hair/makeup cancelled morning of wedding, she's BIL girlfriend...

short+sassy

I just like the phrase "throwing wine"!  Where "throwing" is an adjective, not a verb.  I'm cracking up at that gif.

However, OP, I also did not have the impression you wanted to have it out with this woman.  But more how to handle future potential, social awkwardness.

Subwayloves

I had Hs cousin do my dress alterations. She is a clothing designer and actually used to work at a local bridal boutique, so had lots of experience. She offered to do this for me, I did not ask. I asked how much it would be, she said it was my wedding present. I sent her a thank you card and a gift card. No problems at all.

Sure, be careful when doing business with friends/relatives, but it's not always a huge mess as long as you don't go in with entitlement and over the top expectations.  

Heffalump

short+sassy said:

I just like the phrase "throwing wine"!  Where "throwing" is an adjective, not a verb.  I'm cracking up at that gif.

However, OP, I also did not have the impression you wanted to have it out with this woman.  But more how to handle future potential, social awkwardness.

So much this.  I liked that comment on the strength of the gif because it literally made me LOL.

missJeanLouise

Knottie1457149044 said:

LondonLisa said:

You made close friends and family members work your wedding. One of the rudest things a bride can do. If this is the worst thing that happened to you, consider yourself lucky. 

What do you want from us? Permission to throw your glass of wine in her face? To sit in the corner giving her the stink eye and gossping? Have a right go at her over the condiments station? It's not going to happen.

My suggestion is drink the wine and chill out.


Oh, and apologise profusely to all your 'mates' that you made work your wedding and pay them the market rate.

I didn't make anyone work my wedding, I work in the service industry, as do a lot of my friends and family, and they offered. 
The friend who made our desserts is an executive pastry chef that I used to work with.
the officiant is a family friend, and the best mans dad me has known the groom since he was 4. 
The bartender was a bartender who works at my favorite bar and offered to work the wedding for us. 

Im not asking for permission to be rude to her, I'm asking for advice on how to approach the topic when I see her next and make sure she feels welcome at family events, despite he rest of the family being upset with her. I dont want her to feel bad and alienate herself from all of us because she doesn't feel welcome. 

And people have provided the advice. Be polite and cordial when you see her. let the issue go, move on, that is how you make sure she feels welcome.

mollybarker11

Knottie1457149044 said:

Im not asking for permission to be rude to her, I'm asking for advice on how to approach the topic when I see her next and make sure she feels welcome at family events, despite he rest of the family being upset with her. I dont want her to feel bad and alienate herself from all of us because she doesn't feel welcome. 

- Don't approach the topic yourself. Pretend you've forgotten all about it and act accordingly.
- If she brings it up to apologize for her overreaction, graciously accept.
- If she brings it up to say she's still mad you didn't address her at the rehearsal until dinner (??), try to bury the hatchet in as few words as possible so she can move on.
- If your family brings it up at any time, make it clear you're over it -- @charlotte989875's wording is perfect -- and change the topic.