Ushers & Program Attendant - Do They Get Introduced at the Reception?

Knottie1448293483

Hello lovelies!  I have been looking for an answer to this question for a few days now and can't seem to find any good references anywhere online. So here's the situation: in my wedding this upcoming fall (October - yay!), we will have 4 bridesmaids and 4 groomsmen. Easy, right? Yes. BUT, we're also including my two male cousins as ushers and my female cousin as a program attendant, separate from the 4 groomsmen and 4 bridesmaids. They will be dressed like the wedding party; the ushers will have the same tuxes as the groomsmen, they just will only wear the vest (no jacket), and the program attendant has the same color dress as the bridesmaids but in a different neckline style. 

Here's my issue: My mom thinks that since the ushers & program attendant are dressed like the wedding party, they should be introduced into the reception like the rest of the wedding party.  Side note: they are recognized in our wedding program - they are included on the list as the "wedding attendants" under the bridesmaids and groomsmen. My fiance and I think it's a bit odd to announce them, not because we dislike them (they are my only cousins - we are both very fond of them), but because we've never seen anyone else do that, especially since ushers are traditionally doubling as groomsmen. Can I get some opinions here? As well as some advice on how to navigate either side of the argument when we do make the decision (aka how to tell my fiance that we are announcing them/how to tell my mom we aren't - both are very stubborn people ). Thanks in advance! 

geebee908

LauraKBH said:

Hello lovelies!  I have been looking for an answer to this question for a few days now and can't seem to find any good references anywhere online. So here's the situation: in my wedding this upcoming fall (October - yay!), we will have 4 bridesmaids and 4 groomsmen. Easy, right? Yes. BUT, we're also including my two male cousins as ushers and my female cousin as a program attendant, separate from the 4 groomsmen and 4 bridesmaids. They will be dressed like the wedding party; the ushers will have the same tuxes as the groomsmen, they just will only wear the vest (no jacket), and the program attendant has the same color dress as the bridesmaids but in a different neckline style. 

Here's my issue: My mom thinks that since the ushers & program attendant are dressed like the wedding party, they should be introduced into the reception like the rest of the wedding party.  Side note: they are recognized in our wedding program - they are included on the list as the "wedding attendants" under the bridesmaids and groomsmen. My fiance and I think it's a bit odd to announce them, not because we dislike them (they are my only cousins - we are both very fond of them), but because we've never seen anyone else do that, especially since ushers are traditionally doubling as groomsmen. Can I get some opinions here? As well as some advice on how to navigate either side of the argument when we do make the decision (aka how to tell my fiance that we are announcing them/how to tell my mom we aren't - both are very stubborn people ). Thanks in advance!

SITB

How about you ask them if they'd like to be introduced? They're already B-list attendants for you, so see if they'd like to be included with the A-listers for this particular part of the show.

SP29

OP- have you already asked these people to perform these duties? If not, don't.

It is not appropriate to ask someone to do something that a table or basket could do instead. A program attendant is not a role of honour- it's an unnecessary job you are asking someone to do.

The ushers, I get it. I thought that way too- that it was a separate role of honour (that you had GM AND ushers). At my own wedding, I had my brothers as ushers, greeting people when they entered the ceremony space and "seating" people (I don't think they actually did this- it was pretty self explanatory, "here's an open seat, I'll sit in it" and there were no "sides"). My brothers also escorted my mom up the aisle. But having "just" ushers, is an unnecessary role. You're right, either the GM do this, or no one.

You honour people by asking them to stand up beside you when you get married (aka the wedding party), not by giving them jobs to do.

You shouldn't be asking people not in the wedding party to dress like wedding party members.

There is no need to announce anyone not in the wedding party.

missfrodo

LauraKBH said:

Hello lovelies!  I have been looking for an answer to this question for a few days now and can't seem to find any good references anywhere online. So here's the situation: in my wedding this upcoming fall (October - yay!), we will have 4 bridesmaids and 4 groomsmen. Easy, right? Yes. BUT, we're also including my two male cousins as ushers and my female cousin as a program attendant, separate from the 4 groomsmen and 4 bridesmaids. They will be dressed like the wedding party; the ushers will have the same tuxes as the groomsmen, they just will only wear the vest (no jacket), and the program attendant has the same color dress as the bridesmaids but in a different neckline style. 

Here's my issue: My mom thinks that since the ushers & program attendant are dressed like the wedding party, they should be introduced into the reception like the rest of the wedding party.  Side note: they are recognized in our wedding program - they are included on the list as the "wedding attendants" under the bridesmaids and groomsmen. My fiance and I think it's a bit odd to announce them, not because we dislike them (they are my only cousins - we are both very fond of them), but because we've never seen anyone else do that, especially since ushers are traditionally doubling as groomsmen. Can I get some opinions here? As well as some advice on how to navigate either side of the argument when we do make the decision (aka how to tell my fiance that we are announcing them/how to tell my mom we aren't - both are very stubborn people ). Thanks in advance! 

Have your cousins bought their outfits yet?  Have you asked them work for you yet?  If not, I'd advise against it for the reasons noted above.  That said...

If you want these people to dress like your bridal party, I think you need to ask them to be IN your bridal party.  They're spending the same amount of $$$ on outfits, but instead of getting to stand up next to you as your nearest and dearest, you're putting them to work.  If they're going to be free labor, you should let them dress however they like for the wedding.  

People can find seats by themselves and pick up their own programs; if you're worried about Great-Aunt May getting to her seat on her own, you can certainly ask someone, be it a BP member or other close family member, to assist her when she arrives.  I get that the wedding industry says you need ushers, program holders, guest book attendants,  and everything else, but the truth is that you don't!  Positions of honor at weddings include bridal party and reader.  Everything else is a job that the wedding industry made up to get you to spend more money on fancy dresses, tuxes, and horrible wedding-related gifts like matching robes and flip flops.  Remember--being a guest at a wedding is an honor as well!  If you'd like to honor your cousins without giving them unnecessary jobs, you could invite them as guests or ask them to do readings, and give them corsages/bouts.    

To answer your question: Ask your cousins if they would like to be introduced at your reception or not.  

CMGragain

I have never seen tuxedo wearing ushers, and wearing a tuxedo without the jacket is just improper.  No way would by husband or my son agree to dress like that.  Your cousin shouldn't have to dress in any special color.  I think you are asking way too much of these people.

Your Mom is pointing out that you are treating these people as if they were members of your wedding party by asking them to wear certain clothes, however you are not honoring them!  She has a point.

MobKaz

I agree with all the other posters.  Your mom is correct.  They ARE part of the wedding party.  They also need to be invited to your rehearsal dinner if you have one.

I have never understood the separate "usher" concept.  The groomsmen have always assisted with that role when necessary.

charlotte989875

They're in your wedding party so yes they should be introduced. They should also be given gifts. 

STARMOON44

Please don't ask someone to be a program attendant! And if you must at least let her wear whatever she wants!!!

artbyallie

Pro-tip: If a job can be done equally well by an inanimate object (such as a basket or a table) it is not appropriate for a human. "Program attendant" fits this category.

ahoywedding

Yikes, you're making them spend money on the same clothes as the WP? If that's the case, they should be invited to the rehearsal dinner, given a thank you gift, and introduced. BUT only IF they agree to all of that. 

"Program attendant" is not an honor. It can be performed just as well by a basket as by a human. Ushers aren't totally necessary, but I feel like they're still fairly common in more traditional weddings. If your cousins agree to be ushers, a black suit they already own should be fine. I was an usher in my cousin's wedding years ago and just wore a black dress I already had. I wasn't introduced, but was invited to the rehearsal dinner. I also felt pretty useless, since people know how to find an empty seat. Her brother escorted our grandparents down before the WP. 

southernbelle0915

If you're going to make them dress up like they're in the wedding party, then you should introduce them like they're in the wedding party (if doing intros at all).

If you don't, you're basically saying "these are my A list wedding party members who get to stand here and do nothing and y'all are my B list wedding party members who get to pay for attire (that's probably not their first choice), not stand up in the wedding and do a boring job that could just as easily be done by no one at all."

Read this thread to your FI. Who cares if he's stubborn? This isn't about his feelers. It's about honoring the people you're asking to buy things and do things for you and for your wedding. He doesn't want to take a minute and thirty seconds out of his super special reception to do that? Well that's not just stubborn, that's grade A assholery. 

flantastic

A ) Don't announce anyone - no one cares, and many WP members feel super awkward walking/dancing/etc. into the reception. What do you do? No one knows. "Cute" intros are never actually that funny or cute.

B ) If you are going to have people announced, announce everyone so they at least feel moderately important or cared about relative to your A-list bridal party.

southernbelle0915

Oh and totally agree that they absolutely should be invited to the rehearsal dinner along with their SOs (if applicable).

Jen4948

If you are asking them to dress up and do other things for you beyond what wedding guests would normally do, then you should treat them as wedding party members. That means inviting them to the rehearsal dinner with their SOS and announcing them along with the other wedding party members.

Otherwise, don't announce any wedding party members and don't ask these people to dress up or be ushers or "program attendants."

thisismynickname2

I'm not at all opposed to the concept of an usher, provided they are given equal respect of the people chosen to stand up for the Happy Couple. Gift, rehearsal dinner, bridal party photos, bridal party announcements at reception if announcements are done, program mention. I consider the usher just as important as the others standing up. 

Program attendant "role" is silly and unnecessary though.