.   Not only are you dictating attire, you are forcing guests to make a purchase if they have nothing in their wardrobe that qualifies as brightly colored. 

I own nothing brightly colored even on a casual level, let alone wedding appropriate. 

If you want bright colors, why not offer every guest some type of wand with brightly colored ribbons attached to it. 

[Deleted User]

Would using the word 'encouraged' show that the dress code is not mandatory?

LondonLisa

Kimora_Blax said:

Would using the word 'encouraged' show that the dress code is not mandatory?

I mean, its a wedding, so people are going to wear bright colours anyway. Especially if it is an Afro-Carribean/Indian wedding (I think you mentioned previously that was what it was).

Think about it this way: if I invited you to dinner and said 'you are encouraged to bring wine' technically it isn't mandatory, but it is a fairly clear instruction. And you would think that was rather demanding.

Do you really think people are going to dress in sombre colours for your wedding? If you want photos with bright colours, you should pay for those ribbons on sticks, bright confetti, and decorations. You shouldn't ask people to wear certain attire. 

southernbelle0915

Kimora_Blax said:

Would using the word 'encouraged' show that the dress code is not mandatory?

Putting anything about what to wear on an invitation is against etiquette. 

STARMOON44

Absolutely not. Completely unacceptable. People are not props you can dress up. 

mollybarker11

It is rude to indicate a dress code on an invitation unless it's a black-tie event.

There are many ways to indicate that your event will be bright & colourful, which will encourage guests to dress in a similar manner if they want to. If your invitation suite has colours, make them bright & bold instead of soft pastels. Ditto if you have a website. If people ask about your planning, you can share some elements of the decor that convey how lively & festive the venue will feel. I assume most guests know you/your FI well enough to sense the types of parties you like to throw, but if they don't this will show them it won't be a subdued wedding.

The key here is that the above just hints to guests who like to wear bright clothing that they don't need to tone it down, but those who don't like to wear bright colours won't feel like it's expected of them.

charlotte989875

Unless here is a dress code dictated by the venue or event-type (I.e. Black tie) you should not dictate, encourage, or suggest what your guests wear. It's rude, and a little insulting. Also many people will ignore it. 

I went to a wedding that explicitly asked for formal attire (even though invites would not have led me to think it was a formal wedding) and even though t was listed on the invite, website, and church program there were many people not dressed formally. People will wear what they have. 

Heffalump

Kimora_Blax said:

Would using the word 'encouraged' show that the dress code is not mandatory?

Unless you are going to throw people out of your wedding over the color of their clothing (seriously??), it's not mandatory, regardless.  Which makes putting this line on your invitations unnecessary, not to mention poor etiquette. 

If people ask, you can mention it.  My brother is getting married in a few weeks (squee!) and when I was asking him about wedding stuff, he mentioned that I could wear traditional Pakistani formalwear, as several of the bride's friends were planning to do.  (His bride is British of Pakistani parents; we are American.)  If people ask, there is nothing wrong with saying "We expect that a lot of our guests will wear bright, festive colors, which is traditional for us" (or whatever), but it's poor hosting to make this request outright, let along print it on your invitations.

Save your mental energy for issues that matter, not whether your guests' clothing is bright enough.  They can wear whatever they like.

banana468

Leave it alone.   Those who wanted to wear bright colors will.   Those who wouldn't will roll their eyes at this at best.

ahoywedding

"Encouraged" is one of those words commonly used to make a requirement seem more polite. Think about if you got an invite for a wedding that said "Guests are strongly encouraged to wear pirate attire." You would still probably try to find something, right? These are your friends and they're asking so nicely!

Same goes for your guests. Personally, I LOVE bright colors and have a ton of things that would work, but you kind of put people in a weird spot. They maybe have to wear something they don't particularly feel comfortable in, maybe they have to buy something new, and if they don't wear bright colors, they're going to stick out and probably feel like an ass.

The only time dress code is okay is when it's dictated by the venue (like a country club saying no jeans, men have to wear jackets, etc) or if the event truly is black tie. 

southernbelle0915

I'll also note that, a couple of years ago, I was one of only a handful of white people invited to a 400 person Sikh wedding. I was out of the loop culturally and didn't know what to wear. A few questions and a little googling let me know bright colors were encouraged. 

They didn't need to put it on their invitations, even for a cultural outsider like me. Your guests can dress themselves.

climbingsingle

Rude. You should never say anything about your guests' attired. 

aurianna

Kimora_Blax said:

Would using the word 'encouraged' show that the dress code is not mandatory?

Just leave it out. You might have a few guests who didn't realize bright colors were appropriate and would be glad for the notice. However you will have way more guests who:

• Already knew and don't need the hint (and might even be annoyed you thought they were too dumb to figure it out)
• Don't own/like anything bright colored but now feel compelled to possibly spend money on and wear something they don't feel comfortable/attractive in.
• Don't own/like anything bright, and then can't afford anything new / can't find something they like enough and then go to the wedding and feel awkward because they "disappointed" the couple somehow (also it might have them think other guests are judging them for not following "the encouragement").
• The people that are going to wear what they want regardless of your note but now you've annoyed.

It's not worth annoying (and possibly really putting out) the bulk of your guests.

levioosa

Rude, for all the reasons PPs have mentioned. 

CMGragain

Terribly RUDE!

ei34

In my family (and among friends) a lot of us like to wear black.  A lot. Especially black dresses to formal events like weddings. If I saw your proposed line id think "ugh do I have to go buy something bright colored? Will they think I look somber?" 
Personal story- I asked my BMs to pick their dress color and it was unanimously black- a good 80% of our wedding guests wore black, and it was an incredibly lively, fun, high energy wedding.  Guests aren't props and their clothing won't impact the vibe of your wedding.   

MesmrEwe

DO NOT put this on your invite - besides rude, it looks tacky (i.e. asking your guests to be props)..  INSTEAD - you both have the "Chatty Cathy/Calvin" in your families - tell them to spread the word that if people can to dress in bright colors you'd be overjoyed if they did on your wedding day.  That's your best way to do it without coming off as rude toward your guests, this isn't mandatory dress code because you're not likely at a venue that requires Black/White Tie and/or attire (i.e. collared shirts, etc.), only a request if they are able to.